New here. Need help with leaving

xkcd

Patron
Hey there. I need help getting out of Scientology. I have been on staff for over 4 years but I can't take it anymore. I've been lied to four times regarding the schedule I was on, and it got so bad that when I was 16 they made me work there full time over the summer. I asked if that was okay for them to do that and apparently it was, but I never agreed to be there full time. Then I got lied to again when I asked to help with someone and covering their schedule, getting told it was only going to be 2 months. Those two months turned into 9 months. Now they're making me change my schedule again, and it got so bad that two of them came over and I got bullied into saying yes to this schedule. I've been miserable the last three weeks, and I've been super fucking depressed and sick of it. Nobody has asked me how I'm doing, and it's ruining my life. My boyfriend and I are both sick of it, and half the time I feel like crying. I want to get out, but there is another thing that comes into the fray that I'm worried about.

That's my family. They're all Scientologists and my parents are making me stay there. My step-mom told me I have to fulfill my contract, but I didn't know it was going to be five years. I just feel so lied to, and they all keep preaching it's in the name of help. Help, my ass.

I don't talk to my step-mom and I refuse to speak with her. The rest of the family besides my dad is pretty much ignored as well, but that's because my mom talked a lot of shit about me after I left and none of them want anything to deal with me. However, my dad still talks to me and he is in charge of helping me with my financial aid for school along with helping with my rent. However, if I leave I know that I'll be disowned by my family and any help I need now and in the future will be null and void. I fucking hate it, but I feel like the only thing keeping me there at this point is that relationship. I love my dad, and he's really the only family I have left. My brother hasn't talked to me in almost three years, and my step-mom's family likes to pretend I don't exist or humor me on occasion.

I don't know what to do. I've told my boyfriend about all of this and I don't know how to find a way out. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being treated like this and having this pain all the time. I feel like I'm going through a fucking crisis right now and I can't tell anyone about it. I know I'm probably sounding emotional as hell, but it's just something that's been going through my mind. I've had headaches for the last three days because of all the strain on my body and mentally. I just can't take it anymore, and I had to get this out.

If anyone has been through this shit please help. I just need someone to talk to about this to figure out a way out. The only person who knows how I really feel regarding this is my boyfriend, and as awesome as he is, he doesn't know what to do.
 

Anonycat

Crusader
Hey there. I need help getting out of Scientology. I have been on staff for over 4 years but I can't take it anymore. I've been lied to four times regarding the schedule I was on, and it got so bad that when I was 16 they made me work there full time over the summer. I asked if that was okay for them to do that and apparently it was, but I never agreed to be there full time. Then I got lied to again when I asked to help with someone and covering their schedule, getting told it was only going to be 2 months. Those two months turned into 9 months. Now they're making me change my schedule again, and it got so bad that two of them came over and I got bullied into saying yes to this schedule. I've been miserable the last three weeks, and I've been super fucking depressed and sick of it. Nobody has asked me how I'm doing, and it's ruining my life. My boyfriend and I are both sick of it, and half the time I feel like crying. I want to get out, but there is another thing that comes into the fray that I'm worried about.

That's my family. They're all Scientologists and my parents are making me stay there. My step-mom told me I have to fulfill my contract, but I didn't know it was going to be five years. I just feel so lied to, and they all keep preaching it's in the name of help. Help, my ass.

I don't talk to my step-mom and I refuse to speak with her. The rest of the family besides my dad is pretty much ignored as well, but that's because my mom talked a lot of shit about me after I left and none of them want anything to deal with me. However, my dad still talks to me and he is in charge of helping me with my financial aid for school along with helping with my rent. However, if I leave I know that I'll be disowned by my family and any help I need now and in the future will be null and void. I fucking hate it, but I feel like the only thing keeping me there at this point is that relationship. I love my dad, and he's really the only family I have left. My brother hasn't talked to me in almost three years, and my step-mom's family likes to pretend I don't exist or humor me on occasion.

I don't know what to do. I've told my boyfriend about all of this and I don't know how to find a way out. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being treated like this and having this pain all the time. I feel like I'm going through a fucking crisis right now and I can't tell anyone about it. I know I'm probably sounding emotional as hell, but it's just something that's been going through my mind. I've had headaches for the last three days because of all the strain on my body and mentally. I just can't take it anymore, and I had to get this out.

If anyone has been through this shit please help. I just need someone to talk to about this to figure out a way out. The only person who knows how I really feel regarding this is my boyfriend, and as awesome as he is, he doesn't know what to do.

Hello, and welcome to the forum!

Sadly, this problem is all too common. When the first in a family of scientologists wants to get their life back, this is the first obstacle. It sounds like a critical point is that your dad helps you with home & school assistance. Yes, scientology controls people like this, with a Mafia-style promise to break up families with disconnection. This is probably been thought of, but I'd first try to talk to your dad. Spill your guts to him.

- You're miserable, and cannot take it anymore. People should have real self determination, not just the promise that you'll have it, but to truly have it - like every person does.

- The long work agreement was a mistake, not a prison sentence. It should be treated as such -- this is your life!

- Now you have a crushing fear that the family will opt to disconnect with you. Is there some way to salvage the rest of your life, and still be the daughter they know and love? Is that too much to ask?


There is help for those who "blow". Sometimes it's a place to stay, a job, or other needs. It's known as the underground railroad ... to real freedom.

Best of luck, and I'm sure you'll get plenty of other suggestions!

AC
 

scooter

Gold Meritorious Patron
You have had promises broken that were made to you - anywhere outside of $cientology that alone would be grounds enough to tear up any contract made.

It really is that simple - you made an agreement that they have broken repeatedly.

Repeatedly.

If someone on staff threatens you in any way, threaten media - makes culties run a mile. Threaten going to the government authorities - same effect. Keeping the PR "in" is what OSA etc. are all about.

Write your story IN DETAIL. Have it available but don't show it to anyone "in." That just gives the cult the heads-up for "Dead Agenting" and doing stuff to cover their arses.

What AC said above is your best first action. But be prepared for a dirty fight - because that's what this cult specializes in.

Most of all, read, read, read the stories here. At Exscn. kids. On Rinder's blog. At The Underground Bunker.

You are NOT alone.

It's the cult and its few remaining Fanatics who are isolated and out of touch with the real world.

There is plenty of help available to you, no matter where you live or what your circumstances are.

You ARE being subjected to abuse right now. That's what this cult specializes in.

There are lot of folk who work toward ending those abuses. That's what this Board specializes in.

Let us help you.
 

xkcd

Patron
Boyfriend here. This is going to be a joint effort to get her out. So let's introduce myself.

I'm not a Scientologist. First time I heard about them was through the South Park episode, but I thought it was funnier than anything. I heard about the Anonymous protests and thought it was interesting, but paid it no mine. Then I meet my perfect half. She hasn't told me she works there yet, being too scared. I notice that she's friends with a lot of Scientologists on Facebook, and she always has a job she'd complain to me about, but would never leave. Shortly after we start dating, she mentioned something about being afraid of violating her ethics for dating me. Wondering what she meant, I do a little digging, and find her staff initiation photo leaked on this forum. She was a little defensive about it at first, but the more I researched, the more I realized how much bad news these guys are. And I've put up with their crap long enough.

Also, we do live together and work as freelancers with a steady income, so there's no risk of her being homeless. For the record, she had to move a state away from her parents when she joined. How is that even legal?
 

Leland

Crusader
Hello XKCD EDITED....so, you are both posting under the one name? OK>

Read you post.

Yes, sounds bad. Probably true, that if you turn away from the C of $, your family situation will get worse..

But above post is true also.....THEY broke agreements and contract with you! Contract is null and void. You have no obligation to fulfill that contract now.....if ever.

I would not "spill your guts to your father."

I suggest, you immedeately get any sort of a job you can, where you have some sort of regular schedule......and earn some money.

Start a Community College course....or some trade school. ITT tech is one. Think about a career for this part of your life.

If Org personnel say anything....or your family says anything.....just say, you are working and going to school.

If Org bother you in anyway......call the police on them.

The Org will NEVER take care of you. And it sounds like your family nor your father will either.

IT SUCKS.....but there it is.

Get on with your life.

What you decide to do now, might effect whether you are deciding which new car or house to buy in 20 years.....or deciding if you can afford to buy your next meal....or how to pay the rent.
 

Free Being Me

Crusader
Hi xkcd and welcome to ESMB.

You are under no obligation to fill that staff contract, pay off free loader debts (if any) and most assuredly you don't have to agree to $cientologists/$cientology manipulating you with fear. That fear is exactly what $cientologists will use keeping you obediently in contrary to your wishes.

Yes, the threat of disconnection will be used against you and I understand how gut wrenching that is for you. ESMB is filled with stories of families torn apart and I'm sorry you're going through this. Will your father listen to you if try talking with him about continuing his assistance? If that's a moot point there's grants and scholarships available for your education and you could work part/full time depending on your needs while going to school.

The bottom line is do you want to leave the cult and live your life on your terms? That could involve what appears to be harsh choices right now but in the long run you're doing yourself a huge favor. Just walk away. Who needs all the stress and lies of a cult, right?

Hang in there and wishing you best!
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Hey there. I need help getting out of Scientology. I have been on staff for over 4 years but I can't take it anymore. I've been lied to four times regarding the schedule I was on, and it got so bad that when I was 16 they made me work there full time over the summer. I asked if that was okay for them to do that and apparently it was, but I never agreed to be there full time. Then I got lied to again when I asked to help with someone and covering their schedule, getting told it was only going to be 2 months. Those two months turned into 9 months. Now they're making me change my schedule again, and it got so bad that two of them came over and I got bullied into saying yes to this schedule. I've been miserable the last three weeks, and I've been super fucking depressed and sick of it. Nobody has asked me how I'm doing, and it's ruining my life. My boyfriend and I are both sick of it, and half the time I feel like crying. I want to get out, but there is another thing that comes into the fray that I'm worried about.

That's my family. They're all Scientologists and my parents are making me stay there. My step-mom told me I have to fulfill my contract, but I didn't know it was going to be five years. I just feel so lied to, and they all keep preaching it's in the name of help. Help, my ass.

I don't talk to my step-mom and I refuse to speak with her. The rest of the family besides my dad is pretty much ignored as well, but that's because my mom talked a lot of shit about me after I left and none of them want anything to deal with me. However, my dad still talks to me and he is in charge of helping me with my financial aid for school along with helping with my rent. However, if I leave I know that I'll be disowned by my family and any help I need now and in the future will be null and void. I fucking hate it, but I feel like the only thing keeping me there at this point is that relationship. I love my dad, and he's really the only family I have left. My brother hasn't talked to me in almost three years, and my step-mom's family likes to pretend I don't exist or humor me on occasion.

I don't know what to do. I've told my boyfriend about all of this and I don't know how to find a way out. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being treated like this and having this pain all the time. I feel like I'm going through a fucking crisis right now and I can't tell anyone about it. I know I'm probably sounding emotional as hell, but it's just something that's been going through my mind. I've had headaches for the last three days because of all the strain on my body and mentally. I just can't take it anymore, and I had to get this out.

If anyone has been through this shit please help. I just need someone to talk to about this to figure out a way out. The only person who knows how I really feel regarding this is my boyfriend, and as awesome as he is, he doesn't know what to do.


Darling ... I know exactly how you feel, I've been in a similar position and it was truly awful ... many of us have.

Please find one adult person (a non scientologist) to whom you can run if everything goes wrong ... just one person but choose carefully. Go and see this person quietly and privately and tell her exactly what has happened to you and how you have ended up in this trap. Ask if she will help you if the need arises ... keep trying until you find someone you can trust (I hope the first person you ask will be the one but don't be too upset if not, some people just won't want to get involved when the cofs is mentioned).

Next go and see your Dad ... sound him out calmly, check if he is going to stand by you when you leave staff (and possibly the cofs). Be honest with him and tell him you are definitely going to leave staff (if that is your decision).

You will know within a very short time who will be there for you and who won't be.

Keep the person you first approached up to date on how things are going and go to her if things start to go wrong (don't tell any scientologist about this person, the "OW" tech and "Ethics tech" is nonsense, so don't worry about that, just don't let them start pushing you into that at all ... you have every right to take care of yourself and you do not have to tell them anything that you don't want them to know ... so don't).

Be calm but assertive when you need to be and keep your goal in mind at all times (getting out in one piece!).

:coolwink:

When you are ready (hopefully within a few days) write a note or email to your senior (in the org) telling them you have left, be firm (but polite) and don't explain yourself (you owe them nothing) ... tell this person not to try and chase you down or even contact you as you are "sorting yourself out" (keep it simple).

Once you have left delete all contacts (at least for now) and make sure they can't get to you, just refuse to see them or speak to them and don't fully trust anyone who is still a scientologist until they prove they can be trusted (sadly that includes your Dad).

You are young, you have your whole life to live ... you just need to get out of this mess and start living it.

Please stay in touch and remember ... the cofs do NOT own you and cannot control you unless you let them and if your family don't look after you you must create a new family and hope that your "real" family wake up one day.


:blowkiss:

PS Just read your boyfriends post ... I didn't realise you were not living with your family, that's great.


 

cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
I'm not sure I wouldn't tuff it out if you got less than a year left and then you can get away w/o any of the disconnection problems. You are going to have to be a bitch with a capital B or they will get you to sign another contract.

I've not been on staff so I could be very wrong. But the way I look at it if you have served 4 1/2 years of a 5 year prison sentence why go over the wall when you have such a short time left.
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Boyfriend here. This is going to be a joint effort to get her out. So let's introduce myself.

I'm not a Scientologist. First time I heard about them was through the South Park episode, but I thought it was funnier than anything. I heard about the Anonymous protests and thought it was interesting, but paid it no mine. Then I meet my perfect half. She hasn't told me she works there yet, being too scared. I notice that she's friends with a lot of Scientologists on Facebook, and she always has a job she'd complain to me about, but would never leave. Shortly after we start dating, she mentioned something about being afraid of violating her ethics for dating me. Wondering what she meant, I do a little digging, and find her staff initiation photo leaked on this forum. She was a little defensive about it at first, but the more I researched, the more I realized how much bad news these guys are. And I've put up with their crap long enough.

Also, we do live together and work as freelancers with a steady income, so there's no risk of her being homeless. For the record, she had to move a state away from her parents when she joined. How is that even legal?


I'm so glad she has you and her own income.


:yes:
 

xkcd

Patron
I'm not sure I wouldn't tuff it out if you got less than a year left and then you can get away w/o any of the disconnection problems. You are going to have to be a bitch with a capital B or they will get you to sign another contract.

I've not been on staff so I could be very wrong. But the way I look at it if you have served 4 1/2 years of a 5 year prison sentence why go over the wall when you have such a short time left.

Boyfriend here. I'm weary about that idea. They lie to her so much that I don't think they'd let her off that easily even when the contract is up.
 

xkcd

Patron
I'm so glad she has you and her own income.


:yes:

Boyfriend here. Thank you for saying that. I was wary of posting this because of the "You should break up with her posts I was expecting, but I was proven wrong. I love this girl more every day. She is my perfect soulmate, and I hate how this cult is prevent us from spending more time together.
 

xkcd

Patron
Boyfriend here. Also, I've yet to tell friends and my family about her working there. They would be there for her, though.
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Boyfriend here. Thank you for saying that. I was wary of posting this because of the "You should break up with her posts I was expecting, but I was proven wrong. I love this girl more every day. She is my perfect soulmate, and I hate how this cult is prevent us from spending more time together.


I feel so much better knowing she has your full love and support ... you sound sensible too (lol!).

This will be hard on you both but you are doing things really well.

Stay in touch with us, we can help if you need us.

:love11:
 

cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
Boyfriend here. I'm weary about that idea. They lie to her so much that I don't think they'd let her off that easily even when the contract is up.
I see I already have some disagreeing going on. I am looking at in purely logical terms. If it is that bad I would just leave don't tell them just don't show up.
I said on another post I make little decisions with my head and big ones with my heart. My advice was from my head but you all are the ones making the decision if it was me it would be a heart decision.

It will be a living hell if you try to route out the way they want you to. Don't even think you can leave on good terms.

That is my 2 cents.
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
Two things to keep foremost in your mind at all times:

1) Scientology will use any power they have over you, to enslave you completely. Nothing you give them will ever be enough. If you work for them 40 hours a week, they will want 80, then 120, then every waking hour.

2) The only power they have over you, is what you choose to give them. The only power they have, is convincing you that you "ought" to give them your life, that you "ought to" fulfill "agreements" which are one-sided.​

I remember when I was on staff, and at one point the lack of sleep had me getting cranky. I get very disagreeable when I'm tired and cranky. The HAS at one point told me on a Saturday "You need to stay for cleaning stations". I walked her to the Org Board, pointed at the post title "janitor" and told her "Go hire somebody to be janitor -- I'm going home. Bye!".

A few weeks later I had a personal situation I had to handle, so I just left a note "Off handling a personal situation, back in three days". When I got back the HAS and the LRH Comm talked to me, telling me "You almost got declared!". I responded (still being a bit tired and cranky) with a list of people who had blown from staff and who had never been declared. I told her that her arbitrary handling of Ethics made the whole scene a joke, and that I was going to do as I pleased.

They quietly offloaded me a few days later. They didn't want my attitude to contaminate the other staff.

Learn the power of just saying "No. I don't feel like it. Now, go fuck yourself". Look at your senior like you would an aggressive panhandler. Do not be afraid to act aggressively to protect your physical freedom of movement. If they pull any crap like not wanting to let you leave, do not hesitate to start throwing whatever solid objects are at hand through the window and screaming "Call the police, I'm being held against my will!". They will toss you out real fast.

Do not hand them power over you.
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
I'm not sure I wouldn't tuff it out if you got less than a year left and then you can get away w/o any of the disconnection problems. You are going to have to be a bitch with a capital B or they will get you to sign another contract.

I've not been on staff so I could be very wrong. But the way I look at it if you have served 4 1/2 years of a 5 year prison sentence why go over the wall when you have such a short time left.

The problem with that is they will ask her to re-sign long before the contract is up, and as soon as she refuses to sign another contract, will put continuous pressure on her.
 

cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
Two things to keep foremost in your mind at all times:
1) Scientology will use any power they have over you, to enslave you completely. Nothing you give them will ever be enough. If you work for them 40 hours a week, they will want 80, then 120, then every waking hour.

2) The only power they have over you, is what you choose to give them. The only power they have, is convincing you that you "ought" to give them your life, that you "ought to" fulfill "agreements" which are one-sided.​

I remember when I was on staff, and at one point the lack of sleep had me getting cranky. I get very disagreeable when I'm tired and cranky. The HAS at one point told me on a Saturday "You need to stay for cleaning stations". I walked her to the Org Board, pointed at the post title "janitor" and told her "Go hire somebody to be janitor -- I'm going home. Bye!".

A few weeks later I had a personal situation I had to handle, so I just left a note "Off handling a personal situation, back in three days". When I got back the HAS and the LRH Comm talked to me, telling me "You almost got declared!". I responded (still being a bit tired and cranky) with a list of people who had blown from staff and who had never been declared. I told her that her arbitrary handling of Ethics made the whole scene a joke, and that I was going to do as I pleased.

They quietly offloaded me a few days later. They didn't want my attitude to contaminate the other staff.

Learn the power of just saying "No. I don't feel like it. Now, go fuck yourself". Look at your senior like you would an aggressive panhandler. Do not be afraid to act aggressively to protect your physical freedom of movement. If they pull any crap like not wanting to let you leave, do not hesitate to start throwing whatever solid objects are at hand through the window and screaming "Call the police, I'm being held against my will!". They will toss you out real fast.

Do not hand them power over you.

This is what I meant by bitch with a capital B . Enthetan you were an SOB.
 
Last edited:

Leland

Crusader
Boyfriend here. I'm weary about that idea. They lie to her so much that I don't think they'd let her off that easily even when the contract is up.

agreed, they will continue to manipulate her....in any way possible.

Getting out now, is best.
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
I see I already have some disagreeing going on. I am looking at in purely logical terms. If it is that bad I would just leave don't tell them just don't show up.
I said on another post I make little decisions with my head and big ones with my heart. My advice was from my head but you all are the ones making the decision if it was me it would be a heart decision.

It will be a living hell if you try to route out the way they want you to. Don't even think you can leave on good terms.

That is my 2 cents.

The "routing out" process is purposefully designed to NOT be smooth. They will put lots of pressure on her, and string her along in every possible way.
 

cleared cannibal

Silver Meritorious Patron
The "routing out" process is purposefully designed to NOT be smooth. They will put lots of pressure on her, and string her along in every possible way.
That was reason for my original suggestion I,m not sure the contract wouldn't be up before the route out was done. If she is lucky they might forget about her contract being up and she could just leave .
 
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