Run Katie Run


Patron with Honors
For those of you that are interested. An article from The Age, Australia

At Holmes on the stage
October 25, 2008

Things could get much worse for Katie if her stage career fails, writes Raymond Gill.

Night after tortured night Dawson's Creek tragics have been tossing and turning and yelling in their sleep: "Run, Katie, Run!" But anyone who has ever lost a child to a cult, found themselves mind-altered by a Svengali-type, or had a private but passionate obsession with a pointless celebrity from a treacly '90s TV series - that covers most of us - will identify. Katie Holmes may be a grown woman, a rich film star surrounded by acolytes, supporters and kinesiologists, but this woman needs saving at least as much as a whale or a rainforest.

Holmes' watchers knew something was amiss when the barrage of paparazzi pics of Katie looking wan and gaunt began appearing at check-out counters. Someone that pale living in California told them something had seriously gone awry. Then, as if her miserable demeanour wasn't enough, there was the unhealthily intimate friendship with Posh. Katie, the sweet, outdoorsy girl from Idaho who should be lying in fields picking the petals off daisies, began wearing Mrs Beckham look-alike outfits and dinner-plate-size sunglasses that make good-looking women look like ET. Suddenly the happy-go-lucky girl next door had been Poshed into a rich Bel Air hausfrau. And then there's the husband - the nutjob who told the world he loved her by breaking the springs on Oprah's couch on live TV.

Surely any woman who heard her hubby-to-be declaring his undying love for her while on daytime TV, let alone torturing innocent furniture, would break off the engagement. It's not as if there aren't any other rich, powerful guys out there doing a little better in the lunacy stakes. Katie's refusal to ditch Tom Cruise was the final nail in the coffin for those who had held a candle for Katie when she first emerged as Joey Potter.

Then, to confirm their worst fears, Tom upstaged Holmes' preview of her recent Broadway debut by walking down the aisle to take his seat at the last minute, ostentatiously signing autographs on the way. Now, few pop culture addicts haven't had a soft spot for Tom ever since he played a charismatic adolescent in Risky Business. But the fact is, the guy believes in an intergalactic ruler called Xenu who rounded up the creatures of 76 planets and sent them to Earth where their bodies were dumped in volcanoes and vaporised by nuclear bombs. Alarm bells, anyone?

Now, if you want to praise your lord, your master or your indoor plants, then that's your right and all that. But you've got to admit the protesters who put so much energy into trashing the name of the Church of Scientology do it with a certain flair.

The anti-Scientology zealots camped outside the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre in New York last weekend got most of the media attention surrounding the official opening of the Katie Holmes vehicle All My Sons. Of course, it's probably a good thing Arthur Miller is dead as he may have been slightly disturbed by seeing his 1947 theatre classic described as a Katie Holmes vehicle. Especially as she has no stage experience and, according to the critics, not an enormous amount of inherent theatrical instinct. But that's not what the protesters were upset about.

As Holmes took the stage for the very first time, masked members of the protest group Anonymous were outside the theatre shouting: "Scientology kills!" and holding placards screaming: "Save Katie, Keep Tom!" and "Run Katie Run!" imploring that Katie get the hell out of her marriage.

"We're here to shed light on the human rights abuses perpetrated by the Church of Scientology against its parishioners," Anonymous spokesman Matthew Danziger told the media throng and 30 cops outside the theatre. "The celebrities in the church are completely unaware of the crimes that happen behind closed doors."

Danziger might have been referring to the crimes happening inside on stage at the Schoenfeld, but in fact he was more concerned with Scientology's methods of auditing and cult-like practices.

Katie is just the latest in a series of kamikaze celebs inexplicably drawn to the bright lights of Broadway and the West End - from Madonna to Nicole, Julia Roberts to Julianne Moore and, last month, Josh Hartnett, who lit-up Shaftesbury Avenue in Rain Man. It's not fear of the critics that stymied Katie's theatrical instincts, it was the thought that if her career fizzles she might end up being forced to attend star-studded galas at St Hill Manor, described by locals as "a small fortress and British nerve-centre for Scientologists" in East Grinstead, West Sussex, which is - in anybody's language - a long way from Broadway.

Run, Katie, run.


Patron with Honors
:clap: OMG, this is fricking hilarious! Yes, Anonymous does have that certain flair. So many great quotes in this article! LOOOOOOOVE IT! :D