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[Purple Rain]

I've had one friend get divorced from, a month after he declared bankruptcy, and other friends get divorced from when their careers hit a slide. They found out they were paying for companionship. They just hadn't realized it until the money stopped.

I don't know that you can just assume it was because they had no more money. When my second husband was unemployed for a year after the GFC we were on the brink of separation, and I walked away into far worse financial circumstances to the point where my male friends told me, "That wasn't too bright." It wasn't about him losing his job, it was about the tension that the lack of money brought, the stupid decisions he unilaterally took that I was tied to and directly affected by, and the magnification of all of the stressors already in our relationship like our basic incompatibility.

We broke up very soon after he got another job actually. I certainly stood by him during the hardest of times. But I don't think with things like bankruptcies you can assume it is because the man no longer had any money.

It could just be that this is a really stressful life event that many couples DON'T survive.

And if they did marry women who just wanted them for their money, that was a shallow choice on their part, and yes, surely should have been obvious long before that. That's why most men are better off finding a partner when they're poor and building something together - then NOT trading her in because she's not twenty years younger.

 

[xkcd]

 

[Enthetan]

View attachment 8146

Yes, we decided to talk about other things on your thread while waiting for your next bit of news.

It happens here.

Get used to it.

Carry on.

 

[Enthetan]

And if they did marry women who just wanted them for their money, that was a shallow choice on their part, and yes, surely should have been obvious long before that. That's why most men are better off finding a partner when they're poor and building something together - then NOT trading her in because she's not twenty years younger.

Or when he's a young and poor 20-something, just marry a 16 year old. Then you'll always have a much younger wife. (...ducks and runs...)

 

[Purple Rain]

Or when he's a young and poor 20-something, just marry a 16 year old. Then you'll always have a much younger wife. (...ducks and runs...)

Not that much younger! I'm being chased by a gorgeous 20-something student at the moment! My family are all like, "Do it! Do it!" But buffness and beauty isn't everything.

 

[Leland]

I didn't know you were on the "market" Purple Rain.........

I turned down a living arrangement with an "older woman" when I was much younger....(22 or so.) I do regret that every now and then.....

( I imagine she could have taught me a thing or two.....)

 

[Purple Rain]

I didn't know you were on the "market" Purple Rain.........

I turned down a living arrangement with an "older woman" when I was much younger....(22 or so.) I do regret that every now and then.....

( I imagine she could have taught me a thing or two.....)

Well, I don't know if "on the market" is the right term. I am just trusting that somebody special is out there looking for me. I am sure he will find me someday, even if I am 80. And if not, there's always liveporndating.com. Lol!

 

[Leland]

I hope he finds you PR. In the photos you posted recently.....you are a very attractive woman...(not that that is the be all or end all....)

 

[programmer_guy]

Not that much younger! I'm being chased by a gorgeous 20-something student at the moment! My family are all like, "Do it! Do it!" But buffness and beauty isn't everything.

That's over a 20 year age difference?

People go through successive ERAs of their lives.
When 2 people are in VERY different eras of their lives then they are playing Russian Roulette (with 5 out of 6 chambers loaded).
The differences may not manifest in the beginning of the relationship (i.e. conflict) but they probably will eventually.
That's my opinion on that subject.

 

[Purple Rain]

That's over a 20 year age difference?

People go through successive ERAs of their lives.
When 2 people are in VERY different eras of their lives then they are playing Russian Roulette (with 5 out of 6 chambers loaded).
The differences may not manifest in the beginning of the relationship (i.e. conflict) but they probably will eventually.
That's my opinion on that subject.

Yes, well who knows - it could be up to 30 years. I don't know exactly how old he is. And when I said I was 51 he got a bit of a shock, and then it was... reconfiguring, reconfiguring... but he seems to have gotten over it.

I can assure you I'm not planning on getting involved. It's not like it could be anything other than physical when I am probably older than his mother, and he will be single for like, 2 minutes, as I told him.

I do like him and enjoy chatting with him, and sometimes it's hard to get to sleep tossing and turning and knowing I just have to walk down the hall, but if I really think about being touched by a stranger it just makes me feel like, no, my body is sacred. That's how I see it at the moment. It used to be just my body is someone else's, but I don't think that now. If anything it would be a relief to break that bond, but I have to do it for the right reasons.

I have told him, "I just have to be able to respect myself," and he has said, "I'm not getting anywhere with you! And that's perfect!" But he is sweet. When I said I'd wished I'd had dinner he walked down to MacDonald's and brought me back a McFeast.

It is great for my ego though, and just nice to have another person in the world to chat to and smile at if we pass each other in the kitchen or on the way to class.

 

[Leland]

Hell.....I'll buy you a Chinese dinner.....A drink with a little paper umbrella in it........or maybe even spring for a steak......!

MacDonald's.....that's figures for a 20 something....

 

[Enthetan]

Yes, well who knows - it could be up to 30 years. I don't know exactly how old he is. And when I said I was 51 he got a bit of a shock, and then it was... reconfiguring, reconfiguring... but he seems to have gotten over it.

I can assure you I'm not planning on getting involved. It's not like it could be anything other than physical when I am probably older than his mother, and he will be single for like, 2 minutes, as I told him.

I do like him and enjoy chatting with him, and sometimes it's hard to get to sleep tossing and turning and knowing I just have to walk down the hall, but if I really think about being touched by a stranger it just makes me feel like, no, my body is sacred. That's how I see it at the moment. It used to be just my body is someone else's, but I don't think that now. If anything it would be a relief to break that bond, but I have to do it for the right reasons.

I have told him, "I just have to be able to respect myself," and he has said, "I'm not getting anywhere with you! And that's perfect!" But he is sweet. When I said I'd wished I'd had dinner he walked down to MacDonald's and brought me back a McFeast.

It is great for my ego though, and just nice to have another person in the world to chat to and smile at if we pass each other in the kitchen or on the way to class.

As I get older, I notice some truth to the saying "I regret what I passed up, more than I regret what I did".

ADDING: Benjamin Franklin's advice to a young man, regarding older women

 

[xkcd]

Now then, back to the problem at hand. We received another letter from her father. It looks like he got the letter we sent out, and this one is a little more casual. He mentions how he'd like to come over Friday afternoon, and stresses he'll be by himself. I'd like to believe that, but I'd rather have him be outside the complex. She doesn't know what to do.

 

[phenomanon]

That's over a 20 year age difference?

People go through successive ERAs of their lives.
When 2 people are in VERY different eras of their lives then they are playing Russian Roulette (with 5 out of 6 chambers loaded).
The differences may not manifest in the beginning of the relationship (i.e. conflict) but they probably will eventually.
That's my opinion on that subject.

Spouse and I have been married 34 years.

I am 21 years older that he.

 

[Enthetan]

Now then, back to the problem at hand. We received another letter from her father. It looks like he got the letter we sent out, and this one is a little more casual. He mentions how he'd like to come over Friday afternoon, and stresses he'll be by himself. I'd like to believe that, but I'd rather have him be outside the complex. She doesn't know what to do.

On the one hand, if he shows up by himself, then you have some indication that he can be trusted.

On the other hand, if he shows up with org people, it will be bad for girlfriend, and dad will probably feel shitty about having the org make him betray you, which would be damaging to any long-term reconciliation.

I would volunteer to pick him up at his hotel, or at his group meeting and grab some dinner. Then you can bring him back to your place and be sure he comes alone.

 

[Enthetan]

In the event that org people ever show up at your door, and attempt to enter against your wishes, one good response is to

(1) Call 911, say "Home invasion at (your address)", then

(2) Put the phone down without hanging up, and be heard on the 911 tape yelling at them "Get the FUCK out of my house!". Do not converse with them (this is an important point), do not respond to any questions/statements from them, you and girlfriend just keep yelling "Get OUT of my house!" at the top of your lungs. They will want to leave before the cops arrive, and especially before any armed neighbor shows up.

The ONE most important thing to keep in mind, is that you must always be willing to cause a scene and attract attention. They hate that.

 

[Purple Rain]

Now then, back to the problem at hand. We received another letter from her father. It looks like he got the letter we sent out, and this one is a little more casual. He mentions how he'd like to come over Friday afternoon, and stresses he'll be by himself. I'd like to believe that, but I'd rather have him be outside the complex. She doesn't know what to do.

Well, she knows her father. Is he a liar or not? If he's usually trustworthy, let the man in the house for god's sake. He's her father. Welcome him even. Maybe you can open his eyes about a few things (best case). He's not the enemy - he's someone who has been supporting her out of love up till now. There are plenty of Scientology kids who have been bundled off to work for them where Daddy pays nothing-nada-zilch-zip. Trust me!

Just be clear that you will call the police if any Scientologists show up - YOU don't give a damn about their stupid pieces of paper, and even if she does she will certainly survive and probably thrive despite any names that they want to call her or fake "crimes" that she's supposed to have done.

Then make him a nice dinner, get some flowers, put on some nice music, and WELCOME him.

Shouldn't the aim be to KEEP her dad while LOSING Scientology.

Yes, they might have pulled some bullshit if you weren't in the picture, but you are and they know it. Don't leave her alone with him, though, if she's at all vulnerable to being talked into going back. But if hell would freeze over before she went back, what is the harm? They're not going to abduct her and lock her up and force her to work for them. They do that with some people, but it's unlikely they'd want the felony charges in this case.

Bottom line - you both have to realise that your girlfriend is free. She has free will. The enemy here is her own mind - not anyone else. Nobody else has any power over her that she doesn't give them. The minute she realises this all this strategy becomes irrelevant - that the prison was in her own mind - and she was kept there by her own beliefs and agreements.

So welcome dad as the sweet family nutter that he is. Feel sorry for him even. Treat him with love and compassion, because there's not a lot of that in the Scientology world.

That is my advice. Buy the best you can afford. Warm your home. And welcome him in.

Edit: Also he's HER father. She is what she is - the woman you love - partly because of his DNA and partly because of the love and values he instilled. Respect him.

Edit to the edit: And if Scientology shows up, call the police. I can't believe even they would be so stupid. THEIR best chance for getting her back is to let dad at it and not bugger it up. It is in their interests not to show up. He will try and talk her into routing out of course.

Edit to the edit to the edit: Remember what you two have in common - you BOTH love his daughter. That is what you need to show him more than anything else - how in love you are and how happy you make her - and your valid concerns for her. If he truly understands WHY you want her out of that exploitative environment he will realise you are not somebody ruining his daughter but saving her. Always come back to that - your happiness together and your love. Deep down a parent doesn't really want more for their child than that - even if he does eventually have to disconnect from her - that is a happiness he can hold on to, that she is in love and her life is good. Also this might be the last time they ever see each other. MAKE IT BEAUTIFUL. Think what you would do if it was the last time in your life you ever saw someone you loved, because it might be. That is what I would be worrying about - how to make it perfect.

 

[Intentionally Blank]

^^^ Why we love you Purple

 

[Adam7986]

Now then, back to the problem at hand. We received another letter from her father. It looks like he got the letter we sent out, and this one is a little more casual. He mentions how he'd like to come over Friday afternoon, and stresses he'll be by himself. I'd like to believe that, but I'd rather have him be outside the complex. She doesn't know what to do.

I would agree with Purple but I am not fond of making myself vulnerable to Scientologists. They are abusive--all of them. They are trained to take advantage of psychological weakness and you're right to be skeptical of opening your home to a Scientologist, even if it is her father. My father is my father, but he is not welcome in my home or my life because of the way he has treated me in the name of his religion. Same goes for my mother and my sister. Scientology has a way of turning anyone into a bad person by convincing them that they are doing the right thing by taking advantage.

Whatever you decide to do, be cautious and alert for trickery of any kind and be quick to kick him out if things turn south. Family means nothing to Scientologists.

 

[Free to shine]

I would agree with Purple but I am not fond of making myself vulnerable to Scientologists. They are abusive--all of them. They are trained to take advantage of psychological weakness and you're right to be skeptical of opening your home to a Scientologist, even if it is her father. My father is my father, but he is not welcome in my home or my life because of the way he has treated me in the name of his religion. Same goes for my mother and my sister. Scientology has a way of turning anyone into a bad person by convincing them that they are doing the right thing by taking advantage.

Whatever you decide to do, be cautious and alert for trickery of any kind and be quick to kick him out if things turn south. Family means nothing to Scientologists.

Unfortunately you are right but I would try Purple's strategy first. How can one appeal to that forgotten love if it is not displayed in some way?