my story as a post-GAT auditor

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
thanks guys. This is the first time in 5 years that I have allowed myself to think about alot of these things, and as I write a lot of stuff I had forgotten is coming to the surface. Im trying to get it all posted before I head out for the weekend.

Heres the next bit...


Two of my best friends were staff who had routed off at some point. Despite being in good standing and who’s husbands were still on staff, but they were considered to be disaffected. They were lovely people who would go out of their way to help anyone. Paula was the best supervisor I ever had. She was fantastic and although she couldn’t speak to me the last few times I saw her, I still love her to pieces.

I knew they were upset about things that had happened to them while they were on staff, and I had gotten to the point where I couldn’t ignore the out-points I was seeing. We all decided that we needed to do the right thing, and write up reports to get these things handled. BIG MISTAKE. I never saw either of them again while I was on staff, as we all became ethics bait.

It reminded me of a situation the year before when a staff member confided in me that he had seen some gross out-policy. A hugely suppressive act on the behalf of the DED Day Justin (cant remember his last name, and I cant remember the details of what happened, his wife was the ED). The poor guy was beside himself trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. I told him to write it up and send it uplines. I said if he didn’t write it up so it could be handled, I would. I was extremely upset by what Id heard, and made the mistake of mentioning it to my husband. The guy was printing off the report before post the next morning when he was caught by Justin. He was convinced not to file the report, that it had all been a “misunderstanding” and it was swept under the carpet. I couldn’t believe it. My husband told me I was outethics to get involved. Of course, when the ED routed off staff, it came out that he had embezzled money from Day org pcs (a different crime to the one I had been told about). Then everyone was happy to natter their asses off about all the things he had ever done. Too bad noone was allowed to speak up before. I wish I had.

“Face-ripping” is another wonderful thing staff endure. I had it done to me twice for writing those reports about senior staff (so much for the policy regarding those). Because all 3 of us had written reports at the same time, it was considered that one of us most be suppressive and the other 2 are PTS.
The DED Day called me into an office and said that people uplines had put him in charge of me and he said that he thought I was the SP. He said the only way to get myself out of the shit was to name one of the other 2 as SPs. During this lovely high-volume face-ripping, I was sitting there stunned that this had happened. Wasn’t I doing the right thing?? What else could I have done??? Anyway, I was sent to write OWs and confess my crimes, and write up everything my friends had ever said that sounded remotely like natter.

The thing is, the 2 of them had never really said much. I never knew what they wrote in their reports. I personally never had committed any crimes. A few little overts that I happily wrote up. Nothing criminal by any stretch of the imagination. I certainly knew my friends were not SPs.


Shortly afterwards I was dragged into one of the reg offices by the ED Andrew and my husband. While my husband guarded the door so I couldn’t leave, I got faceripped again. Andrew was screaming at me to the point where I was in tears and couldn’t speak I was shaking so bad. This was, conveniently, the reg office closest to the coarseroom where the staff meeting was occurring at the same time. Nothing like putting fear into the masses.
Since my reports had focused a lot on things Andrew had done, he was pissed. He said I had followed policy incorrectly by reporting him – I should have gone and talked to him about these outpoints instead. He screamed that everything I had said was untrue. He said both of my friends were out-ethics scum, that they were SPs who made no case gain. I was told “horrible stories” about things they had done a long time ago. The thing is, they weren’t horrible stories, I knew they had simply been in bad situations like mine. So it didn’t wash. I remember thinking “wow, if you were my pc right now, Id be asking what withhold has been missed”. It was a phenomenal display of strained, carping criticism! This was the point where I decided I needed to leave. This is NOT an ethical group, and I was not going to go into agreement with this crap.

I was told that I had to rewrite my reports, removing anything “HE&R”, with only real things that needed reporting. Also I was told to go through one friend’s pc folders and find the indicators that would prove she was an SPs. Basically he tried to scare the shit out of me so I would rewrite the reports and leave out anything regarding execs.

I pretended to go through the folders - I wasnt her auditor and I had no right to read through her folders as far as I was concerned. I rewrote the reports, leaving out any HE&R, and leaving in every damn outpoint. My husband who handles the orgs outgoing comm intercepted it. He waved it in my face saying that I needed to rewrite it leaving out all the exec overts. I refused, and said that it that report wasn’t delivered Id report his ass too. Of course, I was bluffing as I had no way of knowing, and Im sure the report never made it uplines.

Theres nothing quite like living with someone who is convinced youre the enemy. It’s a shame, he was a really nice guy when I first met him. By this point though, he was openly antagonistic, accusing me of being an SP, and at many points I thought he was going to hit me again. I was thinking really hard of how to leave.
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
Justin Ford? Wife was Debbie?

His sister was in CLO for a while and got declared for I don't know what - she went off with the husband of the CO AOSH ANZO at the time so I don't know what charges were cooked up on her. I do remember seeing her SP Order but can't recall the specifics. This was '97 I think.

Feel good to be telling the story? :coolwink:

It's the best therapy AND no-one interrupts it! :D With MW/H checks, ruds etc..
 

Carmel

Crusader
Geez Cantsay - what you went through with your pregnancy and without the support of your husband, sounds horrid (although somewhat familiar) :sad:.

I too thought that what was going on was somewhat local, and didn't realize that the same stuff was going on elsewhere in ANZO as well as overseas.

I'm so glad to hear that you have truly busted out and away, and that you are telling your story. The more you put out there, the further and further you get from any of them having any kind of affect on you mentally, it seems. In addition to that, when you've cut away and have nothing left to hide, they can't have anything over you! :happydance:

Good on you girl! :thumbsup:

Carmel

PS: For the record, a size 12 in Oz is something like a size 18 or 20 in the States. I think a size 6 is something like a size zero over there. Needless to say, at a size 6, yes you would have been like a walking skeleton. :grouch:
 

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
Justin Ford? Wife was Debbie?

Thats the one. He was up for a declare, dont know if it ever went through though. One of the only people Ive ever met that may have actually deserved one.

Debbie was lovely.
 

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
Geez Cantsay - what you went through with your pregnancy and without the support of your husband, sounds horrid (although somewhat familiar) :sad:.

I too thought that what was going on was somewhat local, and didn't realize that the same stuff was going on elsewhere in ANZO as well as overseas.

I'm so glad to hear that you have truly busted out and away, and that you are telling your story. The more you put out there, the further and further you get from any of them having any kind of affect on you mentally, it seems. In addition to that, when you've cut away and have nothing left to hide, they can't have anything over you! :happydance:

Good on you girl! :thumbsup:

Carmel

PS: For the record, a size 12 in Oz is something like a size 18 or 20 in the States. I think a size 6 is something like a size zero over there. Needless to say, at a size 6, yes you would have been like a walking skeleton. :grouch:

Thanks mate! It certainly feels good to say it all. I had pics of myself at a staff members wedding when I got back form the AO, I looked like a cancer patient.:omg:
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
Justin Ford? Wife was Debbie?

Thats the one. He was up for a declare, dont know if it ever went through though. One of the only people Ive ever met that actually deserved one.

Debbie was lovely.


Yep she was a sweetie - even tho' she was a Pom (sorry, but just HAD to put that dig in at certain nationalities on the board :D)

I vaguely recall they "split" so he may well have been declared - I wasn't privy to all the gosip when that happened.
 

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
So after 3 years on staff, I had had enough. I was simply a cash cow, auditing people in the HGC instead of getting my training finished. Money is more important than making sure people get the quality they think they are paying for - finishing wasn’t a priority. It was frustrating and it felt unethical. Every time I opened my mouth I was sent to ethics. I was so stressed I was having migraines constantly (and expected to audit through them, even throwing up in session a few times), I was sick all the time, I was so thin I couldn’t recognise myself in the mirror. I made it clear I was not happy and I needed help. None happened. A mission came to the org and I had an interview with them, saying the same. Life sucked, I wanted out and I would be happy to be a field auditor. Everyone firmly believed in the policy that an auditor just gets shoved back in to work, it doesn’t matter whats wrong with them. I cant remember the name of that particular policy, but it was used on me a LOT.

One cycle that broke my heart was a young girl trying to route off staff. She was about 14-16 years old. She had admitted that she had commited an overt with the DEDs kid. Now as an auditor, I thought this was just a plan old overt, same as most kids do. Big whoop. Nothing major.
The DED was furious about what happened, and wanted this kid to apologise to her personally. I said that you cant do that, you cant get involved as a parent when you are the D of P and so on, and the only purpose that would serve is to punish the kid, who was contrite enough as it was. The overt wasn’t against Lynley anyway. She yelled (in the HGC, as she often did) that she was a mother and therefore it had to be done. That poor kid copped it. I had to do her routing off staff sec check, and as you can imagine, the kid didnt trust anyone enough to admit to anything. Keep in mind that because the ED and DED held so many hats, they had access to everyones pc and ethics files.

The added questions on the end of the sec check all involved this one incident that the kid had already been slammed for. This girl was my friend and I had to (in the end) threaten her with a comev to try to get her to say anything. She was so incredibly upset over the whole thing, and I still feel like I need to apologise to her for the whole cycle, it was dragged out too long. Lisa, if youre reading this – Im sorry.

The day before I left Lynley pulled me outside and sat me down. She must have realised that I was “blowey” – I was at the point where I would cry at the drop of a hat, very tense and looking like rubbish. I had started seeing a non-scientologist on the side as well, who was helping me get the guts to leave. She showed me a graph of HGC auditing hours since I had started training. She said the whole production of the HGC depended on me and I was vital. I only just held it together through that conversation. I wanted to bawl my eyes out.

I left a note for my husband and packed my bags. I left, and it broke my heart – not leaving him, but to leave when I felt I owed the public I was supposed to help, and the staff that were my friends. I didn’t turn up to the church that night, and the people I was supposed to audit began asking questions. Everyone was absolutely furious. They figured out where I was and tried to get me back. I refused, but my god I was a blithering mess for days.

I was recovered twice over the past 5 years, out of a feeling of guilt, to do ethics. Gary Bromwell (a public) tried hard to help me get back in and Ill always be grateful for his conversations. He is probably the only person I really felt safe talking to. The public I knew were lovely and were simply glad to see me and glad to see I was trying to get “back on track”. Most of the staff hated me, and I mean full-on HATED me. The ones who didn’t hate me were too scared to be very friendly. They had all been told I was an SP, a real boogyman.

I remember during one ethics cycle at that time I went to the courseroom and coached another staff on TRs. I gave her encouragement on something she was having a problem with, nothing major, and she burst into tears. She said she had heard such awful stuff about me that having me talk to her so nicely caused her to breakdown.

I realised that as much as I loved helping people and still thought the technology would work, I would never be trusted, I would forever be ethics-bait, and the problems in the Church were the same as they had ever been.

I wrote up my overts (mainly seeing this other nonscio before divorcing dipshit and lying about it), and walked out. I have no intention of being recovered again. The divorce came in the mail. Since leaving I have finished my degree, travelled all over the world as part of my career, compete in sport on a state and national level, Im very healthy and having a great time.

If you are still in the Church and you are happy there – great. Stand up for your own integrity and be willing to stand by your guns if you think something is wrong. But keep in mind that you will be bitten for bringing any out-policy to light. What Ive been through is nothing compared to others. Im sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stay in the church and fix things from the inside. If Im declared, its because I didn’t shut my mouth when I felt things were off-policy, because I put the life of my unborn child above my pcs cases, because I wanted to have a life where I could see my family and interact on my dynamics. That doesn’t make me evil.

One more point for any OSA people out there. I appreciate you are doing your job and what you think is necessary to clear the planet. But if you do ANYTHING to harass me in ANY way, I will make a very public and very messy legal situation for you to deal with in the media. Being harassed for 5 years has pushed me to tell my story.
 

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
Thankyou for reading my story guys. I appreciate it. Im happy to answer any questions anyone has in regards to GAT training, or anything else for that matter.

Im off home to have a nice relaxing weekend. I hope everyone else has a good one too! :happydance:
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
:thumbsup: cantsay and thanks for the story.

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

Sorry to see that some people I knew and liked from Sydney turned into such "fire-breathing Product Officers" and made your life hell - I remember them as quite decent people when i knew them.

Enjoy your weekend too!
 

Feral

Rogue male
Well, Cantsay, it looks like you could say!

Thanks for your story, I'm so sorry for what you went through.

I can't believe that scio valence, n"face ripping" and rubish like that. Looking back at it, it's just a horrible deluded beingness. It's created by Rons awful 'ethics tech' of upstats=ethical. Absolute crap.:duh:

If upstats are in ethics and down stats are out ethics then the CofS has been caught in it's own trap. By it's own ethics tech it is a criminal organisation.

Again, thanks, I know it took a lot to write.
 

RogerB

Crusader
Cantsay, Thank you! Wonderful to See You Return to Power


Cantsay,

It was wonderful to see you blossoming more and more as you lifted off all the crap the true nutters in the "org" put on you.

Sad to say, the "org" is now a totally insane, criminal operation that ensnares good folk trying to do good things.

I've long noted that the auditors are not the problem there: it's the bloody execs who miss-use their management power.

Was fascinating to read your woes on the issue of doing the honorable thing of correctly acting to report and seek to correct the violations and abuses you witnessed. Sad to say, it seems to have only intensified since my similarly being given the "negative processing retaliation R/D" for having reported up lines the high crimes of a senior (London 1967-8) and Melbourne 1963. And let's not talk about being FSO public demanding a BofI to handle crap!

Cantsay, you have certainly earned honor and respect among we old veterans with your report here.

And it is wonderful to see you recovering more and more of your true self by doing so!:happydance:

:thankyou: :grouphug:

Roger
 

Div6

Crusader
Thanks, CantSay. Have a nice weekend. I'd like to hear about your experiences training on GAT, when you have a chance.
 

Been Done Had

Patron with Honors
Wonderful stories! Thank you.:clap:

Sounds like you had the "Door Cog" which is "It's not me. It's them."

The irony is all the church has to do to thrive is treat people decently. That's all. Shame.
 

Megalomaniac

Silver Meritorious Patron
:thankyou: for the story!

What sport do you compete in. Sounds exciting! :happydance:

Oh, and I was reading some other thread. Somehow I had the impression you were trying to figure out your goals. I had the instant urge to give you some of my goals -- I have too many. Then I realized :eyeroll: you've probably had enough of other people's goals -- best to figure out your own.

Mac
 

Lohan2008

Gold Meritorious Patron
ty

thanks for story Cantsay
thank you for having the courage to speak out; I would suggest that you take your story to the local police and formally file a complaint about your physical and emotional abuse. The more attention that is given to the criminal behaviour, the quicker the exploitation will stop.
 

sandygirl

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thank you for your story Cantsay. You totally captured the pressure, fear, and insanity that is the norm for orgs now.

You are one tough cookie. Welcome!!!!
 

cantsay

Patron Meritorious
:thankyou: for the story!

What sport do you compete in. Sounds exciting! :happydance:

Oh, and I was reading some other thread. Somehow I had the impression you were trying to figure out your goals. I had the instant urge to give you some of my goals -- I have too many. Then I realized :eyeroll: you've probably had enough of other people's goals -- best to figure out your own.

Mac

haha!! Yeah, Ive accomplished all the main things I wanted to do lately, now its a case of "what do I want to do next?" a nice problem to have :yes:
The economic crisis has put me at a corssroads in terms of what direction to go next - not in a bad way though.

I compete in kendo, a japanese martial art. Lots of fun, its very social and always a challenge. It was fantastic for stress relief when I was finishing uni :thumbsup:
 
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