Sam Crabtree - Grew Up In The Cult

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Hello and welcome, Sam!
Thanks for your story so far. It's valuable to write it.

From your very first post of telling people they had to see the reg...your description tells of the very early manipulation and of the pseudo-power instilled in very young staff. It starts right
away and never ends. For those that stay in, it becomes a monster. So glad you are out.

I want to compliment you on your literacy and ability to write, spell and punctuate. You are very articulate. It might not seem a big deal to you, but I don't see that as common in your
age group and, in particular, with kids raised in the cult.

Keep writing!
 
Hi Sam,

I remember you and your Mum and Dad VERY well, we were in RTC together in the 80s, before DM took over. I have fond memories of both of them. I also remember you, my eldest son was born in 1986, so you are about 3 years older than he is, used to see you in the old CEO by CC. Gawd I hated that place. I don't know if you remember, but in the hour we could visit, my son, most of the kids would scream as we were leaving, someone came up with the bright idea of teaching the kids to push the parents out of the door to be "cause", telling us to go back to work. I still want to cry when I think of that.

When we refused to get an abortion, we were sent to Dallas where my second son was born a few weeks later. I would up leaving, and pretty much was a world class fuckup for 10 years while I started to find my way, figure out who and what I was, and where I was going, and what my abilities really were, and what I had to learn to start building a real life.

My boys are doing OK, one graduated college with his 4 year degree, and is working as a community organizer in one of the most impoverished parts of Houston, the older goes to university off and on in Australia, doing a lot of social work, and will probably wind up with a trade ... he likes working with his hands.

Like you, I was born in Scientology, but I didn't join until I was 15 years old. I found it a very rough road when I got out and tried to make my way.

A different perspective on your parents, and other people in ... we were all pretty fucked up and the the environment did not even give us to try and be decent parents. We honestly believed we were fighting for the future of the world, trying to make a better world for you ... our kids. We believed the sacrifice we made was the best thing we could do for your future. I was a huge shock to me to realize all my "sacrifices" were worthless, we weren't helping the world, possibly more hurting ... doing more bad than good. If your parents were less than ideal, try and have a bit of compassion, the environment didn't allow us to do better. I am sure you remember kids in the CEO who never had parents come and visit.

Interestingly, for me, the greatest single motivation for me to get my shit together after leaving, though it took 10 years of repeated failure to learn it, was the idea that my kids did not deserve a looser for a dad.

You haven't gotten into how you are doing today, I hope both you and your family are doing well. If you ever want to talk to someone else who went through the same stuff, or anything else, send me a PM.

Glad you are able to talk about this, I think it is an important part of getting through it. Also read the archives at ExScientologykids.com. I posted there under a made up name and identity trying to stay under the radar, didn't work, lol. There are a lot of stories about other kids that went through the same type thing.

If you talk to your Mum and Dad, please tell them I said hi!

Thanks, Mike. I e-mailed them that you said hi. I think my dad will probably just delete the email when he sees that his son sent it, but my mom may remember you. As for giving parents a break for thinking they're doing the right thing, I agree with you. I firmly believe that everyone does the best they can with the information they've got. I'm a parent myself and I've made my fair share of mistakes. I know I'm a better father than my dad was. Would I be a good dad if my dad hadn't shown me how not to do it? I don't know. I know that when I had kids (5 and 6, Wyatt and Molly) I realized that my parents couldn't have cared as much about me as I do about my kids. Or my parents weren't as capable of showing their affection. Is that Scientology's fault? Doesn't matter. Everyone reaps what they sow.
 
Thankyou Mike.

There are not many people posting - yet - who went through scientology as both child and parent. What you say is so true, and there are aspects of it all I still struggle with today. I joined at 14 and subsequently tried to raise 4 children within the system, and it didn't work well. The struggle to find out who you really are and what is truly the best thing to do, both as a child, parent and sibling is confusing and distressing to the max.

Sam, you describe it so well, the arbitrary disregard for children and parents, and it's a testament to your own resilience and courage that you are here speaking out.

Thanks, Shiny. Scientology is fucked up, but I turned my frown upside down and I look at the positive things. I don't think I can ever be brainwashed again, for one thing. I'm so much more savvy to scams and lies. Every difficult thing that's happened to me has only made me stronger. I'm not sure if I would have a much different personality if I'd never even heard of Scientology, but the fact remains that I can't change the past, so I need to do my best in the present. And, at present, I'm doing great!
 
This thread is wonderful.

The richness of personal experience within the cult is compelling testimony. Thanks.

LRH promoted Scientology as a way to lead a better life. Yet, the damage that Scientology inflicts/inflicted to family after family is in-your-face proof of fraud.

As I age, I see the tremendous power of good family relationships. One can nuture dreams, explain relationships, show by example, provide understanding, coddle, listen, rear, be the adult in the room, provide an endless source of fun and humor, or just be a normal person.

LRH could have taken advantage of a family-friendly culture to expand Scientology.

For whatever reasons--greed, stupidity, lust for power, quickie results--Scientology staff were encouraged to abandon family life and LRH knew this.

All the BS one had to go through to get time off to see family or help family or raise one's kids was just a nutty piece of Scientology.

I got out 25 years ago and my family is still recovering from the nastiness. There are pieces of my kid's lives that I can't replace.

Thanks Monkeyschimps for sharing.

It's a big deal.


Thanks, Booj. I'm sorry to hear that you've still got healing wounds. I'm sure things will turn out great.
 
Hello and welcome, Sam!
Thanks for your story so far. It's valuable to write it.

From your very first post of telling people they had to see the reg...your description tells of the very early manipulation and of the pseudo-power instilled in very young staff. It starts right
away and never ends. For those that stay in, it becomes a monster. So glad you are out.

I want to compliment you on your literacy and ability to write, spell and punctuate. You are very articulate. It might not seem a big deal to you, but I don't see that as common in your
age group and, in particular, with kids raised in the cult.

Keep writing!

I have read couple of your posts. You're not so bad with the old Underwood yourself.
 
quote_icon.png
Originally Posted by Monkeyschimps

Hello, I'll just start all the way at the beginning. I was born in Largo, FL in 1983. My mom, Debbie, was the Tech Sec at Flag. My dad, Paul, was a Class 9 auditor. My sister, Tessa, was born shortly before we all moved to Los Angeles two years later so my dad could be in RTC and my mom went to FLO, which was at PAC at the time. I was in the Cadet Estates Org which was where the Celebrity Center Parking garage is now. I very rarely saw my dad, like every couple of weeks, but my mom would pick us up every night around 10:30 after we had all gone to sleep on our cots, I think there were about 30 or 40 of us in one big room. I have a scar on my knee from one time when she picked us up, literally, and tried to carry us to our berthing. She fell down and I landed on her cigarette, which burned a scar into my knee. Sometimes I would get to see her and/or my dad at lunch time. At one point, I got to see my dad more often because he was suddenly a security guard for the PAC base. Then he disappeared for a while and my mom would t say where he was except maybe that he was in trouble. Then one day, much later, my mom came and got Tessa and I from the CEO and asked us if we'd like to see our daddy. We responded to the equivalent of "Hell, yes!" He was outside what I think is ASHO if I remember correctly. He was all in black with a black arm band. I already knew that was really, really bad. But I didn't care. He was down below us behind a fence, under a scaffold on the walkway down there. Him and another guy were doing some kind of work. We were unable to hug, but we exchanged hellos and that sort of thing. Then we had to leave because be had to get back to work. I think it was around this point that we started being bussed to a school in West Covina. I think I was 5. Probably some legal rudiment suddenly had to start being met. I liked the West Covina school. I learned spelling and numbers and that sort of thing. My dad must have gotten off the RPF at this point because be was now the school coach. It makes sense, he played college football. Well shortly after this when I was 5 or 6, my mom wanted the fuck out of the Sea Org. My dad has told me that he joined her only because he wanted to be with us kids. They traded their e-meter for this old tan hatchback that actually served us well for a few years. We moved out to Yucca Valley, CA, which is about 45 mins north of Palm Springs, up in the Morongo Basin. Sea Org members would stop by every couple of years to have some convo with my dad and mom. Probably mostly my dad because he was a Class 9 auditor. Plus, my dad always told us he planned in going back to the SO. They divorced when I was 10, so 1993. About a year later, my dad asked Tessa and I if we would mind if he moved away from us, to Colorado so he could pursue his dreams of owning a civil engineering company. We told him it was fine, but it really affected me. I've never asked my sister about it. We stayed with our mom until I was 12 and then I spent 7th grade in Colorado. I had already told my mom I hated doing conditions and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I moved back to California for 8th grade, got into drugs and alcohol at the tender age of 13, lost my virginity, performed acts of vandalism, usual teenage stuff? My mom was working at the radio station as a DJ at the time. Eventually, Tessa and I moved back in with my dad when I was almost 15 so we could go to the California Ranch School, an unaccredited Scientolgy school that, I think was part of the Sea Org group Applied Scholastics. It was there that my life started to improve because of Scientology. You know, that early stage where you're treated with kid gloves and shown the stuff that hooks you until you commit yourself to the church, before all the human rights violations begin. So, we were living in Santa Ana, CA, riding the Metrolink commuter train to Riverside every morning and taking public transport home every day. I loved that we didn't have any homework. Tessa filled out a personality test at school and was called in. She did a course and them I twinned with her on another one. We were off to the races. We started going on course, did the Purif, etc. I joined staff at 16 going on 17 for 6 months but crapped out because of a study bug. There's an Elron reference that says a person has three months to finish Staff Status 2 or they're out, but no one paid attention to that. And I wanted to leave almost the entire time. I was out for about 6 months, doing odd jobs, eventually started working for FatPipeU, a company which uses the Scilon study technology to teach people how to install cable. I did well at it and then was recruited for the Sea Org. End of part 1, gotta go




Part 3 - May or may not be true, could be filled with opinion and inaccuracies.

I missed a part after I had finished the CC EPF. I was then put into HCO CCI, I forget what it's called. It wasn't the HCO for the public, it was one level up. Where security was. But I was posted as expeditor until my CSW was approved to go to NWC Int, then FLO EPF, then back down to NWC CC. While I was there, I got my own CC uniform and I was expediting for Div 2. I forget the ladies name but she was real nice, said she knew my dad and she was a Registrar. She would give me a list of names and where those people were on study currently, I would go to those course rooms and ask the sup who such-and-such was. He or she would point the person out to me and then I would remember their face so I could stop them on the stairs after course and tell them that the reg wanted to see them. It was very easy work. I could tell they didn't want to, but that they weren't going to put up a fight. I was used to this sort of thing by this point, but thinking back on it, it's kind of messed up. They knew they would get in trouble if they didn't go talk to this person. How's that for freedom?

During that time, I was actually back on my TRs and Objectives Co-Audit! With random people. And only because I put my foot down about it. However, it was interrupted by me going into NWC Int.

So, back to NWC Int. They always tell you on the EPF that once you're done you can have one day off. I was expecting that day off for 3 months. When I got to the 3rd or 2nd floor of the Hollywood Guaranty Building, Rose Maracle told me that I was going on the FLO EPF, like, within minutes. I asked her if I could have my day off first so I could see my family. This is where the worm turned and she stopped being nice to me. She was suddenly a different person. No longer my cool recruiter, she said, "You know we don't join the Sea Org to take vacations." or something like that. I still wanted my day off. And it was approved.

My sister came and picked me up and we hung out all day. We stopped by the OC Org for some reason or another and I was standing by the picnic tables when Ed Dearborn, the ED at the time, walks by. Ed Dearborn never liked me. I think it's because I would get recruited, agree to join the SO, then change my mind. He was involved in a couple of those cycles, not to mention I had been on staff and wanting to leave for 6 months. So Ed walks up to me and says, "You here on libs?" I told him I was. Then he said, "Good," turned smartly to the right and walked away. This is what Scientology does to people. Makes them dicks for no good reason. Arguably, he thought it was a good reason.

When I got back to the HGB, there was still some paperwork to do, I was walking around all day in my one suit (3 piece, vest and all, a gift from my dad), writing letters, going on study, etc. Finally got routed onto the FLO EPF that night with, inexplicably, no time to change. I had to wear my 3-piece suit for a few hours before we got back to the Anthony Building, which at the time was a tenement. Old, dirty, stained carpeting, thread bare in many places, exposed nails and wood. Though the walls were obviously painted often. Anyone know if it's been renovated yet? DM needs to treat his people better.

Tangent: I was at the AB one day, smoking a cigarette out front when who should roll up but Heber Jentz? I wasn't sure if I should "sir" him because he didn't have any officer bars on his epaulets. I had only seen him in pictures and at events at this point. I had heard that he closed down more than a 100 psych hospitals after he did Super Power. When he told me he had forgotten the door code to get into the AB, I was surprised. For one, I was told that he had been living at the AB as recently as a few months prior. If he'd done Super Power, he'd remember the door code, right? I don't remember the code now because it's been 12 years, but I do remember that it was very easy to remember. I did the code for him and he looked at me sheepishly, went inside.

Ben Monahan was my EPF I/C and Ben Monohan was a fucking dick. There are people who are dicks because they're brainwashed to act like L Ron Hubbard or DM, and then there are people who are just dicks on top of that. Guess which one he was? When I first arrived, we were all standing at attention at muster and he was yelling at us about something. I'm in my 3-piece suit and he addressed me, but because I was at attention, I was supposed to keep my TRs in and not talk until I was given the "at-ease" as I had learned at CC. I thought he was trying to trick me and he was yelling at me that he wasn't trying to trick me. He could have just said "at-ease", but he continued to upbraid me in front of everyone until I got over my CC brainwashing enough to respond to him. During this time he also took off my suit jacket. I don't remember why.

I was not long for the FLO EPF this time around. Ben Monohan only yelled angrily. He didn't have any other way he spoke to EPFers. He would always wear his navy blue jump suit and berate the shit out of us. At first, because it was so ridiculous, I would laugh at him without even realizing it. An EPFer would go up to him and ask him a perfectly reasonable question and he would just yell angrily back at them, at which point I would laugh. Then he would ask/yell at me why I was laughing, but I actually at the time didn't realize I was doing it, so I would just tell him that I didn't know what he was talking about. It actually took me a long time to realize that I was laughing out loud when someone would do something ridiculous. I probably embarrassed a lot of people.

Eventually, a day or two later, Ben Monohan pulled me aside and told me that he didn't like my attitude. I think he didn't like me laughing at all the ridiculous shit he did. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, but he routed me back to NWC Int. Rose Maracle wasn't too happy about that. But I wrote a lot of letters in that time and eventually they traded me down to the Pac Ranch! I was back at the Cadet Estates Org! Ironic. This time, literally, I was in-charge of Cadet production. I was the Cadet Estates I/C. I had programs to complete where I had to get the cadets to de-weed the garden, set up rail road ties along all the walkways, we were going to build a greenhouse, etc.

These poor kids. They missed their parents so much. And they were very unruly. They would blow from course all the time and shuck work duties. It's like they were being over-worked at a cult ranch or something. Their schedule was literally wake up at 7 am, go on course until the afternoon, do their production, then I'm pretty sure they would go on study at night too. Or maybe they had free time. I don't remember. But these were 10-16 year olds, so they were off doing god knows what every night after lights out. I did a couple night watches and they were definitely up to some shenanigans after everyone went to sleep. I do not blame them in the least.

Tangent: If you aren't 18, you aren't old enough to be in a cult. There was a 10-year old girl at the ranch at that time who didn't talk. She knew how to talk, mind you, but she refused to. Her parents abandoned her at this ranch in the middle of nowhere. Yumi was her name. Her dad was Japanese and her mom was American. They were at NWC. These other kids, the teenagers were forced to live in these shitty dorms with all these other people with no real knowledge of the outside world. It is reprehensible that the Sea Org recruits parents. These kids were fucked up and abandoned. We did our best, but they needed their parents.

For some reason which I don't remember, NWC wanted me back. Maybe because I'd already received certain clearances so they wouldn't have to start fresh CSWs with someone else. They came and got me, not without a fight from the Flag Rep, a very nice woman, I forget her name, but she knew me when I was a cadet. She was actually a mother figure to all the kids on the Pac Ranch. NWC won the fight, got me back up there to the HGB. I was posted as the Project Prepare I/C. I will do part 4 after I've ruminated a bit on my experiences.


Part 4, probably rife with inaccuracies and maybe even lies, I don't know! Maybe not, though.

So I'm back at New World Corps as the Project Prepare I/C. We were posted quite close to the galley entrance off L Ron Hubbard Blvd, right off the breezeway, across from the Introductory movie theater. It was an interesting time because it was the first time I was treated like someone of status when I walked around in my NWC uniform. At the HGB, they knew us as a young upstart org, but the people at PAC gave us lots of respect. We had our own table in the mess hall and everything. CMO got the Officer's room, but we got to sit with some of the higher ups of the PAC base. I shouldn't say "got to", I was uncomfortable with the whole thing. I was nervous all the time that someone was going to yell at me for some random nothing, so being around all the officers was nerve racking. I've always had a problem with other people thinking they deserve better than someone else. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Tangent: Everyone deserves basic human rights and everyone is equal until they prove otherwise. I treat and think of everyone as my equal until they treat me as a lesser person. Then I think of them as inferior and not worth my time. We're all on this planet together, we have this whole universe to explore. Dick measuring contests aren't going to create world peace and they will distract us from focusing on space travel. Scientology has a hierarchy that turns my stomach. DM literally thinks he's better than every Scientologist. Probably everyone at the Int Base thinks they're entitled to more than everyone below them. It's gross. Some people need direction, they're called children. Every one else should be allowed to live their own lives without having to deal with some dictatorial bullshit where they work or worship. It's called 'humility'.

I remember I was dusting the light and the NWC sign outside one Saturday night (Clean Ship Project) and I lit up a smoke while I was working. One of my fellow co-workers came by and said, "That is extremely out-PR." I put the cigarette out. Fuck me for for wanting a cigarette, right? I had to call people up and try to get them to the next step of their Project Prepare. It was such bullshit. Most people shined me on and I wasn't real hard-sell about it anyway. I remember we had one big kahuna, a Class fucking VI auditor. CS trained. Do you have any idea what he would have done for our stats when he arrived? I was a little nervous to call him, but Billy (old German or Swiss guy with a beard, well known), my senior, told me to give him a call to introduce myself. I called him and introduced myself and then asked him a question that I had about his project prepare. It had something to do with talking to his mother about some shit. It wasn't real clear in the file what he was supposed to do, so I was trying to clarify. The Class VI got mad at me and asked me to put Billy on the phone. Another instance of the tech not working that gave me pause. You would think a Class VI would be a real cool dude, but nope, total dick.

I remember one interesting recruiting story. Trevor Sales told me this. He said that he was recruiting this guy who had done Super Power back in the day. This recruit said that David Miscavage had pushed him through a wall back when he was in the Sea Org many years ago. Evidence that DM is violent and has been for a long time. Though,the recruit also said that he'd floated during Super Power processing and he also told Trevor that he had shit his pants on the flight over because he was so nervous to be going back to the Sea Org.

I used to have to walk with people to the HGB from PAC every once in a while when they missed a shuttle or something. I remember a girl named Denise Pick who would always ask me for my $11 weekly wage for nothing in return. I never gave it to her. I'm not trying to paint her in a bad light, we were all hurting for cash. I needed that money for soap and tobacco, dangit. One time, we were walking towards the HGB and these guys in a car screamed "Nice tie!" at me because the NWC tie is golden. I also worked with Frank Feeney and a lady named Melanie, her young daughter was also in, don't remember her last name. I worked with Christoph Pereira, Ilya and Yuri Launitz, Zenobia Khan, and Nicole Mee who is now Nicole something else and out of the Sea Org. There was a Mr. Garrett. Frank Garrett? He was the FLO EPF I/C years prior to that, I heard. Chewed me out once for not 'sir'ing him. Also asked me how his boy was doing when I came back from the PAC Ranch. He seemed to miss him.

Yeah, so I did all that shit for several months and then was traded again to FLO. So I had to start on the FLO EPF. Ben Monohan. I did not have fun time on the FLO EPF. Ben Monohan has two settings: asleep and angry. He always woke up after us EPFers because he always stayed up late when he got off post, hanging out with other people who also stayed up late and no one said anything. He complained about the food at the HGB all the time. He would say, "This is why I'm on vitamin drips and I have no energy!" We never had the nerve to tell him to just go to bed earlier. We had to ask permission for everything if he was in the vicinity. Including going to the bathroom. And sometimes he would deny us the privilege and make us wait a few more minutes. When we were eating during our 30 minute meal, we were still beholden to him. A friend of mine, Chris Shields, made the joke that I sounded like Oliver Twist asking for more when I asked to go smoke a cigarette. "May I please have a cigarette, sir?" I was on the FLO EPF with Alison Pace and a bunch of other cool people, one guy's name was Robin, I don't remember his last name.

We mostly did cleaning at the HGB and some renovations at the HI as well as the AB. One time Ben Monohan was taking down his pull up bar from the door frame and clocked me in the head with it really hard. He told me I should have gotten out of the way instead of apologizing. On several occasions, we would catch him playing computer games during post or otherwise working on his computer during production when he was supposed to be running us. We actually didn't care beyond the hypocrisy of it. He was a real dick, let him play video games so he gets off our fucking backs. One time he was rough housing with another FLO guy and they bashed a hole into the wall outside the policy room with all the filing cabinets down in the basement. Me and Chris Shields had to patch it up and make it look good. One time I was giving Chris a locational and Ben came and interrupted us because it was muster. I told him to stop because we were in the middle of a locational, but he grabbed us, screamed at us and dragged us inside. Chris was really upset. I wrote Ben up for that but he never got in trouble. Ben screamed in my face one morning to do better on study and he hadn't brushed his teeth. Gobs of his smelly spit splattered my face and one fleck got in my eye. Fuck Ben Monohan.

It took me five months to route out. And then I went back to NWC where I got my sec check and everything. While there, Daniel Gardener came back from mission in Europe. He had blown, eating McDonalds on several occasions and lying about where he had been. The Super Cargo of NWC, I forget his name, came in to the decks berthing where I was at the time and fucking tore Daniel a new asshole. Daniel since went on to be the Super Cargo at ASHO. I don't know what he's up to these days. That pretty much sums up my whole SO experience. I wish I remembered more names.

So, when I was 19, I moved back to OC, had a severance of $500 that I was told I should donate to the IAS and was sent packing. I wasn't allowed to ride the Sea Org shuttles, I had to walk from the HGB to the AB in the dark with $500 in my pocket. I got on the payphone and called my sister and my best friend at the time, Danan Coleman. They came and picked me up and I was a good little Scientologist for a couple more years.

I was hit by a truck in a crosswalk, was hospitalized for two weeks and got $70,000 from the insurance company. I blew $30,000 on random stuff plus paying my freeloader debt and put $40,000 into auditing and courses. Got up to Scientology Drug Rundown. Met and married my ex-wife, Whitney, had two kids. Worked at several Scientology companies during this time. Mueller Energy Group, Action Duct Cleaning chief among them. In April of 2009, I was "laid off". My boss told me to apply for unemployment and he would pay me under the table until the economy turned around. I didn't feel comfortable with this arrangement, plus I had been meaning to move to Flag, and I had just received my tax return, so I packed everything up, left a lot of stuff behind, sent the kids and Whitney ahead of me by plane and drove across the country with my mom and sister. It was pretty fun.

I started working for a WISE company which is on or near the corner of Drew and Keane in possibly Clearwater, FL. I did several course which I enjoyed over the next couple months. There was one problem though. Flag was supposed to be on-policy in the extreme. Like, it's the technical Mecca. I had been fed up with OC Org's technical problems and couldn't wait to get to Flag to really experience pure LRH like I had always dreamed of. Flag was worse than OC. They engaged in stat pushing to the extreme. Like, they would say to just come study for half an hour so we can have another BIS (Body in the Shop) point. I was also used to seeing my kids a lot and they wanted me and Whitney on course at least 12.5 hours a week. I couldn't fathom being away from my kids for that long. I studied two periods once a week.

Oh, just a few months prior to moving to Flag, me and my buddy XXX <name redacted at Poster's request) had started doing work for OSA, unbeknownst to them. XXX and I always had a problem with people telling us not to do stuff that everyone else in the world is allowed to do. Our favorite television and radio personalities would bad-mouth our religion and we were fed up with it. We were going to fight back. We wanted to know the stories that everyone else we privy to so we could formulate good rebuttals and dead agent them. We were better at it than most church officials. They had lame comebacks for some of these attacks. So we were secret warriors, trying to preserve Scientology's PR. I left to Florida and stopped doing the research. XXX did not. He called me up one night and asked me if I had heard of the Marty Rathbun thing. I said I had, the guy sounds like a total scumbag, what an SP! XXX told me I should watch it.
I obliged him.

For the first hour or so, I was tryingto think of all the different ways I could dead agent what this SP was saying. But I slowly began to realize that he was not an SP. No SP would say the things he was saying in the way that he was saying them. Then I had to question whether he was telling the truth and it was clear that probably most of it was true. I watched all the Rathbun videos and called Leo back. "Holy shit, Leo. David Miscavage is an SP!" Leo at this point was actually fully against L Ron Hubbard as well, but he knew he needed to peel back the layers as well. He agreed and told me to watch some more stuff. Amy Scobee, etc. I read the Time magazine article that forever made DM call it "Slime" magazine. Etc.

During this time, I got Whitney on board as well, though she has since fallen off. Leo and I would talk about all the crazy Tommy Davis shit that was going on and then he told me to look into some anti-LRH stuff. I did. I was blown away. I've read it all. The OT levels, Piece of Blue Sky, Combatting Cult Mind Control, L Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman, Blown For Good, etc.

That was 3 or so years ago. I've been pretending to be a Scientologist ever since so I don't lose my job, but I'm tired of living a lie and I just want to be myself now. What does it take to get declared around here? I've literally heard nothing from anybody about these posts or the fact that I asked for a refund or told my sister that I want Scientology to go down in flames so I don't have L Ron Hubbards fat fucking head looming over my family all the time.

Thanks for reading!
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Free to shine

Shiny & Free
Sam, as you have started a new thread, you can ask a moderator to close this one so you don't have 2 threads at once that are basically the same.
There is a small black triangle under the post on the left, click on that in one of your posts to make a report. :)
 

petal

Patron Meritorious
Hi, Sam:
Welcome.
Are you still a believer in the tech?
And by that I mean the spiritual stuff, not the eithics, and admin.
petal:)
 
Hi, Sam:
Welcome.
Are you still a believer in the tech?
And by that I mean the spiritual stuff, not the eithics, and admin.
petal:)

Thanks, Petal. I no longer believe in the spiritual stuff. I don't even believe in free will anymore.

As for the tech, L Ron Hubbard compiled/plagiarized that info from psychology and philosophy, two subjects which have come a long way since the 60's. I've read a few books and listened to a few Yale lectures in the subject of psychology and it's much more interesting and plausible than anything in Dianetics or Scientology in my opinion.
 

hpm1999

Patron with Honors
Thanks, Mike. I e-mailed them that you said hi. I think my dad will probably just delete the email when he sees that his son sent it, but my mom may remember you. As for giving parents a break for thinking they're doing the right thing, I agree with you. I firmly believe that everyone does the best they can with the information they've got. I'm a parent myself and I've made my fair share of mistakes. I know I'm a better father than my dad was. Would I be a good dad if my dad hadn't shown me how not to do it? I don't know. I know that when I had kids (5 and 6, Wyatt and Molly) I realized that my parents couldn't have cared as much about me as I do about my kids. Or my parents weren't as capable of showing their affection. Is that Scientology's fault? Doesn't matter. Everyone reaps what they sow.
Ignoring your kids in CO$= Having bigger fish to fry
 

petal

Patron Meritorious
Thanks, Petal. I no longer believe in the spiritual stuff. I don't even believe in free will anymore.

As for the tech, L Ron Hubbard compiled/plagiarized that info from psychology and philosophy, two subjects which have come a long way since the 60's. I've read a few books and listened to a few Yale lectures in the subject of psychology and it's much more interesting and plausible than anything in Dianetics or Scientology in my opinion.

Dear, Sam:
Alright.
One more thing. Do you have a emeter that you will give away?
petal:)
 

Tuppence

Patron
Hello, I'll just start all the way at the beginning. I was born in Largo, FL in 1983. My mom, Debbie, was the Tech Sec at Flag. My dad, Paul, was a Class 9 auditor. My sister, Tessa, was born shortly before we all moved to Los Angeles two years later so my dad could be in RTC and my mom went to FLO, which was at PAC at the time. I was in the Cadet Estates Org which was where the Celebrity Center Parking garage is now. I very rarely saw my dad, like every couple of weeks, but my mom would pick us up every night around 10:30 after we had all gone to sleep on our cots, I think there were about 30 or 40 of us in one big room. I have a scar on my knee from one time when she picked us up, literally, and tried to carry us to our berthing. She fell down and I landed on her cigarette, which burned a scar into my knee. Sometimes I would get to see her and/or my dad at lunch time. At one point, I got to see my dad more often because he was suddenly a security guard for the PAC base. Then he disappeared for a while and my mom would t say where he was except maybe that he was in trouble. Then one day, much later, my mom came and got Tessa and I from the CEO and asked us if we'd like to see our daddy. We responded to the equivalent of "Hell, yes!" He was outside what I think is ASHO if I remember correctly. He was all in black with a black arm band. I already knew that was really, really bad. But I didn't care. He was down below us behind a fence, under a scaffold on the walkway down there. Him and another guy were doing some kind of work. We were unable to hug, but we exchanged hellos and that sort of thing. Then we had to leave because be had to get back to work. I think it was around this point that we started being bussed to a school in West Covina. I think I was 5. Probably some legal rudiment suddenly had to start being met. I liked the West Covina school. I learned spelling and numbers and that sort of thing. My dad must have gotten off the RPF at this point because be was now the school coach. It makes sense, he played college football. Well shortly after this when I was 5 or 6, my mom wanted the fuck out of the Sea Org. My dad has told me that he joined her only because he wanted to be with us kids. They traded their e-meter for this old tan hatchback that actually served us well for a few years. We moved out to Yucca Valley, CA, which is about 45 mins north of Palm Springs, up in the Morongo Basin. Sea Org members would stop by every couple of years to have some convo with my dad and mom. Probably mostly my dad because he was a Class 9 auditor. Plus, my dad always told us he planned in going back to the SO. They divorced when I was 10, so 1993. About a year later, my dad asked Tessa and I if we would mind if he moved away from us, to Colorado so he could pursue his dreams of owning a civil engineering company. We told him it was fine, but it really affected me. I've never asked my sister about it. We stayed with our mom until I was 12 and then I spent 7th grade in Colorado. I had already told my mom I hated doing conditions and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I moved back to California for 8th grade, got into drugs and alcohol at the tender age of 13, lost my virginity, performed acts of vandalism, usual teenage stuff? My mom was working at the radio station as a DJ at the time. Eventually, Tessa and I moved back in with my dad when I was almost 15 so we could go to the California Ranch School, an unaccredited Scientolgy school that, I think was part of the Sea Org group Applied Scholastics. It was there that my life started to improve because of Scientology. You know, that early stage where you're treated with kid gloves and shown the stuff that hooks you until you commit yourself to the church, before all the human rights violations begin. So, we were living in Santa Ana, CA, riding the Metrolink commuter train to Riverside every morning and taking public transport home every day. I loved that we didn't have any homework. Tessa filled out a personality test at school and was called in. She did a course and them I twinned with her on another one. We were off to the races. We started going on course, did the Purif, etc. I joined staff at 16 going on 17 for 6 months but crapped out because of a study bug. There's an Elron reference that says a person has three months to finish Staff Status 2 or they're out, but no one paid attention to that. And I wanted to leave almost the entire time. I was out for about 6 months, doing odd jobs, eventually started working for FatPipeU, a company which uses the Scilon study technology to teach people how to install cable. I did well at it and then was recruited for the Sea Org. End of part 1, gotta go.

Thanks for sharing, I too grew up in Scientology, your story is very different than mine, but still good to hear the stories of others.
 
Top