Finally, The end
Okay, friends I think this about it,
Great story HAB. I'm sure that your story will most likely help someone else out as well. Thanks for posting.
Is there more?
Cheers Foti, one last installment below
Hi HAB,
Thanks. Your story will be very accessable to those who are doing their own rundows as we speak
I hope so HA, and thanks for the support.
Okay (everything I say here is my opinion i.e. could be true/false/cheesburgers/rock'n'roll)
Firstly, a small technical aside to refresh your memories:
FLEEDOM BRIDGE (so far)
LEVEL--- COST--- ABILITY GAINED
DIM RD--- (free)--- can hold your integrity vs local org strategies
DIS RD--- (free)--- can treat org staff like anyone else
DOE RD--- (free)--- can differentiate between reality and video
DUM RD--- (free)--- is able to neutralise altitude (altitude of post or rank etc)
DABBL RD--- (free)--- can recognise and evaluate data for yourself
A-SCN RD--- ($9)--- can take it or leave it ($9 is the price of 2 cheesburgers to snack on while on the net. NB. prices for this level may vary)
TBA -- TBA
[you should note that the Bridge to Total Flee-dom has the first rundowns at the top of the page and the last rundowns at the bottom unlike the $cn grade-chart which goes the other way. There are two reasons for this: firstly the flee-dom bridge is intrinsically the opposite of the $cn one and secondly it brings you DOWN....to earth. You have to do that before you can move up for real and get on with your life]
I was feeling truly relaxed and fleed. I was still surfing around on the net and checking stories from ex-SO members from up-lines and some shocking ones were posted by these guys.
A thought occurred to me about the first time I googled $cn on the internet all those years ago and how bad I felt afterwards. I was back now and running with it with no trouble. But something was bugging me and there was still more I needed to confront.
Even though I was lurking on ESMB you should know I still hadn't registered anywhere or posted anything. Actually the thought of that still made me shudder. And so I hadn't actually contacted anyone on the site. My only contact with someone who was "out" -- was a long-time friend I had who was overseas and the whole time that we were in $cn we had known each other and gotten on very well. He was actually a contributing factor to me getting onto the start of the Fleedom Bridge and doing those lower rundowns that cut the path to the A-SCN RD. He was smart with it too -- he didn't just rave on about crazy cult stuff. He mainly just got me to ask questions.
Something was still bugging me so I checked with my c/s. When I got the r-factor back (from me), I was very happy. There was another step and possibly the final step on the Bridge to Total Fleedom. This step I was told, would set me up perfectly for my future. It was actually a ground-breaking discovery and I was honoured to be one of the first ones out of me to do the rundown. What was it?
The KR RD!!! (Know Ron Rundown)
Strangely enough I had touched on this way back when I was trying to find biographical data on Ron and didn't even realise that it was a step on the flee-dom bridge. In a way I was happy that I didn't continue with it back then; without being DOE, DIS, DIM, DUM or DABBL who knows what would have happened, right? Probably would have fried my head off.
So I regged myself and found that as a founding member of me I qualified for a huge discount. It worked out costing me about... NOTHING!!! So I could get started straight away. This I have found is the major rundown and what I found on the internet about Ron has basically made me totally certain that I will flee.
Now you may think that I immediately concluded that Ron was a maniac and that means everything he ever said or wrote was absolute garbage. Not necessarily. Though I no longer viewed him as I had before.
I did not suddenly hate him or think that he was a monster or that sort of thing; it was far more subtle than that. I simply realised while doing this step that as a $cn'ist, I actually believed in Ron first. You see the tech all comes from him. And then I realised that $cn IS RON. In order to truly doubt the church you have to truly doubt its founder. Until you can question the founder -- and break the link between him and the church --that very last mechanism will stay in place and keep you seeing things through only $cn eyes. 'What would Ron do?' and that sort of thing.
I know there will be different viewpoints on this and I believe there must be. But for me, the instant that I considered that Ron was source was the exact same instant that I became a $cn. That's the instant I stopped looking at anything else. And the early indoctrination in the church is doing everything it can to nurture that belief. That is the making (or breaking) of a $cientologist. And all that happened on this rundown was I simply changed Ron from "source" to "a possible source".
My admiration of a person is based more on his achievements than on his irregularities. It doesn't matter that a rock-star has a different sexual orientation to me if he produces great music. The fact that Sherlock Holmes was an opium addict does not dull my admiration of his powers of deduction. Ron still did what he did, and as a friend recently pointed out: he was still primarily responsible for putting all these people together. Not a small thing. But like any person, he was flawed and the biggest insult from the c0$ is that they expect you to believe that he was not.
Now this an ongoing rundown. Unlike many here, I did not get to OT. I did not do up-lines management training. So I did not have experience of the entire green vols or the larger part of the bridge. But I can still work with what I do know. And it just means that I will know to test things for myself and to continue learning what I want to learn.
This could easily be the final step on the flee-dom bridge. And I think it becomes a personal thing from here. I reckon if you got to this point, then the only rundowns you would do after this would truly be your own rundowns. And because everyone here has such different histories, qualifications, case levels etc it wouldn't be necessary to describe the rundown that I am currently on (apart from: "it's great!").
I can sort of say it with a couple of lines out of a movie. These are two kids talking on a hill.
Chuckie: "I know what I want."
Fresh: "Yeah I know what you mean--I have this dream."
Chuckie: "Like what?"
Fresh: "Oh, nothing. I just have it that's all."
And that's how I feel -- my dreams and hopes and passions are my own, without needing to align with any other doctrine or discipline or person unless I want them to.
And so the KR RD is the final step on The Bridge to Total Flee-dom:
LEVEL--- COST--- ABILITY GAINED
KR RD--- (free)--- knows who is, was, and always shall be SOURCE (hint: do you have a mirror?)
I would like to truly thank everyone here and for all the support I've gotten from the people on this site, and especially to those who have made this site possible. It's been a blast sharing this -- writing a KR to the org just doesn't quite cut it.
I would still like to continue the story started here but probably on another thread to give $cns doubting the church some much needed help, support and perspective for their own hard journey to come.
Last thing -- if you haven't read Carmel's story and Feral's story, read them now. They'll knock you for six. There are other stories that I'm finding now here and it is all confirming what I now know to be true.
If I had any advice to give to a $cientologist who is not happy and is looking on this site, it would be: First, keep looking -- if we are all SPs and you know that, you should be sweet. Second, ask yourself: Of everything you know of $cn -- if all that were true of some OTHER group -- would you feel the same way about THAT group as you feel about $cn?
Thanks again everybody!
Cheesburgers all round
HAB
"LOOK! And ye shall know"
s, 
s, 
s, 
s and 
s back to view of my own personal journey "out" - but had me pissing myself laughing at it all.
to you. 
