PLEASE ANSWER QUICKLY!! I WANT TO LEAVE!!

[SweetnessandLight]

As I see it, it's a lot like having survivor's guilt...

(More than anyone wants to know...but just FYI if you're unfamiliar with the concept: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivor_guilt )

Here are some ideas and suggestions for handling those persistent thoughts or feelings:

1. Make it a project of sorts...to bless those people. Write down a list of the names of those individuals you feel especially that you are letting down by leaving...people you worked with, your friends, etc.

Then sit down someplace quiet each morning for 10 to 15 minutes or so and think of those individuals one by one...go down the list, picture them and wish them individually good fortune, health, happiness, prosperity...courage to change, to grow...whatever good qualities or experiences that you would wish for each one of them, for them to reach their highest and best purpose and potential. Make a mental picture of them well and happy, one by one.

Then release it, put the list aside, and go do something positive. Take a walk, work in the yard, clean the kitchen, go meet a friend for breakfast, take some physical action that will take you out and away from that mental space, and get you engaged with the real world and new people. Like reading a daily paper at a coffee house and sharing parts with others. You can think of lots of these kinds of things to do...Do this each morning for a week or so and I think you will find that these negative feelings will lesson or disappear altogether.

2. Make a shorter list of the people who you cared for most or were most concerned about...and consider some fun, educational, recreational or service "project" or experience that you can do for them, in their name...to honor them. They, nor anyone else, need not know anything about it. You are doing this to heal yourself, heal your own attitude. Think of something which would be meaningful or special to them in some way...and then go do it yourself, for them. Make a plan to first think about and then carry out these kinds of actions over a period of several a week or one weekly until you are complete with them all. Make it fun and interesting for yourself. I think you will find when you accomplish this..you will get a big release from worry and troubled thoughts attached to those people.

3. Set a goal of meeting and briefly pleasantly interacting with one new person each day...even a short pleasant positive conversation with the check out clerk, a neighbor, someone walking their dog, etc. Be positive, be friendly and kind. Give a compliment or acknowledgement. Give encouragement or praise wherever it is warranted. This will help you to shake those negative feelings and feel more on purpose and "with it".

4. Set aside 5 minutes each evening after supper to think about the Org...set a kitchen timer or a clock alarm...or just watch a clock) ...to wonder how they are doing, to ponder what might have been...to process your thoughts or feelings about leaving the group...loss, guilt, frustration, anger, peace, satisfaction...whatever comes up for you. Just think your thoughts and feel your feelings for the space of five minutes...no longer. Then if you want to journal some about it all, as well as your day, what you hope for tomorrow, etc. go ahead and write or record for another 10-20 minutes.Then let it go and move on to watching a movie or tv,surfing the Internet, reading a book, listening to good music, having a nice conversation...something to take your mind of everything and help you wind down from your day...then get a good night's rest. Rinse and repeat!

5. If those worrisome or negative thoughts or feelings come up for you otherwise during the day or night...or seem to be intrusive, TELL yourself that it is not the right time to be working on that...and just turn your mind towards something else, and go take some action. Where your thoughts go...your feelings will follow. Trust me on this! It works!

6. These feelings will naturally fade with time...even if you do nothing about them...as you get on with new experiences and new people to focus your attention on, and new action to put your energy into. However...if these feelings persist in a troublesome way...take some time to get on ESMB or another interesting board and read, write, or chat with folks in the forum for awhile. Just taking that action has helped many to feel freer and move on.

Wish you all the best...don't worry, this too shall pass!

 

[Leland]

You're young. You left a group.....yes, it might sting a bit.

Just get your ass into University....and some new groups. (robotics club...chess club....school newspaper....tennis.....soccer.....drinking club.....computer club....You get the idea....)

Get your education.

Chase some skirts....

Have some fun.

Get a job and make some money......

It will be a nice feeling to have some money in your pocket.

 

[AnonyMary]

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

Listen, take a break, enjoy your new freedom, get some space on the whole thing and then revisit the issue. I guarantee you that you will have a different perspective. And you will be better prepared to figure out your fellow org member relationships and what degree of obligation you have individually with each person there. Don't let the sense of abandoning them hinder you. How you approach your life now, how you come to terms with things for yourself and your well being as you move on may well be the impetus that encourages others there. You need the evolution of your self determinism and integrity to get to a comfort zone where you are ready to tackle such issues. Consider yourself on a vacation. Out of sight, out of mind...

PS: On your leaving:

Mary McConnell

 

[SweetnessandLight]

Leland...I don't know that University's have "drinking clubs"...I think they are called fraternities there.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

And by the way...mr qazzy wazzy...you are not alone in feeling this way!

Alanzo has been out for years...but mentioned it in a recent posted comment on Marty Rathbun's blogsite: https://markrathbun.wordpress.com/2014/08/02/why-scientologists-cannot-be-trusted/#comments

"Marty Wrote:

“I am not suggesting that Max and Ron’s Org are going to these lengths. But, certainly Max and Ron’s Org are running a cult that impresses upon its members a firm belief that they are forever in Ron’s (via Ron’s Org’s) debt. The moment a continuing debt is entered into the psychotherapy equation, it leaves the realm of therapy and enters the zone of mind control.”

Exactly.

Excellent observation, Marty.

I paid out a lot of money and I spent a LOT of time working for Scientology for free.

It’s amazing that anyone would continue to feel indebted after doing something like that. But I did because it was continually instilled in me to feel that way as part of my chosen religion.

I’m sure many other Scientologists have been similarly fooled.

The questions is – when is your exchange ever actually IN – per Ron – with Scientology when you are a Scientologist?

Answer: NEVER

Alanzo"

 

[Leland]

mrqazwaz, I was a public for 27 years. I worked my ass off.....(at menial jobs, because I didn't get an education because I got into scamology at 17 years old ) and gave all the money I made to the Orgs....

It was such a waste. I feel they betrayed me. They did betray me. They betray everyone....

To the Orgs.....only scientology matters.....not people.

 

[programmer_guy]

Listen, take a break, enjoy your new freedom, get some space on the whole thing and then revisit the issue. I guarantee you that you will have a different perspective. And you will be better prepared to figure out your fellow org member relationships and what degree of obligation you have individually with each person there. Don't let the sense of abandoning them hinder you. How you approach your life now, how you come to terms with things for yourself and your well being as you move on may well be the impetus that encourages others there. You need the evolution of your self determinism and integrity to get to a comfort zone where you are ready to tackle such issues. Consider yourself on a vacation. Out of sight, out of mind...

Excellent advice!

 

[I told you I was trouble]

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

Feeling bad or as if you have betrayed people is all part of the glue that sticks people to the cult, it's woven into the cofs fabric from the very start.

You have betrayed nobody ... it is perfectly normal to leave jobs and places and change your mind about an earlier decision.

Hubbard betrayed all of us when he ruled that anyone that "dares to leave" without "permission" is to be flicked off (disconnected from) ... if it were not for his vicious attitude you could have left "nicely" and remained in touch with the people you now feel you have betrayed. Those people probably will be angry with you for going partly because they are still trapped and can't get free themselves. True friends are not like that though.

You've done really well, enjoy being yourself again and try not to introvert due to what you have been through, it wasn't normal ... you were trapped in a cult (but you got out fast, faster than most do).

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

Yes, you did.

But you betrayed your org the same way someone betrays their job when they leave for a better one, etc, etc.

Sometimes betrayal is unavoidable, and sometimes it's the right thing to do regardless.

They'll just have to get along without you. After all, it's your life and you have to live it.

So acknowlege the fact that they want you back, they're not going to get what they want, and move on. You don't have to sacrifice yourself for their needs.

Carry on.

Helena

 

[SweetnessandLight]

And for everyone

Being With Your Experience: The How and Why of Mindfulness

"Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on what’s really going on around you and within you…richly attending to this-now-moment. It’s about being with your experience…and discovering the nuances of those ventures. To practice mindfulness is to wash dishes while you are washing dishes. Feeling the water against your hands, the temperature, noticing sensations, smells, and sounds. Perceiving and experiencing whatever is occurring. It’s a kind of “being-ness.” And just as with meditation…when your attention wanders you simply bring yourself back to a present-centered focus on your feeling or sensation. Play it like a game and keep your expectations low. The more often you do it…as with lifting weights in the gym to broaden your strength…you increase your bandwidth for being here now."

Read the whole article!

From: http://igniteyourpotentialnow.com/2011/12/08/mindfulness/

 

[Free Being Me]

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

What you're describing is a side effect many have experienced here. You're not alone. Elcon's cult is intentionally manipulative not only to keep you in but to keep you coming back if you leave. You are doing the right thing, have made a courageous choice by leaving a cult.

Have you ever heard of F.O.G.? Fear, Obligation and Guilt, it's a dark evil method of Emotional Blackmail to control others. In the link the article is written for one on one relationships however the premise is applicable towards $cientology as well.

http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/FOG.html

 

[He-man]

From what I can see- and remembering back, too- it seems that the ones most concerned about the fl bills are those who are interested in rejoining the cult. This is held over anyone who is trying to get back in.

Perhaps some people who don't want to do any Scn anymore- who just want out- also worry about it. I didn't think so but ya neer know. But, as was previously stated, it's not legally enforceable and don't give the cult one red cent.

I csn think of at least two scenarios more - You believe that you are held by a legal contract to pay that bill and the you have family connections within the church.

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

You have not betrayed anyone as I see it. You simply had a change of heart as you do not agree with the church anymore as I understand from what you posted in your initial post:

"The reason of my decision to leave is that the church has started to try an control every personal aspect of my live. Its like they do not want me to think for myself. I can not take it anymore."

Guilt - A very easy emotion that others can use against you. Ask yourself if they have a right to.

 

[Sindy]

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

I understand. Soon that feeling of betraying others will fade as you continue to get yourself back and all of your integrity intact. It's a process. It's normal to feel like you've betrayed people you love and who you held a common goal with and who were counting on you.

The reality is, though, that the cult will you eat you (and them) alive and there is no winning by staying. So, ultimately, you were forced to choose between your personal sanity, your own honor and integrity and your own survival and the love and respect of people you made a commitment to.

Well, you made the right decision even if there is currently a battle going on in your head. There is no way to leave that place with honor. It's rigged. If you could have had rational discussion, resulting in change, you wouldn't have had to leave in the first place. The head trip you're experiencing was intricately devised. That's the exact response you're supposed to have. Plow through their invisible manipulation. There is only goodness and ever increasing personal strength on the other side of that mind warp.

Every person who leaves the hive mind creates a disturbance in the whole that allows others to get unstuck. That's a good thing. Some will thank you later and others will die there. Someone has to put the oxygen mask on first. Good thing you did.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're not bad, unstable, unethical, selfish, a wimp, a coward, a menace, a liar. You're none of those things or any other label they'd like you to slap on yourself so you dare not recognize what the cult is really up to.

Watching these videos helped me a lot. The truth is, you were betrayed, not the other way around. Get indignant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKtfNf-2Zyc

 

[Terril park]

Your probably not strong enough to do this yet,but if and when you are
you could get in touch with those individuals you wish to and tell them how free
you are now, and offer to help them if they wish to leave. Also tell them they
can do all the Scn they wish in the FZ without all the pressure and nonsense.

 

[degraded being]

Your probably not strong enough to do this yet,but if and when you are
you could get in touch with those individuals you wish to and tell them how free
you are now, and offer to help them if they wish to leave. Also tell them they
can do all the Scn they wish in the FZ without all the pressure and nonsense.

But if they go to the FZ they might encounter OSA there, undercover.

 

[He-man]

Your probably not strong enough to do this yet,but if and when you are
you could get in touch with those individuals you wish to and tell them how free
you are now, and offer to help them if they wish to leave. Also tell them they
can do all the Scn they wish in the FZ without all the pressure and nonsense.

 

[Free Being Me]

Your probably not strong enough to do this yet,but if and when you are
you could get in touch with those individuals you wish to and tell them how free
you are now, and offer to help them if they wish to leave. Also tell them they
can do all the Scn they wish in the FZ without all the pressure and nonsense.

Fucking really?!!! Terril, you are a shameless predator using ESMB for evil - recruiting people for $cientology. Can't one person come here without you digging your cult claws into them? Trolling ESMB for raw meat should be against the rules here if it isn't already. With all due respect, this is bullshit. This isn't what ESMB should be used for. If Terril's actions are permissible then please close my account.

 

[George Layton]

Your probably not strong enough to do this yet(begin by fabricating a sense of inadequate ruin) ,but if and when you are
you could get in touch with those individuals you wish to and tell them how free
you are now, and offer to help them if they wish to leave.(add a pinch of noble purpose playing on the concerns of the mark) Also tell them they
can do all the Scn they wish in the FZ without all the pressure and nonsense.

(most importantly put a plug in for the cult waiting just outside the cult)

When the time comes that the cult falls and all those stuck inside scatter out to the waiting world, I hope that it's a dark and stormy night and they all slip past you through the dark sheets of rain to some safe haven beyond your reach.

 

[degraded being]

Fucking really?!!! Terril, you are a shameless predator using ESMB for evil - recruiting people for $cientology. Can't one person come here without you digging your cult claws into them? Trolling ESMB for raw meat should be against the rules here if it isn't already. With all due respect, this is bullshit. This isn't what ESMB should be used for. If Terril's actions are permissible then please close my account.

Please stay. I had to take Terril off ignore because I assumed correctly that he would possibly want to get his claws into the OP, who started the thread in order to get help and support getting away from the cult.

I don't care about INDIE groups. If people want to join them without being under any manipulation to do so I don't care.
However, if people are fished out of ESMB when they are in the vulnerable position of escaping the cult that is different. If they do not feel they are vulnerable or need anyone's protection, fair enough, but the tone of the OP was one of felt danger/vulnerability re COS.

The other thing about Indie groups that bothers me is that when people are being fished off ESMB to go to those groups, they are likely going to OSA infiltratred groups. I have shut up about this for the last few years because I could be accused to be OSA myself, trying to scare people away from Indie groups. But today I have started saying what I think. Terril has asked all sorts of weird strays to get in comm with him. ANd by that I do not mean people who just happen to "like the tech" or want to practice scientology outside the COS. I am talking about the ones who for different reasons would have been on OSA lines as org public. Already in their radar and being tracked, and possibly being used. If anyone wants to be an Indie, go anywhere but there. That's my opinion.

 

[Bill]

Hey guys. I have a question. And by the way thank you so much for the support.
I am out now and have no intention of going back.
But I feel that I betrayed a lot of people in my ORG.. Some of you probably know what I am talking about?
Do you what is the best way to handle this? Because I feel like I just keep thinking about this.

Thank you.

That's a human and a decent reaction. In one sense, that is what happened. But that isn't the truth. What happened is that you had to save yourself from a very bad situation. Continuing to accept the abuse would not have improved anything. The truth is that staying and being abused (that's what it was) would have made the situation worse, not better.

But ask yourself, do you think anyone in the org is feeling guilty for what they did to you, what they continue to do to other staff members - long hours, low/no pay and hounding for IAS contributions? Do you think anyone in the org feels that they betrayed you by doing such things?

The Church of Scientology preys on good people because it knows they are decent and can be abused for years and will still feel guilty for leaving.