Scared

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
In the past I looked at me and I saw that I am scared, it is a deep fear.

I am scared of "Wogs", I am scared of "SPs" and I am scared of Anons. I try to control this fear. I know it is "implant" from Co$ to control me.

It makes me unhappy. :bigcry:

Sometimes I get panic :nervous: and than I react very angry without a big reason.

Sometimes I can control this fear and sometimes not.

eg I have contact to "Non Scientologist", Anons and people here on ESMB who I can trust, but regulary I can't trust. Sometimes I ask the people I trust what to do in special situations, but I can't ask allways people what to do.

My question is, what can I do to control this fear? Has someone here the same problem?:unsure:
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
In the past I looked at me and I saw that I am scared, it is a deep fear.

I am scared of "Wogs", I am scared of "SPs" and I am scared of Anons. I try to control this fear. I know it is "implant" from Co$ to control me.

It makes me unhappy. :bigcry:

Sometimes I get panic :nervous: and than I react very angry without a big reason.

Sometimes I can control this fear and sometimes not.

eg I have contact to "Non Scientologist", Anons and people here on ESMB who I can trust, but regulary I can't trust. Sometimes I ask the people I trust what to do in special situations, but I can't ask allways people what to do.

My question is, what can I do to control this fear? Has someone here the same problem?:unsure:

I have had a similar fear, though I don't have it, now. I can appreciate it.

I first became fully aware of it while doing TR-O. I realized I was very uncomfortable looking into the eyes of my twin. The fear grew, the longer I continued. I started to think the guy was going to get really angry at me for looking at him so directly, for seeing him so clearly, etc. After a while, the feeling passed. Actually, the passing of that feeling, for me, was a "major stable win", and signaled moving on to the next TR.

It never returned regarding talking to people, but it persisted on hidden levels. I realized the other day that I was afraid to talk publicly about things. Lots of reasons (though I'm obviously not afraid to write publicly about things).

Personally, it is my belief that if a fear is an irrational fear, it cannot withstand scrutiny. "Sitting with it" can help (which is what happened on TR-0, with me, whatever language scientologists would like to use), as in meditation, EMDR, auditing (in some meta-form, rather than as practiced in the Church), where you sit with the feeling, review it from lots of angles, and "comfortably confront" it.

With us ex-scientologists, we've been bred into fearing/despising (same thing, different sides of the coin) "wogs", "suppressives", or any others than those specifically stated to be "good" (on-source, on-course Scientologists). If you're new to being an ex, a little paranoia might be expected. Even if you never encountered Scientology, though, white people are brought up fearing/despising blacks, men are brought up fearing/despising women, etc. Coming to terms with this, in my view, shows a great deal of emotional maturity, and should be congratulated. I would say you've already taken the biggest step by recognizing the problem in your own terms. Whatever you do, now, if you continue to face it, I think you will be free of it, soon.

Welcome to ESMB.
 

Infinite

Troublesome Internet Fringe Dweller
. . . My question is, what can I do to control this fear? Has someone here the same problem?:unsure:

If it is affecting your lifestyle in a negative manner and has been a recurring issue, perhaps consider going to a formally-trained health professional for some advice. There's never any requirement for you to do anything or take anything - just talk, listen, and go away with what you have learned for further consideration before making a decision. Gathering good information never hurts. Also, by acknowledging the issue and reaching out for help you're making positive moves already. Keep up that momentum.
 

Royal Prince Xenu

Trust the Psi Corps.
Nicole, the biggest fear that most people have is "speaking in public". I suggest you find a local Toastmasters club. You don't have to trust anyone; you just get to know people and once you're comfortable, you'll be up there on the stage giving a speech with the best of them.

Note: I did not have to do this because I never had that fear, and my failure with "trust" is that I do it too easily and too often to my own detriment.

RPX
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
If it is affecting your lifestyle in a negative manner and has been a recurring issue, perhaps consider going to a formally-trained health professional for some advice. There's never any requirement for you to do anything or take anything - just talk, listen, and go away with what you have learned for further consideration before making a decision. Gathering good information never hurts. Also, by acknowledging the issue and reaching out for help you're making positive moves already. Keep up that momentum.

This would be the second step :), if uniquemand or other advices won't help. I rational know there is no reason for this fear.
 

MrNobody

Who needs merits?
Nicole, the biggest fear that most people have is "speaking in public". I suggest you find a local Toastmasters club. You don't have to trust anyone; you just get to know people and once you're comfortable, you'll be up there on the stage giving a speech with the best of them.

Note: I did not have to do this because I never had that fear, and my failure with "trust" is that I do it too easily and too often to my own detriment.

RPX

Google "Toastmasters", see how many scilons and scilon-connections you'll find, and understand why I can't support your suggestion.

Also: I know several "angstlers", and "speaking in public" is not their main problem. Only a professional can find out what the main problem is, IMO. I suggest Nicole sees her current doctor, and if he sees it as a real problem, he'll even subscribe her some psychological treatment. Many people I know had very successfully been treated in similar cases, and most of the times there wasn't even medication involved.

If it's subscribed by her doc, there's a good chance that her health insurance will pay for it all, so it probably will not cost her more than a few bucks (the regular German "entry fee", that every doctor has to take in Germany).
 

Clarence Rockaway

Patron with Honors
Nicole, the biggest fear that most people have is "speaking in public". I suggest you find a local Toastmasters club. You don't have to trust anyone; you just get to know people and once you're comfortable, you'll be up there on the stage giving a speech with the best of them.

Note: I did not have to do this because I never had that fear, and my failure with "trust" is that I do it too easily and too often to my own detriment.

RPX
Nicole, willkommen in dem ESMB! Sie sind jetzt mit Freunden. So bald als Sie es erfassen das Sie wahrhaftig nicht die Gestalt sind, sonst ein Wesen dessen Koerper verbrauchbar ist, wird ihre Furcht sicher vermindern. Wann ihre voellige Gleichheit Ihnen nicht mehr wichtig ist, haben die Maechte der Verlegung, Bedrohung, und andere Beruecksichtigungen keinen EinfluB ueber Sie mehr. In die Gesellschaft das so gefaehrlich ist, Frauen sind leichter zu ueberwachen und zwingen als Maenner. Aber als Wesen ohne Koeper konnen Sie nicht reguliert werden. AuBerdem, ist Niemand wirklich wichtig genug zu fuerchten. Auf Ihrer Lebensbahn, sind Sie Nummer eins.

In Muenchen habe ich mal eine Ansichtskarte gesehen. Worauf eine Gruppe dicke saufenden Bayer war. Unten waren die Worte..."Uns kein Keiner. Uns koennen Sie alle!" Erwerben Sie wenns moeglich ein bischen von diesem Verhalten. Alles Gute, Reuben Hart...(ausgesprochen Ruben)
 
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uniquemand

Unbeliever
Google "Toastmasters", see how many scilons and scilon-connections you'll find, and understand why I can't support your suggestion.

Also: I know several "angstlers", and "speaking in public" is not their main problem. Only a professional can find out what the main problem is, IMO. I suggest Nicole sees her current doctor, and if he sees it as a real problem, he'll even subscribe her some psychological treatment. Many people I know had very successfully been treated in similar cases, and most of the times there wasn't even medication involved.

If it's subscribed by her doc, there's a good chance that her health insurance will pay for it all, so it probably will not cost her more than a few bucks (the regular German "entry fee", that every doctor has to take in Germany).

I don't agree that only a professional can find or help with the source, but I do agree that it's a good suggestion to talk to one. I have a doctor that I use for medical care suggestions. Sometimes I even agree with her!

I periodically take medication suggested by a doc, then stop again after some period, then start again under their suggestion. The reason I take their advice is that I acknowledge my understanding of my physical system (and mental system) is incomplete, and they are operating under a different bias than me. I have also seen benefit from using their advice. The reason I stop is that I acknowledge their bias, and that their knowledge of my physical and mental system is incomplete, and I want to see if I can function better now that I have taken medication for a period. It's a loop. I have come to agree, finally, that I perform better when taking medication for AD/HD, regardless of the reasons that my doc thinks so, or that I think so. I do think it could be treated by MY OWN REMEDY even better, but I lack the funds and the personnel to enact my own remedy. Ironic.
 

MrNobody

Who needs merits?
I don't agree that only a professional can find or help with the source, but I do agree that it's a good suggestion to talk to one. I have a doctor that I use for medical care suggestions. Sometimes I even agree with her!

I periodically take medication suggested by a doc, then stop again after some period, then start again under their suggestion. The reason I take their advice is that I acknowledge my understanding of my physical system (and mental system) is incomplete, and they are operating under a different bias than me. I have also seen benefit from using their advice. The reason I stop is that I acknowledge their bias, and that their knowledge of my physical and mental system is incomplete, and I want to see if I can function better now that I have taken medication for a period. It's a loop. I have come to agree, finally, that I perform better when taking medication for AD/HD, regardless of the reasons that my doc thinks so, or that I think so. I do think it could be treated by MY OWN REMEDY even better, but I lack the funds and the personnel to enact my own remedy. Ironic.

Yes, I see your point. The reason why I said "only a professional" is this: Some of the "angstlers" I know have tried the self-help and self-medication for many years, with no or very little success. It took a professional psychologist to locate the problem and even they needed several attempts to find the correct treatment - usually in less than 6 months all in all.
 

uniquemand

Unbeliever
Yes, I see your point. The reason why I said "only a professional" is this: Some of the "angstlers" I know have tried the self-help and self-medication for many years, with no or very little success. It took a professional psychologist to locate the problem and even they needed several attempts to find the correct treatment - usually in less than 6 months all in all.

A good counter-argument, though, is that I have some friends who have been treated by psychologists and psychiatrists for 20 or more years concerning their anxiety, and never found full relief. Some of them experienced complete relief from a single session with me (though I would NEVER claim this would always or often be the case).

My suggestion to get around this is to try something, and if it works for you, use it. If it doesn't, move along smartly, rather than being bait and switched (which doesn't only happen in the Cof$). I like my model, which is why I use it, but I don't pretend it is ALWAYS successful, or that it is a good fit for everyone.

I do think it's a good idea to START with currently accepted professional methods. If they don't do the trick, though, don't stick yourself with them, just because their methods and theories are currently accepted. There's a reason that there's an alternative medicine track, and it's NOT just that there are suckers out there (though that is a reason some of them exist).
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Well, I think about it, I know the reason for my extrem fear at the moment.

First Cof$, second Cof$ and than a stupid person that was crazy or whatever, who I started to trust in the last weeks. As I made my first steps alone. I thought he was a friend.

That person recorded everything I said, every call, every meeting, every chat etc. and wrote and sent it to other persons. He lied about me everywhere.
He blackmailed me with my OSA past in the last week. I am sure this is the reason.




MrN: This is the reason, why I am scared to call you (stupid fear) you are a friend
and BTW I have a date with my lawyer.
 

outlawgal

Patron
In the past I looked at me and I saw that I am scared, it is a deep fear.

I am scared of "Wogs", I am scared of "SPs" and I am scared of Anons. I try to control this fear. I know it is "implant" from Co$ to control me.

It makes me unhappy. :bigcry:

Sometimes I get panic :nervous: and than I react very angry without a big reason.

Sometimes I can control this fear and sometimes not.

eg I have contact to "Non Scientologist", Anons and people here on ESMB who I can trust, but regulary I can't trust. Sometimes I ask the people I trust what to do in special situations, but I can't ask allways people what to do.

My question is, what can I do to control this fear? Has someone here the same problem?:unsure:

So sorry to hear about your fear. I had the same fear of "wogs" and "SPs" when I first left the Church. This was 1981, so there were no Anons. As soon as virulent anti-Scientologists appeared on the interwebs, though, I was scared of them. They even accused me of being an OSA spy. ::sigh::
You might wanna do some research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and things that help a person deal with that. If it rings true for you, try 'em out. That helped me a lot. And keep in mind, we all joined Scn because to some degree we were fed up with and scared of the outside world we live in. Now, we're back out in the world and those original fears are still there to be addressed, on top of all the new fears we learned in Scientology.
For a quick fix to fear, try this: notice you're afraid. Really, if you can stand back and say to yourself, "Huh. I'm afraid again," it takes some of the strength out of the fear cuz you're not completely immersed in it.
Oh baby, I wish you lots of comfort and strength.

outlaw
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thanks for the advice outlaw. I don't feel alone anymore and doing a research about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a very good advice. :)
 

Challenge

Silver Meritorious Patron
In the past I looked at me and I saw that I am scared, it is a deep fear.

I am scared of "Wogs", I am scared of "SPs" and I am scared of Anons. I try to control this fear. I know it is "implant" from Co$ to control me.

It makes me unhappy. :bigcry:

Sometimes I get panic :nervous: and than I react very angry without a big reason.

Sometimes I can control this fear and sometimes not.

eg I have contact to "Non Scientologist", Anons and people here on ESMB who I can trust, but regulary I can't trust. Sometimes I ask the people I trust what to do in special situations, but I can't ask allways people what to do.

My question is, what can I do to control this fear? Has someone here the same problem?:unsure:


Nicole, one thing I realized on the TRs course is thta most people are as scared as you are. When I saw this, I began an effort to make others comfortable with me.
Also, in COS, there once was a R/D called "Fear of People" R/D".
I don't recall anything about it except that I ran , R3R ( Dianetics) on the item "crushed" that ended up with my being crushed under tons of rocks pushed over a cliff by unfriendly Indians.
Just sayin. It's a common fear felt my very many. You are not alone with it. Try putting other people at ease, and you might find that your fear of them will lift.


chlng
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
Nicole,

If I knew you, I'd feel more comfortable suggesting what might be useful for you.

But from a distance, I would suggest that you simply seek assistance from mental health professional. How one goes about this in your city or under your medical care program(s), I don't know.

I think UM's comments are quite valid. In other words, before seeking unusual solutions to your challenge, try the most usual solution. And if that doesn't offer you satisfactory results, then look elsewhere.

Best,

TG1
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
P.S. Try not to diagnose yourself. Try to let a professional have a go at that.
 

Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
Now exist two ways, one way is to diagnose myself and how I can make the fear away by myself, the other way is to go to a professional.

My fear was gone before I met that ..hole that pretended to be a critic, that protested at WWP etc. That person that asked for help, because of his daughter that was in. ... and I wanted to help that person and again I fall deep. ...and I am not crazy he made the same with other critics. He let me seem that I am still OSA and now he blackmailed me. I lost because of this again my credibility.

What helps me a professional that this doesn't happen again? That I don't fall again in a stupid trap? That I don't get scared again for this world outside Cof$? :unsure:

..and no I don't want to go back.
 

MrNobody

Who needs merits?
<snip>
MrN: This is the reason, why I am scared to call you (stupid fear) you are a friend
and BTW I have a date with my lawyer.

It's OK, Nicole. You know you can call me whenever you want. I don't have a regular day/night cycle, so it doesn't even matter whether it's 3 AM or 3 PM or whatever. Either I pick up, or I don't. That's all that can happen. Dangerous, eh? :wink2:

Oh, and thanks for the good news.

:cheers:, MrN



A good counter-argument, though, is that I have some friends who have been treated by psychologists and psychiatrists for 20 or more years concerning their anxiety, and never found full relief. Some of them experienced complete relief from a single session with me (though I would NEVER claim this would always or often be the case).

<snip>

Dox or... oh well forget it. Anxiety patients, unsuccessfully treated for 20+ years by mental health specialists, and suddenly, after only one "session" with the holy Uniquemand, Wham! Boom! Bash! Zoink Whee!!! They are completely healed!

I so totally believe you, honestly. :giggle:
 
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Nicole

Silver Meritorious Patron
It's OK, Nicole. You know you can call me whenever you want. I don't have a regular day/night cycle, so it doesn't even matter whether it's 3 AM or 3 PM or whatever. Either I pick up, or I don't. That's all that can happen. Dangerous, eh? :wink2:

Oh, and thanks for the good news.

:cheers:, MrN
Feel much better now. I had a beer and a talk with a friend.

We will change our telephone connection (Telefonanschluss) on Friday, when this is ready I will try to call you. You will be the first I will call with the new connection and my internet gets than faaaster (when it works).

...and don't forget to record the telephone call. I will tell you all my secrets. :biggrin: [/irony]

Danke!

:blowkiss:
Nicole
 

MrNobody

Who needs merits?
Feel much better now. I had a beer and a talk with a friend.

Great. :) Sometimes a beer and a talk with a friend is all it takes.

We will change our telephone connection (Telefonanschluss) on Friday, when this is ready I will try to call you. You will be the first I will call with the new connection and my internet gets than faaaster (when it works).

...and don't forget to record the telephone call. I will tell you all my secrets. :biggrin: [/irony]

When you call, please make sure you speak slowly and clearly. The new automatic Speech Pattern Analysis System Software (aSPASS) I brought from England hasn't been fully configured and adjusted yet, and I doubt I'll make it till Friday.


Da nich für. :coolwink:
 
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