G
Gottabrain
Guest
The following personal counseling testimony on the effects and resolution of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was sent to me by an exScn. Due to the intimate nature of the sessions, this person wishes to remain completely anonymous on the forum.
I request that discussion of this be limited to the technical aspects or to Scn, rather than to the person, as this is a vulnerable and personal area for this individual.
"I have experience of what deep trauma does and the chaotic overload it creates (PTSD).
I was not diagnosed with PTSD (fear of medical/mental health establishment prevented me from seeking help when it hit me). I have since read up on PTSD and recognised what happened to me. My unceremoniously dumping Hubbard’s ideas out of my life and another major life event hit me a few months apart & threw me into a traumatised state.
I would have these pure chaotic episodes in my brain. I could feel them. Hard to describe – like a raging storm in my head. It was like things had collapsed in my brain. Or put simply – I was a total mess. Anyone who dismisses the impact of trauma ain’t lived through it. It is very real stuff. It feels like you have been hit right off the playing field of life. Everything gets very hazy and nothing is defined. I literally could not do my daily cross-word (a habit of many years), or at times, recognise my own face in the mirror.
In my view it is a culture clash (as you describe above) – an overwhelming contrast which induces great fear/terror - and also a triggering event(s) which is way outside of the persons level of experience. Also deeply lodged emotional pain that has not been addressed gets triggered (stirred up) by this extreme life event(s).
It seems to me that what traumatises one person, may just bounce off another. I explored why I became traumatised when others in similar circumstances were not impacted the way I was.
What I discovered, (for me – this ain’t no science project) was that it was patterns – emotional, intellectual, social conditioning, etc, and deeply lodged neuron pathways (under-developed, faulty, lacking totally, etc) which provided me with automatic responses – data files, if you will, automatically responding to situations, emotions, etc. When they all got over-loaded, assaulted, and shuffled around too fast my brain said “fuck this! Enough! I am throwing all the switches to protect myself – and you.”
I have worked with a therapist on this stuff. Eventually I could no longer deal with things on my own and with some loving intervention from some friends, I conceded I might explore getting some professional help. The ex-scio girl nervously entered the therapist’s office and announced “there is something you need to know about me. I don’t think I believe in your theories. I’m only here because I have run right out of bright ideas…and I have my back to the wall like I never knew could happen. I may run out the door any minute.” The dear therapist probably had that thought that all therapists possibly have from time to time “Damn! Someone tell me why I chose to become a therapist?”
With her loving support I got past my phobia about therapists…first phobic dealt with. And there were a bunch more to come as I progressed.
With good guidance & lots of re-education I began the hard work. I worked on the brain pathways – very gently and in a very loving supportive environment. The “new” pathways I have gently opened take time to become “habit”, and to make them stronger. I never thought I would say this, but I can actually feel the changes in a tangible way. The connection between brain and emotions and behaviour has become very real to me.
When I felt a chaotic “brain-storm” hit (I learnt how to detect the sensations and notice the changes in my body) I would use gentle soothing messages to calm things down.
Slowly, week by week, there was a noticeable change. The chaotic episodes weakened and lessened and eventually went completely. The lodged trauma dislodged and together with the support of my wise & empowering therapist, worked through.
I am re-programming my brain, my responses, my emotions and my sense of myself. The pathways I had since childhood were addressed – getting to these was hard work but was done very gently. This ain’t no “2x intensives to EP” stuff. The work has gotten faster and deeper and more powerful in the past few weeks. It seems to be like any muscle - stronger and easier to use the more it is exercised.
There was another aspect to this for me – spiritual. I work with a therapist who works with both knowledge about neuron pathways and spirituality. I use a mix of science and ancient techniques (in particular Buddhism and Taoism). For me this works in a harmonious way. It was key for to have my spirituality “issues” addressed - the installed thought system of scientology was colliding heavily for me with everything else I was struggling with.
It has been big work. Ultimately, for me, it has come down to identity. The formation of pathways and subsequent behaviour/responses which the person uses to identify themselves with and their world.
I hope this makes sense. I am struggling a little here to write about this. It is a very personal journey I have been on. This is the first time I have attempted to describe this. So please forgive me if it reads in a clumsy way."
I request that discussion of this be limited to the technical aspects or to Scn, rather than to the person, as this is a vulnerable and personal area for this individual.
"I have experience of what deep trauma does and the chaotic overload it creates (PTSD).
I was not diagnosed with PTSD (fear of medical/mental health establishment prevented me from seeking help when it hit me). I have since read up on PTSD and recognised what happened to me. My unceremoniously dumping Hubbard’s ideas out of my life and another major life event hit me a few months apart & threw me into a traumatised state.
I would have these pure chaotic episodes in my brain. I could feel them. Hard to describe – like a raging storm in my head. It was like things had collapsed in my brain. Or put simply – I was a total mess. Anyone who dismisses the impact of trauma ain’t lived through it. It is very real stuff. It feels like you have been hit right off the playing field of life. Everything gets very hazy and nothing is defined. I literally could not do my daily cross-word (a habit of many years), or at times, recognise my own face in the mirror.
In my view it is a culture clash (as you describe above) – an overwhelming contrast which induces great fear/terror - and also a triggering event(s) which is way outside of the persons level of experience. Also deeply lodged emotional pain that has not been addressed gets triggered (stirred up) by this extreme life event(s).
It seems to me that what traumatises one person, may just bounce off another. I explored why I became traumatised when others in similar circumstances were not impacted the way I was.
What I discovered, (for me – this ain’t no science project) was that it was patterns – emotional, intellectual, social conditioning, etc, and deeply lodged neuron pathways (under-developed, faulty, lacking totally, etc) which provided me with automatic responses – data files, if you will, automatically responding to situations, emotions, etc. When they all got over-loaded, assaulted, and shuffled around too fast my brain said “fuck this! Enough! I am throwing all the switches to protect myself – and you.”
I have worked with a therapist on this stuff. Eventually I could no longer deal with things on my own and with some loving intervention from some friends, I conceded I might explore getting some professional help. The ex-scio girl nervously entered the therapist’s office and announced “there is something you need to know about me. I don’t think I believe in your theories. I’m only here because I have run right out of bright ideas…and I have my back to the wall like I never knew could happen. I may run out the door any minute.” The dear therapist probably had that thought that all therapists possibly have from time to time “Damn! Someone tell me why I chose to become a therapist?”
With her loving support I got past my phobia about therapists…first phobic dealt with. And there were a bunch more to come as I progressed.
With good guidance & lots of re-education I began the hard work. I worked on the brain pathways – very gently and in a very loving supportive environment. The “new” pathways I have gently opened take time to become “habit”, and to make them stronger. I never thought I would say this, but I can actually feel the changes in a tangible way. The connection between brain and emotions and behaviour has become very real to me.
When I felt a chaotic “brain-storm” hit (I learnt how to detect the sensations and notice the changes in my body) I would use gentle soothing messages to calm things down.
Slowly, week by week, there was a noticeable change. The chaotic episodes weakened and lessened and eventually went completely. The lodged trauma dislodged and together with the support of my wise & empowering therapist, worked through.
I am re-programming my brain, my responses, my emotions and my sense of myself. The pathways I had since childhood were addressed – getting to these was hard work but was done very gently. This ain’t no “2x intensives to EP” stuff. The work has gotten faster and deeper and more powerful in the past few weeks. It seems to be like any muscle - stronger and easier to use the more it is exercised.
There was another aspect to this for me – spiritual. I work with a therapist who works with both knowledge about neuron pathways and spirituality. I use a mix of science and ancient techniques (in particular Buddhism and Taoism). For me this works in a harmonious way. It was key for to have my spirituality “issues” addressed - the installed thought system of scientology was colliding heavily for me with everything else I was struggling with.
It has been big work. Ultimately, for me, it has come down to identity. The formation of pathways and subsequent behaviour/responses which the person uses to identify themselves with and their world.
I hope this makes sense. I am struggling a little here to write about this. It is a very personal journey I have been on. This is the first time I have attempted to describe this. So please forgive me if it reads in a clumsy way."
Sallydannce!!!
You will never be alone or have no one to talk to in China.
and 
to you and ALL here!
