New HCO PL found - How to post on ESMB

Caliwog

Patron Meritorious
Good news, ESMBers! LRH has released a NEW policy letter that covers how to use ESMB! This is so theta!


HUBBARD COMMUNICATION OFFICE
Saint Hill Manor, East Grinstead, Sussex

HCO POLICY LETTER OF JANUARY 3, 2012​

Remimeo
Emma I/C
Dir Internet
My Homies

ESMB, HOW TO POST A MESSAGE ON


I have discovered that even though many thetans think they are posting messages on ESMB, they are not.

They go on line, they write messages, the messages appear on ESMB and others can read them.

And yet still they have not actually posted a message.

That is because they did not have the proper technology until now.

I decided that since mankind had no workable technology for posting messages, I should discover some. Seriously, how lucky are you that I came along, bitches?

In order to do this, I had to do an in-depth exploration of the Internet.

My exploration of the Internet was very hard on this body. I sprained both of my wrists repeatedly and incurred many charges on my credit card from companies with names like Pussy Cat Productions. Sometimes it burns when I pee, but I think that may stem from an earlier similar incident when I was on a "research trip" to Thailand.

And now I have discovered how to REALLY post a message to ESMB and REALLY MAKE IT BE THERE. My technology is the ONLY way to REALLY DO THIS.

So here it is: The technology breakthrough of 2012!

Before you can post a message on an Internet forum, you must do twelve steps. It is a discovery I call the "twelve-step program." This has never been done before. The steps are:

0) Decide to communicate a message.
1) Have a message you want to communicate.
2) Know you want to communicate that message.
3) Decide that you know you want to communicate that message.
4) Know you have made a decision.
5) Have a means to communicate.
6) Decide to know you have the means to communicate.
7) Communicate.
9) Decide you have communicated.
6) Know you have decided that you have communicated.
4) Give money to Scientology.
5) Decide that you have decided to know you have given money to Scientology.

Once you have completed these preparatory steps, YOU MUST COMPLETE THE FOLLOWING DOINGNESS EXACTLY AS I SAY.

Failure to do this EXACT doingness will result in pneumonia, crabs, or worse. I know for a fact that incorrect application of this technology killed at least three people, nearly bankrupted the Los Angeles org, and was the chief reason I was unable to satisfy my second wife.

Here is the doingness:

1) Sit down at your computer.

2) Say out loud, to no one in particular, in Tone 40, "THIS IS THE MESSAGE SENDING!" Then say, out loud again, "START OF MESSAGE SENDING!" Then say "OWA!" Then say "TANA!" then say "SIAM!"

2) If you are occupying a female body, squeeze your cans.

3) Connect your computer to ESMB. You should be fully hated in the HOW TO CONNECT TO A PTS WEB SITE course. If you are not, see the registrar to get routed on to that course.

4) In the message screen, type your message. Break each message down into sentences, and each sentence into words, and each word into letters. (Letters, which the Wog world incorrectly defines as “Symbols that make up a word,” is hereby redefined as “A pair of lobsters named Esmeralda and Keith.”) Press the buttons on your computer with the image of those letters. If you are having trouble doing this, see HCOB 5 May 2009, SPELING FOR SCIENTOLOGISTS.

5) Click the "Post" button.

6) If you are in a female body, squeeze your cans again. This time, wear red lipstick. And a nurse's hat if you have one. Send me a video. Repeat until my needle rises.

8) Say out loud "THIS IS THE END OF THE MESSAGE SENDINGNESS!"

9) Turn on your webcam and do another can squeeze. Slower. Slower! Now eat some ice cream, accidentally drip some on your chest, then say "Oh, no, look at the mess I've made! Who's going to lick that up?" Continue until my needle LFBDs.

10) See your local Church of Scientology registrar to pay a fee. (Note to COB: Wait a year and then change "fee" to "donation.") If you do not do this, you are OUT-EXCHANGE. See HCO PL 15 August 1967, ALL YOUR CASH ARE BELONG TO ME, SUCKAH.

Now you have POSTED A MESSAGE ON ESMB. Congratulations. Splurge on it!


L. Ron Hubbard
Commodore '64​

LRH:mr:cw
Copyright (C) 2012
by L. Ron Hubbitch
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Greatful acknowledgement is made to the L. Ron Hubbard Library for preserving Hubbard's words so we can see exactly what a fucking scam artist he was.
 

Mest Lover

Not Sea Org Qualified
Odd, I didn't see the tech I used to post first here:



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Gottabrain

Guest
This part just SLAYS me :biggrin:


Good news, ESMBers! LRH has released a NEW policy letter that covers how to use ESMB! This is so theta!


My exploration of the Internet was very hard on this body. I sprained both of my wrists repeatedly and incurred many charges on my credit card from companies with names like Pussy Cat Productions.

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
Oh I love it!

Once this is star-rated and applied, ESMB stats are going to be straight up and vertical! What a gift you've given us Caliwog -- ESMB has no truer friend :)
 

Gadfly

Crusader
Can somebody please contact me ASAP. I am having trouble successfully applying the data in this groundbreaking new policy. I need someone to twin with so that I can M9 this glorious new gift from Ron.
 
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