My SELF-CLEARING Story
In December 2009 after completing 5 years of staff at the Costa Rica Mission as the DSA (Director of Special Affairs) Costa Rica, I had finally decided I was done with what I thought would remain a career. Something was seriously wrong with the organization. And the signs of it had been there when I left Dallas staff in 2004 to move to Costa Rica. The new place was refreshing in a way - refreshingly far from corrupt and insane management. I enjoyed the ease with which I could get my job done and also have plenty of time to study auditing and audit English-speaking preclears who came to the Mission.
Anyway, a friend of mine got me to "take a look" and after a few weeks of finding out on the Internet where things really stood, my friend linked me to Super-Scio. I read the first chapters in fascination, and eventually decided it was too advanced to tackle for the time-being. My search for more information led me to The Pilot's Self-Clearing and other postings, and I devoured it.
One of the best things I got from it was the 'permission' to solo audit. I began to study and prepare for handling my own unhandled case (I was continually ill with migraine headaches - I was also completely broke and out of work, which heavily strained my marriage). I was in very unhappy shape. Out of communication with friends and family in the states, and now at odds with my wife about the scientology religion.
On top of all that, I had unusual and severe tooth pains, and so while riding the bus out looking for work, I would apply The Pilot's chapter on handling pain somatics. This worked. I used the Interiorization drill from Self-Clearing which relieved "going into things" enough to keep me going.
One day in the middle of the migraine pain, I had had enough, and I got out my e-meter, put two cans together, and assessed the condition. Several items were reading, including 'out-Int' and 'Body-in-Pawn'. So I studied solo auditing material the next couple of days, while holding the cans in one hand and noticing meter responses.
Between LRH materials (C/S-53, Int Rundown Correction List)) and Self-Clearing advices, I unraveled the Int condition very satisfactorily. I ended up with no more migraine headaches and enough recovery of Havingness to inherit a small business in which I could work for myself, make decent money, and have plenty of time to solo audit (this was out of view of my wife for obvious reasons, however, what I can say is that relations between us were improving dramatically).
At some point, my friend who was going "Independent" but was also being steered back to 'Standard Tech' tried pointing me in that direction, getting me a C/S who worked with me on the 'Body-in-Pawn' that had read on the meter and was now interfering with sessions as a persistent 'dirty needle' and occasional rock-slam. This was a difficult handling, but after struggling for many sessions and after a long 9-hour (with quick breaks to eat) session, made possible because my wife was out of town, I used The Pilot's "point to the being you divided from" to finally accomplish a spectacular 'blow' which made me exterior and put me on top of the world for a good while.
For weeks and weeks with sessions almost every day, I worked on out-list charge (L4BRB) and with the help of the distance C/Sing, I began to unravel the years of abuse and confusion on staff. At the point I started doing well on my own, I dropped the distance C/Sing and did my own, and it got so good, that I was able to walk into the Mission (where I had never wanted to return) with a fresh, renewed outlook, able to chat with staff who had been suppressive to me (a lot of internal politics there) and look at the whole thing from a fresh perspective.
I was happy, I made great money and my marriage became stable and pleasant for both of us.
After doing all I needed to do with list corrections, and doing The Pilot's Collapse Rundown to awesome results, I actually did the Introspection Rundown solo, and very quickly into the rundown, was able to end it off with a persistent floating needle and feeling no need to continue. I ended off on solo auditing for a while, seeing that I would need a rest point for the upcoming trip.
My wife took me to Mexico. I paid in advance for the Clear Certainty Rundown (this had read on lists in the church, as well as in my solo sessions). They stole my money by claiming 12 hours of folder study Thursday before 2pm, and by getting my wife to 'help' me and donate for 'auditing I needed first. This was out-and-out suppression, yet in spite of it I held up fine, casewise. I was told I had to get my Security Check form leaving staff and that meant paying for it myself (by policy the org is supposed to do this). It was a rip-off, but I complied thinking that if I got my CCRD at the end it would be worthwhile and I would be done with the Bridge - my wife would be happy, etc.
The solo auditing actually had me standing up to the suppression there which otherwise would have caved me in and destroyed my marriage (I can't get over how insidious it was to reg my wife to involve her in a profound injustice). My case was in awesome shape and the horrible out-tech of demanding a floating needle whether a sec check question is charged or not, apparently did not dirty my needle too badly. I refuse to make things up and luckily I knew enough to make the auditor check 'protest' as needed to float my needle.
And there
was heavy protest!
After finishing the grinding Sec Check successfully (my knowledge of my case and the tech was the only thing that got me through it with the wins of answering the questions honestly but holding to my own moral code and not theirs) I was told I'd have to wait for another time to get my CCRD. I was not happy.
Weeks later I was told to 're-do' my Objectives - a very wrong indication.
My next step on Hubbard's Grade Chart was Grade 0. One of the only limitations to Self-Clearing in my opinion, is that this Grade works best when you've another to talk to, so I was waiting on that for a co-auditor.
I probably should have worked more with Self-Clearing then, but I had strong considerations still, about being as 'Standard' as possible (there is actually some validity to that, which I will explain another time), and after the failure at the church and its newly-introduced stress on our marriage, I embarked on a Suppressed Person Rundown, maintaining a happy case state, but somehow missing the present-time suppression developing around me.
Hostile forces were gathering during this time, to eventually violently steal the land I was working on (taking care of Teak trees) as my business. I could feel them, but I stubbornly clung to my faith in the meter and thought I should rely on it to keep my life going as well as it had before that disaster in Mexico. Ironically, I did get some correct items on the meter, but I did not get what was coming in the physical universe. I was not introverted on my solo auditing mind you - rather I was quite extroverted, and spacing out my sessions to only when rudiments went out.
During one of those occasional sessions, with the tropical rain loudly beating on the metal roof (my session worksheet for the day says I was worried about someone intruding on session since I could no longer hear the door), I ignored my intuition and the one day out of a thousand that my wife came home early, she walked in on me holding two cans in my hands (a big, bad, 'no-no' in Hubbard's disempowerment cult).
To make a long story short, the rivals at the Mission from the time I found crimes on the Executive Director, used my wife's report to bury me, and then in the middle of that gnarly mess of suppression raining down, I was badly beaten physically by an international criminal who had stolen the land from my clients and considered me a threat - in the wrong place at the wrong time - and my wife eventually succumbed to the relentless campaign by the Mission to force me to bow down and drink the poisonous lower conditions, and now wanted a divorce.
That was the end of that for a while.
Sorry for the long ramble, but the story is there for those interested. Self-Clearing played a big part in getting me started, and in giving me enough perspective
not to take Hubbard's boobytraps seriously.
A lot of the rest of the story is on my blog.
http://watchfulnavigator.wordpress.com
The Pilot took a lot of responsibility for reform, which you can see that I am in agreement with. However, my reform arrows are just about spent. I am now mostly interested in tech research and development on the shoulders of the good in Scientology, The Pilot and other students of Hubbard.
Self-Clearing is the most common-sense, unevaluative and valuable work I have ever found outside the church. Ken Ogger was a brilliant thinker and compassionate enough to put it out there in a simplicity that only someone with deep understanding could accomplish.
I am thoroughly enjoying reviewing Self-Clearing right now, from top to bottom, and after I finish co-auditing my standard Grades, I plan to do it from the Chapter One on up.
"That's my story and I'm sticking to it."
Scott Gordon
WATCHFUL NAVIGATOR
a previous write-up is here:
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthre...highlight=watchful+navigator+pilot#post718150
(if there are any contradictions, I'm sure that CO2 will find them and let us know -then I guess I'll have some 'splainin' to do)
