Need help dealing wit an ot7

[sandygirl]

Unfortunatly I can't due to minors (relatives) in the SO!!!! I don't trust the church when it comes to these kids!!!

 

[All Wrong Hubbard]

Holy Smokes!!!

The outpouring of kindness and advice is a bit overwhelming. I'm going to have go over all of this and take notes to sort it all out. I really can't thank all of you enough.

I seem to have come top the right place.

Sis doesn't stand a chance!!

AWH

 

[thetanic]

Unfortunatly I can't due to minors (relatives) in the SO!!!! I don't trust the church when it comes to these kids!!!

Wow, I'm so sorry for them.

 

[Terril park]

This is a major plot point here: "no recovery - no more auditing". Does anyone know if this is official policy now? Is it in writing? Is it just for OT VIIs or VIIIs?

This subject is very near and dear to my heart, because last year my life was completely torn apart by this issue. My husband had gotten back on lines after years of being off. We were both off and doing fine in life (better than when we were on, in fact) and then he decided to get active again. I will leave off a lot of details but the upshot is after months of seeing the handwriting on the wall, I made a decision....

I basically told him I loved him, he was free to do what he wanted, but I was done. One day I came home and saw a "program" he got that had one step on it "Handle your wife". And I knew that was the end. There was no more "good roads good weather." We had a long talk about it and I ended up saying something like "sometimes things don't go the way we expect them to but sometimes it's for the best." I packed some belongings. And I left. I drove and never went back. Thus ended 26 years of marriage.

In later conversations, I told him we could keep the marriage together but I could not do it in that environment (huge Scn community) and maybe he would want to move where I was. He didn't. Didn't want to even consider it.

Yes, this was all drastic, but I chose to handle with a "pre-emptive disconnection" because I figured that that was where it was going to end up anyway. Or I would be living a lie, and I couldn't take that anymore.

So here I am, talking about it. And a year later, my life is good. I have truly been blessed with a great job, a great house, reconnection with family, good friends, a new relationship.... But still a lingering sadness that it had to go the way it did.

Because I still love him and care about him. And wonder maybe someday....

Looks like you gave him the best message you could. I see it inevitable that COS will crash, that is more accurately continual crashing. I see it as inevitable he will understand your viewpoint.

And your love.

 

[Pixie]

This is a major plot point here: "no recovery - no more auditing". Does anyone know if this is official policy now? Is it in writing? Is it just for OT VIIs or VIIIs?

This subject is very near and dear to my heart, because last year my life was completely torn apart by this issue. My husband had gotten back on lines after years of being off. We were both off and doing fine in life (better than when we were on, in fact) and then he decided to get active again. I will leave off a lot of details but the upshot is after months of seeing the handwriting on the wall, I made a decision....

I basically told him I loved him, he was free to do what he wanted, but I was done. One day I came home and saw a "program" he got that had one step on it "Handle your wife". And I knew that was the end. There was no more "good roads good weather." We had a long talk about it and I ended up saying something like "sometimes things don't go the way we expect them to but sometimes it's for the best." I packed some belongings. And I left. I drove and never went back. Thus ended 26 years of marriage.

In later conversations, I told him we could keep the marriage together but I could not do it in that environment (huge Scn community) and maybe he would want to move where I was. He didn't. Didn't want to even consider it.

Yes, this was all drastic, but I chose to handle with a "pre-emptive disconnection" because I figured that that was where it was going to end up anyway. Or I would be living a lie, and I couldn't take that anymore.

So here I am, talking about it. And a year later, my life is good. I have truly been blessed with a great job, a great house, reconnection with family, good friends, a new relationship.... But still a lingering sadness that it had to go the way it did.

Because I still love him and care about him. And wonder maybe someday....

My heart truly goes out to you. This is devastating isn't it. I got split from someone I loved too, no pain like it. We can only hope and pray like you say that maybe someday.....

 

[WildKat]

My heart truly goes out to you. This is devastating isn't it. I got split from someone I loved too, no pain like it. We can only hope and pray like you say that maybe someday.....

Yeah, devastating is definitely the word. I gave up a good husband, house, job, friends, pets, everything. Just to get away and start over and keep my sanity. In retrospect, I don't know if it was the best way. But I was so in turmoil that I didn't care if I lived or died. That's how serious it had become. I was seen as the "block" on his bridge - a situation that needed handling - and it was only a matter of time before it would turn into something pretty nasty.

I remember saying "If you don't have a problem with me not being on the bridge, then it's no one else's business" and he said "well I do have a problem". That's when leaving seemed like the best option.

Whether he ever sees things in a different light - who can say? Things are so black and white when you're a "good Scientologist".

 

[I told you I was trouble]

Thanks. I've had many people in my new life tell me how strong I must be. Sometimes I wonder though. It was very real to me that members of the Borg (Scientologists) will first try to "help" you to get back on lines and if you don't comply, they will then condemn you and threaten you. I didn't mention what hell I went through right before I left, contemplating suicide, the whole nine yards. A strange peace came upon me the morning I drove away. I knew then that I would be OK.

You are OK ....

You are more than OK ... the alternative would have been unthinkable ...

Hopefully (for others in the same situation) just 'implying' that they are not going to become total effect of this kind of suppression will be enough ... but we all know what really/usually happens ... the great news is ... things ARE changing ... because people like you are saying 'I don't THINK so!' ...

 

[ttamaad]

Hey Roadkill

I'm not sure if this is pertinent or not but hey, I'll throw it into the mix and see...

Its been 25 years since I left staff, looking at it now, there are only two of my family left in, one is my old man who is SO and my brother, a dilettante, who hangs onto the fringes. Of my close friends, virtually everyone is out (or so on the fence its leaning out) Some good people I have lost contact with.

It does happen. In the end, the real people get out. So hang on to your belief, you may be more surprised than you think

 

[RolandRB]

Hello all,

I am writing this thread to ask you for advice in dealing with a personal family matter. My sister has been in scn for about 25 years and is ot7. (By the way, I was in for many years also, but have been out for a long time.) For the past many years that she was in, and I was out we have had a strained, but friendly relationship. Her communication to me has been mostly good roads etc, and when I talk to her it's the same. We never talked about scn until recently, when she seems to want to bring it up in order to see where I stand on the subject. I know she is going to try to recover me, and that is going to be a problem if I don't handle this correctly.

I don't dare tell her what I actually think of scn because I want to maintain the relationship we have, even if it's not great, at least it's something. So far we have an unspoken agreement not to push the other too hard.

This agreement is seemingly coming to an end soon, because she is getting way more aggressive in her communication. She sent me the set of new books along with a letter explaining about the SP editors! I am getting phone calls now from orgs all over the place, and she has told me outright that she wants to handle me on scn.

If I tell her the truth about what I think, I know I will never see her again. Not only her, but my nieces and nephew also who have been raised in the cult, but are still good kids and I want to see them when I can. If I can keep the relationship intact, then there is a chance that some day if she has doubts, she may come to me to talk.

So here is where I need advice.

How would you deal with YOUR sister in a similar situation? I don't want to push back too hard, but I want to make her know that I am not coming back to the church. Period. I need to do this and still get our families together this xmas for dinner.

What do you think? Any hope?

AWH

You could try the "I love LRH but the Church is squirreling the tech" approach. Be anti-Church but pro LRH. It might work.

 

[RolandRB]

Thanks for the quick replies.

The problem with the disconnection thing shouldn't seem like such a huge deal I guess. After all I only see them once or twice a year at best, a few emails, a very rare phone call. But she's my sister. I know that our relationship will mean nothing to her if she's told to disconnect (after all she'll have other brothers in future lives. She has actually said something like this once). But as nutty as she may be, the connection for me is still important.

If she were mentally ill (ignore the scn part), I would lie to her to keep her happy and close by, and this feels similar to me in a way. She is really not operating on her own determinism (ot right?), and is firmly in the grip of scn. So do I play a game with her, as I know she is playing with me, or finally let my feelings rip, and cut her off entirely?

I really appreciate your replies.

AWH

She IS mentally ill. She has been made so by Scientology. Just as she is lied to constantly and believes it, you too can lie to her and if you do it well, she will again believe it. So the "I love LRH but hate the Church" approach will probably work.

 

[Pixie]

Yeah, devastating is definitely the word. I gave up a good husband, house, job, friends, pets, everything. Just to get away and start over and keep my sanity. In retrospect, I don't know if it was the best way. But I was so in turmoil that I didn't care if I lived or died. That's how serious it had become. I was seen as the "block" on his bridge - a situation that needed handling - and it was only a matter of time before it would turn into something pretty nasty.

I remember saying "If you don't have a problem with me not being on the bridge, then it's no one else's business" and he said "well I do have a problem". That's when leaving seemed like the best option.

Whether he ever sees things in a different light - who can say? Things are so black and white when you're a "good Scientologist".

I know, things are 'All or Nothing' for sure, and I only woke up to that myself a couple of weeks ago hence the thread... Nuts or what. Who knows what they've done to our minds in the long run. Can you imagine though how he's going to feel about himself when he wakes up and realizes it was all a scam and what he left as a result? I'd not like to be in his shoes! But listen who knows what's around the corner RoadKill, no one, which is why we have no choice but to live in the moment and hope for the best. All my best wishes to you meantime though...