Free to shine
Shiny & Free
FTS made more popcorn than I did. Has she gotten advance notice of a lot more story coming up?
I just eat more when I am reading something good!
My Ups and Downs
- Thread starter FoTi
- Start date
I just eat more when I am reading something good!
Voltaire's Child
Fool on the Hill
Do you like butter on your popcorn? Remember, if you do, some in the middle THEN some on top is the way to go!
Free to shine
Shiny & Free
HappyGirl
Gold Meritorious Patron
Ah. That makes sense.I just eat more when I am reading something good!
FoTi
Crusader
Congratulations on your second star!!
Thank you Happy Girl and Scooter.
Yep, there's a lot more story. Neither one of you made enough popcorn.
I just have to wait a bit between tellings - it does stir things up and I have to wait until things settle down to continue. I'll continue shortly as soon as I'm ready.
HappyGirl
Gold Meritorious Patron
Ok. Are you eating enough popcorn? That might help things to settle down faster.I just have to wait a bit between tellings - it does stir things up and I have to wait until things settle down to continue. I'll continue shortly as soon as I'm ready.
feline
Patron Meritorious
Thank you Happy Girl and Scooter.
Yep, there's a lot more story. Neither one of you made enough popcorn.
I just have to wait a bit between tellings - it does stir things up and I have to wait until things settle down to continue. I'll continue shortly as soon as I'm ready.
Good plan, dear. You don't need to rush for any of us and it is important that you take this at your own pace.
FoTi
Crusader
Continuation
I just wrote up another post here and when I hit the backspace button, it erased the whole thing again.
I don't know why this keeps happening.
I've got my popcorn and I'm ready to continue. I hope it doesn't wipe out again.
I spent the next 3 months writing up O/Ws per the Withhold System. Once I started on it, I found I had a tiger by the tail. Stuff was coming at me so fast I could hardly keep up with writing it all up. I worked on it day and night whenever I had the time. I was still living with my father and in the middle of it he decided to leave town for a week. During that time I ran into something on the writeup and got so sick, I was crawling back and forth between my bed and the bathroom. My stable datum was....the way out is the way through, so I just kept writing and wrote my way out of it. I was so glad he had left the house while this was going on. This stuff was like a runaway train. Scary!!
Somewhere while I was writing up all this stuff, I was still trying to get my father to sign a statement so that I could continue with services. The MAA had me use the Book of Case Remedies on my father. That didn't work. I played the "Can We Ever Be Friends" tape. That didn't work. Finally, he did write up what had happened for me to take back to the MAA for the GO. I read it. He said that he did threatened them with legal action if they didn't stay away from the house and leave my mother alone because she was too sick to come into the org and he didn't want them coming to the house. So, he was basically defending his territory and hadn't agressively gone after them in the first place. He signed it and had it notarized and I took it to the MAA who gave it to the GO. It came back unacceptable from the GO. They wrote up what they wanted him to sign which basically said that he had threatened to sue the church (the reason why wasn't allowed in the document) and that it was ok for me to do services and that he agreed not to sue the church. I took this home to him and gave it to him to sign and have notarized. He refused. We got into an argument because I couldn't continue until he did that. He said, "The church is trying to break up our family" and got up and walked away from me. I yelled at him "Are you trying to break up the family?" He stopped cold. Turned around and came back. Picked up the document, signed it and went and had it notarized and gave it to me and I took it to the MAA. The GO got what they wanted. I felt bad because I knew that my father compromised his integrity to do it and that really upset me that I got him to do that.
I just wrote up another post here and when I hit the backspace button, it erased the whole thing again.
I don't know why this keeps happening.I've got my popcorn and I'm ready to continue. I hope it doesn't wipe out again.
I spent the next 3 months writing up O/Ws per the Withhold System. Once I started on it, I found I had a tiger by the tail. Stuff was coming at me so fast I could hardly keep up with writing it all up. I worked on it day and night whenever I had the time. I was still living with my father and in the middle of it he decided to leave town for a week. During that time I ran into something on the writeup and got so sick, I was crawling back and forth between my bed and the bathroom. My stable datum was....the way out is the way through, so I just kept writing and wrote my way out of it. I was so glad he had left the house while this was going on. This stuff was like a runaway train. Scary!!
Somewhere while I was writing up all this stuff, I was still trying to get my father to sign a statement so that I could continue with services. The MAA had me use the Book of Case Remedies on my father. That didn't work. I played the "Can We Ever Be Friends" tape. That didn't work. Finally, he did write up what had happened for me to take back to the MAA for the GO. I read it. He said that he did threatened them with legal action if they didn't stay away from the house and leave my mother alone because she was too sick to come into the org and he didn't want them coming to the house. So, he was basically defending his territory and hadn't agressively gone after them in the first place. He signed it and had it notarized and I took it to the MAA who gave it to the GO. It came back unacceptable from the GO. They wrote up what they wanted him to sign which basically said that he had threatened to sue the church (the reason why wasn't allowed in the document) and that it was ok for me to do services and that he agreed not to sue the church. I took this home to him and gave it to him to sign and have notarized. He refused. We got into an argument because I couldn't continue until he did that. He said, "The church is trying to break up our family" and got up and walked away from me. I yelled at him "Are you trying to break up the family?" He stopped cold. Turned around and came back. Picked up the document, signed it and went and had it notarized and gave it to me and I took it to the MAA. The GO got what they wanted. I felt bad because I knew that my father compromised his integrity to do it and that really upset me that I got him to do that.
Good twin
Floater
The cool thing about your dad is he really loved you no matter what. Of course that would make you feel worse about taking advantage of his love for you, but he really showed you something here. Yes, he compromised, but for the very right reasons. He knew that he loved you and even if you were under the influence of the evil of the cult, he wasn't going to lose you. Please continue Foti.
HappyGirl
Gold Meritorious Patron
Did you ever tell him this?...I felt bad because I knew that my father compromised his integrity to do it and that really upset me that I got him to do that.
Soul of Ginnungagab
Patron with Honors
FoTi, thanks for sharing your experiences.
Below is a practical advice regarding this bit that you wrote about a post disappearing before you had submitted it:
Below is a practical advice regarding this bit that you wrote about a post disappearing before you had submitted it:
Write the post in Notepad, when finished copy it from there. Leave it in Notepad until you have submitted the post.I just wrote up another post here and when I hit the backspace button, it erased the whole thing again.
FoTi
Crusader
Continuation
(I'm doing this in shorter segments incase it all erased on me again.)
I continued on this O/W write up.
While I was working on it, my father took off out of town for a few days again. While he was gone, I can remember being so frustrated with being refused services because of him that I wished he would just die or get in an accident and be killed so that the problem would be over. Then I would feel awful for even thinking that. I felt so guilty. I didn't want to be this way. It was torture.
I also remember during this time, my father decided to get a face lift.
And then after he did that he decided to pay for his girlfriend to get one too. 
I remember thinking how much more valuable it would have been to spend that $4,000 on auditing instead of a face lift, but it wasn't my money, but it sure bothered me. To me, at that time, nothing was worth more than auditing.
I also remember a family get together during this time, in the same town where my father's girlfriend lived. My father's girlfriend had a son that was involved in EST. My father wanted me to go to this family get together. I told him I didn't want to be around his girlfriend's son because of EST.
My father thought that EST might be better because it was cheaper and also because her son had made a success of his life with EST where my life was nowhere - I had nothing to show outwardly in my life except for poverty and an inability to make a decent living. I wasn't married, didn't have any kids and my life was pretty much a failure. I had nothing to show for it. My father was also upset because I got married when I was in San Diego and he wasn't invited (we were disconnected) and then he was upset because the guy took off with somebody else a month after we were married. All my father saw was bad results. He had also picked up some kid hitchhiking one day who had lost his inheritance to Scientology, so my father was worried about that happening to me.
I agreed to go to the family get together as long as his girlfriend's son wouldn't be there. My father assured me he wouldn't be there, so I went. Well, one evening, the son stopped by to visit with the family. I got pissed and went to my bedroom and wouldn't come out as long as he was there and I was really angry with my father because he had assured me this guy wouldn't be there. Everyone else was out in the living room having a good time while he played the guitar and I stayed in the bedroom until he left. My family probably thought I was off my tree. My actions would not have made sense to them and I knew that, but I was still mad at my father for putting me in that situation. Because of Scientology, I couldn't and wasn't willing to join the party. I wasn't willing to get in more trouble with the church for talking or associating with someone involved with EST.
I can remember lying in bed at night wondering why the church was punishing me for something that my father had done. I didn't do it. I had always been a loyal Scientologist and yet I was the one that was being penalized. I couldn't think with this stuff. The stress was awful. I was caught in some kind of war between the church and my father, feeling like it was my fault somehow, but I couldn't see what I was doing to make this happen. So, I kept writing.
Sometimes I thought I was being punished for not attesting to Clear, but I still wasn't going to do that unless it made sense to me. I felt like I was being torn apart.
I also remember one day when I went into CC for something, I talked with a guy on the sidewalk before I went inside and brought him inside the Org to see an introductory film hoping he would get started on something. I was trying to disseminate Scientology. After his orientation, the staff member who had been talking to him, said that this stranger needed a ride to wherever he was going and asked me if I would take him there. At this particular time there was a killer running loose in Hollywood killing young women and I was terrified at the idea of taking a man I didn't know in my car, but I couldn't say no. I didn't want him to get the idea that Scientologists were unfriendly. I took him where he wanted to go. Looking back on it now, it seems like the longer I was in Scientology, the more I did what I was told and the less I could defend myself or take care of myself properly. It gives me the willies.
During this time I had sort of taken over my mother's hat in taking care of the house and the yard while living with my father. I can remember cleaning up the entranceway one day and feeling guilty because I was assisting an SP by helping my father out and yet I felt I needed to contribute and take care of things because I lived there. I couldn't win for losing in this situation. It didn't matter what I did or didn't do, I couldn't come out feeling good either way. I saw no solution. If I went with Scientology I would lose my family. If I went with my family, I would lose Scientology. The 2 were incompatible. I hated having to chose between the two. I wanted both. But it didn't seem workable or doable, since Scientology insisted on everyone else agreeing with them.
I don't know if I wrote this before, but I managed to get my father into CC one day - in the HGC so someone could maybe talk to him and get him started. After he came out of the interview, I was told that there wasn't anything he wanted to change in his life so there was nothing they could do for him or to get him started in Scientology. My father said he wasn't a joiner and didn't like groups (unless he was the head of it or he started it). So, I took him to a field auditor, thinking that there was no org there and maybe I could get him started that way. The field auditor spoke with him and then told me there was no way because my father didn't want it. I was so frustrated. Why didn't he see the value of Scientology? I couldn't understand why he couldn't see it.
I had all of my Scientology books in a closet at his house. One day I went to look in one of my books. My father had gone through some of my books and underlined different passages in my books. He had read some and still disagreed with it. It made me mad that he'd messed up my books. I never asked him why he did that. I couldn't understand my father and he couldn't understand me. It was sad.
One evening I went out to dinner with my father. I had been looking at the pictures of Flag in the Scientology Mags and I thought my father would find the environment satisfactory and the services better, so at dinner I said to him, "If you ever do decide to try Scientology, the place to do it would be Flag. After we got home from dinner, I went back upstairs to work on my writeup. After about an hour, he called to me. I went downstairs. He looked at me and asked me if I wanted to go to Flag. Well, yeh, sure!!! He said...."If you want to go to Flag, I'll pay for it." :shock:
I didn't trust this sudden change so I said.."I'll think about it."....and I went back upstairs to continue working on my writeup. The next morning when I got up and went downstairs, he was sitting there with his coffee. He said... "Well.....?" I said....."Well, what?" He said..."Do you want to go to Flag?" I said..."Yes" He said..."Well, find out how much it will cost." He really meant it.
I went charging off to the Flag Office at AOLA to talk to the Reg. I told them that I had been C/Sed at CCLA for 50 hrs of the Supressed Person's Rundown supposedly to handle my father. The Reg quoted me $10,000 but said that it probably would go faster at Flag and 50 hours should be plenty.
I went back to my father thinking....there is no way he's going to go for this. I expected him to say no. He asked me..."How much?" I said $10,000. He looked like somebody had shot him in the chest. But, he didn't say anything. I sat there expecting him to say no. Instead, he reached down, pulled up his checkbook and wrote a check to Flag for $10,000. :shock:
I took the check to the Flag Office at AOLA and gave it to the Reg. I then went by CC and told the MAA what had happened. The MAA was real happy and it was a big success story for him. He then told me to finish up my O/W writeup before I took off for Flag.
I went home to continue the writeup until it was done.
My father left town for a few days again.
(to be continued...)
(I'm doing this in shorter segments incase it all erased on me again.)
I continued on this O/W write up.
While I was working on it, my father took off out of town for a few days again. While he was gone, I can remember being so frustrated with being refused services because of him that I wished he would just die or get in an accident and be killed so that the problem would be over. Then I would feel awful for even thinking that. I felt so guilty. I didn't want to be this way. It was torture.
I also remember during this time, my father decided to get a face lift.
And then after he did that he decided to pay for his girlfriend to get one too. I remember thinking how much more valuable it would have been to spend that $4,000 on auditing instead of a face lift, but it wasn't my money, but it sure bothered me. To me, at that time, nothing was worth more than auditing.I also remember a family get together during this time, in the same town where my father's girlfriend lived. My father's girlfriend had a son that was involved in EST. My father wanted me to go to this family get together. I told him I didn't want to be around his girlfriend's son because of EST.
My father thought that EST might be better because it was cheaper and also because her son had made a success of his life with EST where my life was nowhere - I had nothing to show outwardly in my life except for poverty and an inability to make a decent living. I wasn't married, didn't have any kids and my life was pretty much a failure. I had nothing to show for it. My father was also upset because I got married when I was in San Diego and he wasn't invited (we were disconnected) and then he was upset because the guy took off with somebody else a month after we were married. All my father saw was bad results. He had also picked up some kid hitchhiking one day who had lost his inheritance to Scientology, so my father was worried about that happening to me.
I agreed to go to the family get together as long as his girlfriend's son wouldn't be there. My father assured me he wouldn't be there, so I went. Well, one evening, the son stopped by to visit with the family. I got pissed and went to my bedroom and wouldn't come out as long as he was there and I was really angry with my father because he had assured me this guy wouldn't be there. Everyone else was out in the living room having a good time while he played the guitar and I stayed in the bedroom until he left. My family probably thought I was off my tree. My actions would not have made sense to them and I knew that, but I was still mad at my father for putting me in that situation. Because of Scientology, I couldn't and wasn't willing to join the party. I wasn't willing to get in more trouble with the church for talking or associating with someone involved with EST.
I can remember lying in bed at night wondering why the church was punishing me for something that my father had done. I didn't do it. I had always been a loyal Scientologist and yet I was the one that was being penalized. I couldn't think with this stuff. The stress was awful. I was caught in some kind of war between the church and my father, feeling like it was my fault somehow, but I couldn't see what I was doing to make this happen. So, I kept writing.
Sometimes I thought I was being punished for not attesting to Clear, but I still wasn't going to do that unless it made sense to me. I felt like I was being torn apart.
I also remember one day when I went into CC for something, I talked with a guy on the sidewalk before I went inside and brought him inside the Org to see an introductory film hoping he would get started on something. I was trying to disseminate Scientology. After his orientation, the staff member who had been talking to him, said that this stranger needed a ride to wherever he was going and asked me if I would take him there.
At this particular time there was a killer running loose in Hollywood killing young women and I was terrified at the idea of taking a man I didn't know in my car, but I couldn't say no. I didn't want him to get the idea that Scientologists were unfriendly. I took him where he wanted to go. Looking back on it now, it seems like the longer I was in Scientology, the more I did what I was told and the less I could defend myself or take care of myself properly. It gives me the willies.During this time I had sort of taken over my mother's hat in taking care of the house and the yard while living with my father. I can remember cleaning up the entranceway one day and feeling guilty because I was assisting an SP by helping my father out and yet I felt I needed to contribute and take care of things because I lived there. I couldn't win for losing in this situation. It didn't matter what I did or didn't do, I couldn't come out feeling good either way. I saw no solution. If I went with Scientology I would lose my family. If I went with my family, I would lose Scientology. The 2 were incompatible. I hated having to chose between the two. I wanted both.
But it didn't seem workable or doable, since Scientology insisted on everyone else agreeing with them.I don't know if I wrote this before, but I managed to get my father into CC one day - in the HGC so someone could maybe talk to him and get him started. After he came out of the interview, I was told that there wasn't anything he wanted to change in his life so there was nothing they could do for him or to get him started in Scientology. My father said he wasn't a joiner and didn't like groups (unless he was the head of it or he started it). So, I took him to a field auditor, thinking that there was no org there and maybe I could get him started that way. The field auditor spoke with him and then told me there was no way because my father didn't want it. I was so frustrated. Why didn't he see the value of Scientology? I couldn't understand why he couldn't see it.
I had all of my Scientology books in a closet at his house. One day I went to look in one of my books. My father had gone through some of my books and underlined different passages in my books. He had read some and still disagreed with it. It made me mad that he'd messed up my books. I never asked him why he did that. I couldn't understand my father and he couldn't understand me. It was sad.
One evening I went out to dinner with my father. I had been looking at the pictures of Flag in the Scientology Mags and I thought my father would find the environment satisfactory and the services better, so at dinner I said to him, "If you ever do decide to try Scientology, the place to do it would be Flag. After we got home from dinner, I went back upstairs to work on my writeup. After about an hour, he called to me. I went downstairs. He looked at me and asked me if I wanted to go to Flag. Well, yeh, sure!!!
He said...."If you want to go to Flag, I'll pay for it." :shock: I didn't trust this sudden change so I said.."I'll think about it."....and I went back upstairs to continue working on my writeup. The next morning when I got up and went downstairs, he was sitting there with his coffee. He said... "Well.....?" I said....."Well, what?" He said..."Do you want to go to Flag?" I said..."Yes" He said..."Well, find out how much it will cost."
He really meant it. I went charging off to the Flag Office at AOLA to talk to the Reg. I told them that I had been C/Sed at CCLA for 50 hrs of the Supressed Person's Rundown supposedly to handle my father. The Reg quoted me $10,000 but said that it probably would go faster at Flag and 50 hours should be plenty.
I went back to my father thinking....there is no way he's going to go for this. I expected him to say no. He asked me..."How much?" I said $10,000.
He looked like somebody had shot him in the chest. But, he didn't say anything. I sat there expecting him to say no. Instead, he reached down, pulled up his checkbook and wrote a check to Flag for $10,000. :shock: I took the check to the Flag Office at AOLA and gave it to the Reg. I then went by CC and told the MAA what had happened. The MAA was real happy and it was a big success story for him. He then told me to finish up my O/W writeup before I took off for Flag.
I went home to continue the writeup until it was done.
My father left town for a few days again.
(to be continued...)
FoTi
Crusader
FoTi
Crusader
Terril park
Sponsor
"I went charging off to the Flag Office at AOLA to talk to the Reg. I told them that I had been C/Sed at CCLA for 50 hrs of the Supressed Person's Rundown supposedly to handle my father."
Am I dreaming?
The suppressed person's rundown is to handle suppression from someone you are unable to contact.
Your father the " who" was clearly in contact as he paid for it! ? *^?
I await enlightenment.
Am I dreaming?
The suppressed person's rundown is to handle suppression from someone you are unable to contact.
Your father the " who" was clearly in contact as he paid for it! ? *^?
I await enlightenment.
FoTi
Crusader
Thanks. I'll try that.
FoTi
Crusader
No, you're not dreaming.
Apparently the C/Ses at CC and Flag weren't operating on that information. I never was aware of that either.
What enlightenment are you awaiting?
Happy Girl, you make me laugh. Thank you.
