blindleadingblind
Patron
I've been out for a while now, approx. 10 years. Left due to a family emergency which for them would've been bad PR to declare me suppressive for especially when staff knew I wasn't anything other than a team player. I don't care to give too much personal info because everyone is out of my life who mattered except a few which were the true definition of a friend and those who I haven't spoken to I will and I will find them later in life as a thank you for making a genuine attempt at being nothing but a friend but that is more the Buddhist nature (I'm not a full blown Buddhist) in me because I appreciate and know I can decipher between fake friends.
The younger guys that drop out always find me when they leave because I made a genuine effort at keeping my integrity and making sure they kept theirs regardless of what their personal integrity stood as), applying the tech and saying fuck you (by understanding ethics courses, conditions and extensive personal word clearing and speaking up to deaf ears including ethics staff who knew me in the course room as the guy who would find the problem, definitions anywhere, references etc. to you not understanding your material regardless of what course you would take, I did laugh in the Eo's face a few times because I did not need word clearing I needed to quit being mishandled with bullshit, Finally I got my way because there were no Mu's and the only overts were that I needed to fucking eat and make money to eat and gas my car to get to the org, same shit I exclaimed every time I was sent to the Eo and finally after a year or so of "handlings" by a Flag trained Ethics staff and being a shit head to family because I had to keep borrowing money to get by I got my desire of handling my basic need of improving my life by spending less time there.)
I was one of the people that read every single thing to be able to word clear or supervise because I believed in it and I believed these people were paying a lot of money to not have me be the best I could be for them. I believe in study tech still because I saw it work. There are portions of Scn which I still hold true and they are basic tenets in other religions as well. I believe there is a positive nature to "auditing" which in other practices is used as well to help a person see from an exterior viewpoint the situation and destimulate the negative side. I don't believe in lies, I don't believe in fucking up your dynamics for only the third when the goal is to better yourself and be "cause" over your environment. I don't believe in sitting by and watching other people that are your friends practically starve because of lack of pay and having no empathy except, find your words, write your overts. I believe myself to be highly personally trained as I've read everything I could get my hands on including all the Philly doctorate courses and management courses while there and also kept every course book when they were too disheveled to keep in the course room, or when the golden age of tech started and older materials were tossed as I was too broke to purchase my own. TTC for 5 plus years full full time. course supervisor for some time to fill up a hole so others could go to the Sea Org.
I was stuck on the doubt condition for a long time and left. When I had those family issues I brought up earlier (not pts) I had maybe 2 people that were public try to even offer help and what I mean by help I don't mean subjective help, I mean help by actions not locationals. My "friends" whom I helped, ate with daily, were like a brothers and sisters turned a blind eye to my situation. That knowledge made it easier to walk out to handle my situation without personal guilt.
I've heard stories of RPF and all that but we never had that kind of extreme bullshit, just simple looks were enough for a mind fuck on all staff and the knowledge that all execs had access to my folders when highly personal information about myself was divulged in sessions at my attempt for enlightenment.
I was very disappointed to find out that I had given a few of the end ep cognitions especially the Clear one while on staff and never recognized. I was a lil amazed to hear about faked accomplishments of LRH which led to a lot of people joining wanting to emulate him, associations with Crowley and Parsons which were never made public while on staff, I believe Crowley was mentioned briefly and there have been records that somewhat tie the time frame with parsons to about a 3 month living situation and some alleged Magick rituals.. I would like more info on that ritual if anybody has that. I'm not biased on occultism or satanism.. I'm just into information.
Also have been looking at the transcripts for L Ron Jr. (Dewolfe) in court and then accounts of Ron's final days that were similar to Howard Hughes.
Also I have heard accounts and read from ex scientologists online that when the golden age of tech started David M was acting as Cs without training and chopping pieces of the bridge. I barely started looking online on all this about a month ago.. I haven't considered myself a Scn for a long time but it is the first month out of all this time away that I even got into looking behind the veil and see look for government accounts and death records and such out of morbid curiosity.
Today I live a happy life, same kind of life I lived prior to Scn., I was happy in Scn when I wasn't broke or noticing that these people who were OTs were acting like completely aberrated people on a regular basis. That made me question what exactly I was doing there when people outside of Scientology including staff were happy and not mocking up happiness for show. And I now know I can keep my integrity under pressure. Making the best of it and rebuilding my life taking the good parts I learned out to use for business, art etc.
If I am incorrect about anything I ever mention I don't mind being corrected by those who know more or were old timers who saw these things first hand. I am merely stating my account with this experience and there is a need for a place like this because it's hard to get other people to understand this life unless they've lived it. You'll excuse me from naming names, dates, locations and case levels as I don't care to have a motherfucker knocking on my door when I've been getting back on track on a real life.
I urge you younger guys that are curious about philosophy to inspect every aspect before getting involved with any commitment. I got suckered in by my own want for learning which I could've done at home online downloading PDF books for free. Thank you.
The younger guys that drop out always find me when they leave because I made a genuine effort at keeping my integrity and making sure they kept theirs regardless of what their personal integrity stood as), applying the tech and saying fuck you (by understanding ethics courses, conditions and extensive personal word clearing and speaking up to deaf ears including ethics staff who knew me in the course room as the guy who would find the problem, definitions anywhere, references etc. to you not understanding your material regardless of what course you would take, I did laugh in the Eo's face a few times because I did not need word clearing I needed to quit being mishandled with bullshit, Finally I got my way because there were no Mu's and the only overts were that I needed to fucking eat and make money to eat and gas my car to get to the org, same shit I exclaimed every time I was sent to the Eo and finally after a year or so of "handlings" by a Flag trained Ethics staff and being a shit head to family because I had to keep borrowing money to get by I got my desire of handling my basic need of improving my life by spending less time there.)
I was one of the people that read every single thing to be able to word clear or supervise because I believed in it and I believed these people were paying a lot of money to not have me be the best I could be for them. I believe in study tech still because I saw it work. There are portions of Scn which I still hold true and they are basic tenets in other religions as well. I believe there is a positive nature to "auditing" which in other practices is used as well to help a person see from an exterior viewpoint the situation and destimulate the negative side. I don't believe in lies, I don't believe in fucking up your dynamics for only the third when the goal is to better yourself and be "cause" over your environment. I don't believe in sitting by and watching other people that are your friends practically starve because of lack of pay and having no empathy except, find your words, write your overts. I believe myself to be highly personally trained as I've read everything I could get my hands on including all the Philly doctorate courses and management courses while there and also kept every course book when they were too disheveled to keep in the course room, or when the golden age of tech started and older materials were tossed as I was too broke to purchase my own. TTC for 5 plus years full full time. course supervisor for some time to fill up a hole so others could go to the Sea Org.
I was stuck on the doubt condition for a long time and left. When I had those family issues I brought up earlier (not pts) I had maybe 2 people that were public try to even offer help and what I mean by help I don't mean subjective help, I mean help by actions not locationals. My "friends" whom I helped, ate with daily, were like a brothers and sisters turned a blind eye to my situation. That knowledge made it easier to walk out to handle my situation without personal guilt.
I've heard stories of RPF and all that but we never had that kind of extreme bullshit, just simple looks were enough for a mind fuck on all staff and the knowledge that all execs had access to my folders when highly personal information about myself was divulged in sessions at my attempt for enlightenment.
I was very disappointed to find out that I had given a few of the end ep cognitions especially the Clear one while on staff and never recognized. I was a lil amazed to hear about faked accomplishments of LRH which led to a lot of people joining wanting to emulate him, associations with Crowley and Parsons which were never made public while on staff, I believe Crowley was mentioned briefly and there have been records that somewhat tie the time frame with parsons to about a 3 month living situation and some alleged Magick rituals.. I would like more info on that ritual if anybody has that. I'm not biased on occultism or satanism.. I'm just into information.
Also have been looking at the transcripts for L Ron Jr. (Dewolfe) in court and then accounts of Ron's final days that were similar to Howard Hughes.
Also I have heard accounts and read from ex scientologists online that when the golden age of tech started David M was acting as Cs without training and chopping pieces of the bridge. I barely started looking online on all this about a month ago.. I haven't considered myself a Scn for a long time but it is the first month out of all this time away that I even got into looking behind the veil and see look for government accounts and death records and such out of morbid curiosity.
Today I live a happy life, same kind of life I lived prior to Scn., I was happy in Scn when I wasn't broke or noticing that these people who were OTs were acting like completely aberrated people on a regular basis. That made me question what exactly I was doing there when people outside of Scientology including staff were happy and not mocking up happiness for show. And I now know I can keep my integrity under pressure. Making the best of it and rebuilding my life taking the good parts I learned out to use for business, art etc.
If I am incorrect about anything I ever mention I don't mind being corrected by those who know more or were old timers who saw these things first hand. I am merely stating my account with this experience and there is a need for a place like this because it's hard to get other people to understand this life unless they've lived it. You'll excuse me from naming names, dates, locations and case levels as I don't care to have a motherfucker knocking on my door when I've been getting back on track on a real life.
I urge you younger guys that are curious about philosophy to inspect every aspect before getting involved with any commitment. I got suckered in by my own want for learning which I could've done at home online downloading PDF books for free. Thank you.
Welcome !
to ESMB!! 
