New here. Need help with leaving

uniquemand

Unbeliever
Sounds good. It's important to let him know that you respect his right to hold whatever views he likes, and that you respect his integrity in fighting for them in the face of adversity, that sort of thing. Don't say anything untrue! You may not respect his beliefs, you may not agree with his interpretation of what has been happening, but he has a right to it, as do you.

If you maintain an open communication attitude, and don't make the conflict the centerpiece, you may see him more and more. This would be good for all involved, I think. The more he realizes he is allowed to have his views, and that there is a safe place for him in his family outside the Church, the more possible it becomes for him to consider leaving (though that might never happen for irrational but powerful reasons). Make it EASY for him to do that.

I'm glad it's worked out well, so far.
 

Enthetan

Master of Disaster
Okay, so the dad's left and I can tell you everything.

Pretty much he visited Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon. We got some food, went to the mall, and all that good stuff. He only brought up the Scientology stuff a couple times. His stance was that it was all water under the bridge, but he doesn't want us bashing it online and whatnot. Even though I disagreed with a lot of the things he was saying, I can respect that stance. We all just went "Yeah, uh-huh" when he was talking, and she didn't really go into detail about her experiences and why she left. Sunday, we said our goodbyes and everything went well. He seems to like me, which is a plus. My girlfriend is a little worried that it will be the last time she sees him, but I think he'll still try to talk to her.

I would go with maintaining friendly communication with Dad, and seeing where it goes. The longer girlfriend stays "out", the more settled she will be. Meanwhile, things are getting increasingly crazy on the "inside", more people are leaving, and fewer new people are going in. There's a good chance that Dad will decide "this is too crazy" at some point.

I would not bring up Scientology unless he does it first.

Time is on your side.
 

Purple Rain

Crusader
Okay, so the dad's left and I can tell you everything.

Pretty much he visited Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon. We got some food, went to the mall, and all that good stuff. He only brought up the Scientology stuff a couple times. His stance was that it was all water under the bridge, but he doesn't want us bashing it online and whatnot. Even though I disagreed with a lot of the things he was saying, I can respect that stance. We all just went "Yeah, uh-huh" when he was talking, and she didn't really go into detail about her experiences and why she left. Sunday, we said our goodbyes and everything went well. He seems to like me, which is a plus. My girlfriend is a little worried that it will be the last time she sees him, but I think he'll still try to talk to her.

So happy it worked out so well. I, too, think he will still try to talk to her. The less you speak out publicly against the Scientology the less likely that is to result in them forcing him to choose, so maybe that is a big part of the reason he said that. Whilst it could be the last time she sees him, I think there is a lot of cause to be optimistic at this stage. But at the very least, you made some nice memories, and it is wonderful that he could see past his prejudices to like you despite your influence in her leaving his religion. If you ask me, that is a huge thing to do given his world view, and I can only respect him for the position he has taken and the grace he has shown.

I think it's great that you both treated him with warmth and affection and at least he knows and she knows that they are loved by the other. I seriously can't imagine a better outcome than this except for him leaving as well.

Kudos and congratulations to the both of you!
 

120 Degrees

Patron with Honors
Thanks for all the updates. Like so many others have said, I'm truly happy that you've had a good visit with dad and enjoy his company. One of the worst things the cult practices is disconnection. You can always make more money but you can't make more family. To still have a connection with the father after blowing staff and posting here is actually a big deal. I hope your girlfriend isn't declared and you can continue a relationship, separate from the cult, with her father. He sounds like he's probably a cool guy outside of Scientology. Just keep on your toes for indications of the Org trying to get her alone.

I'm thinking that her father is perhaps a whale and that's why it's gone pretty well for you both. Other people have been disconnected for far less then blowing post and posting on ESMB (yes, they DO know who you are by now) so as long as dad can say he did visit daughter and talk to her, you all may be fine. He from further ethics pressure and she from declare. I hope so. I really do. It would be great for her to keep a relationship with her father and you while recovering from being on staff. I wish you both the best of luck. Maybe soon her father can join you both in freedom from the cult.
 
So happy it worked out so well. I, too, think he will still try to talk to her. The less you speak out publicly against the Scientology the less likely that is to result in them forcing him to choose, so maybe that is a big part of the reason he said that. Whilst it could be the last time she sees him, I think there is a lot of cause to be optimistic at this stage. But at the very least, you made some nice memories, and it is wonderful that he could see past his prejudices to like you despite your influence in her leaving his religion. If you ask me, that is a huge thing to do given his world view, and I can only respect him for the position he has taken and the grace he has shown.

I think it's great that you both treated him with warmth and affection and at least he knows and she knows that they are loved by the other. I seriously can't imagine a better outcome than this except for him leaving as well.

Kudos and congratulations to the both of you!

I agree with all the positive messages here and seeing the situation as one which does not necessarily have to have a difficult outcome. I also agree that Dad sounds like a very reasonable person, maybe quite a cool person. I also think though, that he needs the daughter to give him a commitment to STFU on the internet and elsewhere. If he hasn't got that commitment yet, and if he is on Ethics or OSA's lines, she need not worry about not seeing him again. He will be back, to get a firm commitment to hand to Ethics/OSA.
This could be totally separate to any affection for her, he may be back on that account alone. As well as giving Ethics /OSA what they need, and apart from wanting to see her just because her wants to see her, as an individual scientologist OT? he also needs to know that she isn't going to blow up his bridge. Then there is step mom to appease. His good roads and fair weather approach looks better than some more dramatic approaches that are often tried.
 

eldritch cuckoo

brainslugged reptilian
Me too. I sincerely seek to complain. That's no way to treat all the [STRIKE]stal[/STRIKE] I mean lurkers. Whatever happens, the two of them have pulled that in... :biggrin: :melodramatic:

:drama:

From 'nother thread, recently:
Great news Blanky. Next time you're engaged in your subversive activities, imagine the whole of ESMB sitting on the end of the couch, watching expectantly

:hysterical:

:omg:

Maybe not!


... Just joking. Obviously, the story has ended well. :yes:
 
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