Ok, I'm telling more of my leave story.

Wisened One

Crusader
NW: Yeah that's true that SO had barely any honeymoon either, eh? Sheesh! :no:

Imout and GT: Awe, I'm so glad that you found each other after getting 'out'!:thumbsup:

Finding a friend or two when you come out REALLY makes a difference and helps all involved, you know?

Luckily I have me hubby! :biglove:

We've leaned on one another quite a lot when we were on Staff, left-but-were-still-Scientologists, and especially
when we 'left' four yrs ago, glad we didn't DIE while reading that dangerous, forbidden OT data, eh? :p

I could see it now...

My gravestone woulda read:

Here lies Michelle.
Who died from reading
The OT Levels.

LOL!:melodramatic:

Michelle
 
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Wisened One

Crusader
Lovestory of The Promo and The Trashcan.

I wish to share some Promo stories with you.

Living in Miami, the humidity was very high.

We'd be sent out to do promo in full-dress wear many times, then be back on Post.

The Promo pieces used was this 'ticket' that said 'Free Personality Test' on it with bulleted points of ruins.
We had a few other 'tickets' that were thought up by a Public:
These were titled: 'Problems?' also with bulleted points of ruins and questions
designed to make the unsuspecting New Person to call or walk in.

For a while, we'd bundle up tickets in bundles of 500, and simply stick them on payphones.
Believe it or not, this worked well and we'd receive a lot more calls and walk-ins from them.

But then we were made to stop this, due to the MANY calls from the City to stop this.

The next method used was to physcially go out and put two tickets under every car's windshield wiper blades.
MUCH more time-consuming and this was often an All-Hands activity, including most of the Public doing this for us.

Course, We'd get MANY calls from the city again and from irate car-owners, etc.

Also, each of the above methods heavily lined the streets of Miami, and we'd often be sent back out to then
pick up all the tickets and have to throw them away if they couldn't be re-used.

All in all, this method was pointless, cost WAY too much of our time/money and was a quick-stat-count
(which was often falsified like the rest of our stats).

They should've had a 'Trashcans full of Promo' THAT woulda been OUT THE ROOF, UP THE CEILING AND DOWN
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL, eh? We'd a won the Bday Game for sure!:thumbsup:

The Org is probably STILL using that darned Ticket that we'd tried MANY times to change,
yet it'd never be approved or wouldn't allow to Pilot it for long enough, etc.

Onto other strange stat pushes:

At a Mission: My daughter (and other kids around) used to be begged
to watch the Orientation film nearly EVERY day to count as a stat for that....

For some of Div 6 stats, I used to have to do 'locational workshops' on the Org staff's
children every week, usually on Thurs mornings....

For my bodyrouting stat:

Sometimes we'd give out OCA's to go to the busy lunch-rush crowds rushing by our doors.

I'd stand just inside the door, get their attention, hand out the test to them in such a way to where they'd
have to walk across the threshhold to grab their test, thereby ensuring me a body to stat, whoohoo!:wink2:

More coming soon....
 

johnAnchovie

Still raging
Ahh your story is so real!

Sounds dumb, but you are communicating in such a clear and precise fashion getting the emotion, pace and desperation across. Also, I agree, Class V do have it tougher than Sea Org, I am disgusted at what we put Class V through, unforgivable, inhuman and conceited.

Thanks for your story, thanks for your bravery.
 

Giuseppe

Patron with Honors
Here lies Michelle.
Who died from reading
The OT Levels.

Don't you think if the OT3 were lethal, the USA Gov't would have snatched it up and used it in Irate? (Giuseppe meant IRAQ).

How come nobody has died because to reading OTIII? There hasn't been any cases of spontaneous combustion that Giuseppe can think of in a while...

It just seems there would be something on Wikipedia if there were a link between OTIII and Spontaneous Combustion.:splat:
 

lrnobs

Patron with Honors
The Promo pieces used was this 'ticket' that said 'Free Personality Test' on it with bulleted points of ruins.
We had a few other 'tickets' that were thought up by a Public:
These were titled: 'Problems?' also with bulleted points of ruins and questions
designed to make the unsuspecting New Person to call or walk in.

When I was 13 I was put outside the gates of major sporting events in opposition to the flow of thousands of people leaving to hand out these tickets. Solidly imprinted into my memory.:nailbiting:
 

Wisened One

Crusader
When I was 13 I was put outside the gates of major sporting events in opposition to the flow of thousands of people leaving to hand out these tickets. Solidly imprinted into my memory.:nailbiting:

Irnobs: I know how you felt...we were personally at a LOT of events with our Book booth/tickets/free OCA's to hand out.

I'll NEVER forget standing in the middle of Calle Ocho festival where there were THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of happy, young, partying latinos and latinas nearly trampling us..and I was handing out promo as fast as I could move....at the time, it of course, felt INCREDIBLE..I mean my god, you're handing out the FREE ing Promo to thousands, right?

NOW course, I feel good that I wasn't that good of a Reg,etc..lol:)

John: Thanks for your kind words, yeah, it was a lot tougher on Class V full,fulltime Staff, in my opinion.

Hugs for reading my stories, you all:) :bighug:

Edited to add: Guess what I got in the mailbox today?

My FREELOADER BILL of over 7 grand (with the 'upstat awarded' trip billed as a separate charge) of over 400.00 bucks.

Hubby's bill is over 30 grand, go figure, eh?

Gotta love it, eh? NOT! *sigh*
 

lrnobs

Patron with Honors
My FREELOADER BILL of over 7 grand (with the 'upstat awarded' trip billed as a separate charge) of over 400.00 bucks.

Hubby's bill is over 30 grand, go figure, eh?

How do you feel about scanning them and posting them? :hmm: Not being pushy here. I wish I still had mine around to post. :)
 

linus

New Member
WO: I loved reading your story. Thanks for posting it. I have to admit, I still haven't read all of the OT stuff because after 8 years out, I am STILL scared. I feel like I read enough in some of the stories that are available on line, and even that freaked me out, like I knew too much. I never want to go back, but I have to admit to everyone here that I am still living partially in fear. I have done a lot to unindoctrinate myself - I've read a ton of mind control techniques and why a person becomes so susceptible to cultic groups, etc. But I'm still F'ed up about it, about shrinks, and feel like I always will consider myself a bad person with overts (although I can't think of anything bad I ever did, other than leave), and even feel like the illness I have that initially got me to withdraw from being a SCNist in the very first place (disqualifying me from doing my upper levels), is my own fault, like it's some Service Fac I'm pulling. And maybe the bit about BTs are true and I'm doing the wring thing with my life -- even though I KNOW it's crap. I guess they really did a number on me. It's because it all went down during some key formative years of my life. Anyway, your story has inspired me. Thank you.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
Irnobs: Ya know, I thought about doing just that, but then figured, what would that do, it'd be proof, I guess? I may do it soon, mine anyway....will ask if I can post hubby's....he prob won't mind tho.

linus: Welcome to the boards and thank you for reading my stories!

It DID take a lot of guts to decide to read the OT levels...our hearts were in our throats thru most of it, but I'm tellin ya, NOT even a sniffle! You'll know when you're ready (or if you even ever want) to read the stuff...

Please keep checking back as more stories get posted...of various experiences, some of them even kinda funny...
 

lrnobs

Patron with Honors
WO: I loved reading your story. Thanks for posting it. I have to admit, I still haven't read all of the OT stuff because after 8 years out, I am STILL scared. I feel like I read enough in some of the stories that are available on line, and even that freaked me out, like I knew too much. I never want to go back, but I have to admit to everyone here that I am still living partially in fear. I have done a lot to unindoctrinate myself - I've read a ton of mind control techniques and why a person becomes so susceptible to cultic groups, etc. But I'm still F'ed up about it, about shrinks, and feel like I always will consider myself a bad person with overts (although I can't think of anything bad I ever did, other than leave), and even feel like the illness I have that initially got me to withdraw from being a SCNist in the very first place (disqualifying me from doing my upper levels), is my own fault, like it's some Service Fac I'm pulling. And maybe the bit about BTs are true and I'm doing the wring thing with my life -- even though I KNOW it's crap. I guess they really did a number on me. It's because it all went down during some key formative years of my life. Anyway, your story has inspired me. Thank you.

Linus,

Look at the founder. He exaggerated, fantasized, and lied. He did not have the super powers claimed. His biography is very fake. He was just as frail as every other human. Don't believe his mumbo jumbo. Don't even bother reading the upper level stuff.

I don't like to see people still affected by his mental nonsense. The discussion of what works and what doesn't is a whole different subject.

But... BTs nonsense, OT III nonsense. The human imagination is powerful. People can be led to believe and agree to believe almost anything. Self talk is very powerful, make that self talk positive.

If you think that you might be a bad person, then just do good things everyday. It doesn't take a lot of money or time, and bang, zowie, you prove everyday that you are a good person.

Walk out of that briar patch. Just put one foot in front of the other. The thorns fade then disappear.
 

lionheart

Gold Meritorious Patron
WO: I loved reading your story. Thanks for posting it. I have to admit, I still haven't read all of the OT stuff because after 8 years out, I am STILL scared. I feel like I read enough in some of the stories that are available on line, and even that freaked me out, like I knew too much. I never want to go back, but I have to admit to everyone here that I am still living partially in fear. I have done a lot to unindoctrinate myself - I've read a ton of mind control techniques and why a person becomes so susceptible to cultic groups, etc. But I'm still F'ed up about it, about shrinks, and feel like I always will consider myself a bad person with overts (although I can't think of anything bad I ever did, other than leave), and even feel like the illness I have that initially got me to withdraw from being a SCNist in the very first place (disqualifying me from doing my upper levels), is my own fault, like it's some Service Fac I'm pulling. And maybe the bit about BTs are true and I'm doing the wring thing with my life -- even though I KNOW it's crap. I guess they really did a number on me. It's because it all went down during some key formative years of my life. Anyway, your story has inspired me. Thank you.

Be gentle with yourself Linus.

When you feel scared about these things, acknowledge that and then spend a few moments reminding yourself of the freedom, happiness and expansion being outside of Scientology gives you! :happydance:

Do this, not to suppress the fear (acknowledge that and let it be as best you can). Do it rather to counterbalance the negative feelings.

Take your time and remind yourself of all the wonderful things that you are now free to experience!
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Lionheart is right Linus - be gentle with yourself. :)

Part of the conditioning is to make you a "failure" if you leave, to make you scared, to isolate you. I personally spent many years coming to terms with that.

Come to know yourself through examining the thoughts that come up. You don't have to censor or "handle" them or stop them, simply note them. Eckhardt Tolle's books are very helpful for this. When you really experience something then it can become quite simple to let it go too.

Self confidence and self esteem do return, and the more you honour yourself, the happier life is. :happydance:

And keep reading and posting!
 

Lokimike

Patron
Linus - Illness does not equal bad, only ill

What you're hearing about treating yourself gently is very good advice!

"Pulled it in" is a big lie. You deserve care and compassion, not a big guilt trip.
Illness does not equal bad, only ill. Illness, and pain, is the body's way of asking for compassionate attention and care for a problem.

I offer an alternate view: Pain is not the enemy. It's simply the body's way of
saying - Hey, there's a problem here, notice this! When it happens, give
yourself permission to respond kindly and gently to yourself. (And yes, I know
people whose self esteem's taken a battering can have trouble with feeling
unworthy - been there, healing out of that myself. You still deserve gentleness, even if you doubt it, you still deserve it, and kindness too.)

Try treating yourself as gently as you would a best friend who felt ill, or
a small child. You wouldn't give them guilt, would you? Of course not!
You'd give then a hug, or a warm blanket or a cup of soup or cocoa or
any other gentle reassurance that they matter, and you wish them well.
So the next time you feel low, do something like that for yourself. Give
yourself your favorite little feel good thing. You do deserve it.
 
Thanks

Thanks, Michelle, for sending me over here to read your story. I am realizing that despite the torment I felt I was experiencing in my own departure, I have really had it easy, I managed to just drift away. Always kept a string attached though, minimal comm but always a back door to return to the fold... but that balancing act took a lot of energy didn't it? So, snip. Look ma, no string :)
 
I have to admit, I still haven't read all of the OT stuff because after 8 years out, I am STILL scared.

Hey linus - I read it all yesterday (honestly), and after, I had this awful somatic *just like hunger* - so I made a tuna sandwich. Totally handled.

I completely understand the scaredness - both the fear of what might happen if you read it and your head explodes and the fear of closing off yourself from future bridge. Someone just pointed out to me a minute ago on another post that it was my choice if I wanted to be paranoid forever. That's why I am here I guess, it's time to move on, those attention units are needed for other things.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
roly:

Thank YOU for reading my thread, here:)

I hope they will help you (as all the stories on here, my experience is NOTHING compared to the Sea Org members' stories!).

Just KEEP reading, you'll feel less and less paranoid and worried!

And GOOD on reading the OT stuff, it was a rush to begin reading those words, wasn't it?

Did you think you might die when/after you read them, too?

LOL.

But....HEY, We're ALL still here?! LOL. :happydance:
 

linus

New Member
thanks to everyone here for being so very supportive and helpful - all with great advice. i want to be susceptable to good advice. i don't want to be a complainer or a lost cause, but i am thinking about what free-to-shine said about being a failure in life... i am not at all a failure in life, quite the opposite, yet inside i still feel i am. deep down sometimes i feel like, what if they're right? what if i made a big mistake. yet, in my right mind i know that's just poop on a stick.

roly, your words ring true to me too. why i am scared to ruin any future bridge is so stupid, yet this is part of the fear. you'd think 8 years out would bring about more confidence than this. oh, the shame. anyway, what you said about me keeping myself paranoid is really profound.

everyone has given me a lot to ponder and heal with. thank you.
 

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
thanks to everyone here for being so very supportive and helpful - all with great advice. i want to be susceptable to good advice. i don't want to be a complainer or a lost cause, but i am thinking about what free-to-shine said about being a failure in life... i am not at all a failure in life, quite the opposite, yet inside i still feel i am. deep down sometimes i feel like, what if they're right? what if i made a big mistake. yet, in my right mind i know that's just poop on a stick.

roly, your words ring true to me too. why i am scared to ruin any future bridge is so stupid, yet this is part of the fear. you'd think 8 years out would bring about more confidence than this. oh, the shame. anyway, what you said about me keeping myself paranoid is really profound.

everyone has given me a lot to ponder and heal with. thank you.

There is no shame. It took me over a decade and only since I found ESMB to gain the width of viewpoint to understand and work out some of the hidden crinkles in thinking. :)

The best advice I had was "to begin to love yourself" a long time ago from a metaphysical friend. I thought it crap at the time - hey auditing will do that. Ahh...no. Love and respect yourself is a whole different ball game. And much more fun! :happydance:
 

Terril park

Sponsor
[snipped]

both the fear of what might happen if you read it and your head explodes and the fear of closing off yourself from future bridge. Someone just pointed out to me a minute ago on another post that it was my choice if I wanted to be paranoid forever. That's why I am here I guess, it's time to move on, those attention units are needed for other things.

Just in case some don't know, many in the FZ have read upper levels and then gone on to do them. I'm one for example, and others here are also.

Also no cases of exploding heads yet in the FZ. :)

If that sort of thing interests you I recomend Cronenburg's film " Scanners".
 
Come to know yourself through examining the thoughts that come up. You don't have to censor or "handle" them or stop them, simply note them. Eckhardt Tolle's books are very helpful for this. When you really experience something then it can become quite simple to let it go too.

Self confidence and self esteem do return, and the more you honour yourself, the happier life is. :happydance:

I totally agree with that and applied that to myself. Tolle's books - mainly the Power of Now is great and simple. :thumbsup:
 
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