My story and exodus out

[Lori]

y Story

Hi guys! I have been here on this message board for the last 3 years learning and absorbing what I instinctively already knew. We were all duped and used! I haven't posted much, mainly when I first escaped but I am finally ready to tell my story. It pales in comparison to many horror stories i have read in the last couple of years, but to me it is no less traumatic. I first heard of Scientology 10 years ago. It feels like a lifetime! I instantly was drawn to it! The only books I had were from the '70's and I thought I had finally found what I had been searching for all my life. I knew I was different from everyone else in my community and family. I even joked growing up that I was not from this planet! So, when I discovered Scientology I latched on to it full force. I convinced my husband to read and become active and we started going to the closest Org for courses. Of course I started on Life Repair and the wins were enormous. I then routed onto Div 6 courses and flew thru them. There were a lot of suppressive people in my past and I finally identified them and realized that I was lucky to be away from them. Especially suppressive was an ex 2D who was not only physically abusive but mentally. He always told me that if I left him he would kill me but it got so bad that I knew if I stayed he would kill me emotionally but if I left I just MAY survive. (I have a reason for bringing this up. You see I had already escaped a suppressive existence once, that survival instinct kicked in later)

Getting back to my story. As I said I flew through my courses and it wasn't long until I was in the Academy. I didn't stay long. Finances were tight and my husband wanted me home ( the closest org was 6 hours away). I continued reading and absorbing. Then the Basics were released. We were instructed to destroy all our old books and get the new "corrected" ones. We complied like good children. We were rigged for the full Congress package and for me to start auditing. Since money was flowing again my husband sent me to start. Purif, TR's and objectives, drug rundown, ARC straight wire........all the way through Grade 3. I didn't go on course to do the Basics I only audited. I was winning. Then the C/S came back from Flag and everything went to hell in a hand basket. I was suddenly pulled out of auditing and told I had to do the Basics first. I HAD to sign for staff, and we HAD to both move to the Org, etc......I never intended to move there. I didn't want to join staff, I just wanted to continue growing and becoming more at cause! I could feel myself growing more self determined, more confident. I KNEW I was on the verge of a huge win when I was yanked. Well, I spun. I became argumentative, I did my post but only the bare minimum. I refused to sell books, I refused to body route, and I got sick alot. The books I had to now retread we're different somehow. I couldn't put my finger on it but just different. My husband was pulling away because he had footed the expenses of all those auditing hours just to have me stop and start becoming sick all the time. He said he "wasted" thousands on me and something must be wrong with me if I was getting ill after all that auditing! I became confused and desperate to continue growing but a firm stop was put on my bridge, mid Grade to boot!!! The C/S then decided I needed NED's. That made things worse. I tried to tell them that I was on a big win when they stopped me but that only got me sent to ethics and the C/S ordering me to redo my lower grades. The invalidation was overwhelming. I was expected to be on course from 9 to 5 then staff till 10. 7 days a week. I only saw my husband once a month and my family less than that. All the while that "something is off" feeling grew. Sea Org officers were pushing for more money coming in, for more "intention" and the staff members soon stopped smiling and became back biting thugs that would do anything for stats and money. Something was in the air. 2008 that something emerged in the form of Anonymous. We were called in and briefed and instructed to not is them. To never make eye contact, never under any circumstances speak to them, never, never, never..Well, I started being curious. Ears hear, eyes see. Why were these people saying these things?Who were these people? Did someone names Lisa really die at Flag!?Then the big mistake ( on their part). All the staff were called in and given a list of websites we were forbidden to look at. We were told we had to install a program on our computers that would "protect" us, etc.....well, I happen to have a streak in me that says, what is on those sites they do not want me to see?I knew some of those sites. A couple of them are well respected sites my family at home read and visit. I went to my apartment, booted up my computer (without loading the special protective program first) and typed in the first forbidden website. 8 hours later I am still sitting there dumbfounded. What had I gotten myself into! How stupid could I be! Gullible, naive, on and on. I told my husband what I had discovered thinking he would be as horrified as I was. Wrong. He wrote a KR on me. I was hauled into ethics of course. The questioning, yelling, accusations and invalidations keyed in that survival instinct I mentioned earlier when talking about my ex. I knew if I didn't get out of there something bad was about to happen. My husband mentioned sending me to Florida, someone said I could not now be audited except in Advanced Orgs from now on, husband now wants divorce, I am somehow connected to a suppressive, on and on till my head felt like it was about to explode. Suddenly I knew. I knew I would survive. I knew I was strong enough to walk away. I got calm. I started acking their comm. it threw them off. I said I was hungry and could I please go for a walk about and get something to eat before we leave. With an escort of course. Calmly I got up, and walked toward the door. A young Sea org officer no older than 17 or 18 was told to go with me. We walked across the street and I "remembered" I needed to get my purse from my car. When we got to my car I unlocked the door and slid in bending over as if I was retrieving my purse from under the seat, slammed and locked the doors and took off! I drove all night to my parents house where I was welcomed with open arms. That was 3 years ago. They still call, still try to get me in to route off post, to sign papers, etc but I have so far been able to avoid. I am in my hometown where I grew up and have lived all my life so black PR will not work here. I have made it known what I escaped from and what may happen and have scores of friends who "have my back if that cult comes messing with me"

It is hard to completely get the indoctrination out of my head. Some days I miss the wins I truly had. Some days I curse the day I heard of Scientology. One thing is for sure. The innocence is gone. There are boogy men out there and to bury your head and pretend they do not exist doesn't make it so. LRH was certainly right about one thing. The worst thing to do us nothing. So I am reading and reading and reading. Everything I can find about Scientology. I want to thank Tory for being there when I first started getting out and in the immediate aftermath. She gave me the encouragement I needed. Thank you Arnie, I wouldn't have truly awaken without you and Anonymous putting the ugly truth out there for me to finally see. Thank you to all the brave souls that have preceded me out into the light again that are here on this message board and in the independent field where I now know if standard tech it is alive and flourishing all over the world away from, and safe from, the taint of what the "official church" is now. Anita, you are a God send.

I once heard there is a theoretical correlation between "battered spouse syndrome" and being a Scientologist under the current regime. Having been both I can validate that correlation.

I apologise if this reads as rambling or glossed over. I left out a lot that would enable me to be identified. Not ready for that yet. But soon. Very soon.

Lori

 

[PirateAndBum]

Hi Lori,

Thanks for your story. Wow. That's really incredible how they yanked you from auditing and got you on staff. Nasty, nasty.

Glad you are out and free. Hopefully your husband will wake up.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

Welcome Lori! Very glad to have you join us here...thanks for sharing your story.

Reading and writing here will help you to recover further.

Have you read the Scientological Onion Essay yet?

From: http://exscn.net/content/view/178/105/

"The Scientological Onion

(Excerpted from the Addendum section of L. Ron Hubbard, Messiah or Madman?, 2nd and 3rd editions. This is the shortened version that appears in Brainwashing Manual Parallels in Scientology

Scientology could be described as a "layers of the onion" operation.

The outermost layer of the "Scientological Onion" is not identifiable with Scientology at all, being composed of front groups that conceal their connection to -and control by - the Scientology organization. Front groups might be said to constitute Layer Zero: a place where the tentacles of Scientology can grope incognito.

The first layer of the Scientological Onion is meant to be very visible...

Layer One includes Scientology's pampered clique of celebrities, and various public relations ploys. It reverberates with noble sounding sentiments about creating a better world. Scientology seeks to equate itself, and its founder, with anything broadly viewed as desirable or good. A little further along, this layer would include introductory courses with the stated aim of "knowing oneself" and "being free."

Here exist the potentially beneficial aspects of the many masked Scientology operation. The tragedy of Scientology is that the "positives" are used as "window dressing" and "bait on the hook," when they should have been the core and foundation. Thus the Scientology organization reeks of hypocrisy.

Also, at this much publicized layer, L. Ron Hubbard is presented as an engineer, war hero, nuclear physicist, and the "greatest humanitarian of all time," and the author of "22 best sellers with more to come."

The "first layer" is what Scientology wishes the outside world to know as Scientology. And it is essentially what new converts to the "movement" believe.

It includes most of what is good in the subject: The dream of peace on Earth, the desire to help, practical wisdom, civilized communication, and some potentially beneficial counseling procedures. The word freedom is used a great deal at this layer, and a heart felt desire for greater personal freedom, and freedom for all Mankind, is not unusual to new recruits to Scientology.

(Any inconsistencies or contradictions between the publicly stated aims of the movement, and actual practices or facts, become irrelevant as the individual becomes subject to the Dark Side of Scientology. And the deeper one descends into the "onion" the darker it gets.)

Descending into the "onion" it is necessary to become a Scientologist. This means thinking like a Scientologist. This is the Second Layer where deception eases into "soft" forms of mind-manipulation. Love of Mankind is modified that the awareness that human beings are mere hapless "Wogs"... The desire to help becomes the desire to recruit. The ideal of practical wisdom, based on logic and science, is superseded by the belief in the unfathomable mystery of the "tech." Indeed one is expected to be in a state of awe regarding the "tech," much in the same manner that a peasant woman might regard piece of bone, said to have belonged to a Saint from centuries past.

The publicly promoted "policy" of honesty is modified by an awareness that deception is OK, as long as it serves to achieve the desired Scientological end. And the ideals of civility and democracy become a joke - just something that "panty-waists" and wimps fixate on.

One is slowly being "hatted" as a Scientologist.

(At this point an - unlucky - new Scientologist may be subjected to heavy handed "hard sell" tactics by a sales person or "registrar." Life savings have been lost, inheritances gobbled up, and lines of credit drained, all in a single arduous evening of "hard sell." This is really a premature taste of Layer Four.)

The Third Layer down is composed of never ending, expensive, highly advertised, but confidential "upper levels." These go on and on - and on. Scientology has been selling the promise of "Total Freedom" since before most of its current membership were born. It remains the ever elusive "dangling carrot."

Well known individuals who become involved in Scientology - becoming "Scientology celebrities" - do not go deeper into the Scientological Onion than this.

They are also spared the abuses that "less valuable" beings may suffer at the hands of Scientology sales people, "Sea Org" recruiters, or "ethics" officers...

At the upper fringes of the next layer down is local "Org staff," and at the bottom of Layer Four can be found "Sea Org" personnel. This layer employs more pervasive and cruder forms of "persuasion" or "mind control." Here is the "slave labor" supplying Rehabilitation Project Force, the Pavlovian "5 Card System," and the grim but repressed awareness that one is mainly a "post" and a "stat," (i.e. statistic.)

The Fifth layer down includes intimidation of the mass media, use of lawsuits purely for purposes of harassment, and applications of policies and programs, such as those discovered as a result of the FBI search warrants of July 1977. These materials were made available for public view by Federal court order in 1979 and consist of organized applications of the Fair game Law, and related confidential policies and "tech," designed to illegally gain access to private files, infiltrate, harass, lie about, "sue, trick, lie to, or destroy" anyone perceived as an enemy. At this layer also would be secret bank accounts and financial irregularities.

Other aspects of this layer would include "blackmail," including threats to publicize personal information obtained during "religious confessionals" (auditing sessions); and the inducement of duress of various kinds - including frivolous lawsuits - to obtain promises of "silence," and to obtain "signed retractions" of earlier statements.

Here also can be found the handful of individuals who constitute the "Scientology hierarchy": the board of directors of the Religious Technology Center, and its chairman David Miscavige or "DM."

Layer Number Six appears to be the core of the Onion. It is a very temperamental and secret place.

Here lie the secrets of L. Ron Hubbard: his bad health, bad habits, undistinguished military service, flunked physics and mathematics classes. Here can be found the actual motivations behind, and sources of, Dianetics and Scientology. Here can be found Mary Sue Hubbard, languishing in prison for crimes committed under her husband's direction, while her husband, in hiding, passes the time writing Science Fiction. Here are all the things you shouldn't know about the founder of the "Science of Knowing How to Know."

L. Ron Hubbard, Messiah or Madman?, 2nd edition:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0942637577/ref=sib_dp_pt/102-0654802-4263319

Brainwashing Manual Parallels in Scientology:
http://www.xenu-directory.net/critics/ambry1.html"

 

[Free to shine]

Thankyou!

That's so interesting about the nanny program for the net, I didn't realise they were doing that again. As if it's going to work... And great escape story! It really takes an enormous amount of courage to do what you did, really. Terrific that your life is back on track!

 

[Mest Lover]

May God bless your path.

I guess they are using rabid dog tech against the anons huh? No Eye contact. As if that will just make the reality go away. Sometimes averted vision helps you see what is there on the fringes.

 

[Panda Termint]

Thanks for telling your story, Lori.
We've never met but I happen to know that you are a good-hearted, well-intentioned person.
Best wishes to you, Panda.

 

[R2-45]

y Story

Hi guys! I have been here on this message board for the last 3 years learning and absorbing what I instinctively already knew. We were all duped and used! I haven't posted much, mainly when I first escaped but I am finally ready to tell my story. It pales in comparison to many horror stories i have read in the last couple of years, but to me it is no less traumatic. I first heard of Scientology 10 years ago. It feels like a lifetime! I instantly was drawn to it! The only books I had were from the '70's and I thought I had finally found what I had been searching for all my life. I knew I was different from everyone else in my community and family. I even joked growing up that I was not from this planet! So, when I discovered Scientology I latched on to it full force. I convinced my husband to read and become active and we started going to the closest Org for courses. Of course I started on Life Repair and the wins were enormous. I then routed onto Div 6 courses and flew thru them. There were a lot of suppressive people in my past and I finally identified them and realized that I was lucky to be away from them. Especially suppressive was an ex 2D who was not only physically abusive but mentally. He always told me that if I left him he would kill me but it got so bad that I knew if I stayed he would kill me emotionally but if I left I just MAY survive. (I have a reason for bringing this up. You see I had already escaped a suppressive existence once, that survival instinct kicked in later)

Getting back to my story. As I said I flew through my courses and it wasn't long until I was in the Academy. I didn't stay long. Finances were tight and my husband wanted me home ( the closest org was 6 hours away). I continued reading and absorbing. Then the Basics were released. We were instructed to destroy all our old books and get the new "corrected" ones. We complied like good children. We were rigged for the full Congress package and for me to start auditing. Since money was flowing again my husband sent me to start. Purif, TR's and objectives, drug rundown, ARC straight wire........all the way through Grade 3. I didn't go on course to do the Basics I only audited. I was winning. Then the C/S came back from Flag and everything went to hell in a hand basket. I was suddenly pulled out of auditing and told I had to do the Basics first. I HAD to sign for staff, and we HAD to both move to the Org, etc......I never intended to move there. I didn't want to join staff, I just wanted to continue growing and becoming more at cause! I could feel myself growing more self determined, more confident. I KNEW I was on the verge of a huge win when I was yanked. Well, I spun. I became argumentative, I did my post but only the bare minimum. I refused to sell books, I refused to body route, and I got sick alot. The books I had to now retread we're different somehow. I couldn't put my finger on it but just different. My husband was pulling away because he had footed the expenses of all those auditing hours just to have me stop and start becoming sick all the time. He said he "wasted" thousands on me and something must be wrong with me if I was getting ill after all that auditing! I became confused and desperate to continue growing but a firm stop was put on my bridge, mid Grade to boot!!! The C/S then decided I needed NED's. That made things worse. I tried to tell them that I was on a big win when they stopped me but that only got me sent to ethics and the C/S ordering me to redo my lower grades. The invalidation was overwhelming. I was expected to be on course from 9 to 5 then staff till 10. 7 days a week. I only saw my husband once a month and my family less than that. All the while that "something is off" feeling grew. Sea Org officers were pushing for more money coming in, for more "intention" and the staff members soon stopped smiling and became back biting thugs that would do anything for stats and money. Something was in the air. 2008 that something emerged in the form of Anonymous. We were called in and briefed and instructed to not is them. To never make eye contact, never under any circumstances speak to them, never, never, never..Well, I started being curious. Ears hear, eyes see. Why were these people saying these things?Who were these people? Did someone names Lisa really die at Flag!?Then the big mistake ( on their part). All the staff were called in and given a list of websites we were forbidden to look at. We were told we had to install a program on our computers that would "protect" us, etc.....well, I happen to have a streak in me that says, what is on those sites they do not want me to see?I knew some of those sites. A couple of them are well respected sites my family at home read and visit. I went to my apartment, booted up my computer (without loading the special protective program first) and typed in the first forbidden website. 8 hours later I am still sitting there dumbfounded. What had I gotten myself into! How stupid could I be! Gullible, naive, on and on. I told my husband what I had discovered thinking he would be as horrified as I was. Wrong. He wrote a KR on me. I was hauled into ethics of course. The questioning, yelling, accusations and invalidations keyed in that survival instinct I mentioned earlier when talking about my ex. I knew if I didn't get out of there something bad was about to happen. My husband mentioned sending me to Florida, someone said I could not now be audited except in Advanced Orgs from now on, husband now wants divorce, I am somehow connected to a suppressive, on and on till my head felt like it was about to explode. Suddenly I knew. I knew I would survive. I knew I was strong enough to walk away. I got calm. I started acking their comm. it threw them off. I said I was hungry and could I please go for a walk about and get something to eat before we leave. With an escort of course. Calmly I got up, and walked toward the door. A young Sea org officer no older than 17 or 18 was told to go with me. We walked across the street and I "remembered" I needed to get my purse from my car. When we got to my car I unlocked the door and slid in bending over as if I was retrieving my purse from under the seat, slammed and locked the doors and took off! I drove all night to my parents house where I was welcomed with open arms. That was 3 years ago. They still call, still try to get me in to route off post, to sign papers, etc but I have so far been able to avoid. I am in my hometown where I grew up and have lived all my life so black PR will not work here. I have made it known what I escaped from and what may happen and have scores of friends who "have my back if that cult comes messing with me"

It is hard to completely get the indoctrination out of my head. Some days I miss the wins I truly had. Some days I curse the day I heard of Scientology. One thing is for sure. The innocence is gone. There are boogy men out there and to bury your head and pretend they do not exist doesn't make it so. LRH was certainly right about one thing. The worst thing to do us nothing. So I am reading and reading and reading. Everything I can find about Scientology. I want to thank Tory for being there when I first started getting out and in the immediate aftermath. She gave me the encouragement I needed. Thank you Arnie, I wouldn't have truly awaken without you and Anonymous putting the ugly truth out there for me to finally see. Thank you to all the brave souls that have preceded me out into the light again that are here on this message board and in the independent field where I now know if standard tech it is alive and flourishing all over the world away from, and safe from, the taint of what the "official church" is now. Anita, you are a God send.

I once heard there is a theoretical correlation between "battered spouse syndrome" and being a Scientologist under the current regime. Having been both I can validate that correlation.

I apologise if this reads as rambling or glossed over. I left out a lot that would enable me to be identified. Not ready for that yet. But soon. Very soon.

Lori

I didn't find it rambling or glossed over too much for my taste. It was nearly a wall of dense text, though. But I made it through.

Good story, Lori! The best part is that you made it out, Lori.

It looks to me as if it was a major with the heavy-handed attempt at net censorship.

So I want to ask, were there many others who blew because of this censorship?


Welcome.

 

[Dulloldfart]

. . . All the staff were called in and given a list of websites we were forbidden to look at. We were told we had to install a program on our computers that would "protect" us, etc. . . .

Yes, very interesting, as FTS mentioned. Do you have any more data on that program? I thought the Scn Net-Nanny software was old old and wouldn't work past Win 95. Have they updated it? Anyone got a copy?

Paul

 

[Infinite]

Yes, very interesting, as FTS mentioned. Do you have any more data on that program? I thought the Scn Net-Nanny software was old old and wouldn't work past Win 95. Have they updated it? Anyone got a copy?

Paul

http://johanw.home.xs4all.nl/CoS/nanny.html

EDIT: See also: http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?7401-New-Software-to-search-the-quot-Clam-Nanny-quot&

 

[Arthur Dent]

Big welcome, Lori!!
Your story is oh so typical for the era. That era and many others. And the instructions for not looking at the websites is exactly how I was instructed with other staff to not read Paulette Cooper's book or pay it any mind! If only we had the Web then! If only!!!!
Sorry you had to endure so much crap but glad it wasn't for so long. So glad you're out!

Recovery from the stolen years takes time but enjoy the process and healing and growth. It's a good adventure back to life!

 

[Lori]

I didn't find it rambling or glossed over too much for my taste. It was nearly a wall of dense text, though. But I made it through.

Good story, Lori! The best part is that you made it out, Lori.

It looks to me as if it was a major with the heavy-handed attempt at net censorship.

So I want to ask, were there many others who blew because of this censorship?


Welcome.

First thank you for making it through my story. It was a spur of the moment, I have to tell some of it NOW situation. A lot is left out for obvious reasons and eventually I will get more out to somehow. As for your question, I have no idea. I did go back a few times but with so many staff members going to Flag for training it is hard to tell who is really there and who blew. Of course no one would tell anyway. Entheta data.

 

[Lori]

May God bless your path.

I guess they are using rabid dog tech against the anons huh? No Eye contact. As if that will just make the reality go away. Sometimes averted vision helps you see what is there on the fringes.

EXACTLY!! The more we were watched and scrutinized the more I looked and the more I looked the more I saw. I was raised to always look someone in the eyes and speak or at least nod when spoken to. Went against my nature not to.

 

[Adam7986]

Hi Lori,

Thanks for sharing.

The more of us that speak out the better.

I also hated the way the way Scientologists treated each other. With the constant intimidation, the holier than thou attitude, ratting each other out. It disgusted me to be honest.

 

[Commander Birdsong]

y Story

Hi guys! I have been here on this message board for the last 3 years learning and absorbing what I instinctively already knew. We were all duped and used! I haven't posted much, mainly when I first escaped but I am finally ready to tell my story. It pales in comparison to many horror stories i have read in the last couple of years, but to me it is no less traumatic. I first heard of Scientology 10 years ago. It feels like a lifetime! I instantly was drawn to it! The only books I had were from the '70's and I thought I had finally found what I had been searching for all my life. I knew I was different from everyone else in my community and family. I even joked growing up that I was not from this planet! So, when I discovered Scientology I latched on to it full force. I convinced my husband to read and become active and we started going to the closest Org for courses. Of course I started on Life Repair and the wins were enormous. I then routed onto Div 6 courses and flew thru them. There were a lot of suppressive people in my past and I finally identified them and realized that I was lucky to be away from them. Especially suppressive was an ex 2D who was not only physically abusive but mentally. He always told me that if I left him he would kill me but it got so bad that I knew if I stayed he would kill me emotionally but if I left I just MAY survive. (I have a reason for bringing this up. You see I had already escaped a suppressive existence once, that survival instinct kicked in later)

Getting back to my story. As I said I flew through my courses and it wasn't long until I was in the Academy. I didn't stay long. Finances were tight and my husband wanted me home ( the closest org was 6 hours away). I continued reading and absorbing. Then the Basics were released. We were instructed to destroy all our old books and get the new "corrected" ones. We complied like good children. We were rigged for the full Congress package and for me to start auditing. Since money was flowing again my husband sent me to start. Purif, TR's and objectives, drug rundown, ARC straight wire........all the way through Grade 3. I didn't go on course to do the Basics I only audited. I was winning. Then the C/S came back from Flag and everything went to hell in a hand basket. I was suddenly pulled out of auditing and told I had to do the Basics first. I HAD to sign for staff, and we HAD to both move to the Org, etc......I never intended to move there. I didn't want to join staff, I just wanted to continue growing and becoming more at cause! I could feel myself growing more self determined, more confident. I KNEW I was on the verge of a huge win when I was yanked. Well, I spun. I became argumentative, I did my post but only the bare minimum. I refused to sell books, I refused to body route, and I got sick alot. The books I had to now retread we're different somehow. I couldn't put my finger on it but just different. My husband was pulling away because he had footed the expenses of all those auditing hours just to have me stop and start becoming sick all the time. He said he "wasted" thousands on me and something must be wrong with me if I was getting ill after all that auditing! I became confused and desperate to continue growing but a firm stop was put on my bridge, mid Grade to boot!!! The C/S then decided I needed NED's. That made things worse. I tried to tell them that I was on a big win when they stopped me but that only got me sent to ethics and the C/S ordering me to redo my lower grades. The invalidation was overwhelming. I was expected to be on course from 9 to 5 then staff till 10. 7 days a week. I only saw my husband once a month and my family less than that. All the while that "something is off" feeling grew. Sea Org officers were pushing for more money coming in, for more "intention" and the staff members soon stopped smiling and became back biting thugs that would do anything for stats and money. Something was in the air. 2008 that something emerged in the form of Anonymous. We were called in and briefed and instructed to not is them. To never make eye contact, never under any circumstances speak to them, never, never, never..Well, I started being curious. Ears hear, eyes see. Why were these people saying these things?Who were these people? Did someone names Lisa really die at Flag!?Then the big mistake ( on their part). All the staff were called in and given a list of websites we were forbidden to look at. We were told we had to install a program on our computers that would "protect" us, etc.....well, I happen to have a streak in me that says, what is on those sites they do not want me to see?I knew some of those sites. A couple of them are well respected sites my family at home read and visit. I went to my apartment, booted up my computer (without loading the special protective program first) and typed in the first forbidden website. 8 hours later I am still sitting there dumbfounded. What had I gotten myself into! How stupid could I be! Gullible, naive, on and on. I told my husband what I had discovered thinking he would be as horrified as I was. Wrong. He wrote a KR on me. I was hauled into ethics of course. The questioning, yelling, accusations and invalidations keyed in that survival instinct I mentioned earlier when talking about my ex. I knew if I didn't get out of there something bad was about to happen. My husband mentioned sending me to Florida, someone said I could not now be audited except in Advanced Orgs from now on, husband now wants divorce, I am somehow connected to a suppressive, on and on till my head felt like it was about to explode. Suddenly I knew. I knew I would survive. I knew I was strong enough to walk away. I got calm. I started acking their comm. it threw them off. I said I was hungry and could I please go for a walk about and get something to eat before we leave. With an escort of course. Calmly I got up, and walked toward the door. A young Sea org officer no older than 17 or 18 was told to go with me. We walked across the street and I "remembered" I needed to get my purse from my car. When we got to my car I unlocked the door and slid in bending over as if I was retrieving my purse from under the seat, slammed and locked the doors and took off! I drove all night to my parents house where I was welcomed with open arms. That was 3 years ago. They still call, still try to get me in to route off post, to sign papers, etc but I have so far been able to avoid. I am in my hometown where I grew up and have lived all my life so black PR will not work here. I have made it known what I escaped from and what may happen and have scores of friends who "have my back if that cult comes messing with me"

It is hard to completely get the indoctrination out of my head. Some days I miss the wins I truly had. Some days I curse the day I heard of Scientology. One thing is for sure. The innocence is gone. There are boogy men out there and to bury your head and pretend they do not exist doesn't make it so. LRH was certainly right about one thing. The worst thing to do us nothing. So I am reading and reading and reading. Everything I can find about Scientology. I want to thank Tory for being there when I first started getting out and in the immediate aftermath. She gave me the encouragement I needed. Thank you Arnie, I wouldn't have truly awaken without you and Anonymous putting the ugly truth out there for me to finally see. Thank you to all the brave souls that have preceded me out into the light again that are here on this message board and in the independent field where I now know if standard tech it is alive and flourishing all over the world away from, and safe from, the taint of what the "official church" is now. Anita, you are a God send.

I once heard there is a theoretical correlation between "battered spouse syndrome" and being a Scientologist under the current regime. Having been both I can validate that correlation.

I apologise if this reads as rambling or glossed over. I left out a lot that would enable me to be identified. Not ready for that yet. But soon. Very soon.

Lori

the old books were magick gateways to other universes and the SP's having overrun the toehold in this universe are, once again closing the portals

 

[Mest Lover]

EXACTLY!! The more we were watched and scrutinized the more I looked and the more I looked the more I saw. I was raised to always look someone in the eyes and speak or at least nod when spoken to. Went against my nature not to.

OOOOR, as LRH would say: "Look don't listen."

Take a different path home to see what else is out there.

oh crap!

 

[BardoThodol]

Lori,

Enjoyed reading your story.

What is it with Scientology husbands? It's like a Stepford wife syndrome. So many wives with similar experiences. Husbands needing to control the wife to keep her in line with Scientology.

I wonder if part of the attraction of Scientology is the emphasis on control. Control your wife. Control your kids. Wow, look at what a big thetan I am!

On a selfish note. I have a very short attention span. It's not that what you wrote was too long. I could have read twice as much--eagerly. It's just that long paragraphs leave my brain gasping. I see long paragraphs and begin to tremble--even before I've read a single word.

 

[Dulloldfart]

On a selfish note. I have a very short attention span. It's not that what you wrote was too long. I could have read twice as much--eagerly. It's just that long paragraphs leave my brain gasping. I see long paragraphs and begin to tremble--even before I've read a single word.

What I did with it was to copy/paste it into Notebook and split it up into nice-sized paragraphs. I made the paragraph breaks at the end of a sentence but didn't care about the meaning at all, just the size. It made it very comfortable to read. I also adjusted the window size so the line length was perfect too.

Paul

 

[Operating DB]

Welcome out Lori!

I am amazed how degraded the cult has become since I escaped in 1986.

Being ordered to join staff? What the hell!

My nine years in the cult was a picnic compared to yours!

Under no circumstances return the cult's attempts to reach you and do not hand over any money or do routing-out forms or pay off any free loaders debts, if any. You don't owe them a thing.

Thank you for speaking out and writing your story. Stories like yours need to be out there.

 

[Smilla]

Thanks very much for sharing your story, Lori

 

[Smilla]

Miscavige revised Hubbard's books into a form that suited his purposes better than the originals. Some people have done good work tracking the changes. There is another reason though, I suspect. I suspect that Miscavige hated Hubbard, and still hates him. Hubbard was an abusive tyrant and Miscavige was a kid who ran around for him and listened to his screaming fits and temper tantrums. I can imagine him raising a glass of the best single malt to Hubbard's portrait and saying "Who'se the big guy now, fatso?" So I think part of the reason for altering the books was the pleasure of doing something that he knew Hubbard would have really, truly, hated.