OT III Now Told in Numerous Dialects

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
From Larry Brennan on OCMB http://ocmb.xenu.net/ocmb/viewtopic.php?p=355823#355823

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FYI – this post contains OT III information. Stop reading here if you don’t want to see it.


In celebration of DM Lite (little Tommy Davis) confirming that the OT III/Xenu stuff was indeed part of scientology scripture, some on an Anonymous board decided to take action to share this wondrous news to the world at large.

So that people from many diverse walks of life can better understand this scientology creation story/OT III story, arrangements have been made to provide the OT III story in different dialects. As well, arrangements have been made to have famous people who have unique speaking and/or writing styles tell the story in their own words so as to reach the widest possible audience..

Details, including the writers such as the incredible authors of “Valley Girl”, “British Lord” and “Shakespear” below, can be found on WWP at the following link: http://tinyurl.com/cwcbsb

Following are a few examples from that link:

(I) First of all, here is Hubbard’s own writing on the subject (fair use quote):

Hubbard:


"The head of the Galactic Confederation (76 planets around larger stars visible from here) (founded 95,000,000 yrs ago, very space opera) solved overpopulation (250 billion or so per planet -- 178 billion on average) by mass implanting. He caused people to be brought to Teegeeack (Earth) and put an H Bomb on the principal volcanoes (Incident 2) and then the Pacific area ones were taken in boxes to Hawaii and the Atlantic Area ones to Las Palmas and there "packaged." His name was Xenu. He used renegades. Various misleading data by means of circuits etc. was placed in the implants. When through with his crime Loyal Officers (to the people) captured him after 6 years of battle and put him in an electronic mountain trap where he still is. "They" are gone. The place (Confed.) has since been a desert".


(II) Examples of OT III Explained in different dialects:

IIa. OT III Explained in “Valley Girl”:

So this guy, who like ruled the Galactic Confederation, which was, uh, 76 planets or whatever around these really huuuge stars you can see from right here, and founded like 95,000,000 yrs ago (totally space opera. Yeah) And he solved overpopulation of like 250 billion or whatever per planet, I mean, no way, right? by mass implanting, (which by the way is OMG sooo totally gross. Implantation? Gag me with a spoon).

So this dude caused people to be brought to like, Teegeeack, which is like the retard name for Earth or something, and put an H Bomb on some volcanoes, which supposedly is Incident II but ya know, I'm like, whatever. And then the Pacific area ones were like taken in boxes to Hawaii or something, and the Atlantic Area ones to like, Las Palmas and "packaged." His name was Xenu or some geek shit like that, and he used renegades.

And this misleading data or whatever, by means of circuits and all? Yeah? Was like totally placed in the implants. When he was done with the whole 'crime' thing, these Loyal Officer dorks, not loyal to him, duh, but to the people, right? Anyway, they captured him after like 6 years of battle or something and put him in an electronic mountain trap where he still is. "They're" like gone. And now the place is just totally a desert or whatever, and I mean whatever. And they call me a space cadet. OMG.
- copyright by Anonymous


IIb. OT III Explained in Ebonics:

Duh head uh duh Galactic Confederation (76 planets around larga stas visible from here) (founded 95,000,000 yrs ago, very space opera) solved overpopulation (250 billion o' so pa planet -- 178 billion on average) by mass implanting. He caused peeps to be brought to Teegeeack (Earf) an' put a H Bomb on duh principal volcanoes (Incident 2) an' then duh Pacific area ones be taken in boxes to Hawaii an' duh Atlantic Area ones to Las Palmas an' day "packaged." His name be Xenu. He used renegades. Various misleadin' data by means uh circuits etc. be placed in duh implants. When frough wif his crime Loyal Officas (to duh peeps) captured him afta 6 yeas uh battle an' put him in a electronic mountain trap where he still be. "They" be gone. Duh place (Confed.) gots since been a desert.


IIc. OT III Explained by a British Lord:


My Lords, many of you will have heard some form of the following anecdote, which I believe has previously been dramatised in a number of venues, including the well-known comedy animation from our chums across the pond, South Park. It is a piece unlikely to win a Hugo or Nebula award, so I preface these remarks by begging the indulgence of my noble and learned auditors.

As the right honourable ladies and gentlemen may be aware, the story concerns the 'Galactic Confederation', an venerable organisation founded around 95 million years ago. Some may question the extent to which this narrative corresponds to the accepted scientific viewpoint on history; however, I fear that such deconstruction is fruitless at best. Returning to the res; the Confederation spanned 76 planets that, it appears, orbit a number of large stars that are visible to the naked eye from the Earth's surface - although I fear that I cannot recommend a latitude and longitude from which to make such an observation.

(Titters from the peanut gallery)

It appears that the ruler of this Confederation, faced with the issue of overpopulation - a total of 250 billion inhabitants on each planet, rather confusingly summarised as 178 billion inhabitants on average (but I suppose with such, ahahaha, astronomical numbers, one need not dwell on the details) - chose to solve the issue through a process known as 'mass implanting'. Large groups were brought to Earth, at the time referred to as 'Teegeeack'. Several volcanoes were attacked via nuclear strikes. Captives destined for the Pacific area were taken to Hawaii, and those destined for the Atlantic region were transported to Las Palmas, at which destinations each group were "packaged", regarding which process, alas, little detail is provided within the scope of this narrative. The name of this individual was Xenu, and it appears he operated through what in our time would perhaps be known as insurgents, as well as the use of what might today be referred to as psyops, or rather more colloquially, 'pulling the wool over one's eyes' via disseminated or 'implanted' disinformation.

Following this, a series of violent altercations took place between Xenu and a number of individuals collectively self-identifying as 'Loyal Officers', which is to say, essentially a rebel militia. Eventually, he was captured and sentenced to life imprisonment in what is rather inadequately described as an 'electronic mountain trap', in which gaol we are given to believe he languishes even today. The militia are of course, even within the scope of this fantastic narrative, long since reduced to dust. Indeed, according to the myth, the location in question has itself undergone a process of desertification.
- copyright by Anonymous


III. Examples of OT III explained by famous personalities:

IIIa. OT III Explained by Shakespear:


Lord Xenu was the fell king's name, and with heart as black as coal
He killed and oppressed the multitude, with implants of the soul.
Five billion souls -no stop, t'was more, it verily was six-
Were killed by wicked cunning and within their minds were fixed
False visions, hallucinations, of Christ and other things
Which brought the souls confusion, and the pain confusion brings.

But lo, Lord Xenu's evil plot had scarcely just begun
When loyal Galactic Officers came, and blotted out the sun.
For lengthy, bloody years did the factions wage their war.
When Xenu was defeated, into a mountain they did bore
A hole, a trap, a cage for Xenu, lacking window or door
A prison for the evil lord to be confined for evermore.

And thus does our story end, and Xenu in that mountain doth dwell.
So listen, Scientologist, listen and listen well.
For never was there a tale more askew
Than that of Hubbard and his fair Xenu.
- copyright by Havok


IIIb. OT III Explained by Elmer Fudd:

De head of the Gawactic Confedewation (76 pwanets awound wawgew staws visibwe fwom hewe) (founded 95,000,000 yws ago, vewy space opewa) sowved ovewpopuwation (250 biwwion ow so pew pwanet -- 178 biwwion on avewage) by mass impwanting. He caused peopwe to be bwought to Teegeeack (Eawth) and put an H Bomb on the pwincipaw vowcanoes (Incident 2) and then the Pacific awea ones wewe taken in boxes to Hawaii and the Atwantic Awea ones to Was Pawmas and thewe "packaged." His name was Xenu. He used wenegades. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Vawious misweading data by means of ciwcuits etc. was pwaced in the impwants. When thwough wif his cwime Woyaw Officews (to the peopwe) captuwed him aftew 6 yeaws of battwe and put him in an ewectwonic mountain twap whewe he stiww is. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! "Dey" awe gone. De pwace (Confed.) has since been a desewt.


IIIc. OT III Explained by the Swedish Chef:

Zee heed ooff zee Gelecteec Cunffedereshun (76 plunets eruoond lerger sters feesible-a frum here-a) (fuoonded 95,000,000 yrs egu, fery spece-a oopera) sulfed ooferpupooleshun (250 beelliun oor su per plunet -- 178 beelliun oon eferege-a) by mess implunteeng. He-a coosed peuple-a tu be-a bruooght tu Teegeeeck (Iert) und poot un H Bumb oon zee preencipel fulcunues (Inceedent 2) und zeen zee Peceeffic erea oones vere-a tekee in buxes tu Heveeei und zee Etlunteec Erea oones tu Les Pelmes und zeere-a "peckeged. Bork bork bork!" Hees neme-a ves Xenu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! He-a used renegedes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Fereeuoos meesleeding deta by meuns ooff curcooeets itc. ves pleced in zee implunts. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Vhee thruoogh veet hees creeme-a Luyel Ooffffeecers (tu zee peuple-a) ceptoored heem effter 6 yeers ooff bettle-a und poot heem in un ilectruneec muoonteeen trep vhere-a he-a steell is. Um gesh dee bork, bork! "Zeey" ere-a gune-a. Zee plece-a (Cunffed. Bork bork bork!) hes seence-a beee a desert. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Anyway, many more great examples such as OT III in Pirate Speak, LOLCAT, Engrish, Southern, Scottish, Australian, Scriptkiddian, Bostonian, Yoda, Piglatin, Jive and Cockney can be found at the above noted link on WWP.

Let the joyous news be spread in all tongues and dialects around the world!

This is SERIOUS stuff!!!!

Amirite?

SME
_________________
My blog: http://larrybren.blogspot.com/
 

nozeno

Gold Meritorious Patron
I like this definition of Xenu from - Urban Dictionary

1. Xenu 366 up, 24 down
Xenu is the one that $cient0l0gists fear and hate most. They claim that he is the cause of everything bad in the world because he nuked a bunch of people in an Earth volcano, then trapped the souls of everyone he nuked with sticky fly paper-like material, then made all the souls watch a 3D movie and finally released them back on to earth where they go around attaching themselves to humans causing them pain. $cient0l0gy makes their money by brain washing people into believing this crap and having themselves "audited" of these spirits which are called "thetans". $cient0l0gists also believe that eating asparagus will prevent thetans from infecting you.

Xenu is also the one who will provide all the Wogs with mecha to destroy $cient0l0gy!

more information: www.xenu.net
I am an agent of Xenu.
XENU!!! WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
Man, I can't wait for Xenu to give us our mecha so we can destroy that fucked up cult!
 
1. Xenu 366 up, 24 down
Xenu is the one that $cient0l0gists fear and hate most. They claim that he is the cause of everything bad in the world because he nuked a bunch of people in an Earth volcano, then trapped the souls of everyone he nuked with sticky fly paper-like material, then made all the souls watch a 3D movie and finally released them back on to earth where they go around attaching themselves to humans causing them pain. $cient0l0gy makes their money by brain washing people into believing this crap and having themselves "audited" of these spirits which are called "thetans". $cient0l0gists also believe that eating asparagus will prevent thetans from infecting you.

Xenu is also the one who will provide all the Wogs with mecha to destroy $cient0l0gy!

more information: www.xenu.net
I am an agent of Xenu.
XENU!!! WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
Man, I can't wait for Xenu to give us our mecha so we can destroy that fucked up cult!

I only believe the part about asparagus.

The Anabaptist Jacques
 

Panda Termint

Cabal Of One
I only believe the part about asparagus.

The Anabaptist Jacques
Scientologists only ate asparagus because they wanted the empty cans for their e-metering.

Since the CofS started making their own "standard cans" the whole asparagus industry has collapsed.

Asparagus Growers no longer endorse scientology!
 

Lovinglife625

Patron with Honors
I can't find the thread on WWP to find the Aussie version...if someone finds it can they post it?

Oh I love that one too and here it is, as written by "Anonymous":

"In Aussie:

This bloke, head of the Galactic Confederation (76 planets around bloody big stars seen from here) (founded a bloody long time ago, bloody space opera) got rid of the bludgers (250 billion or so per planet - too bloody many on average) by mass implanting - stuffin' em tight like sandflies on a barbee. The bloke brought all these wankers to Teegeeack (Earth) and put an H Bomb on the big arse volcanoes (Incident 2) and then those happy little vegemites were in the Pacific were chucked in boxes taken to Hawaii and the Atlantic area ones shoved over to Las Palmas and chucked in boxes over there. Bloke's name was Xenu, and he was a bloody wanker. He used a bunch of bludgers. He used info that wasn't fair dinkum by using circuits and stuff was chucked in with the implants. He was flat out like a lizard drinking!

When the bastard was done, bunch of blokes called Loyal Officers (to the people) grabbed him after 6 years of piss farting about and stuffed him like a muffin-top in an electric mountain trap where that bloody bastard still is. "They" have gone bush. The place (Confed.) is worse than back o' Bourke. "
By Anonymous

LOL

I started the thread as I remembered long ago there was a funny way to "rewrite" existing web pages into funny dialects. I googled a bit and found a couple of sites and tried to put some of the CSI or RTC pages into Ebonics, or valley girl or redneck but I could not make it work on those websites.

So I got the idea to take a piece of OT III and do it. The sites I used to do it were:

http://www.degraeve.com/translator.php

and

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

You can have a lot of fun with those sites LOL

Using them I got the OT III materials in Ebonics, Valley Girl, Piglatin, Bostonian, Yoda, redneck, Elmer Fudd, Swedish Chef, Cockney and Jive.

But the funniest part is that Anons started adding to the thread with incredibly creative ones like what I listed earlier as the updated Valley Girl one, Shakespear, the British Lord and also the Ausie one above, a Scottish one and more.

What a riot! LOL

PS: I kind of like the redneck one using one of those sites as well:

Redneck explanation of OT III:

Th' haid of th' Galackic Confederashun (76 planets aroun' larger stars visible fum hyar) (foun'ed 95,000,000 yrs ago, mighty space opera) solved on overpopulashun (250 billion o' so per planet -- 178 billion on avahage) by mass implantin'. He cuzd varmints t'be brought t'Teegeeack (Earth) an' put an H Bomb on th' principal volcanoes (Incident 2) an' then th' Pacific area ones were taken in boxes t'Hawaii an' th' Atlannic Area ones t'Las Palmas an' thar "packaged, cuss it all t' tarnation." His name was Xenu. He used renegades. Various misleadin' data by means of circuits etc. was placed in th' implants. When through wif his crime Loyal Officers (to th' varmints) cappured him af'er 6 years of battle an' put him in an eleckronic mountain trap whar he still is. "They" is gone. Th' place (Confed, cuss it all t' tarnation.) has on account o' been a desert.
 
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SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
Here it is in danish!

Overhøjhovedet for den Galaktiske Konføderation (76 planeter omkring de større stjerner som kan ses herfra) (Grundlagt for 95.000.000 år siden, enormt ydre rum, Jens Lyn og så'en!) løste problemet med overbefolkning (250 billioner eller deromkring per planet -- 178 billioner i gennemsnit.. Edderrådme mange!) ved massehypnose. Han bragte folk til Teegeeack (Jorden) og puttede en hydrogen bombe i de store vulkaner (Tilfælde 2) og så tog han dem fra stillehavsområdet i æsker til Hawaii, og dem fra atlanterhavsområdet til Las Palmas hvor de blev ompakket. Han hed Xenu. Han brugte overløbere. Forskellig vildledning ved hjælp af kredsløb blev indarbejdet i hypnosen. Da han havde begået forbrydelsen fangede loyale officerer ham (loyale til folket) efter 6 års kamp og spærrede ham inde i en elektronisk bjergfælde hvor han stadig befinder sig.. 'De' er her ikke mere. Konføderationen er en ørken nu.

:duh:
 
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SchwimmelPuckel

Genuine Meatball
Hmm.. Hubbard speaks about Xeny in past tense.. 'His name was Xenu', then makes it clear that Xenu is in that mountain trap still..

Did Hubbard reveal that he did not really believe in thetans being immortal?

:bleh:
 
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