PTSness, Guilt, Shame, Humiliation

[Adam7986]

Does anyone else still get that feeling that they are worthless, useless person whenever you get sick or have some kind of accident? I fight so hard to stave off those feelings.

I know it's normal to have accidents and get sick and that it happens to everyone, even when the accident is your fault. That's why we have insurance available to us. For unexpected situations.

It's just I can't help that humiliating, shameful feeling that would be pressed on me when I was in the church. Expecting that sec check or O/W write-up and to be humiliated in ethics and have to do lower conditions...yuck.

 

[Lurker5]

You have to stop those thoughts, in their tracks. When you catch yourself beating your 'self' up, just STOP. Then tell yourself YOU love YOU, just the way you are, mistakes, illness, flaws - and all. Just the way you are.

Eventually, with persistence, you will stop saying those horrid things to yourself, and find it easy to forgive, yourself and others, for being human. Beautifully human. Not perfect, not fixed, just beautifully human.

Read books on shame, healing the shame. Get therapy if necessary. You can stop the nastiness you lay upon yourself. And it is such a relief to find forgiveness in your heart, especially for one's own self.

You really are quite an extraordinary person. Every one of your posts shows that. So give yourself a big hug.


Happy Holidays. Gobble gobble.

 

[Outethicsofficer]

These sort of feelings as they come up need to laid at the feet of those that instilled them. They came in a package that was and is designed to make one feel dependent upon the tech. It's right in there...by way of an example. Just the terms 'Downstat and Upstat' are loaded with guilt and relief respectively. There are many more you can think of I am sure. Just taking a Liability Formula around for sign off is pure humiliation.

They are not your feelings you were just made to adopt them. In my humble opinion.

 

[Lermanet_com]

Does anyone else still get that feeling that they are worthless, useless person whenever you get sick or have some kind of accident? I fight so hard to stave off those feelings.

I know it's normal to have accidents and get sick and that it happens to everyone, even when the accident is your fault. That's why we have insurance available to us. For unexpected situations.

It's just I can't help that humiliating, shameful feeling that would be pressed on me when I was in the church. Expecting that sec check or O/W write-up and to be humiliated in ethics and have to do lower conditions...yuck.

In order to de-construct how Hubbard tricked me, I have been reading every hypnosis, psychology, etc book I could find published back when Hubbard would have been learning his art of deception. "etc" included black, white, and natural magic.

You might like to note, that the only handle a demon has upon anyone is a handle given to it. The handle of guilt and shame.

This actually ties in to the esoteric data in this thread. LINK

You see, we were never supposed to attain super duper powers from the OT levels, NEVER... we were being prepared to be suitable and willing vessels for demonic possession and who would do anything our summoner tells us to do.

An example, big fierce animals, in statue form on either side of the gate to an ancient walled city. When the city came under attack the high priest would be expected to summon suitable demons to animate those fierce beasts and lead them into battle to defend the city. Hubbard was preparing us to be the vessels for those powerful demons, and together, we would smash his name into history.

For possession to take place there must be guilt or shame.

Perhaps that is why scientologists are induced to feel this way.

 

[DagwoodGum]

"Don't worry, be happy" is the simplest and most powerful solution to shed the demons that Hubbard opened you up to. All of his tech leads to having you spin on your behind like a dog chasing its tail, nipping at fleas while talking to body parts like someone else is there until pretty soon someone is. Purifying your vibes stops all that phenomena from sticking to you, so there's no reason to talk to them unless you like having lots of company...
You need to take in new and uplifting information, perhaps through reading recommended works, so as to flush out and purge the river of raw sewage that Hubbard served up for you by the bucket full to gorge upon with a plastic spoon.

 

[The_Fixer]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

That's the theme here....

I kick myself when something happens that ain't good IF I created the problem.

Otherwise, I rant and rave at the other idiot that caused it.

Case closed.

Fuck Scientology and it's associated bullshit.

 

[The_Fixer]

Now if you're a thinkin' these a funny ways, just think of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdVypcHaoi8&feature=related

Hopefully that will change your thinking processes.

 

[Idle Morgue]

Adam: Yes, and I was not in scamonolooogy all that long - - it is a mechanism we already had - probably by our creator to "check ourselves" to make ourselves right - and Scientology pounds on it HARD!!

This mechanism helps us do the right thing and one has to see things for what they are. There are supernatural occurances that happen and most of the time - you had NOTHING to do with it at all - it is part of life. EVeryone has stuff happen to them - some worse than others. They did not "pull" it in. That is how hubbard traps people with his stupid tech! I know you know that and realizing that is harder than one thinks - but keep going!! You will free yourself from that and time will heal it.

It is "conditioning" and once it is spotted - let it go - I have been completely healed by that Eeeee PEEE from doing Scientology and I am happy to share what I have done to heal it if you pm me.

Hugs and more hugs to you - love is the answer!

 

[Claire Swazey]

Does anyone else still get that feeling that they are worthless, useless person whenever you get sick or have some kind of accident? I fight so hard to stave off those feelings.

I know it's normal to have accidents and get sick and that it happens to everyone, even when the accident is your fault. That's why we have insurance available to us. For unexpected situations.

It's just I can't help that humiliating, shameful feeling that would be pressed on me when I was in the church. Expecting that sec check or O/W write-up and to be humiliated in ethics and have to do lower conditions...yuck.

It's different for everyone. I know that the first time I was expelled, I had a very bad patch for months, probably longer. I would say that time heals wounds but that's a sometimes/maybe proposition.

The thing is, the cult no longer has its hooks into you- FACT. They were wrong about you (and about everyone else-FACT. They are too judgmental and the bitch of it is, IMO, that their opinions are uninformed and half baked.

So please do not listen/pay heed to those remnants you have (which most exes have, I'm sure) of Scn indoctrination.

I can tell you what helps me, but we're all different people and I do not want you to think I'm proselytizing. But, what helps me is meditating. I find comfort in Buddhism.
But that depends on what feels right to you. Some people leave CofS and explore traditional religions such as Christian ones. And they're really happy, too. For me, that would never work but I really admire other realms of thought such as that one.

FreeZone or Independent Scn would not work for someone trying to break away from the pain of Scn since Scn belief and concepts are inextricably twined with those- not that you were considering that anyway, right?

There are support groups and the like, and people do get help there. Another helpful thing is to be with your friends and family. People who love you and who truly know you. Supportive people.

I don't know you but I know that your posts are often well written and they're always sincere. You are a worthwhile person and I would like you to feel that you are such. You deserve better and deserve so much more than what the cult gave you.

 

[Claire Swazey]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM

 

[Free to shine]

Does anyone else still get that feeling that they are worthless, useless person whenever you get sick or have some kind of accident? I fight so hard to stave off those feelings.

I know it's normal to have accidents and get sick and that it happens to everyone, even when the accident is your fault. That's why we have insurance available to us. For unexpected situations.

It's just I can't help that humiliating, shameful feeling that would be pressed on me when I was in the church. Expecting that sec check or O/W write-up and to be humiliated in ethics and have to do lower conditions...yuck.

I hear you mate.
I had many years of being labelled those awful labels you get (and accept) for having a degenerative disease. It's not something aquired from 'overts' or something from a past life I am paying for. I was even told that recently and I tell you - I let rip on that! Because even if it is true, there is nothing I can do about it or truly know about it in this life, so the only way is to accept and work with things as they are and to aim to make it better.

As for accidents - well I like to work with 'being in the now'. I rarely have accidents but if I do I just figure I wasn't in the now and forgive myself.

Working through this for those of us indoctrinated at an early age can be quite a journey, and to be honest I have had some amazing realisations on life and about who I am because of it. I think you will too ... keep on talking and questioning and being good to yourself. The truth is that we are not the labels we were assigned, the trick is not to label ourselves, not even for a second. Note what Lurker 5 says above. Once you get the hang of it, it is totally liberating.

 

[Free Being Me]

Does anyone else still get that feeling that they are worthless, useless person whenever you get sick or have some kind of accident? I fight so hard to stave off those feelings.

I know it's normal to have accidents and get sick and that it happens to everyone, even when the accident is your fault. That's why we have insurance available to us. For unexpected situations.

It's just I can't help that humiliating, shameful feeling that would be pressed on me when I was in the church. Expecting that sec check or O/W write-up and to be humiliated in ethics and have to do lower conditions...yuck.

I used to have similar feelings and those faded over the years due to looking at the assumptive thinking inherent in $cientology. That you are recognizing the source of your thoughts/feelings and examining them is a huge part of separating the $cio cult from yourself and it will get better for you. You're a unique human being worthy of all that is wonderful in life before $cientology ..... that hasn't changed now that you left.

 

[SweetnessandLight]

You know, we all to some degree (except sociopaths and psychopaths) have that feeling when things go wrong for us. I personally think it's a way of still feeling in control to even a small degree, about events and happenstances that we have no control over...the whole idea of karma.

But the truth is, while we do each make some mistakes that cause ourselves and others harm and grief at times, bad things do happen to good people all the time, and it's best not to try and attach too much meaning to every single thing that happens to us in life. There is randomness in the Universe! Sometimes in making amends or restoration for past mistakes, we have to pay ourselves back, too! And learn to be more kind and self-nurturing to ourselves. Especially when others aren't!

Other groups use guilt to try and keep their peeps socialized. Scientology really uses this almost universal feeling that we have of "looking for a cause" when things go wrong to an insane degree. This is part of the COS indoctrination that does damage to people and takes some a long time to get over.

I say, start unpacking that emotional baggage as soon as possible! And know that you are not alone in doing so.