Rathbun Public Apology

[Lone Star]

Deleted

 

[freethinker]

Dude relax, being here isn't about crushing people down or being better and smarter about what you did to get here or how much you avoided what other dumb bastards didn't because that is status and that is Scientology.

This is a brotherhood and no one is measuring how you got here unless YOU make an issue of it.

This isn't a competition.

You can reread my posts Emma. I wrote that I really don't know anything about Rathbun at all. So for you to continually and repeatedly ask me about why I "blame" or find "fault" with Marty is getting ridiculous . Let it go.

 

[TG1]

TG1 and Emma. You can both read my introducing myself post. It is all there what I did in Scientology. The only thing I had hesitated to post on an open forum was why I was an illegal Scientology.

Just a brief history. I started Scien in 1972, at age 17 in Wash. D.C. at FCDC. I really came to FCDC after I had bought the Diantics book used at a thrift shop and read it. Upon reaching the address and reading the brass plaque beside the door which read " Church of Scientology " I hesitated as I was pretty anti organized religion, but in I went. I really wanted to get and try some dianetic auditing. I was regged by Abby Bregman. and bought the Student Hat. Soon after I bought 200 hours of auditing and went clear during that auditing stating so, and finishing Grade 4. Dianetic Clear had not been released yet, so was 't allowed to declare. I left FCDC shortly there after after a Tech Estimate for 200 hours of ExDn. Bill Franks was the CO. Jeanne Franks was there. Abby (already mentioned) was there, she and I had a 2D......funny story on how that got started. I believe she is a top reg at Flag now.

I'll speed this up.

San Francisco Org..... Comm Course
Miami Org ... Exp Grade 4 & Clear Attest. Clear # around 700 or 800 something.
16th St. Mission D.C. Purif
FCDC .....Solo part one
AOLA......1983 ......OTI thru OTIII
AOLA......1987...Some OTIV auditing
AOLA.....Pro Trs with clay table auditing
Audited a bit of clay table on CC LA public
ASHO.... SHSBC.....3 1/2 years Levels A thru mid O.
about 2000 hours of Student Auditing delivered.

Left the C of S approx. 2001.

I grew up traveling the world, having gone around the globe about 2 1/2 times before finishing High School. I have lived in Virginia, Japan, Italy, Thailand, Spain, Trenton NJ, San Fran, Miami, D.C., LA..........anyway now reside in FL.

I had always been an "illegal PC" due to my Father's work.

Well, that's a lot of Scientology in my book. But YMMV.

TG1

 

[Emma]

Well, that's a lot of Scientology in my book. But YMMV.

TG1

How does an illegal PC go Clear & OTIII?

 

[Leland]

Uummmmm.....

Yes I wrote that second post in reply to what "I told you I was trouble" posted. Can't you see that now you have taken my post out of context? But even standing alone.....as a post.... What is your point?

 

[Emma]

Yes I wrote that second post in reply to what "I told you I was trouble" posted. Can't you see that now you have taken my post out of context? But even standing alone.....as a post.... What is your point?

Not sure how it's out of context. You are talking about Rathbun whether it be as a reply to ITYIWT or otherwise.

My point? I don't really have one. It started out by me asking what it was that Rathbun had done that has made you so mad & since then it has meandered down a path that has me more & more confused.

You contradict yourself quite often you are abusive to people & to be perfectly honest I'm trying to determine why you are here.

tl:dr Are you trollin us Leland??

 

[Leland]

How does an illegal PC go Clear & OTIII?

How else, offer money right before 2pm on Thursday. That is a joke. I have already answered this question. But here goes again. 1972 had a GO handling . PTSPT course a couple times. Disconnection from my family. ( when it suited me and Scientology) ( not proud of that). And many Petitions to Senior C/S Int.

Several members of my family worked for the CIA.

 

[Leland]

Not sure how it's out of context. You are talking about Rathbun whether it be as a reply to ITYIWT or otherwise.

My point? I don't really have one. It started out by me asking what it was that Rathbun had done that has made you so mad & since then it has meandered down a path that has me more & more confused.

You contradict yourself quite often you are abusive to people & to be perfectly honest I'm trying to determine why you are here.

tl:dr Are you trollin us Leland??

No I am not trolling. I am waaay to lazy for that! I am not a very touchy feely kind of guy. Perhaps I have rubbed some here the wrong way. Perhaps I am behind the curve of ESMB and x Scientologists in general. I have been told several times to "lurk more". And quite the opposite I have been paranoid that many posters here are "running some sort of Scientology black operation". I am still trying to wrap my wits around the playground of ESMB. It has great variety and depth.

 

[Gib]

How else, offer money right before 2pm on Thursday. That is a joke. I have already answered this question. But here goes again. 1972 had a GO handling . PTSPT course a couple times. Disconnection from my family. ( when it suited me and Scientology) ( not proud of that). And many Petitions to Senior C/S Int.

Several members of my family worked for the CIA.

cross posted from another tread:

http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthre...ble-at-the-top&p=914606&viewfull=1#post914606

 

[TG1]

No I am not trolling. I am waaay to lazy for that! I am not a very touchy feely kind of guy. Perhaps I have rubbed some here the wrong way. Perhaps I am behind the curve of ESMB and x Scientologists in general. I have been told several times to "lurk more". And quite the opposite I have been paranoid that many posters here are "running some sort of Scientology black operation". I am still trying to wrap my wits around the playground of ESMB. It has great variety and depth.

Oh, Jesus.

I don't have the energy for this.

Really don't.

 

[degraded being]

Oh, Jesus.

I don't have the energy for this.

Really don't.

It's just a newbie wondering about OSA trolls, as they do, isn't it.
Or is my radar broken?

 

[Gadfly]

Yeah I was an OK sec checker, but that is beside the point.

I'm not trying to hurt you. I see you looking for reasons "why" and laying blame here & there, but you are missing a big piece of the puzzle. Ask anyone who has truly recovered from their cult experience and they will all tell you that they had to come to terms with the fact that they had been a prized idiot & had to take responsibility for that. They turned a blind eye. They ignored their inner voices. They made excuses. They believed the most ridiculous rubbish because it made them feel important.

You can blame others for that if you like, but you'll only extend your own misery.

Also, you still haven't told me what it is that Rathbun has done that you find unforgivable.

Emma, that is pure GOLD! I myself did this in my own recovery, and it was invaluable:

". . . they had to come to terms with the fact that they had been a prized idiot & had to take responsibility for that. They turned a blind eye. They ignored their inner voices. They made excuses. They believed the most ridiculous rubbish because it made them feel important."

I could write a very long and detailed essay about how the above is true and how so.

I had to come to terms with the fact of how many ways involvement with Scientology massaged and enhanced my own EGO. It was tough facing what an idiot I had been. But, I looked at it all honestly, accepted all the ways I had been a moron, forgave myself, and moved on.

Sally nailed it too when she wrote:

Yep. True moving on, letting go (whatever language you care to use), involves a lot of acceptance of own inner "blindness". I've called myself every name under the sun, including idiot, dickhead, gullible fool, etc, etc. At the end of the day my willingness to ignore all the gut feelings I had, to shove aside that inner voice, was all my doing and was steeped in my need to feel I was on the "winning team", important, and various other ego-riddled ideas. It took time, patience, a lot of self-love, etc, etc, to move through all that, only to discover...

During recent counseling, as part if a program dealing with a major health issue, I addressed the same sort of things. One was how I failed to pay attention to my INNER VOICE, over and over, and yes, just as Sally so perfectly pointed out, it was because I "was steeped in my need to feel I was on the winning team, important, and various other ego-riddled ideas". I have learned to trust my gut, to ignore all external dogmas, and to just be me. Part of this was forgiving myself for all the many nutty and/or poor decisions I made regarding Scientology. I learned how to actually let it all go. Many never do. I feel so very fortunate that I found a clinic that considers dealing with mental and emotional issues as key.

Sally, YOU do get it! At least, from where I am looking.

But also, once I realized what a total moron and idiot I had been, and after forgiving myself, I could easily look around at all the "other idiots" and forgive them too!

Jesus was onto something when he said, "Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do". Just as I didn't. As just about every past and present Scientologist didn't or still doesn't. And really, just as almost ANY human being doesn't . . . .

 

[Leland]

I guess you have to get to know me IRL. I've been told I'm a nice guy.

I assume the disagree button is there for a reason . I push when I want to. If a post rubs me the wrong way, I may post a reply. And I think things should be taken in context, otherwise how can one understand the place they are suppose to fit in and were originally intended to fit in?

 

[Leland]

I realize that scientogist were inculcated that the CIA was ..... Well lets just say evil. Also some here post that CIA is involved with aliens. Not much I can do about that.

 

[degraded being]

I guess you have to get to know me IRL. I've been told I'm a nice guy.

I assume the disagree button is there for a reason . I push when I want to. If a post rubs me the wrong way, I may post a reply. And I think things should be taken in context, otherwise how can one understand the place they are suppose to fit in and were originally intended to fit in?

When you say several family members were in CIA, (in a previous post), how many is several?

 

[Gib]

Emma, that is pure GOLD! I myself did this in my own recovery, and it was invaluable:

". . . they had to come to terms with the fact that they had been a prized idiot & had to take responsibility for that. They turned a blind eye. They ignored their inner voices. They made excuses. They believed the most ridiculous rubbish because it made them feel important."

I could write a very long and detailed essay about how the above is true and how so.

I had to come to terms with the fact of how many ways involvement with Scientology massaged and enhanced my own EGO. It was tough facing what an idiot I had been. But, I looked at it all honestly, accepted all the ways I had been a moron, forgave myself, and moved on.

"That all men have inalienable rights to their sanity." crossed posted from http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthre...in-Scientology&p=914647&viewfull=1#post914647

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=sanity

"the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner; sound mental health."

rationality:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rationality

"Rationality is the quality or state of being reasonable, based on facts or reason rather than emotions or feelings.[SUP][1][/SUP] Rationality is a normative concept that refers to the conformity of one's beliefs with one's reasons to believe, or of one's actions with one's reasons for action."

------------
I myself, didn't become Rational in scientology. Big flunk on my part. I Believed Hubbard, and he sure didn't teach Rationality. LOL

 

[Emma]

I could write a very long and detailed essay about how the above is true and how so.

I'd love it if you did. I'd certainly read it.

 

[Leland]

Emma you got quite steamed recently re: Scien commercials on TV and in another post typed a BIG screaming F!!U to Dave. I got that you were angry and greatly admired your F!!U post. I guess I just thought it was open season on using curse words and didn't mean to abuse anyone. To me I suppose saying FU is just an easy lazy way of disagreeing.

 

[Leland]

It's just a newbie wondering about OSA trolls, as they do, isn't it.
Or is my radar broken?

I'm not an "It's" . Consider please that I have cursed you out for the wording in your post!

 

[Emma]

Emma you got quite steamed recently re: Scien commercials on TV and in another post typed a BIG screaming F!!U to Dave. I got that you were angry and greatly admired your F!!U post. I guess I just thought it was open season on using curse words and didn't mean to abuse anyone. To me I suppose saying FU is just an easy lazy way of disagreeing.

I can see why you might be confused.

We aren't prudes around here and the occassional "Fuck you Scientology!", "Fuck OSA!" or "Fuck you Hubbard!" can be quite theraputic.

There is a difference however in screaming abuse at the CoS in general and telling another member of ESMB to "get fucked" or "Fuck off". That's personal.