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My formal introduction and probably goodbye as well

ttamaad

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thanks RoadKill,

A moving story about life isn't it... Life when you get involved with scn.

So much devastation all in the name of scn rather than freedom... Your story will have such an impact on so many people ESMB'ers and Lurkers, alike!!! It certainly did for me!!!
 

HappyGirl

Gold Meritorious Patron
:thankyou: Roadkill! Your story was very helpful. I related to all your experiences, including timeline and locations. Thank you for sharing it.
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Thanks

Thank you to everyone who responded and also PM'd me. This is definitely therapeutic and I wish more lurkers would try it.

It's very true that many people have a hard time giving up on the promises. When you've spent tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars over years and years and you aren't exhibiting "super powers" yet, the mind really has to stretch to justify how that is somehow OK. ("It's the SP's, it's my own overts, I had a bad session....")

Anything other than the possibility that you might be stuck in a controlling, money-grubbing organization that can't possibly deliver what it promises. It's a hard reality to come to grips with, and is the reason (I believe) why so many people crash and burn.

If those people would just practice common sense, decency and a little love, instead of slavish devotion to a cause, there might be hope.

And whether my husband would ever come around....? Thanks for the wishes, but I don't know. He's very devoted to the cause.
 

Div6

Crusader
Dear RK,

Thank you for your story. I too had given many years to the Scn "group mind" believing it was the "greater good". In some ways it was (at least from my viewpoint) but in many bigger ways, it wasn't. What I saw lacking was integrity. Now, I'm no angel, but one of the early meaningful lessons for me was that if I lost my integrity, I had lost everything. "Better to be alone in a cave than merrily PTS" was the way one Mission Holder put it.

So, we do what we can. I saw some "OT's" that I used to work with on staff a few weeks ago. They looked terrible......really caved in and "victimy". That is not what I want for myself or others, and is one reason I take time to support my local anons.

Please drop in and tell more as seems appropriate. We all helped create this thing in one way or another, so the least we can do is take some responsibility for the fall out.

Take care,

Div6
 

Anne Ominous

Patron with Honors
Thanks for your story from me too, Roadkill. You should post more, rather than leaving us!

Don't let the OSA scumbags and drama whores discourage you; right now the community needs more good people, not less:)

Hope you'll stick around!
 

feline

Patron Meritorious
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Roadkill. It is so good to know that you have been able to walk away and re-establish your life. May good things come your way!

Something in your story that resonated for me was your willingness to stay "on the sidelines" when your husband went back onlines. The problem he had with that suggestion may have saved you a lot of later pain.

My first husband was in. I did the personality test and was offered courses that would "solve" me. And I refused. I was willing to live and let live but my faith has been a constant in my life and I was simply not willing to change religions. Yes, I know. You can be a Christian and be a Scientologist. I never believed that.

We simply did not discuss religion. And that worked for about five years. One day it wasn't enough.

I won't bore you with the gory details. Suffice to say that the result was that the kid from a family that doesn't believe in divorce ended up divorced. It took me a long time to reconcile that.

From where I sit, as painful as the divorce may have been for you, you and he probably did the best possible thing. But that is only my opinion.

May you continue to be happy and find fulfillment. And keep posting. You say sensible and informative things.
 

Pliny Younger

Patron with Honors
Roadkill,

Thanks. Good points made, sorry about your husband. I am in a similar relationship, but we both are in agreement with the cult. Got a few relatives in that don't talk with us anymore, but their loss is the way I feel about it.

Thanks for the post.
PY
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Roadkill. It is so good to know that you have been able to walk away and re-establish your life. May good things come your way!

Something in your story that resonated for me was your willingness to stay "on the sidelines" when your husband went back onlines. The problem he had with that suggestion may have saved you a lot of later pain.

My first husband was in. I did the personality test and was offered courses that would "solve" me. And I refused. I was willing to live and let live but my faith has been a constant in my life and I was simply not willing to change religions. Yes, I know. You can be a Christian and be a Scientologist. I never believed that.

We simply did not discuss religion. And that worked for about five years. One day it wasn't enough.

I won't bore you with the gory details. Suffice to say that the result was that the kid from a family that doesn't believe in divorce ended up divorced. It took me a long time to reconcile that.

From where I sit, as painful as the divorce may have been for you, you and he probably did the best possible thing. But that is only my opinion.

May you continue to be happy and find fulfillment. And keep posting. You say sensible and informative things.

Thanks! I see you've been there too.

My husband and I didn't directly discuss the church for quite a few years. And then came the day when that didn't work anymore. It's like the elephant in the living room, you can pretend it's not there, but one day you have to deal with it, you have to "read the writing on the wall". I knew what was coming down the pike and each day was getting more and more uncomfortable.

When people are lower on the Bridge it isn't so much an issue. But at the higher levels, there is great pressure to weed out all the "Counter-Intention" or handle people with ideas other than LRH.

I didn't want to be the next scapegoat, so I bailed out. The hardest thing I ever did, but also the only thing that made sense to me.

People have told me I was very brave. I don't know about that. All I know is that the day I left, I had a very peaceful feeling, like things were going to be OK and that there was hope.

Oh, and one other thing: After a year of putting my life back together, I'm no longer in debt! And that's a very good thing!:happydance:
 

riptide

Patron with Honors
Get the Hell out of Dodge

RK, you sound like me. Many things about your story remind me of my exit as well. Matter of fact, I had a folder on my computer that I labeled "dodge" as an abbreviation for Get the Hell out of Dodge. In it were all my plans and flow charts of family in the cult and what story I was going to tell what person and which reg and my FSM and GOD!!!! It was so complicated!

I had an enormous "shore story" and elaborate plans for fading off in the distance. Funny stuff in retrospect. I was So afraid.

Have you hit anger yet? I did about 6 months ago. I wanted to nuke the Cult.
(I've been out since Nov 2006.) On my birthday the 19 year old MAA at Flag the Mecca for Technical Corruption gave me a program to disconnect from 4 family members. Best damn birthday present I ever got. Wake up call! Hello!

ding ding ding....your in a cult !

I was a Scientologist for 30 years, I feel your pain of readjusting. I wish you all the best. I support you 1000%.

Your ARE out of Dodge. Welcome to your life again.
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
RK, you sound like me. Many things about your story remind me of my exit as well. Matter of fact, I had a folder on my computer that I labeled "dodge" as an abbreviation for Get the Hell out of Dodge. In it were all my plans and flow charts of family in the cult and what story I was going to tell what person and which reg and my FSM and GOD!!!! It was so complicated!

I had an enormous "shore story" and elaborate plans for fading off in the distance. Funny stuff in retrospect. I was So afraid.

Have you hit anger yet? I did about 6 months ago. I wanted to nuke the Cult.
(I've been out since Nov 2006.) On my birthday the 19 year old MAA at Flag the Mecca for Technical Corruption gave me a program to disconnect from 4 family members. Best damn birthday present I ever got. Wake up call! Hello!

ding ding ding....your in a cult !

I was a Scientologist for 30 years, I feel your pain of readjusting. I wish you all the best. I support you 1000%.

Your ARE out of Dodge. Welcome to your life again.

Hello all, I'm back to respond to a few items here. And since I am likely losing my internet connection in the next month, I'll get in a few more notes while I can.

Yes, the wake-up call: "You're in a cult - get out while you still have a chance!" Unfortunately, too many won't or can't hear the call. For those that do wake up, some of them fade away quietly and some go out with a big bang. I had trouble expressing anger (still do). I was the big "responsibility" case - I'm the cause of everything so if things are bad, it must be my fault.

Actually, I didn't see the orgs as full of bad people doing evil things. I think most were well-intentioned beings who tried to help. The evil is seen in the outrageous prices, high-force regging and intimidation, and the fear tactics used on vulnerable people, like "you're at risk if you don't max out your credit cards and buy your OT III package right now!" Or "all you need is the L's package, just mortgage your house!"

With the economy worsening, the regging pressure is really going to be amped up. I really feel for those poor souls still in, trying to "make it go right".

It's OK to wake up, guys. There's coffee waiting! :coolwink:
 

Telepathetic

Gold Meritorious Patron
Great post Roadkill!

A really great post! I understand what you went through. I was there throughout that same time period. Actually, I am not officially out yet due to my connections.

My very best to you and yes things do get better. :thumbsup:
 
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