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Featured Sallydannce's Story

Discussion in 'Stories From Inside Scientology' started by Gottabrain, Mar 26, 2010.

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  1. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    Re: A box of rocks...

    Thank you Polly. :)

    The box of rocks provided me with some rich creative licence for a while - I made up some wild stories! Then I got bored and decided the box of rocks could simply could go back to where all good rocks go and take their unknown story with them.

    Sorting out my parents stuff is a terrific lesson in attachment/detachment. I get to cling to odd stuff, weep and inspect and cling and then I get to let it all go.
  2. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    Beautiful endings, new beginnings…

    It’s been a while since I wrote anything on this thread. A lot has happened. My family home is sold and in the hands of a very cool new family. The new owners are psych nurses! I was delighted - no, I was over-the-moon - and could not stop smiling for hours when I discovered this fact. Ex-scientologist, ex-CCHR staffer sells family home to a couple of psych nurses. Their psych books are sitting on the in-built book-case in the living room where the copy of dianetics I gave dad (when I first got into scientology) used to sit. The dianetics book is in the land-fill (rubbish dump).

    Take that cult! A beautiful ending!

    On the final day of the old house being in the family, the day that the keys were legally handed over to the new owners, I returned to the house to get one last thing. Mum and dad’s wedding photo. The big framed one that had hung on the wall, for what seems like forever. I was dressed for the special occasion, in my “bests”. I’d spent the previous week feeling the sadness of saying good-bye to 60-odd years of family history. Actually it is way longer than that as my great-grandfather owned the land back in the 1930’s. It was the only family home I have ever known. The week before the legal closure date was full of roaring memories and tears. I’d sat down by the old bridge by the creek and wept inconsolably. I’d sat in every room of the house, and wept.

    So on the final morning as I drove to the house, I swallowed down a big lump in my throat, determined to remain calm. And I was. I drove my car into the driveway for the last time and smiled as I heard dad’s voice say “mind the gate!” Damn thing always was too narrow. Us kids all hit it as we learned to drive. Dad said it was okay to hit the gate, once. And we all did hit it, once.

    Walking to the old back porch, I saw things the new owners had placed on the back lawn. A skate-board, a surf-board, items from their life. It made me smile. Life goes on and before me was the reality of that. I unlocked the back door and stepped into the memories, the familiar. My heart swelled in my chest. God give me the strength to not drown in this sadness. I kept moving towards the living room. There they were. The bride and groom, my parents.

    I thanked them with all my heart, for all they had given. Their lives have ended but I live on. The other kids live on. Because of them. We’re not a perfect family, indeed we are shits and waifs and barely talk to each other and my brother is lost somewhere in Australia and doesn’t want to be found and…

    None of it matters. What matters is how we move forward, and how we love.

    I have taken the pain and suffering of so much of what has happened and somehow turned it into love and laughter. I like to think that on this morning standing in the old house both mum and dad were smiling at me, proudly. Their youngest daughter got caught up in that hellish nightmare called scientology and got herself out of it. I swear I felt them smiling at me.

    Carefully, with all the dignity I could muster, I took their wedding photo off the wall. With almost ceremonial formality, I locked the back door for the last time. I gently placed their wedding photo on the front seat in the car, beside me. In a moment of possibly misplaced sensitivity to safety, I put the seat-belt around the photo. God forbid I break the glass on the old photo.

    I started the car, silently, telling myself “I can do this! I can do this! This is powerful letting go! I can do this!”. Mum and dad sat beside me quietly offering me the strength to drive out the driveway (I did not hit the gate!). I drove with care and dignity into town in my “best clothes”, with mum and dad, dressed in all their wedding finery beside me. The hills I had played on as a child, the hills mum had played on as child, passed by us on the left, bringing comforting familiarity. A family story was closing, dreams lived out, dreams crushed, all gently coming to an end. And I was the one driving the car! There were no tears, no sniveling, only dignity and love and gratitude as I felt the story ending.

    It was a beautiful ending as a new beginning unfolded.
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2014
  3. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    Re: Beautiful endings, new beginnings…

    That is SOOOO cool! :thumbsup: :biggrin: :hysterical:

    A gorgeous piece of writing, a touching, sensitive, caring act. Yah, I've put the seatbelt around my precious personal things, too - I can so relate. Nice, Sallydance. You gave them the best goodbye, ever. :yes:

    :biggrin: This is so beautiful and cute. What a funny, quirky bonding experience for all of you. Reminds me of my brother sneaking the keys to the family car and rolling the car down the driveway before he started it - for a night out while the parents slept! One day he rolled it off the concrete and scraped the gate - so mom saw the tracks and dented gate and figured it out. :giggle:

    Please pm me. Perhaps me or someone else here can help. Someone else I know on ESMB helped me in a similar family situation. :yes:

    You done good, m'lady. :yes:

    Isn't it nice to know there are people breathing life and love back into your house? You know it will be loved and looked after now.

    So when is your "Recovering from Scientology" or similarly named book going to be released? I'd like to pre-order, please. :begging:
  4. JustSheila

    JustSheila Crusader

    On another subject -

    Sallydance, you've changed and grown so much, especially in the past two years. If you could only see yourself through my eyes or another's eyes, you would see how much. I am so proud to have you as a friend. You are a remarkable lady and I love you to bits. :biglove:
  5. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    The path of reconciliation

    Dear Mum,
    We have found him! Mum, we've found your son!

    I have honoured your wishes and kept my heart open. It has been hard because I have been very very angry at him. I promise to be kind to him, I promise to listen to him and I promise to let him know how very much you loved him.

    I’ll let you know how things go. Thank you for all your wisdom.

    I miss you heaps mum!

    Love and hugs, your daughter

    It’s been 19 years since I last saw him or had any contact with him. Late this afternoon I found out where he lives and how to contact him. He authorised giving his contact details via the family lawyer. When I read the email the room moved, and I momentarily stopped breathing, then I burst into tears and re-read the email three more times.

    My brother is no longer lost in Australia. I have dreamed of this day for so long and now it has arrived I don’t have a clue how to feel about it or how I am going to manage this reconnection. I ain’t never done this before. I keep bursting into tears. My head is reeling and about a zillion thoughts are racing through my head.

    My brother is back in my life, if only in a lawyers email at this stage. I have no idea what happens next. I’m gonna take this very slowly, very very mindfully. I have no expectations, all I know is that at some point in the future, when the time feels right, I want to let my brother know how very much mum loved him.

    It’s a big night for tissues here.
  6. Purple Rain

    Purple Rain Crusader

    Re: The path of reconciliation

    A reconnection story!! How wonderful!! That's the opposite of what we usually get to read around here! So happy for you, Sally, although I am aware that this situation may be fraught - as with adopted children who go in search of their real parents. Sometimes there are the happy endings and rainbows and other times not so much. Still, in that situation you would think that you will never know if you never try - and the same with yours. I am very happy and excited for you and your mum. There is something right about honouring a person's last wishes or seeing a heart's desire finally come to pass even posthumously.

    For your sake and your mum's I hope it works out wonderfully! I will be here to pop the champagne with you if it's awesome and pass the tissues if it's heartbreaking. Like with everything in love, there are no guarantees. And you never get the rewards if you're not willing to risk the pain.

    I love you, Sally. Big hug!

    I love Nick Drake.

    This song meant a lot to me when I came back to Australia from America in 1990. And I left somebody really hard to get over in America. Anyway, when I got back it was just playing on the radio, and while it didn't fit my situation exactly, there were so many themes for me in it. There still are. But mainly being separated from somebody you care about over great space and time. It's not a great song, but it's always stuck with me. I know I've played it for you before. Anyhow, it's a good counterpoint to a Northern Sky song, isn't it, although he's not as good as Nick Drake at all.

  7. happy2bme

    happy2bme New Member

    Hey my old friend "Sallydannce". Thought about you often over the past few years, never new how to get in touch with you. Will you PM me, I would love to have a chat with you. I don't want to ID myself here. xxx
  8. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    Totally understood about not wanting to be identified.

    New people to ESMB can't receive PMs until they have posted 3x posts on board (might be 5x posts, I forget off-hand) . So, say "boo" with separate posts on this thread until they give you PM facility. I will then PM you. :)
  9. happy2bme

    happy2bme New Member

    Cool banana's, will do, I think it's only 2 post.
  10. happy2bme

    happy2bme New Member

    I've been busy reading the thread and am up to pg 45. Mate I can't believe what you've been through.
    Every now and then I'd think wow I'd love to talk to you about that, or those people we both knew.
  11. happy2bme

    happy2bme New Member

    Another post just to be on the safe side. As I said been busy reading and it's now after midnight my time and I am about ready to hit the pit.
    I'll get back to it in the morning, nighty nite!
  12. La La Lou Lou

    La La Lou Lou Crusader

    Welcome to the board Happy2bme, nice name!
  13. happy2bme

    happy2bme New Member

    Well, thank you very much. I was at that point when it was like "oh man I have to come up with a username, how long am I going to spend on indecision" and it was the first thing that came to mind and decided to stick with it.

    Love seeing all the support given to Sally on this thread. Keep up the good work.
  14. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

  15. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    OMG! You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear from you. I promise to not identify you. I'm sitting here with all these memories racing through my head. Stuff I had lost.

    Huge journey. Large circles closing. I wasn't fully aware of how much my heart has been aching, for so many people I had to walk away from. It wasn't personal, it wasn't that I didn't love or didn't care. I really loved, I really cared. I prayed, in my simple way, that maybe one day I'd reconnect with those that I love. I prayed that somehow we would find a way to put aside so much and just care, just love, just be human. And so it begins.

    Gosh, I am speechless. Full of joy and tears and memories.

    I have a busy few days ahead of me here. The family have gathered to do some family stuff. Endless chatter, endless cups of tea and far too many sugary treats. :eyeroll:

    I have missed you my friend. Thank you so much for finding me. :flowers:
  16. happy2bme

    happy2bme New Member

    Oh, ya makin me cry:coolwink:. I've been feeling so good all morning, Thanks.

  17. sallydannce

    sallydannce Gold Meritorious Patron

    Grace. My mother. Today is her birthday and today we buried her ashes into dads grave. She loved dad with resolute commitment. What a fine woman, loving all those years, through the good, the bad, the mundane and all the other days too. Grace. My mother. At peace, laid to rest with dad.

    We gathered, my sister and I, with some grandchildren, some of her great grand-children and some old family friends. It was bright sunny morning - the kind of morning mum loved.

    We gave her perfect roses. She loved roses. We cried, we laughed, we shared stories. We loved. I read Peace My Heart, in a loud clear voice, with tears in my eyes. We placed lots of photos, of all those she loved, with her. I placed a photo of Fummy, my cat, with a note from him, with her. She loved my cat. He loved the hell out of her. Later we all drank tea and ate cake, just the way she would have wanted us to. I wore her favourite perfume, so did my sister.

    Good-bye my darling mother. I walk through my life with you in my blood and in my heart. If I have even a hint of your dignity, or your true kindness, or your amazing courage, I will walk proudly.

    In celebration and gratitude for a life well lived and well loved. Grace, my Mum, the woman who helped heal my heart, my mind and my faith in love. :rose:

    Peace My heart

    Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
    Let it not be a death but completeness.
    Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
    Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
    Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
    Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
    I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light your way.

    Rabindranath Tagore, Bengali poet and philosopher (1861 - 1941)
  18. jenni with an eye

    jenni with an eye Silver Meritorious Patron

    That is absolutely beautiful Sallydance.

    You are a daughter that would make every mother proud.

    For you Sallydance :heartflower:

    For Grace, your Mum :rose:


  19. Free Being Me

    Free Being Me Crusader

    Beautiful, Sally. My respects to you, your family and your Mum. :flowers:
  20. Leland

    Leland Crusader

    My condolences SallyDannce.

    Wonderful post.

    All the best to you and yours
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