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Meshell Little (Powers)-The True Story


Patron with Honors
You know, I could go on and on and it just brings up so many awful memories for me. I was done with the church and wanted to just move on. However, you have to understand that THE biggest reason we resigned was because of such blatant policy and tech violations. The actions they took after we privately resigned completely validated our rightness and this publication shows it.

Meshell, It's awesome that you guys all got out of the CoS, and are moving on with your lives. Some have said, and I agree with the analogy, that leaving Scientology is like the layers of an onion peeling away.

I too after blowing the Int Base and having been a Scientologist for over 20 years of my life, still believed in LRH and the Tech for a little bit after leaving. But I was too curious about how something that was supposed to be so good, could end up being so incredibly bad. And blaming it all on one little man just wasn't resolving it for me. Especially after having worked at the Int base and under that little man for a decade. Yeah, the dude's a major prick, but he wasn't the only douche bag at the top. Not only that, but I worked with Sea Org execs who had been in the SO from it's beginnings, and heard all kinds of stories from these people about LRH, past execs (Parkhouse, Gleeson, Franks, Aznaran) and other abuses that were happening back in the "good ol days" as well. "You think DM's being harsh? You should have seen what the Old Man would have done in that case..." etc...

You mentioned that the biggest reason you left was because of all the blatant tech and policy violations. I used to feel the same exact way, but later realized that there are so many things in Scientology that counter each other. i.e. you must follow policy to the letter, but never use policy to stop. The fact that disconnection was "canceled" but reinstated. The fact that sec checking was "canceled" but reinstated. You have "Command Intention." You also have your decisions based on The Greatest Good, for the Greatest Number of Dynamics. "Purpose" is SENIOR to "Policy," and whatnot. Yeah, some say it's all about learning how to "play the piano" in regards to all that, but that would mean a hell of a lot of individual pianos and Maestros.

The reason why the Int base is a madhouse, and the orgs are either empty or struggling is not because of the evil DM, but because of all the dichotomies, confusions and holes that Hubbard left in the mix in both tech and policy. It was all about making money, and getting others to produce so as to make more and more money from the very beginning. That's also covered in policy.

What made me really wake up was Hubbard's true history as opposed to the PR version that the CoS pushes out about him in their Ron mags and other publications.

As well, his admiration for Aleister Crowley, his relationship with Jack Parsons and his role and participation in the Babylon Working and Black Magick rituals, made me realize that the man didn't represent the kind of "theta" he'd made himself out to be.

A must read is Hubbard's Affirmations. If you haven't read those yet, I recommend you do when you have some time. The above is really only the tip of the iceberg though.

These are the things that really woke me up, and fast. I'm so glad I didn't spend another 10 or 20 years wondering if I'd lost all possibility to my own spiritual freedom and wind up in that dark, black nothing that Hubbard describes will happen to all of us if Scientology doesn't make it.

Good luck Meshell! Welcome to ESMB! It's quite a journey.


Auditor's Toad

Clear as Mud
Originally Posted by uniquemand
I actually had the honor of talking to IJC one time on the phone. She told me (in her fifteen year old voice) that she would love to be able to lift my declare, but she didn't have any files on why I was declared in the first place. Would I be kind enough to send her a statement explaining why I was declared?

How did you rate such special treatment from a senior ?

The IJC I was assigned to was 13 years old.

You were special !


New Member
Bts2free - Absolutely agree. I've progressed through the stages very quickly. Not exactly sure where I am right now. This will need some sorting out for sure.

Like a lot of folks, at this point I only know for sure what I don't want. I agree with a lot that you said in your reply. I will also state that I am not willing to make similar "blind belief" mistakes on this side of the fence either. The FOIA allowed a lot of details to come out, however, for me most of it is hearsay. I want to see the documents. I'm still evaluating a lot of facts.

I guess it would be hard to actually pour all 22 years into a pot called "biggest reason being tech and policy violations".....there were SO many things that just glared as outpoints - from the day I started on staff. Per the Data Series Evaluators Know How - all I can say is OMG....how freakin' reasonable can we get? BLIND.

So, yeah, I've travelled through the stages (as I like to call it) and I'm juggling all these random facts around trying to sort out truth from lies. Even though I'd like to believe most people, I realize there are people who lie about important things.

I know 75% or more on this board are pretty much completely against LRH and Scn. I honestly have not come to a conclusion on where I am yet. I sure hope I come to some conclusions soon. I haven't exactly determined where I'm pointing my finger either - but I'm truly leaning toward this having been a true cult, with true cult mindset. What I'm not sure of, is who really truly wrote which policies, who really revised, rewrote, cancelled and issues - after a certain time.

Just need some factual data that I can make decisions on. Like the death certificate and the coronor's report was solid. To be honest.....that one outpoint was far larger than I could ignore and probably was the biggest weighted, deciding factor. Glaring outpoints.

I believe "we" are silly to think that all of them (ex-scientologists, freezoner's Indies etc.) are all good/honest and aren't simply trying to get revenge or have some agenda. There are lies strewn in all this information and that is what is making it even harder to sort out. Most of us who have been involved in Scn for this long realize that a lot of it works nicely. Yes, in a lot of cases it is common sense type stuff, maybe just codified and compiled - however, nothing wrong with that....it still works and it is still some truth. Same with a TON of polices. Had they been mostly followed to the letter and not f***ked with and (perhaps) left purely LRH - maybe it would have been a different product. (???) I dont' know because I don't honestly know which PLs were only written just by him and which ones contained his name and weren't really written by him.....a cluster f**k. But you know, I do remember a particular policy in Vol 0 that set out very clearly "how to interpret policy".....

OMG - see? I'm still sorting out this mess in my head. Like I said, right now there are a few things I'm SURE of and of which, I SURE my decision to walk away was spot on and I would do it again. :yes:


Originally Posted by uniquemand
I actually had the honor of talking to IJC one time on the phone. She told me (in her fifteen year old voice) that she would love to be able to lift my declare, but she didn't have any files on why I was declared in the first place. Would I be kind enough to send her a statement explaining why I was declared?

How did you rate such special treatment from a senior ?

The IJC I was assigned to was 13 years old.

You were special !

Is that really true? What kind of freak show do we have going on here? This person should be out having fun with his/her friends, getting an education, reading the Classics, learning to ski, etc. not deciding the fate of individuals he/she doesn't even remotely understand while operating under the tutelage of other benighted cogs in the wheel of a greedy manipulative machine.


Silver Meritorious Sponsor
Welcome aboard Meshell, good to have you here.

But, don't fall over backwards looking for 'source documents' :) There are plenty of them, but, in the 15 years or so of the internet and 50 years of (inadequate) reporting on Scientology, the amount of data that's accumulated buggars comprehension. And, yes, some is pretty iffy, but almost everything can be documented, false reports tend to get debunked pretty quickly and, waiting for 'courtoom ready' information would mean *not* listening to some of the most compelling first hand accounts by credible witnesses.

But, decide for yourself; now you really *can* :)

And, don't forget; Scientology is a *criminal conspiracy* and they specialize in hiding the bodies. A lot of the *worst* is still unknown. It's *always* worse than you think.



Patron with Honors
Hey Meshell, Thanks for your reply! Good one too. From what I can see, you're definitely on the right path. You're questioning things! Something you couldn't do in Scientology (without being accused of being out-ethics, having MU's, MWH's, or overts of course). And you're coming to your own conclusions. Right on. :thumbsup:


Silver Meritorious Patron
Cult, definition of:

I like this definition because it is simple.
1. Leader is infallible
2.Dire consequences if you leave.
LRH is source, and his tech and policy is followed, and if you do not follow it, you are O-U-T OUT! If you resign, no body will talk to you, including your family still in. CULT, and since you have only been out a short while, quite a shock to wrap your wits around that word, especially with all the effort the CULT expends proofing you up against you thinking you are in a CULT. I have been out 5 years, and am still cut off from over 25 family members. So, you may be in for a long haul on talking to your son again. OR, you could get lucky and he sees the light and comes looking for you. Work with the family you have, and cherish them! Thanks for getting in the face of the CULT. Best, Marcy Sargeants' big brother Mike