To Ms. Swazey:
I know that, as a Buddhist, "truth" is of tantmount importance to you. I, for one, appreciate your unwillingness to compromise your truth by blindly agreeing with the angry mob. I am happy for you that Scientology didn't ruin your life. It can't be any fun going through life angry about the past, and I hope everyone here will one day find peace as you have.
What type of Buddhism do you practice? I went to a few services years ago at the "Nichirin Daishonin" Buddhist temple. The friend who took me has a sister in Chicago who was very influential in the church. His last name is Laubel, but his sister may have a different name from marriage (they're from Pittsburgh PA originally).
Oh, I'm a rank n00b with that. I've read some books and I practice my own (fluffy Claire-ish) type of meditation. I'm sure I don't deserve to be called a practicing Buddhist. I have some other books, too, including one by Joko that I'm partly through that was recommended to me by another net friend- a very nice person who occasionally but rarely drops in here. The things I don't know about Buddhism could fill an ocean, I'm sure.
But what little I've done has made me feel a bit fulfilled. I don't want to just say "fulfilled" as that would imply that hey, man, I'm enlightened, I'm perfectly serenely happy, I'm done.
When I was a kid, I prayed. Got into Scn and didn't lose the habit though I think a lot of people did stop praying when they got into it. I never said much about it- except to my husband who has always been supportive even when he thinks I'm in Lucille Ball mode. But I started doing it a lot more once I decided to ditch the Indie Scn'ist label. Then I started feeling a presence and one day I got the message "When you do this, it's meditation and I would like you to do this every day." So I do. It's like going into a chatroom and you don't know if anyone's in there yet. So you go "yo" or "hi" and wait to see if you get an answer. That's what it feels like when I do it. Now, you see what a n00b and rank amateur I am, huh!!
I am sure I have some residual anger at some of the stuff I experienced in the cult, but I've mellowed out on that some. As mentioned previously, I do separate that from my experiences and opinions pertaining to doing courses, word clearing, TRs and auditing. If I go to Home Depot (that's a DIY chain in the US for those who don't live in the US) and have three completely different situations in, respectively, the Plumbing Dept, the Lighting Dept and the Lumber Dept, yes, they're all Home Depot but the encounters and purchases were all very different.
So yah, I felt the courses didn't do me any harm- even the boring ones. And I truly liked some of the auditing quite a bit.
One of the things that inspired me to write the thread op was Stacy Brooks. It's been a while since I read what she wrote, but I know that she said later something along the lines of her wins and thoughts about auditing that she had back as a Scn'ist being delusional. Also, very very recently, someone I know very well wrote me saying that their wins in Scn were delusional. So I thought, hey, I have my take on it. Others have such varying perspectives! There's "did it and it didn't hurt me but it didn't do anything at all and when I thought that it did, I was delusional". There's "it fucked me up" There's "hey, some of the lower level stuff was kind of neat" There's "no matter what (rare) positive experiences I had, it wasn't worth it, I don't care how fun other people think it is." There's "hell, I just don't know anymore. I just know I'm glad I'm out." There's "If I knew what I know now, I'd never have done ANYTHING" and, finally, there's "it saved my life" which I have heard people say. That last is mainly said (if said at all) by church members and by people in the FZ and/or Indie scene.
It all varies and everyone has a right to how they feel about it. That includes me, of course, but does not solely apply to me.
I think this is a pretty good and lively thread and people are really talking to each other. The latest segue/meander is actually kinda cool, too. Hubbard and Heinlein and god, who were those other writers who knew him? I should ask John. I mean, that's really interesting stuff!!!
