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My Scn story


Well, this is my first post and I just joined today, so I figured I should tell my story...It's a long and weird one.
I was born into Scientology in 1985. My father was (and is) an HGC auditor, my mother worked to support him (and me). My father joined the church when he was 18 along with his best friend (who is now the senior C/S at their org) after reading Dianetics while stoned and on acid. I don't know when exactly or why my mom joined.
My parents split up and I moved back and forth every year or two between LA and San Francisco. When I was 6 my step-father (who was ex-SO) told his auditor (out of session) that he had been molesting me when I was asleep. No one did anything. He did conditions from Treason. (I found out later that he had done this to his girlfriends daughter while in the SO and that was why he was kicked out of the SO. I'm not sure why he was never declared).
When I was living in San Francisco with my dad and step-mother things were very different. Life revolved around the church and staff. My father and mother got a divorce when my father started sleeping with their Scientology marriage counselor, who later became my step mother. The church has fully supported this, even threatening my mother with a declare if she continued to write reports or seek any ethics action.
My dad and step-mom got along perfectly, had a squeaky-clean image at the church and were admired by most of the public church members. I tried very hard to be a good scientologist kid, but wasn't very good at it. The kids my age who had parents on staff were creepy. I secretly hated going on course or in session. There was a lot about Scientology that I liked and agreed with, but there was this whole other part to it that to me, just seemed off.
When I was 15 a Sea Org recruit mission came to our org armed with (of course) a very charming super hot recruiter. He tried desperately for two weeks to recruit me as I was one of the few eligible people around. The night before the mission was supposed to leave he called me at home and told me that if I came to LA with them he could request time off and he and I could hang out, plus I could visit my mom and brother. So being and incredibly naive 15 year old with a crush, I went.
On the way we picked up another girl who was about 17. When we got there we got a tour and had some lunch and it was all good, then we were taken into an office and told to sign our contracts, we both refused. Then we were talked to for 6 more hours with no food or rest from our trip. Finally around midnight we were taken to a really seedy hotel on Sunset and left to our own devices. We went to bed, and they came and got us the next morning. This time they separated us and divided into teams. I was hard sold and flat out lied to for the entire rest of the day. I hadn't been allowed to call my mother and had hardly even eaten and was starting to freak out a little. Finally we returned to our hotel around 11 at night. The same thing happened the next day, and I finally crumbled, signed the contract and took all my tests.
But thankfully, being 15 they needed both of my parents consent. My mom wouldn't allow it. She came to the base and threw a shit-fit. Only when she threatened them with legal action (my mother was a pariah to the church already by then) did they release me to her, or even let me see her.
Life went on, I moved back with my dad when I was 16. THen they caught me smoking pot and cut me off from all of my friends. I was never allowed at home alone. This meant being at the church with them all of the time. I was pulled out of school and put on independent study. I was forced to quit my first job.
When I was 18 I joined staff at the Org my father and step-mother worked at along with my best friend (we made a "if you jump, I'll jump agreement). I was the basic courses admin (which isn't actually a real post) for a few months until the OES blew staff. He had been holding Treasury from above, and all of a sudden, I was re-posted as the Treasury Secretary. I had no idea what I was doing and had no one under me. I tried my damnedest to put in policy and clean up Treasury which had been basically non-existent other than payroll for about 8 years.
I actually did okay. I got it under control and operating, but now that I had all of the confusion out of the way I started noticing some HUGE pink elephants, red flags, and odd discrepancies. I started trying to fix them, eventually I was told by several of my senior execs to basically stop sniffing around or else.
While all of this was going on a mission came to our org and we were told we were going to raise millions of dollars, buy a new building and have an "Ideal Org" we were one of the pilot orgs for the project.
This project was an inhumane torturous nightmare. We had to stay all day on our posts then all night to work until the wee hours of the morning, a lot of this was physically demanding work. We had to work through our lunch break, and on the weekends, if we asked for a day or a few hours off we were often refused, or at least guilt tripped and shamed for it.
I was making about $25 per week, sharing a tiny studio with 4 other staff members and trying to live in one of the most expensive cities in the country.
All along there had been fundraising going on which consisted of repeatedly harrassing the wealthier public to make donations, hard selling them for hours at a time.
I got some money from a car accident settlement that I intended to use for college. They convinced me that, as a staff member my investment would return to me because in the new building we'll be able to get more people in and I'll get more pay. We were supposed to go Saint Hill Size and we'd all be rich, but not without the money to get us there. All this and make my dad and step-mom proud of me. So I donated $5,000. I spent another $4,000 on 25 hours of auditing ( I got a staff discount) because I was convinced that I was totally messed up.
While I was on staff I went on a date with a staff member in the TTC. We were in my apartment and he raped me. I wrote a report about what happened and gave it to the Ethics officer. Later that day I was called into the SSO's office. She got very angry and told me I was lying and that I had to be handled in ethics or kicked off of staff before I started to spread STD's around the org. I was very confused and hurt by this at first, this person had known me since I was a baby and I felt like she was almost family. Then I realized that the org was on a big phase in the SO mission to get auditors so we could go Saint Hill Size. The guy was one of their most promising trainees. Somehow the story got spread all over the org (this should have been an extremely confidential HCO matter) Suddenly my friends and family and everyone that I had known my whole life started turning against me.
So I left staff.

A little while after I left staff, my dad called out of the blue (I hadn't been in contact with him for several months). He told me that he had injured his back and that after talking it over with the HAS (also my step-mom) had decided that it was best if he disconnect from me as I was making him PTS. I don't exactly know what the real reason was. I hadn't been in contact with him, so I couldn't be his PTS item. We got along well, and had good conversations when we did talk to one another. I can only assume it had something to do with me leaving staff.

Now I live across the country. I haven't spoken to any of my family or any of my old friends in over a year. It's extremely awkward adjusting to a normal life after being immersed in Scientology my whole life. I'm still realizing that certain things that I always assumed to be correct or true, don't actually really make sense to me. It's like living in a whole different world sometimes, I'm in my first non-scientology relationship now and that is also extremely difficult. I'm so used to everyone working the Scientology way that now I'm lost a lot of the time, it's like I don't really know how to be a regular person around regular people.


Patron Meritorious
Welcome Rose 129!:wave: :welcome: Thanks so much for your story.

It is hard to re-adjust outside the CofS, be gentle with yourself while you adapt to your new life.

May you find joy and contentment! :yes:

There are lots of people here who understand what you have gone through and are going through. Hang around and get to know us while we get to know you!


Patron with Honors
A very warm welcome to you Rose.

Thanks so much for telling the story. I'm too choked up to say much except that I'm so glad that you are out of that stupid insane *#*%$ing!! cult.

I hope you will post more and find many new friends here. :bighug:


Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome to esmb!! This is a great board for help with the mess Scientology has made of peoples lives. And is still doing.

I'm sorry you had to go through that and have the church cover up yet another huge abuse.

If we can help you in any way, we're here for you!


Gold Meritorious Patron
Hi Rose. Sorry about the disconnections, I certainly know how that is. If by "the other side of the country", you mean East Coast, that's where I'm at. I'm in Rhode Island. If you need someone to blather at, I'm here. I think you'll be fine, over time. You sound adaptable. Give yourself time. Put your "rudiments in life" in, by which I mean: stabilize a place to live, a source of income, and a budget for food. Once you have that done, explore your interests, and you'll find the world has a lot to offer you.

You didn't, btw, know a girl named Galadriel Brady, did you? Or Zarathustra Brady? Or their mother, Nitza Freeman? I beg for news.

Wisened One

Wow Rose...I'm so disheartened by your story, thanks for sharing it with us!

You are such a strong person for having endured all that crap for so long, so glad you are OUT and among TRUE FRIENDS, here!

You've come to the right place, Rose. :hug:

It DOES get easier living life out here. There are sooooo many nice, caring people, honest! :yes:



Gold Meritorious Patron
Hi Rose,

I just want to add my welcome. This is a wonderful place to unwind from a life in Scn. If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

I am continually shocked how the church wrong targets and fails to handle sexual crimes. Utterly despicable.

Give yourself time, you will adjust.

Good twin





Patron Meritorious
Hi Rose-
Thanks for posting and welcome to this online community. It wasn't too long ago that I was a new member to this board- I joined in January 2008 and I have to tell you, being active online and reading other people's accounts has gone a LONG WAY to help me reconcile the pain and confusion of being raised as a Scientologist. I was born in 1982, we are about the same age. You are welcome here and remember- if it gets too hairy you can always turn it off. The computer that is.
Best Wishes,
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Patron Meritorious
Well you did a great first big step-by leaving the church. I am so so sorry to hear what you went through, we read so many stories like this that just make me want to cry.. Then I am enraged at the church. Things are so messed up.

You always have friends here and many who can really truly help you with the transition....great people.

You are going to be just fine. One day at a time, and ask for help if you need it.


Patron Meritorious
Welcome Rose!

:hug: :party: :biglove:

Thank you for sharing your story! What a story! :melodramatic:
Happy you survived and are recovering now.
What your boyfriend think of Scientology?

Pliny Younger

Patron with Honors


Welcome. Sorry for the crap you had to endure. You are the normal one, remember that. Thanks for sharing with us. My wife was raised in SCN, not an on staff situation, but none the less it is a wacky existence.

Great first post!


Welcome to the forum Rose! :welcome2: And thank you for sharing your story. You are very very strong and brave to come through all that, you are much stronger than you realize. This forum will help you heal a lot, the people are great, warm and affectionate, and understand completely what you had to endure.. for the most part.. :yes:

I look forward to reading more of your posts. :happydance:

Welcome to ESMB. Well the goodside is that you're out and so the rest of your life has the potential to be so much richer, stress free and generally saner than if you had stayed in the cult. Reading these boards and other people's experiences will help you to adjust. All the best to you.

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Welcome Rose, I'm glad you found ESMB. You're just a little younger than my youngest daughter and your story brings out the mother in me. I wish I could give you a hug and let you know that it's gonna be alright. :) It is you know - you have shown courage and integrity and have gone through the hardest bits. I know what it's like within a scientology family too, although luckily I didn't experience the extremes you have.

Take it one day at a time and find the good bits within your daily life now, and concentrate on them. Bit by bit here you can unravel the thinking patterns that can make you feel different to 'normal' people. We were brought up to think we were 'special' and you know what? We are. Just not in the way scientology demanded us to think. :)

Kathy (ImOut)

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome, Rose. You may also want to check out ESK (ex-Scientology Kids).

You wrote a great story and I'm sorry for your troubles while in.

You will fully recover with time. And getting help from all the people here. You're just one year older than my daughter. So, if you need any "mommy" advice or help, I'm hear.


Silver Meritorious Patron
Thanks for sharing your story Rose. It is the stories that make the biggest difference to the board, IMO. Real experiences (good and/or bad), so that people have an understanding of what really happens in the world of Scientology.

Welcome, make yourself at home :)