Sheila! Gidday! Kia Ora! Ni Hao! So nice to get your post. Thank you.
I am still gently grieving the loss of my mother. It still feels odd being without living parents. Being with my mother all the way to her last breath was a very moving – and life changing – experience. I miss her terribly though also have a deep peaceful calm acceptance. I didn't realise that when my mother died how many memories would surface but it feels like my whole life has come up for a bit of an inspection. The connections in my family, some very damaged, have also been challenged. There have been some very intense testing moments sorting out my mothers affairs - let's just say every family seems to have its "drama quotient". I'm kind of over it all and can't wait until it is all done. It is a big job sorting out the life of someone who had lived in the same house for over 60 years.
Me feeling balanced? Emotionally resilient, yes. Balanced? Honey I am menopausal so to hell with balance. As I move through my passage to power, I am feeling it all, my way. I am no longer the queen of avoidance - or numb. I no longer dissociate automatically - much. It can happen when I get triggered or too stressed/tired. Self-care is important stuff. Eat well, sleep well, mindfulness, conscious nurturing, etc. I have a broad "tool kit" and a healthy insight into my past and what makes me tick. I am truly blessed. I have had some stunning therapy (love to both Susan and Deb, you both rock!) and had access to vast amounts of information which has helped me re-frame myself and my life.
Hoping to seriously play with some creative stuff next year when mum's estate is finalised. I feel the need to take some time out and indulge in all things creative. In a perfect life I'd go hang out with a bunch of creative crazies, write all day, sit around a fire every evening telling stories, listen to great music and fall asleep in a heap of contented creative energy.
I am building a simple meaningful life, and finding ways to quietly make this happen. I've done deep work and now I get to enjoy life! Frankly Sheila, I am doing fucking great!