Neo vs The Matrix (My Scientology story)
- Thread starter Neo
- Start date
All lies in jest, till a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWUCoJJS2DU
Again. Thank you
Zinj
Neo
Silver Meritorious Patron
Anonymous
I first noticed the Anonymous protests through an art website that I was using earlier this year. There were photos from the London protest. Hundreds of people. Wearing masks. With signs mentioning problems related to Scientology. Such as Xenu. Here we go again, I thought. This was over a month before I wrote my letters. I hated my local scene. I was deeply troubled by the hypocrisy of it all. But I still "felt" like a Scientologist. I still trusted LRH. Things were not right, but what exactly?
I heard reports from a friend on staff about the local protest. I was only on staff one day per week, and kept a distance between me and things Scientology outside of my staff duties. I made no mention of knowing about the worldwide protests.
The second round of protests happened. My recalcitrance was being confronted. Something is not right here. I can't ignore this anymore. This was the first time the doubts started to come together, and stay together. "Why is Scientology continually pulling in all of these critics, and protests?" I couldn't shake this thought. It was fundamental to my moving forward. I knew that Scientology had dissenters. I knew there were squirrels. I knew they had critics. But, generally, I bought the lie that they were the problem. I bought this lie because it served me to believe it. But I was holding onto Scientology because I did see some truth to it. It wasn't just pure gullibility. It had some sincerity mixed in with it. And one of those "truths" that I found hard to release was the concept, as taught within Scientology, of personal responsibility. If I am responsible for what I "pull in", why aren't the same standards being applied to the Church itself? These things are occurring to it. They have some responsibility for it, surely? Scientology wasn't blameless. Scientology wasn't pure. And I had just had a heart attack. I had earned the right to decide for myself whether I would investigate the matter further or not.
Whilst I was recovering from the heart attack, I spent a lot of time researching health issues. I started reading lots of data. Thousands of pages. Cross referencing information. Fact checking, as much as possible. Looking for similarities, points of agreements between various documents, as well as inconsistencies in the data. Basically, I was learning to think critically once again. I hadn't done very much of this for almost five years. But now, I spent most of my time away from the org. I dealt with non-Scientologists. I saw the real world. And I remembered that "I" existed prior to Scientology. And for all the fear of those times, I still survived. And Scientology had not improved upon that. There was no real, discernible, and positive difference between me of then, and the me of now.
Whilst on the internet researching my heart condition, I allowed myself to stray into "forbidden" territory. I Googled Xenu. I wanted to know the truth of the OTIII story. I had bought the lie that it was not a part of the Scientology OT levels, and was in fact a lie of the critics. That lie remained in my head so long as I believed Scientology. I no longer did. Not fully. Over the next week, I spent all of my time on the internet. Before too long I found Ex-Scientologist Message Board. This site grabbed my attention more than any others, as important as they all are. The others, except ESK, tended to be very militant, to my thinking at the time. I just couldn't relate. But ESMB appealed to me. There were stories here. From real people. This IS what forced me to confront my situation. I could continually justify the Church of Scientology misleading me. Responsibility, and all of that. But these stories weren't mine. And I felt helpless as a result. And I did not get involved in Scientology to become helpless. There was no question in my head about the validity of these stories. I could tell they were written from the heart and soul. And I was deeply troubled by what I was reading. I had no idea I was a part of such an organisation.
I quickly learnt that David Miscavige, and the whole management structure of Scientology was corrupt. DM was clearly the focal point of it all. And I quickly learnt to accept the reality of this situation. But as I learnt about how LRH really was, it became too much. I took a long time to even consider any tech. He was a fraud, so it was all fraudulent. The pendulum swung severely. It has taken me several months to assimilate the data to the point where I can accept that people, myself included, actually could have benefitted from the tech. And it benefits no one for me to write them off for it.
But the Church, and L Ron Hubbard, have crimes they need to be held accountable for. Two different ball games. I have learnt to see that now. Mostly.
And thus began the next phase of my life.
(Stay tuned - theres laughter and smiles, some joy and happy moments. New knowledge. New experiences. Who would have thought that such a world exists outside of my head
)
(still more)
Neo
I first noticed the Anonymous protests through an art website that I was using earlier this year. There were photos from the London protest. Hundreds of people. Wearing masks. With signs mentioning problems related to Scientology. Such as Xenu. Here we go again, I thought. This was over a month before I wrote my letters. I hated my local scene. I was deeply troubled by the hypocrisy of it all. But I still "felt" like a Scientologist. I still trusted LRH. Things were not right, but what exactly?
I heard reports from a friend on staff about the local protest. I was only on staff one day per week, and kept a distance between me and things Scientology outside of my staff duties. I made no mention of knowing about the worldwide protests.
The second round of protests happened. My recalcitrance was being confronted. Something is not right here. I can't ignore this anymore. This was the first time the doubts started to come together, and stay together. "Why is Scientology continually pulling in all of these critics, and protests?" I couldn't shake this thought. It was fundamental to my moving forward. I knew that Scientology had dissenters. I knew there were squirrels. I knew they had critics. But, generally, I bought the lie that they were the problem. I bought this lie because it served me to believe it. But I was holding onto Scientology because I did see some truth to it. It wasn't just pure gullibility. It had some sincerity mixed in with it. And one of those "truths" that I found hard to release was the concept, as taught within Scientology, of personal responsibility. If I am responsible for what I "pull in", why aren't the same standards being applied to the Church itself? These things are occurring to it. They have some responsibility for it, surely? Scientology wasn't blameless. Scientology wasn't pure. And I had just had a heart attack. I had earned the right to decide for myself whether I would investigate the matter further or not.
Whilst I was recovering from the heart attack, I spent a lot of time researching health issues. I started reading lots of data. Thousands of pages. Cross referencing information. Fact checking, as much as possible. Looking for similarities, points of agreements between various documents, as well as inconsistencies in the data. Basically, I was learning to think critically once again. I hadn't done very much of this for almost five years. But now, I spent most of my time away from the org. I dealt with non-Scientologists. I saw the real world. And I remembered that "I" existed prior to Scientology. And for all the fear of those times, I still survived. And Scientology had not improved upon that. There was no real, discernible, and positive difference between me of then, and the me of now.
Whilst on the internet researching my heart condition, I allowed myself to stray into "forbidden" territory. I Googled Xenu. I wanted to know the truth of the OTIII story. I had bought the lie that it was not a part of the Scientology OT levels, and was in fact a lie of the critics. That lie remained in my head so long as I believed Scientology. I no longer did. Not fully. Over the next week, I spent all of my time on the internet. Before too long I found Ex-Scientologist Message Board. This site grabbed my attention more than any others, as important as they all are. The others, except ESK, tended to be very militant, to my thinking at the time. I just couldn't relate. But ESMB appealed to me. There were stories here. From real people. This IS what forced me to confront my situation. I could continually justify the Church of Scientology misleading me. Responsibility, and all of that. But these stories weren't mine. And I felt helpless as a result. And I did not get involved in Scientology to become helpless. There was no question in my head about the validity of these stories. I could tell they were written from the heart and soul. And I was deeply troubled by what I was reading. I had no idea I was a part of such an organisation.
I quickly learnt that David Miscavige, and the whole management structure of Scientology was corrupt. DM was clearly the focal point of it all. And I quickly learnt to accept the reality of this situation. But as I learnt about how LRH really was, it became too much. I took a long time to even consider any tech. He was a fraud, so it was all fraudulent. The pendulum swung severely. It has taken me several months to assimilate the data to the point where I can accept that people, myself included, actually could have benefitted from the tech. And it benefits no one for me to write them off for it.
But the Church, and L Ron Hubbard, have crimes they need to be held accountable for. Two different ball games. I have learnt to see that now. Mostly.
And thus began the next phase of my life.
(Stay tuned - theres laughter and smiles, some joy and happy moments. New knowledge. New experiences. Who would have thought that such a world exists outside of my head
)(still more)
Neo
Last edited:
Good twin
Floater
Wow. I remember watching the videos of those first protests right here on this message board and feeling like this is really something. I wasn't sure what, but it felt like a revolution and just by watching it I felt I was part of it. Getting you out, Neo. That was it. You and others like you. Way cool. Can't wait till the next part..........
Mrs Pattycake
Patron with Honors
Neo, your story is a great read - you write beautifully and express your thoughts clearly - I just loved the letters you wrote to the ethics officer and DSA - they echoed my own thoughts and conclusions - you just say it so well. Looking forward to the happy ending.
Neo
Silver Meritorious Patron
Post Scientology part 1
My first post was on March 15. I didn't finish as a staff member until the end of April. A thread about children being employed at Flag grabbed my attention. I made the following post, as a guest, in the guest book.
I received the following reply.
I didn't recognise her from her photo,
I wrote to Emma, but my futile attempts at remaining anonymous were blown immediately. My name was connected to the email address (and I had forgotten!), but still signed the email as anonymous, LOL.
But Emma's a trustworthy person. My gut instincts didn't fail me (can get a bit smelly when that happens!).
I signed up as a member within a few days of that. It felt like the right thing to do. I didn't feel like a Scientologist anymore. I was mostly concerned for my financial well being now. Things were very tight financially. If I just quit as a staff member, besides all the problems that that would create (and those I could confront), the money issues stressed me out the most. In the end, everything came to a head, and the need to confront this situation was forced upon me by life circumstances. This is what I wanted, but I was concerned it would be just a little too much to take on all at once.
As mentioned earlier, before heading off for a few days to a favourite place of mine, Wilson's Promontory, Victoria, I organised promo for my own window cleaning business. I felt that most of the success of the previous business I had been a part of was due to the effort and knowhow I had brought to it. If I could do it for others, surely I can do the same for myself. I had very little money to put into it, and it would need to start earning an income within a few weeks, or I would really be in trouble. But compared to confronting the world of Scientology this was all the easy part of my problems.
I got out a lot of promo for my business, and was receiving phone calls within a week. I have been busier than I was previously. My stresses turned out to be unfounded. So long as I continue my successful actions - promote as heavily as I can, good communication to the person, granting of beingness, and don't hold onto any losses and make them personal (probably the thing I needed to learn the most).
Step by step it all came together. When I started I actually had no money to buy ladders, but just enough to buy the other equipment I would need. Fortunately my first couple of jobs could be done with a small ladder which I already owned. First income went into buying the much needed ladders. Next jobs all needed them. Its all working out. For me, usually the most stressful part of any given action or procedure is actually starting the thing. Stepping out on my own and starting my own business, and taking full ownership of my own affairs and requirements was extremely stressful for me. Things are no easier now. It just doesn't stress me out as much. Perhaps because I learnt quickly that I could do it. I didn't fail outside the world of Scientology and Scientologists. And that sense of self achievement is far more satisfying than anything I experienced inside Scientology. I created it, and I know I can recreate it. And not a goddamn stat graph in sight! I base my statistics on how I "feel" I am doing. Things are going well. I "feel" this. It is real to me. My bills get paid. My stress levels are down. My sense of satisfaction is up. I don't get bothered (overtly!) by the Church of Scientology any more. Apparently I have too much Theta for them. I am growing, as a person. I am learning new things. I am having new experiences. None of these things can be graphed. Therefore from a Scientology ethics perspective, I would be a down stat, as I am unable to show a line that is uptrending. And therefore they would invalidate my current progress and condition. Their loss, not mine.
These days I actually have money in my bank account. Not very much. But that is a marked difference than having nothing. That gets to be demoralising after a while. And as a Scientologist I was always thinking about how to make money so that I could have some to pay for whatever next thing I would get regged for. It would be inevitable. You fear it, but brace yourself for it.
As a non-Scientologist I make money, and I only get taxed once. By the legitimate tax man. And he's no friend of mine, but he's no where near as scary as a Scientology reg.
(to be continued)
Neo
My first post was on March 15. I didn't finish as a staff member until the end of April. A thread about children being employed at Flag grabbed my attention. I made the following post, as a guest, in the guest book.
I received the following reply.
I didn't recognise her from her photo,
I wrote to Emma, but my futile attempts at remaining anonymous were blown immediately. My name was connected to the email address (and I had forgotten!), but still signed the email as anonymous, LOL.
But Emma's a trustworthy person. My gut instincts didn't fail me (can get a bit smelly when that happens!).
I signed up as a member within a few days of that. It felt like the right thing to do. I didn't feel like a Scientologist anymore. I was mostly concerned for my financial well being now. Things were very tight financially. If I just quit as a staff member, besides all the problems that that would create (and those I could confront), the money issues stressed me out the most. In the end, everything came to a head, and the need to confront this situation was forced upon me by life circumstances. This is what I wanted, but I was concerned it would be just a little too much to take on all at once.
As mentioned earlier, before heading off for a few days to a favourite place of mine, Wilson's Promontory, Victoria, I organised promo for my own window cleaning business. I felt that most of the success of the previous business I had been a part of was due to the effort and knowhow I had brought to it. If I could do it for others, surely I can do the same for myself. I had very little money to put into it, and it would need to start earning an income within a few weeks, or I would really be in trouble. But compared to confronting the world of Scientology this was all the easy part of my problems.
I got out a lot of promo for my business, and was receiving phone calls within a week. I have been busier than I was previously. My stresses turned out to be unfounded. So long as I continue my successful actions - promote as heavily as I can, good communication to the person, granting of beingness, and don't hold onto any losses and make them personal (probably the thing I needed to learn the most).
Step by step it all came together. When I started I actually had no money to buy ladders, but just enough to buy the other equipment I would need. Fortunately my first couple of jobs could be done with a small ladder which I already owned. First income went into buying the much needed ladders. Next jobs all needed them. Its all working out. For me, usually the most stressful part of any given action or procedure is actually starting the thing. Stepping out on my own and starting my own business, and taking full ownership of my own affairs and requirements was extremely stressful for me. Things are no easier now. It just doesn't stress me out as much. Perhaps because I learnt quickly that I could do it. I didn't fail outside the world of Scientology and Scientologists. And that sense of self achievement is far more satisfying than anything I experienced inside Scientology. I created it, and I know I can recreate it. And not a goddamn stat graph in sight! I base my statistics on how I "feel" I am doing. Things are going well. I "feel" this. It is real to me. My bills get paid. My stress levels are down. My sense of satisfaction is up. I don't get bothered (overtly!) by the Church of Scientology any more. Apparently I have too much Theta for them. I am growing, as a person. I am learning new things. I am having new experiences. None of these things can be graphed. Therefore from a Scientology ethics perspective, I would be a down stat, as I am unable to show a line that is uptrending. And therefore they would invalidate my current progress and condition. Their loss, not mine.
These days I actually have money in my bank account. Not very much. But that is a marked difference than having nothing. That gets to be demoralising after a while. And as a Scientologist I was always thinking about how to make money so that I could have some to pay for whatever next thing I would get regged for. It would be inevitable. You fear it, but brace yourself for it.
As a non-Scientologist I make money, and I only get taxed once. By the legitimate tax man. And he's no friend of mine, but he's no where near as scary as a Scientology reg.
(to be continued)
Neo
Last edited:
Vinaire
Sponsor
Thank you, duddins
Without giving away too much just yet, "the happy ending" involves the realisation that I, and I alone, am responsible for the attitude that I hold. About myself. About others. About everything. Somewhere in all of this, the "disease" of allowing the "reality of the past" to make me frightened of the future, to the point where I would neglect the present, has dissipated away.
I have a lot of reality on bitterness, and it is an ugly emotion. It colours ones view of life in such a way that it becomes very unlivable. I forced myself to confront this. Before Scientology. So I will not call on it again to handle Scientology. Besides, "Truth" is a better weapon against them. This I believe.
None of this is to say that dealing with the physical universe when it presents such difficult issues ones way is easy. It isn't. We all know this. But my attitude is mine, and I wont allow others to dictate how I should feel. This is closer to Total Freedom than anything Scientology is peddling, IMHO.
Neo
Well said.
.
dchoiceisalwaysrs
Gold Meritorious Patron
Good twin
Floater
You made me cry! Thanks. Good to know this stuff is working.
Vinaire
Sponsor
In my view, this whole Scientology experiment has been a failure. However, there are things there that could be cleaned up of curves put on them and made useful.
What is missing in Scientology is granting of beingness and self-determinism and letting people be free.
Now that is interesting.
.
Vinaire
Sponsor
Thank you, I'm glad you like it
And I'm glad it is helping you, and others. After reading other's stories here, I thought mine was bland, too. I didn't know where it fit in the bigger picture. But writing it all down has helped tie a lot of loose ends together. And it does seem like a bit of an adventure, now from my current perspective!
Thanks for your post. I appreciate it.
Neo
Writing one's story with complete honesty is the best "auditing" that there can be.
.
Neo
Silver Meritorious Patron
Post Scientology part 2
"Would you be willing to do an on camera interview?"
I was a little taken aback. I can help. I know I can. But the thought of doing such a thing was freaking me out. Me? On camera? I haven't even got a head for radio! But wait, this is not about me. This is about the children in Scientology. I know things. Things that can help.
"Ummm..."
"You can remain anonymous. We don't have to identify you." He sensed my hesitation.
I was speaking to Brian Seymour, a journalist from the television show Today Tonight, from Channel 7 in Australia. Not one of my favourite shows, but they had been doing some anti-Scientology stories lately. And I was speaking with the journalist responsible for those stories. I respected what he had done.
"Sure, I'll do it." What the fuck am I saying? Timid voice, where are you? I was agreeing to put myself out there. Possibly make myself a target. Or maybe not. I didn't really know. But I felt excited by the prospect also. This is kinda cool, actually. Yeh, me on TV, what a hoot. Piss off timid voice, I'm doing this!
We arranged a time to meet at the television studios. They were in the city, past the Org. It was the first time I had ventured into the city since leaving staff. I was a little hesitant.
I was given my security pass at reception, and asked to wait in the lobby. Brian came down after a few minutes and introduced himself. On the way to his office, we passed by a room with hundreds of monitors, displaying many different images and stories from around the world. Somewhere within all of that was a news reader reading out todays news. A huge glass wall stood between me and this organised chaos in front of me. So this is what goes on beyond the edges of my television screen, I thought. It was surreal. Passing familiar faces as I walked down the corridor, and into the large office space where Today Tonight staff put their stories together. I said nothing, but inside I was like a little school kid, "hey I know you, wow, and you too!" I was trying to remain cool, like I knew what I was doing. Probably too steep a gradient for me.
We went into a side office. Bright lights had been set up. A camera man and sound man were setting up their equipment. I sat opposite Brian. For such a surreal experience, it quickly took on a sense of normality to it. At its core, it was just a conversation between two people. And it quickly felt this way. I knew the lights and camera were there. But they weren't a distraction. The questions were asked of me, and I answered. I just spoke my truth. I was surprised at how comfortable I felt.
After the interview was complete, they set up to get images of Brian asking the questions. These were to be edited in with my answers. The camera was placed behind me. It was just Brian reading the questions (to me, but on camera), and me saying whatever. My voice wasn't to be in that section. It felt like doing TRs. I tried not to feel restimulated by this part of the experience.
After we finished, Brian asked if I would accompany him to the new org building at Ascot Vale. They had been unable to get any footage of the children at the org in the city, which surprised me. I suggested they may have been moved to Ascot Vale to avoid being seen.
I thought I would be ok with doing it. But I quickly hated this bit. I saw some staff members, and was sitting (and at times lying) in the back of the car. I actually got very anxious from the experience. I didn't want to be there. The physical reaction it created was alarming. I came very close to wetting myself. I was surprised by this. At the time I could only think about how embarrassing this would be. In hindsight I became more concerned about the psychological impact Scientology must have created in me to create this effect. I stilled myself, mentally, as much as I could. I survived.
There were no children at the Ascot Vale org. I explained to Brian exactly where they would be, what the org schedule was, where staff muster was, etc. He organised to film the next morning at the city org. He asked if I would join him. I said no. That was too much. I believed he had the information he would need to get the footage of the children at the org, which would make the story.
I got a call several hours later that day. The filming had been a success. They had a lot of footage. He asked if I could make it in to the studio to ID the children. I rescheduled my days work, and made my way into the city again. Twice in two days. It wasn't so scary this time.
I wasn't aware at first that I would actually be getting filmed for this bit. Once I was lead into the editing room, where the video of that mornings filming was located, I noticed a camera being set up behind me.
"Are you ok with us filming this? It shouldn't take too long."
I thought about it. For about half a split second. There really was no point in not doing it. You do it all, or you don't bother at all. No one wins from me bailing half way.
"Sure. No worries."
It was only supposed to last about fifteen minutes. We were there for almost two hours. There was a lot of footage. It was actually great footage. It was exactly as I explained it would be. Perhaps they had been filming in the wrong spot before. Or at the wrong time. Apparently they had dozens of hours of wasted film with no children to be seen, from previous filming. Well, that was all fixed now.
Brian explained that he was interviewing Jason Beghe a couple of days later. I told him to say hi to Jason for me. Sure, he doesn't know me, but what they hell!
I got an email from Brian. Jason said for me to email him. I was like a little school kid all over again (hey I know you, wow, and you too!).
Brian called me within a week to let me know when the show would be on TV. I saw the first promotional piece for it that night. It was actually happening. I was on TV. How bizarre! The message boards started buzzing with news of the story. It was all very exiting.
I watched the show. I knew what had happened to make the show a reality. I knew a lot would be edited out. This is the reality of television. But I was hopeful. And I wasn't disappointed. I believe they put together an honest portrayal of what was being discussed.
My fifteen minutes had arrived.
(to be continued)
Neo
"Would you be willing to do an on camera interview?"
I was a little taken aback. I can help. I know I can. But the thought of doing such a thing was freaking me out. Me? On camera? I haven't even got a head for radio! But wait, this is not about me. This is about the children in Scientology. I know things. Things that can help.
"Ummm..."
"You can remain anonymous. We don't have to identify you." He sensed my hesitation.
I was speaking to Brian Seymour, a journalist from the television show Today Tonight, from Channel 7 in Australia. Not one of my favourite shows, but they had been doing some anti-Scientology stories lately. And I was speaking with the journalist responsible for those stories. I respected what he had done.
"Sure, I'll do it." What the fuck am I saying? Timid voice, where are you? I was agreeing to put myself out there. Possibly make myself a target. Or maybe not. I didn't really know. But I felt excited by the prospect also. This is kinda cool, actually. Yeh, me on TV, what a hoot. Piss off timid voice, I'm doing this!
We arranged a time to meet at the television studios. They were in the city, past the Org. It was the first time I had ventured into the city since leaving staff. I was a little hesitant.
I was given my security pass at reception, and asked to wait in the lobby. Brian came down after a few minutes and introduced himself. On the way to his office, we passed by a room with hundreds of monitors, displaying many different images and stories from around the world. Somewhere within all of that was a news reader reading out todays news. A huge glass wall stood between me and this organised chaos in front of me. So this is what goes on beyond the edges of my television screen, I thought. It was surreal. Passing familiar faces as I walked down the corridor, and into the large office space where Today Tonight staff put their stories together. I said nothing, but inside I was like a little school kid, "hey I know you, wow, and you too!" I was trying to remain cool, like I knew what I was doing. Probably too steep a gradient for me.
We went into a side office. Bright lights had been set up. A camera man and sound man were setting up their equipment. I sat opposite Brian. For such a surreal experience, it quickly took on a sense of normality to it. At its core, it was just a conversation between two people. And it quickly felt this way. I knew the lights and camera were there. But they weren't a distraction. The questions were asked of me, and I answered. I just spoke my truth. I was surprised at how comfortable I felt.
After the interview was complete, they set up to get images of Brian asking the questions. These were to be edited in with my answers. The camera was placed behind me. It was just Brian reading the questions (to me, but on camera), and me saying whatever. My voice wasn't to be in that section. It felt like doing TRs. I tried not to feel restimulated by this part of the experience.
After we finished, Brian asked if I would accompany him to the new org building at Ascot Vale. They had been unable to get any footage of the children at the org in the city, which surprised me. I suggested they may have been moved to Ascot Vale to avoid being seen.
I thought I would be ok with doing it. But I quickly hated this bit. I saw some staff members, and was sitting (and at times lying) in the back of the car. I actually got very anxious from the experience. I didn't want to be there. The physical reaction it created was alarming. I came very close to wetting myself. I was surprised by this. At the time I could only think about how embarrassing this would be. In hindsight I became more concerned about the psychological impact Scientology must have created in me to create this effect. I stilled myself, mentally, as much as I could. I survived.
There were no children at the Ascot Vale org. I explained to Brian exactly where they would be, what the org schedule was, where staff muster was, etc. He organised to film the next morning at the city org. He asked if I would join him. I said no. That was too much. I believed he had the information he would need to get the footage of the children at the org, which would make the story.
I got a call several hours later that day. The filming had been a success. They had a lot of footage. He asked if I could make it in to the studio to ID the children. I rescheduled my days work, and made my way into the city again. Twice in two days. It wasn't so scary this time.
I wasn't aware at first that I would actually be getting filmed for this bit. Once I was lead into the editing room, where the video of that mornings filming was located, I noticed a camera being set up behind me.
"Are you ok with us filming this? It shouldn't take too long."
I thought about it. For about half a split second. There really was no point in not doing it. You do it all, or you don't bother at all. No one wins from me bailing half way.
"Sure. No worries."
It was only supposed to last about fifteen minutes. We were there for almost two hours. There was a lot of footage. It was actually great footage. It was exactly as I explained it would be. Perhaps they had been filming in the wrong spot before. Or at the wrong time. Apparently they had dozens of hours of wasted film with no children to be seen, from previous filming. Well, that was all fixed now.
Brian explained that he was interviewing Jason Beghe a couple of days later. I told him to say hi to Jason for me. Sure, he doesn't know me, but what they hell!
I got an email from Brian. Jason said for me to email him. I was like a little school kid all over again (hey I know you, wow, and you too!).
Brian called me within a week to let me know when the show would be on TV. I saw the first promotional piece for it that night. It was actually happening. I was on TV. How bizarre! The message boards started buzzing with news of the story. It was all very exiting.
I watched the show. I knew what had happened to make the show a reality. I knew a lot would be edited out. This is the reality of television. But I was hopeful. And I wasn't disappointed. I believe they put together an honest portrayal of what was being discussed.
My fifteen minutes had arrived.
(to be continued)
Neo
Last edited:
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I first noticed the Anonymous protests through an art website that I was using earlier this year. There were photos from the London protest. Hundreds of people. Wearing masks. With signs mentioning problems related to Scientology. Such as Xenu. Here we go again, I thought. This was over a month before I wrote my letters. I hated my local scene. I was deeply troubled by the hypocrisy of it all. But I still "felt" like a Scientologist. I still trusted LRH. Things were not right, but what exactly?
I heard reports from a friend on staff about the local protest. I was only on staff one day per week, and kept a distance between me and things Scientology outside of my staff duties. I made no mention of knowing about the worldwide protests.
The second round of protests happened. My recalcitrance was being confronted. Something is not right here. I can't ignore this anymore. This was the first time the doubts started to come together, and stay together. "Why is Scientology continually pulling in all of these critics, and protests?" I couldn't shake this thought. It was fundamental to my moving forward. I knew that Scientology had dissenters. I knew there were squirrels. I knew they had critics. But, generally, I bought the lie that they were the problem. I bought this lie because it served me to believe it. But I was holding onto Scientology because I did see some truth to it. It wasn't just pure gullibility. It had some sincerity mixed in with it. And one of those "truths" that I found hard to release was the concept, as taught within Scientology, of personal responsibility. If I am responsible for what I "pull in", why aren't the same standards being applied to the Church itself? These things are occurring to it. They have some responsibility for it, surely? Scientology wasn't blameless. Scientology wasn't pure. And I had just had a heart attack. I had earned the right to decide for myself whether I would investigate the matter further or not.
Whilst I was recovering from the heart attack, I spent a lot of time researching health issues. I started reading lots of data. Thousands of pages. Cross referencing information. Fact checking, as much as possible. Looking for similarities, points of agreements between various documents, as well as inconsistencies in the data. Basically, I was learning to think critically once again. I hadn't done very much of this for almost five years. But now, I spent most of my time away from the org. I dealt with non-Scientologists. I saw the real world. And I remembered that "I" existed prior to Scientology. And for all the fear of those times, I still survived. And Scientology had not improved upon that. There was no real, discernible, and positive difference between me of then, and the me of now.
Whilst on the internet researching my heart condition, I allowed myself to stray into "forbidden" territory. I Googled Xenu. I wanted to know the truth of the OTIII story. I had bought the lie that it was not a part of the Scientology OT levels, and was in fact a lie of the critics. That lie remained in my head so long as I believed Scientology. I no longer did. Not fully. Over the next week, I spent all of my time on the internet. Before too long I found Ex-Scientologist Message Board. This site grabbed my attention more than any others, as important as they all are. The others, except ESK, tended to be very militant, to my thinking at the time. I just couldn't relate. But ESMB appealed to me. There were stories here. From real people. This IS what forced me to confront my situation. I could continually justify the Church of Scientology misleading me. Responsibility, and all of that. But these stories weren't mine. And I felt helpless as a result. And I did not get involved in Scientology to become helpless. There was no question in my head about the validity of these stories. I could tell they were written from the heart and soul. And I was deeply troubled by what I was reading. I had no idea I was a part of such an organisation.
I quickly learnt that David Miscavige, and the whole management structure of Scientology was corrupt. DM was clearly the focal point of it all. And I quickly learnt to accept the reality of this situation. But as I learnt about how LRH really was, it became too much. I took a long time to even consider any tech. He was a fraud, so it was all fraudulent. The pendulum swung severely. It has taken me several months to assimilate the data to the point where I can accept that people, myself included, actually could have benefitted from the tech. And it benefits no one for me to write them off for it.
But the Church, and L Ron Hubbard, have crimes they need to be held accountable for. Two different ball games. I have learnt to see that now. Mostly.
And thus began the next phase of my life.
(Stay tuned - theres laughter and smiles, some joy and happy moments. New knowledge. New experiences. Who would have thought that such a world exists outside of my head
(still more)
Neo
Isn't it one's responsibility to discover what Scientology truly is?
I am glad you found it for yourself, Neo.
.
dchoiceisalwaysrs
Gold Meritorious Patron
you are welcome GT
There are many Courageous loving hearted individuals here.
From Emma to you and Neo too.
And others with intelligence and astuteness is not mere.
I share your tears of relief too.
Your SO is in great hands
HE also must be a great man
Reaching out is what it is about
Then evil will have no clout
Can someone find a song for this celebration
:dancer: 
There are many Courageous loving hearted individuals here.
From Emma to you and Neo too.
And others with intelligence and astuteness is not mere.
I share your tears of relief too.
Your SO is in great hands
HE also must be a great man
Reaching out is what it is about
Then evil will have no clout
Can someone find a song for this celebration
:dancer: dchoiceisalwaysrs
Gold Meritorious Patron
Sorry Neo
This is all your fault
I have NO control over the wins you are giving me
This is all your fault
I have NO control over the wins you are giving me
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