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My name is Carolyn Schofield

Thankyou.

Thank you for having the courage to post this, Carolyn.

Your point about not sensationalising these tragedies or using them to take cheap shots at CofS is well taken.

Let us simply continue to hound them for what they actually DID to you and your family, that in itself is crime enough!

Love, Panda.

Absolutely. Mate, if you want to fight the good fight I'm on your side.

Love,

Caz
 
How?

Let's stop them from doing it to anyone else.
As soon as possible

Zinj

Yes, I agree. But what is the most successful route? I don't know. I have pondered this over the weeks and I just don't know. I have been receiving great tips from Kookaburra and even friends outside of the church who believe I need to fight the good fight - but what will be the most successful action?

Caz
 
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Once bitten

Patron Meritorious
Yes, I agree. But what is the most successful route? I don't know. I have pondered this over the weeks and I just don't know. I have been receiving great tips from Kookaburra and even friends outside of the church who believe I need to fight the good fight - but fuck what will be the most successful action?

Caz

Your honesty is the most successful action. That you hold no malice in your heart towards individuals or even OSA shows what an amazing and inspiring person you are. Honesty always holds the power, because in honesty there is no malice, and only without malice can the good begin to show through.

I can only imagine what you must have gone through, and then to be blamed for the accidents because your husband was PTS. Your precious babies' death hushed.

But now you can truly grieve. Allow yourself that.

My heart is with you, and if I could I would take your pain away.

I will light a candle for you and your husband.

Love,
Once Bitten

:rose:
 

sandygirl

Silver Meritorious Patron
Carolyn, from one mother to another you have my deepest sympathy. It seems to me that you are very strong and to have gone through so much and still be forgiving makes you amazing.

I don't know what to say about the "handleing" you and your husband recieved. It is so disturbing and inhuman that I feel quite angry for you.

Thank you for your honesty, that is what makes you belong here instead of there.
 

Feral

Rogue male
Dear Carolyn,

Well,...That was a very significant post and must have taken a huge leap of faith. You are very brave.

I agree with you about not ascribing unnecessary blame on to the cofs, that would be both unfair and unpleasant.

We all used scientology as a solution to life, it is very ironic that it became such a big problem in the lives of so many of us.

I am truly glad if I have helped you to improve your lot in life. I will continue to be there if you need me.

Love,

Your friend,

Kev.
 
I had to walk away.

Hi Carolyn,

I am so sorry for your loss and upset. Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story with us.

That is one hell of thing to deal with.

You have my support and I'm sure the board's.

Peace,

kV

Thankyou KV. It means a lot.

I really don't have the words to describe how I feel after reading your story.

I do want to say that I am so incredibly sorry for your losses, I just cannot even imagine losing 2 daughters nor can I imagine the depth of loss you must feel.

I am just another here....that would do anything to help you if that was even possible. I send to you thoughts of healing and only the best in life.

I am restraining my rage at COS even though I know you say you do not blame the COS. But as soon as I finish this post I may go punch something.

You are an amazing person for your attitude....absolutely amazing.

About a week ago I WAS hitting things. I was very angry. I was driving into the city meeting a girlfriend. I was crying angry tears. I wanted to smash something but all I had was my stupid steering wheel - and it bloody hurt.
In a car without tinted windows I sure must have looked a bit loopy. But then my anger started to dissipate. Who was to blame - just as I had realised that I wasn't; that accidents happen - I couldn't very well turn around and blame somebody else. Pretty hypocritical. Bloody integrity!

You're a brave soul Caz - and a good one! :thumbsup:

Love ya for who you are, and for what you're doing for yourself and others. You're moving mountains - and in your position, that's more than admirable. :)

As you know my heart is with ya Darl!
Carmel

You are a good one. Thankyou for our chat yesterday. Hence I am here today.

Thanks for your courage Carolyn. You inspire me.

Thankyou

Your honesty is the most successful action. That you hold no malice in your heart towards individuals or even OSA shows what an amazing and inspiring person you are. Honesty always holds the power, because in honesty there is no malice, and only without malice can the good begin to show through.

I can only imagine what you must have gone through, and then to be blamed for the accidents because your husband was PTS. Your precious babies' death hushed.

But now you can truly grieve. Allow yourself that.

My heart is with you, and if I could I would take your pain away.

I will light a candle for you and your husband.

Love,
Once Bitten

:rose:

:bigcry:

To everybody who has made such heart felt acknowledgements to my story - thankyou. I had to walk away... then when I came back there were more suitably compassionate responses. It is making a big difference to my life.
 
Carolyn

How brave and strong. For a parent to grieve the loss of a child is beyond comprehension but then to have to deal with all that unbelievable garbage from scientology and deal with being made to "take responsibility" is unfathomable.

My wish to you now is that you do, say and feel exactly whatever it is you need to, to help you continue to grieve, celebrate, honour and miss your beautiful girls without judgment from others but rather compassion, warmth and understanding.
A huge amount of love and warm wishes to you and your family

wpc
wpc you were there when it happened the first time and your here now. Thankyou.

I however wasn't there for you when you received your ridiculous sentence so many years ago. I was a blind fool. I'm sorry.

Love,

Carolyn
 
ESMB does heal.

To everybody that I didn't personally acknowledge - thankyou for your thoughts, compassion and understanding.

This board is where the good are for real.

Thankyou again.

Carolyn

PS I didn't personaly answer because my computer gives me so much grief with this website :grouch:
 

wpc

New Member
Nothing to be sorry for!

wpc you were there when it happened the first time and your here now. Thankyou.

I however wasn't there for you when you received your ridiculous sentence so many years ago. I was a blind fool. I'm sorry.

Love,

Carolyn

Hey
Absolutely no worries. As my husband and I were questioning some of scientology's ideas and practices Cyrus Brooks and Vicki Hanna met with us (away from the church, as he was too interbulating) and after a few hours they gravely declared him "open minded'..I inwardly smiled and thought that is why I love him and why we must now leave! So all is good.

wpc
 

ttamaad

Silver Meritorious Patron
WOW, Carolyn

Thank you! for telling it as it is... with what you have been through, I am in awe of your ability to even start to tell your story.

I was busy getting over a realisation around my leaving and suddenly I am totally blown away by your post.

I can only say that I offer you my heartfelt support, however that may materialize.

Thank you
cheers... Bill
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
I, too, feel terrible just thinking about this situation. I wish you peace, serenity, and joy in all your present connections. You are in a place where people care about what has happened. What's done is done. You know, or will know, what is best for you.
 

Thrak

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine. I can only hope this cult is gone before more tragedies like this occur. Your courage is inspiring.
 

Mrs Pattycake

Patron with Honors
Hello from your friend Vicky

Dear Caz,

Darling you are a brave woman ! Your write up has inspired me to also announce my identity - I never intended to be anonymous, it was just a bit of fun. So thank you for coming "OUT"

Its great you're writing your story - I have seen the results that this has had for others like my hubby and Carmel - and I know that only good comes of it. Initially it can be a little painful, as you mentioned - confronting things that you have had nicely suppressed - but then it seems to settle down and from what I have observed there is a huge relief and resurgence of self at the end. So keep writing girl - we are here for you !

If it helps at all I just wanted to let you know that I went through a similar emotional ride a few weeks back. We were never able to properly grieve when we found out the severity of Courtney's brain injury (our delightful yet difficult 10 yr old daughter.) We were OTs and supposed to be cause over life - and yet in reality we could not get over it. We were somehow made to feel PTS - for pulling "it" in - I never agreed with that but I guess I "picked it up" from others and how they handled us. After several years of trying to fix her and obviously not making her well enough, we were made to feel that what we were doing was not beans for beans and that we should some how dispose of our problem .

We felt alone and isolated. No scois really wanted to know about us and our sit. - I can't tell you how many times I flew my ruds to handle the ARC X about not having my Scio friends there to help me - then pull the WHs about not taking my share of responsibility for clearing the planet and even thinking that my friends could spare time to help me !!!

Now I am hearing the enemy line that we are blaming the C of S for her brain injury - it just annoys me - as if we would ever do that.

And let me tell you that all the auditing on solo nots ( 12 yrs in total - 9 years after Courtney was born) , all the repair programs and sec checks and ethics trips and near a million $ spent on it, between Kev and myself - did next to nothing to fill that hole ( I had a similar one to the one that you are mentioning. )

The best thing I found was just talking to my other friends - yeh the "wogs" who also had brain injured kids - they were great. When I had a bad day I could ring up and winge - without being made to feel that I was nattering
( because of my overts ), or dramatising ( because of my case ) or being out ethics ( because I was not taking enough responsibility ) - they knew I was just being ME !!! And they liked me and cared about me.

We are your friends here and we care about you and your family - feel free to call any time - for a moan, a yell or a gripe when you have the shits, feel depressed, or are pissed off because things are hard !!! We will still love you. You can also call to tell us your wins when things go right too - as I'm sure they will start to do more often now !!! .:happydance:

I am so glad that my hubby was brave enough to call our friends when we decided to leave the C of S. Most like you, listened and looked and decided for themselves. Unfortunately some have decided not to look - but there are more of us now - so number of times over ....

love Vick
 
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Human Again

Silver Meritorious Patron
sad.gif


From my perspective today, it is a crime that the people who were around you prioritised their values over your needs. Rather than look to how they contributed and could take responsibility they looked to place blame on shoulders already overburdened with greif and loss. "Black Dianetics" would have included introverting parents in this time of grief to take the blame and spin them in further so they cannot look to where the outpoints are. No effort was given to the support and compassion your family needed and which all the staff were obligated to provide. Values upside down and perverted.

I can understand you do not blame OSA for what happened to your children. It wasn't OSA, it was the culture that said children can be put aside, out of our focus and that other things are more worthy of attention. It was a lack of scientific rigor and understanding that results in potentially harmful substances being kept in the reach of children. There was insufficient care for all the children around, the young boy looking after your daughter and a baby, the girls put in charge of children. In a healthy cuulture everyone watches out for children, supporting parents in their responsibility, not forcing them to abdicate it and then providing a pretence of supervision.

All of us who were in orgs and saw such abandonment of the 2D contributed, even if only by our blindness or in accepting the values of this rotten group.

Your family has paid the ultimate price for a culture that is cruel and vacuuous in compassion. I am sorry for what happened.

Your posting shows true courage and surely there must be healing for you from this over time. I hope the communities you are now in, including this one, can be as compassionate as you need and can look and see what is and take responsibility when we need to.
 

Jakadak

Patron with Honors
Carolyn, I feel very sorry for your loss. I am, as usual, stuck for words to express how I feel about what happened to you but the other posts say it all for me. At least now you have a freedom like never before and a lot of people that really care on this board. I wish you and your family well.
 

Supra

Patron
Very Well Done

Hi Carolyn.

I've read tonight some wonderfull care that is flowing your way, and you do deserve it.

Very well done on coming out.

I will simply say, "Hang in there, and give things some time". I know my viewpoint has changed quite a few times since coming out 2 months ago.

Truth WILL prevail.

Much love from Greg. :)
 

Sir Facer

Patron with Honors
Hello Caz

WOW......
Caz this is so brave of you and I can not imagine what you and Paul have had to go through my love.

With all the love in my heart, I just want to tell you how much Dean & I love you girl.

Time for us to all to find some peace on this whole subject. I'm getting massage & getting traditional spiritual healing thats straight to the soul sister - real friends.

There is real help out there too baby & now the healing can begin. Love you to the stars and back:arose:
 
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Iknowtoomuch

Gold Meritorious Patron
This is so very happy and sad all at the same time.

I'm happy you see what's going on in the "church" And I'm very sad to hear about your girls.
I hope at some point you can come to some type of terms with their passing.
 

Carmel

Crusader
Hey Vick...

Dear Caz,

Darling you are a brave woman ! Your write up has inspired me to also announce my identity - I never intended to be anonymous, it was just a bit of fun. So thank you for coming "OUT"

Its great you're writing your story - I have seen the results that this has had for others like my hubby and Carmel - and I know that only good comes of it. Initially it can be a little painful, as you mentioned - confronting things that you have had nicely suppressed - but then it seems to settle down and from what I have observed there is a huge relief and resurgence of self at the end. So keep writing girl - we are here for you !

If it helps at all I just wanted to let you know that I went through a similar emotional ride a few weeks back. We were never able to properly grieve when we found out the severity of Courtney's brain injury (our delightful yet difficult 10 yr old daughter.) We were OTs and supposed to be cause over life - and yet in reality we could not get over it. We were somehow made to feel PTS - for pulling "it" in - I never agreed with that but I guess I "picked it up" from others and how they handled us. After several years of trying to fix her and obviously not making her well enough, we were made to feel that what we were doing was not beans for beans and that we should some how dispose of our problem .

We felt alone and isolated. No scois really wanted to know about us and our sit. - I can't tell you how many times I flew my ruds to handle the ARC X about not having my Scio friends there to help me - then pull the WHs about not taking my share of responsibility for clearing the planet and even thinking that my friends could spare time to help me !!!

Now I am hearing the enemy line that we are blaming the C of S for her brain injury - it just annoys me - as if we would ever do that.

And let me tell you that all the auditing on solo nots ( 12 yrs in total - 9 years after Courtney was born) , all the repair programs and sec checks and ethics trips and near a million $ spent on it, between Kev and myself - did next to nothing to fill that hole ( I had a similar one to the one that you are mentioning. )

The best thing I found was just talking to my other friends - yeh the "wogs" who also had brain injured kids - they were great. When I had a bad day I could ring up and winge - without being made to feel that I was nattering
( because of my overts ), or dramatising ( because of my case ) or being out ethics ( because I was not taking enough responsibility ) - they knew I was just being ME !!! And they liked me and cared about me.

We are your friends here and we care about you and your family - feel free to call any time - for a moan, a yell or a gripe when you have the shits, feel depressed, or are pissed off because things are hard !!! We will still love you. You can also call to tell us your wins when things go right too - as I'm sure they will start to do more often now !!! .:happydance:

I am so glad that my hubby was brave enough to call our friends when we decided to leave the C of S. Most like you, listened and looked and decided for themselves. Unfortunately some have decided not to look - but there are more of us now - so number of times over ....

love Vick

Darling Girl,

I witnessed this through hearing the crap, even though I was 'off lines'. What you had to contend with was an absolute shocker in itself - those within the ranks made it worse with their make wrong, wrong indications, lack of compassion, lack of understanding and support, and the callous, inhumane attitude! :angry: Caz and Scooter copped the same sort of crap! :omg: Rampant, insideous and cruel!

What you and Kev have done for Courtney is so, so admirable! How they labelled and treated you like the biggest downstats instead of the biggest brightest shining stars, is beyond me!

I am so sorry about what you and Kev, and what Caz and Scooter have had to endure, at the hands of the CofS. I have spoken to you all about this, so I won't re-iterate here.

Tell your story Vick - people need to know the truth, it'll be an inspiration to all, and as you say - the personal gains to be had from doing so, are huge!

The four of you are legends for sure! :thumbsup: So good to see that now that you are out, you are making the best of your lives.

Love ya big time,
Carmel
 
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