Protecting my daughter

anglorob

New Member
Forgive me if I've come onto the wrong section of the forum.
I'm after some advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who is now living with my ex partner who ended our 12 year old relationship some 6 months ago.
Last March my ex told me that she wanted to end our relationship and came up with some lame excuses. It was around then that I found some Scientology books, DVD and other literature hidden in our house. I didn't approach her right away about it, I wanted to do some research into it and what I found, I didn't like.
I also discovered that she was becoming more friendly with one of her work colleagues who was a Scientologist and it was apparently him that lent her some of the books etc.
She eventually left the home with our daughter and stays in rented accomodation nearby.
10 days later, she announced that she is now an item with the guy from work.
I phoned the guy and told him that I didn't want him near my daughter because of his beliefs and as far as I know, he has kept to that arrangement.
Months have passed and my ex and her boyfriend are making comments on social media sites which are a little alarming, regarding "staying on the program" etc.
She has now said to me that my daughter could not be welcomed into the CoS because of me. Does anyone know if this is true? Is it because I am seen to be a PTS or SP?

I am not concerned about my ex, she is old enough to know what she is doing. However my main concern is my daughter and protecting her. What sort of signs should I be looking out for?
Any advice that anyone can give would be most grateful.
Thank you.
 

MrNobody

Who needs merits?
Forgive me if I've come onto the wrong section of the forum.
I'm after some advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who is now living with my ex partner who ended our 12 year old relationship some 6 months ago.
Last March my ex told me that she wanted to end our relationship and came up with some lame excuses. It was around then that I found some Scientology books, DVD and other literature hidden in our house. I didn't approach her right away about it, I wanted to do some research into it and what I found, I didn't like.
I also discovered that she was becoming more friendly with one of her work colleagues who was a Scientologist and it was apparently him that lent her some of the books etc.
She eventually left the home with our daughter and stays in rented accomodation nearby.
10 days later, she announced that she is now an item with the guy from work.
I phoned the guy and told him that I didn't want him near my daughter because of his beliefs and as far as I know, he has kept to that arrangement.
Months have passed and my ex and her boyfriend are making comments on social media sites which are a little alarming, regarding "staying on the program" etc.
She has now said to me that my daughter could not be welcomed into the CoS because of me. Does anyone know if this is true? Is it because I am seen to be a PTS or SP?

I am not concerned about my ex, she is old enough to know what she is doing. However my main concern is my daughter and protecting her. What sort of signs should I be looking out for?
Any advice that anyone can give would be most grateful.
Thank you.

Well, if your daughter isn't welcome there, that's the best that could happen to you, I'd say. You wouldn't want to have your daughter on staff or in the Sea Org.

Would you be able to take care of her alone?

EDIT:
Oh, and before I forget it: :welcome2: anglorob
 

Smilla

Ordinary Human
Welcome to ESMB.

I don't feel qualified to give you any specific advice, but others here will be able to.

In the meantime, I would suggest that you read as much on the subject as you comfortably can.

It would help to know which country you are in, if matters of law are touched upon.

Good luck.
 

Purple Rain

Crusader
...

She has now said to me that my daughter could not be welcomed into the CoS because of me. Does anyone know if this is true? Is it because I am seen to be a PTS or SP?

I am not concerned about my ex, she is old enough to know what she is doing. However my main concern is my daughter and protecting her. What sort of signs should I be looking out for?
Any advice that anyone can give would be most grateful.
Thank you.

The only reason your ex would make a comment like this is if they consider you to be suppressive - an SP. If this is the case they will be white-anting your relationship with your daughter and attempting to alienate her affection.

Suggest you take a leaf out of Katie Holmes' book and safeguard your relationship with your child. Do your research. Get a better than great lawyer. Do it before you've already lost her.

Best of luck, and welcome.
 
I think you might do well to discuss with the two of them - perhaps one at a time, what their intentions are. You should let them know you have no intention of letting her slip out of your life. At 6 she is in no danger of being recruited, but she will be exposed to various Scino dogma. That is what Katie feared, and why she made her move. She didn't want her impressionable daughter turning in to a Scientologist. I think you would do well to establish regular visitation etc. so that you can be a terminal for her, to down play their dogma. However, expect to be discredited (I was going to say slandered) by them in an attempt to lessen you in her eyes. If you are not with the program, they consider you an enemy, (type "A" PTS - meaning antagonistic to Scientology).

Sorry, but you are dealing with true believing cult zealots.

Mimsey
 

Sindy

Crusader
I think you might do well to discuss with the two of them - perhaps one at a time, what their intentions are. You should let them know you have no intention of letting her slip out of your life. At 6 she is in no danger of being recruited, but she will be exposed to various Scino dogma. That is what Katie feared, and why she made her move. She didn't want her impressionable daughter turning in to a Scientologist. I think you would do well to establish regular visitation etc. so that you can be a terminal for her, to down play their dogma. However, expect to be discredited (I was going to say slandered) by them in an attempt to lessen you in her eyes. If you are not with the program, they consider you an enemy, (type "A" PTS - meaning antagonistic to Scientology).

Sorry, but you are dealing with true believing cult zealots.

Mimsey

I think you would do well to establish regular visitation etc. so that you can be a terminal for her, to down play their dogma.

Try to lose that vernacular Mimsey :) :hug:

Terminal = Just a regular old person there to connect up to and speak with that would be safe to talk to.
 

dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome anglorob


I think that your focus should be on sharing your daughter's interests in life with her as often as you can. Really notice what she likes and arrange activities and participate in those things with her. Have fun.

Your concern about the Scientology influence is well placed, however this is not easily understood by such a young person, and the differences and disputes you will have with her mom and boyfriend should be left out of your daughter's life.

I am quite certain, having heard if from the mouths of babes, that your daughter really does not want to see you fighting with her mom and most probably wish her natural parents would reconcile. She will love both of her parents according to their demontration of love. I am not saying that reconciliation is what you should even attempt, however I am trying to stand up for your daughter and her wishes and let you know that is likely her view.

That said, I fully agree with your concern about Scientology, as it is a protagonist for hate in this world and only wishes to usurp the will of those it can reach and doesn't give a damn about who gets hurt in the struggle, as long as it wins control of the minds and souls of individuals.

Let your love for your daughter guide you in your actions and do not be sidetracked into the war that Scientology beckons.(and perhaps has already started)

And yes, the Scientology "suppressive person" dogma does technically prohibit your daughter to be active in scientology while you are openly and actively against scientology and connected to her, however that does not mean that she will not be subject to the concept that; because you are anti-scientology you are a anti-social (read bad and evil and ignorant) person and need to be contained or destroyed. So if you are being a caring, loving father who does not attack your daughter's mother or boyfriend and start to get such views or statements from your daughter, then you know she is most likely being turned against you. I hope that makes clearer what the Scientology dogma and practice is.

Good luck. Your daughter will treasure the love and fun actions you share with her.
 

Dilettante

Patron Meritorious
Forgive me if I've come onto the wrong section of the forum.
I'm after some advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who is now living with my ex partner who ended our 12 year old relationship some 6 months ago.
Last March my ex told me that she wanted to end our relationship and came up with some lame excuses. It was around then that I found some Scientology books, DVD and other literature hidden in our house. I didn't approach her right away about it, I wanted to do some research into it and what I found, I didn't like.
I also discovered that she was becoming more friendly with one of her work colleagues who was a Scientologist and it was apparently him that lent her some of the books etc.
She eventually left the home with our daughter and stays in rented accomodation nearby.
10 days later, she announced that she is now an item with the guy from work.
I phoned the guy and told him that I didn't want him near my daughter because of his beliefs and as far as I know, he has kept to that arrangement.
Months have passed and my ex and her boyfriend are making comments on social media sites which are a little alarming, regarding "staying on the program" etc.
She has now said to me that my daughter could not be welcomed into the CoS because of me. Does anyone know if this is true? Is it because I am seen to be a PTS or SP?

I am not concerned about my ex, she is old enough to know what she is doing. However my main concern is my daughter and protecting her. What sort of signs should I be looking out for?
Any advice that anyone can give would be most grateful.
Thank you.


Protection may be overrated. The cult may try to 'protect' her from YOU. Innoculation may be the tactic! Indulge her interests and introduce her to new activities. Cultivate her sense of adventure. Love her dearly and show nothing but respect for her mum. Make it clear that NO ONE can come between you two. This takes a lot of work but I have seen success. :yes: When or if she decides to experience this cult or another it should be short lived.

I have seen 2nd & 3rd generation scio's escape a-okay. It can be done. Good luck to you.
Dil
 

Idle Morgue

Gold Meritorious Patron
Forgive me if I've come onto the wrong section of the forum.
I'm after some advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who is now living with my ex partner who ended our 12 year old relationship some 6 months ago.
Last March my ex told me that she wanted to end our relationship and came up with some lame excuses. It was around then that I found some Scientology books, DVD and other literature hidden in our house. I didn't approach her right away about it, I wanted to do some research into it and what I found, I didn't like.
I also discovered that she was becoming more friendly with one of her work colleagues who was a Scientologist and it was apparently him that lent her some of the books etc.
She eventually left the home with our daughter and stays in rented accomodation nearby.
10 days later, she announced that she is now an item with the guy from work.
I phoned the guy and told him that I didn't want him near my daughter because of his beliefs and as far as I know, he has kept to that arrangement.
Months have passed and my ex and her boyfriend are making comments on social media sites which are a little alarming, regarding "staying on the program" etc.
She has now said to me that my daughter could not be welcomed into the CoS because of me. Does anyone know if this is true? Is it because I am seen to be a PTS or SP?

I am not concerned about my ex, she is old enough to know what she is doing. However my main concern is my daughter and protecting her. What sort of signs should I be looking out for?
Any advice that anyone can give would be most grateful.
Thank you.

Write up a KNOWLEDGE REPORT and send it to the Ethics Office at the local morgue - state the guy's name and tell the Ethics Officer that he is having an affair with your wife and you are still married - write up your wife too! This will get them in trouble - then ... you may - sue her in court for custody of the Child. But wait until you get that Knowledge Report sent in. Send it Certified Mail. Be nice - and just simply state the facts. Ask for the Church's HELP - your wife is having an affair and the guy is an active Scientologist! They will "handle" him - and your wife will get the divorce over quickly - no fighting in court - so you have the upper hand.

Sue her in court - Scientology does not like it when their parishoner's sue in court - go for custody - there is plenty of information your attorney can get on the internet - court cases - on how dangerous Scientology is. Cut up all credit cards and cancel all checking accounts - get something in writing that removes you from her "financially" - she could go and buy a bunch of Scientolgoy services -so protect yourself from that.

Scientology is an evil cult - it destroy's lives. Get educated - read everything you can about it.
 

AnonyMary

Formerly Fooled - Finally Free
Write up a KNOWLEDGE REPORT and send it to the Ethics Office at the local morgue - state the guy's name and tell the Ethics Officer that he is having an affair with your wife and you are still married - write up your wife too! This will get them in trouble - then ... you may - sue her in court for custody of the Child. But wait until you get that Knowledge Report sent in. Send it Certified Mail. Be nice - and just simply state the facts. Ask for the Church's HELP - your wife is having an affair and the guy is an active Scientologist! They will "handle" him - and your wife will get the divorce over quickly - no fighting in court - so you have the upper hand.

Sue her in court - Scientology does not like it when their parishoner's sue in court - go for custody - there is plenty of information your attorney can get on the internet - court cases - on how dangerous Scientology is. Cut up all credit cards and cancel all checking accounts - get something in writing that removes you from her "financially" - she could go and buy a bunch of Scientolgoy services -so protect yourself from that.

Scientology is an evil cult - it destroy's lives. Get educated - read everything you can about it.

This is the worst possible thing to do to this time, to cause antagonism between them all. Down the line, perhaps, as a last ditch measure, but at this point his priority is keeping his daughter in his life! You know what the church does to families. Right now he still has part of his family - his daughter - so let him work with what he has without causing more problems in the relationship. :)
________________________________________

What I suggest anglorob, is plan to plan custody issues.

Go see the attorney for the custody and child support issues. Tell him your situation and that you will be filing for joint custody but you want to get an idea of what it will cost to have something written up in advance to present to her.

Tell him you want an iron clad visitation schedule and joint legal custody with stipulations about the child's school and life being limited in involvement with scientology; and that permission would be needed by you before she can put the child in a scientology school, or receive any scientology counseling or training. Include in this that you will only use court appointed mediators to resolve all custody and child support disputes ( so they don't have you going to a scientologist who is also a mediator).

Ask how much it will be to draw this up. Then get it done.

Then go see your ex and say that you want to keep things fair and simple and make sure your child doesn't suffer for your differences. Tell her you want joint physical and legal custody so it's even and fair. See what she says... If it looks like she's going to fight it, go asap and file for joint custody and ask for joint legal and physical custody.

Do not let her know about what you are trying to get on the scientology issues yet. See how it goes in court. Ask for a mediator. Be prepared to show your concerns with documentation ( people here will help you find info on how bad the schools are, how children are raised in scientology... that it's not your religion and it wasn't your wifes until recently and you don't want the child raised in it.). But don't let on until you you are ready. Just keep it JOINT. Which is normal. for most people and something she will probably go along with. Then spring the above on agreements in advance, and court mediation as the mediator.

Of course, legal advise from and help with filing from a lawyer are best . But if you have to do it on your own due to money... this is my suggestion.

Best wishes

Mary
I edited this because I realized afterwards that you were partners, not legally married.
 
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FlagEmDown

Patron
Be very careful.
They will try to get you out of your daughter's life. Fake sexual / physical abuse claims - whatever it takes.
Talk to your lawyer BEFORE they try anything and let him know they play on this level so he can perhaps take preventative steps.
This may sound far fetched, but I've seen scinos try it.

Your daughter is fortunate your are aware and looking out for her. :clap:
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
There's some really good stuff at the Village Voice regarding Scientology's treatment of children. I encourage you to check out the Vv website yourself, but there are two interesting links:

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runni..._scientology_sec_checking_suri_tom_cruise.php

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2012/07/scientology_auditing_kids.php

I'd show these articles to your custody lawyer so he/she has an idea of what you're dealing with.

Oh, and one more thing - if you get her into counselling, the Co$ won't want her. It's not too weird to take a little kid to a counsellor for parents splitting up, and it's a sure way to make her untouchable.
 
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British Mom

Patron with Honors
Forgive me if I've come onto the wrong section of the forum.
I'm after some advice. I have a 5 year old daughter who is now living with my ex partner who ended our 12 year old relationship some 6 months ago.
Last March my ex told me that she wanted to end our relationship and came up with some lame excuses. It was around then that I found some Scientology books, DVD and other literature hidden in our house. I didn't approach her right away about it, I wanted to do some research into it and what I found, I didn't like.
I also discovered that she was becoming more friendly with one of her work colleagues who was a Scientologist and it was apparently him that lent her some of the books etc.
She eventually left the home with our daughter and stays in rented accomodation nearby.
10 days later, she announced that she is now an item with the guy from work.
I phoned the guy and told him that I didn't want him near my daughter because of his beliefs and as far as I know, he has kept to that arrangement.
Months have passed and my ex and her boyfriend are making comments on social media sites which are a little alarming, regarding "staying on the program" etc.
She has now said to me that my daughter could not be welcomed into the CoS because of me. Does anyone know if this is true? Is it because I am seen to be a PTS or SP?

I am not concerned about my ex, she is old enough to know what she is doing. However my main concern is my daughter and protecting her. What sort of signs should I be looking out for?
Any advice that anyone can give would be most grateful.
Thank you.

Hi, I think you are right to be alarmed, the only thing I can tell you is that I was declared & my daughter, whom is in the Sea Org, disconnected from me & all her family, this includes, father, sister, aunties & grandmothers as well as myself. So if you are a threat to the Org I am sure they wont encourage your daughter there.
 

anglorob

New Member
Thank you all for your advice and concerns. I appreciate it very much.

Yes Smilla, I should have mentioned that I am in the UK.
As Scientology is not so prevalent here in the UK, I think the lawyers are at a disadvantage
I have joint custody of my daughter although there is nothing on paper. I do see her regularly and I have her stay over with me about 2 days a week. My relationship with my daughter is very good, in fact probably better than when she was living with me.
I have told my ex that there is no way that I will be giving up on my daughter and will be watching her very closely.
Obviously, I havn't mentioned anything to my daughter about this because I think she is still too young and I wouldn't want to alarm her.
If I try to speak to me ex about it, she says that she would not want any harm done to our daughter and even sometimes denies any involvement and just says it is her boyfriend who is involved.

I think they do view me as an SP or PTS because I made contact with him and his mission.

I am in the process of having my ex's named removed from the property deeds and trying to secure my assets for my and my daughters future. I have already changed my will and my ex was not too pleased with that!

Is there something that I should be looking out for? Something that my daughter may mention that should ring alarm bells?

Once again, thank you all
 
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Infinite

Troublesome Internet Fringe Dweller
..

Here's a court decision from the UK in which a High Court judge ruled that even though both parents were of equal measure, his deciding factor in awarding custody came down protecting the children from the pernicious effects of Scientology . . .

http://www.xenu.net/archive/audit/latey.html

. . . as a wog, I am ashamed to say that case goes back to 1984. Here we are in 2012 facing the same anguish L Ron Hubbard has visited on our society. We have let ourselves down by not insisting that our government and justice system deal effectively once and for all with Scientology.
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Write up a KNOWLEDGE REPORT and send it to the Ethics Office at the local morgue - state the guy's name and tell the Ethics Officer that he is having an affair with your wife and you are still married - write up your wife too! This will get them in trouble - then ... you may - sue her in court for custody of the Child. But wait until you get that Knowledge Report sent in. Send it Certified Mail. Be nice - and just simply state the facts. Ask for the Church's HELP - your wife is having an affair and the guy is an active Scientologist! They will "handle" him - and your wife will get the divorce over quickly - no fighting in court - so you have the upper hand.

Sue her in court - Scientology does not like it when their parishoner's sue in court - go for custody - there is plenty of information your attorney can get on the internet - court cases - on how dangerous Scientology is. Cut up all credit cards and cancel all checking accounts - get something in writing that removes you from her "financially" - she could go and buy a bunch of Scientolgoy services -so protect yourself from that.

Scientology is an evil cult - it destroy's lives. Get educated - read everything you can about it.

I agree with Ilde Morgue. Play with the cult's deck of cards and put them on record with a report. That's what they respond to. The absolutely do sue for sole custody. You may have to settle for shared custody but I would not pussy-foot around this. You can leverage the partial custody with a deal for no-scientology exposure for your daughter. They will get your daughter unless you take action. Your wife and the cult will get under your daughter's skin and indoctrinate her unless you put your foot down right now. Do not be Mr. Nice Guy. You can always be nice later and that will be your leverage.
Best of luck to you,
 

PTS

Elliott
Counsel from a solicitor specializing in family law would seem to have the opinions of anonymous rabble like us beat by a mile. Good for you for doing all you can to protect your child from the ravages of $cientology. Good luck to you.
 
Welcome to ESMB, you've come to the right place!

I would say definitely get some legal advice (perhaps from free legal aide? Here we have non-profits who assist with Father's rights) on how to go about protecting your rights as a Father by getting LEGAL joint physical (50/50 time) as well as legal custody. That's what will protect your daughter the most, under the circumstances.

Take the necessary steps to protect your legal rights in your relationship with your daughter. that is the first and most important thing to do.

And here's a reality check for you...the vast majority of people who first become interested in Scientology eventually leave it. Those who are brought in largely to please a romantic partner often leave when the relationship ends or sooner than if they had just joined up out of their own interest.

What you (and she) might not understand about this new relationship is that her new boyfriend is NOT ALLOWED to have a girlfriend who is not a Scientologist. He must either recruit her into the Cult (and will likely be paid a percentage of what her coursework or auditing brings in for it) or eventually must disconnect from her, in order to "stay onlines", to stay in good standing and be able to keep doing courses and/or auditing himself. It's Cult POLICY. :yes:

One thing you said earlier...about "the program". I think she or they might be doing the Purification Rundown. This is often referred to as the program and is a fairly early stage in processing, often right after the first introductory course. So a little research about "the Purif" on the internet, as it might have the effect of destabilizing your child's Mother, and the information may be useful to you in your quest for joint legal and physical custody.

Best of luck to you, don't panic, and keep in touch with us here. There is a wealth of information available to you to help improve your situation and protect your child.

:console: :hug:
 

Demented LRH

Patron Meritorious
This thread is a mess. I understand that people are trying to help you, but they are giving you advices that could get you in trouble.

So far I agree only with SweetnessandLight -- she was able to give you a valuable advice.
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
If you or your family have never been plagued by scientology's disconnection and have not experienced young children being disconnected from parents then you may feel like a more laid-back approach to all of this is going to be just fine as long as you keep a watchful eye. Don't believe it for a heartbeat.

I would encourage your ex to read the web although by now she may have been convinced that anything on the web about scn is a pack of lies from the psychs.

But pointing out that boyfriend can only have a scn. girlfriend, as SandL suggests is a good point.
 
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