I was on staff in small Mission when I met “Maria.” It’s not her real name but to conceal her true identity, I will call her Maria.
The mission was small and I could hear much any session that took place through the beveled doors that separate the only auditing room from the rest of the org. Maria was audited by her Mother, a Class VII or so (I forget) Auditor.
Maria was diabetic from early childhood. She received many hours of auditing from her mom trying to handle her psychosomatic aberration or however they put it.
One day, I hear Maria babbling to herself and she seemed to think there was something above her head. I couldn’t see it but apparently she needed to communicate to this invisible “entity.” I would hear her give commands or acknowledgements like “sit down”, “stop it“, “ok”, “that’s it” or”very good” etc.
Being a brand new Scientologist I didn’t understand what was going on and I thought it was pretty bizarre. Then, I would observe her “flicking” things off her legs or other parts of her body and communicate in the same way to these “flicks.”
One day Maria explained to me her behavior. She said she had a “theta spider” living on top of her head and this is was to who she was communicating with when she was looking up. The “flicking” was getting rid of her “Body Thetans.” Of course, I had no idea what this was all about until much later on in Scientology.
But anyhow, I moved on and many weeks and months past and then I received news that Maria was doing well. She was doing great in auditing and was going off her insulin. Yet, a year or so past and I heard nothing until when I day I learned she”dropped her body.” I was very sad to hear the news because she believed so intently she would eventually be able to stop taking her medication.
Another year or so later, I learned more about Maria’s death. She had full blown diabetes Type-B, the most severe form there is and she stopped taking her insulin. Her mother happily reported how successful she had been before her death finally attaining some kind of whatever level. I didn’t hear much about Maria’s wins or levels through the conversation. All I could think about is how she died and I wondered why. Why Maria?
Soon after, Maria’s mother and her sister packed up their belongings and moved to Clearwater Florida. I believe they are still there today.
Years after leaving the Sea Org and Scientology for good, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl but a few weeks into her new born life something went wrong. She had encephalitis (brain swelling) which caused a series of unstoppable grand maul seizures. The doctors had no choice but to induce her into a medical coma. This incident left her with severe and irreversible brain damage but I never learned what caused her condition.
In a conversation with husband, very much a Scientologist even being out for so many years, I learned what he and how Scientology views any one with disabilities. His words in reference to my beautiful little girl were “they put dogs to sleep.” I divorced him!
Scientology believe people with disabilities are “degraded beings” and somehow my husband blamed me for causing, yes, causing her condition. It was my fault, I caused it and I was no longer the “perfect” mother whom gave birth to his first born son. I fell from his “pedestal”, as he put it.
In years that followed, I fought tremendously with my little girl’s doctors and care takers but thanks to their passion and understanding, they gently coached me in understanding that all drugs are not bad. With their incredible patience I learned to become an advocate for my little girl. I learned about her medications, the risk and side effects but most importantly, the benefits. One of the drugs she has to take is Valium an absolute no, no in Scientology.
In the mean time my now ex-husband, sought sole custody of my son. He “Faired Gamed” me. My neighbors were talked to, my real estate agent was talked to, my employer was talked to and my very own lawyer was talked to. I changed lawyer!
In a phone conversation with my son, he TOLD me I should agree to pay child support to based on potential future earnings of $60,000 per year when at the time I was unemployed and had never made more that $30,000 per year in my entire life, my son told me this, my son!
I didn’t fight custody. I had visitation rights but whenever I called to speak with my son he was too busy or out doing something else and he would “get back to me later.” Well, later never came and later always went.
Every now and then I think of Maria. I wonder what if?
I think of her mother and I wonder why? I don’t understand!
I think of my little girl’s daddy that never thought for a second of whom or what she might become and above all I miss son. How cruel the world can be and how different perhaps things might have been if it was not for Scientology and its policies of disconnect and fair game.
When I visit my little pumpkin she always greets me with a smile. I am not sure she knows the concept of “mother” but I know I am one of the ones she loves. Sometimes, I have to share her affection with whom she greets the same (like a care taker) but that’s ok because I know she is happy in the life she lives.
She is blind but she always turns her head and coos when I am there. When I see her smile I know she loves me - unconditionally and I know that the smiles she gives belong to me.
When I heard about Jett Travolta I feel their pain and I grieve with them. I am the last person in the world who have the right to criticize and judge any another parent in their decision in the care of their child.
I am the last to have anything to say because I have fought so hard for so long and I have been all alone with the all decisions to make about my little girl. And yet, a piece of me - does!
Maria was 32 years old when she died. Maria was my sister-in-law. I miss her very much. Even though I know why, I still ask, why?
The mission was small and I could hear much any session that took place through the beveled doors that separate the only auditing room from the rest of the org. Maria was audited by her Mother, a Class VII or so (I forget) Auditor.
Maria was diabetic from early childhood. She received many hours of auditing from her mom trying to handle her psychosomatic aberration or however they put it.
One day, I hear Maria babbling to herself and she seemed to think there was something above her head. I couldn’t see it but apparently she needed to communicate to this invisible “entity.” I would hear her give commands or acknowledgements like “sit down”, “stop it“, “ok”, “that’s it” or”very good” etc.
Being a brand new Scientologist I didn’t understand what was going on and I thought it was pretty bizarre. Then, I would observe her “flicking” things off her legs or other parts of her body and communicate in the same way to these “flicks.”
One day Maria explained to me her behavior. She said she had a “theta spider” living on top of her head and this is was to who she was communicating with when she was looking up. The “flicking” was getting rid of her “Body Thetans.” Of course, I had no idea what this was all about until much later on in Scientology.
But anyhow, I moved on and many weeks and months past and then I received news that Maria was doing well. She was doing great in auditing and was going off her insulin. Yet, a year or so past and I heard nothing until when I day I learned she”dropped her body.” I was very sad to hear the news because she believed so intently she would eventually be able to stop taking her medication.
Another year or so later, I learned more about Maria’s death. She had full blown diabetes Type-B, the most severe form there is and she stopped taking her insulin. Her mother happily reported how successful she had been before her death finally attaining some kind of whatever level. I didn’t hear much about Maria’s wins or levels through the conversation. All I could think about is how she died and I wondered why. Why Maria?
Soon after, Maria’s mother and her sister packed up their belongings and moved to Clearwater Florida. I believe they are still there today.
Years after leaving the Sea Org and Scientology for good, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl but a few weeks into her new born life something went wrong. She had encephalitis (brain swelling) which caused a series of unstoppable grand maul seizures. The doctors had no choice but to induce her into a medical coma. This incident left her with severe and irreversible brain damage but I never learned what caused her condition.
In a conversation with husband, very much a Scientologist even being out for so many years, I learned what he and how Scientology views any one with disabilities. His words in reference to my beautiful little girl were “they put dogs to sleep.” I divorced him!
Scientology believe people with disabilities are “degraded beings” and somehow my husband blamed me for causing, yes, causing her condition. It was my fault, I caused it and I was no longer the “perfect” mother whom gave birth to his first born son. I fell from his “pedestal”, as he put it.
In years that followed, I fought tremendously with my little girl’s doctors and care takers but thanks to their passion and understanding, they gently coached me in understanding that all drugs are not bad. With their incredible patience I learned to become an advocate for my little girl. I learned about her medications, the risk and side effects but most importantly, the benefits. One of the drugs she has to take is Valium an absolute no, no in Scientology.
In the mean time my now ex-husband, sought sole custody of my son. He “Faired Gamed” me. My neighbors were talked to, my real estate agent was talked to, my employer was talked to and my very own lawyer was talked to. I changed lawyer!
In a phone conversation with my son, he TOLD me I should agree to pay child support to based on potential future earnings of $60,000 per year when at the time I was unemployed and had never made more that $30,000 per year in my entire life, my son told me this, my son!
I didn’t fight custody. I had visitation rights but whenever I called to speak with my son he was too busy or out doing something else and he would “get back to me later.” Well, later never came and later always went.
Every now and then I think of Maria. I wonder what if?
I think of her mother and I wonder why? I don’t understand!
I think of my little girl’s daddy that never thought for a second of whom or what she might become and above all I miss son. How cruel the world can be and how different perhaps things might have been if it was not for Scientology and its policies of disconnect and fair game.
When I visit my little pumpkin she always greets me with a smile. I am not sure she knows the concept of “mother” but I know I am one of the ones she loves. Sometimes, I have to share her affection with whom she greets the same (like a care taker) but that’s ok because I know she is happy in the life she lives.
She is blind but she always turns her head and coos when I am there. When I see her smile I know she loves me - unconditionally and I know that the smiles she gives belong to me.
When I heard about Jett Travolta I feel their pain and I grieve with them. I am the last person in the world who have the right to criticize and judge any another parent in their decision in the care of their child.
I am the last to have anything to say because I have fought so hard for so long and I have been all alone with the all decisions to make about my little girl. And yet, a piece of me - does!
Maria was 32 years old when she died. Maria was my sister-in-law. I miss her very much. Even though I know why, I still ask, why?