SCIENTOLOGY BOOKS I WOULD READ

[JustSheila]

Isn't ESMB just awesome on Friday nights?

What a great group! Y'all are having WAY too much fun. Love it!

 

[Idle Morgue]

Anyone interested in the "Tomato Series"?

"What to audit - when Auditing a Tomato"

"When the Tomato Does Not Want Auditing"

"OT Wins from a Tomato"

"When the Tomato Explodes"

"When the Tomato becomes an Ethics Particle"

"How to get your Tomato Sessionable"

"Case Gain and the Tomato"

"Tomato Tots and How to Raise Them"

 

[BardoThodol]

This thread is soooo fucking funny.

Here are some classics.

Moby Dick Redux The book begins with the unforgettable line, "Call me Miscamael." From there the plot follows the obsession to skin every white whale in existence. Midway through the book, Miscamael screams into a hurricane, "And when I've finished with the fucking white whales, I'm gonna get the black ones!"

Crime and Punishment (formally titled What is Scientology) is an examination of a man's belief that he can commit crime without repercussions because he is beyond the law.

How to Win Friends and Manipulate People​ is an examination of how to use emotion to gain control over others and turn them into your personal slaves. Essential reading for those who really don't give a damn about anyone else, but want to seem like they do.

A Farewell to Tonearm is a poignant tale of one woman's effort to unburden herself from a vicious lover who has convinced her to join a cult. Anyone interested in the search for truth and rise beyond the lies will love this work.

God, any title will do.

Ps: after reading the entire thread, I realize I wasn't the first with some of these titles. I'll have to work on originality. (meaning, I need to steal stuff no one else is aware of, first.)

 

[BardoThodol]

Crikey you're corny sometimes, Udarnik!

Yes, but is it real corn or GMO?

 

[anonomog]

And which kid doesn't love "Pink Legs and Clam".

 

[Udarnik]

Yes, but is it real corn or GMO?

I'm a chemist, what do you think?

 

[Arthur Dent]

I can't think of titles more clever than these! (at the moment, anyway!)


Would be great if we could package the books and sell them as the real basics!

 

[Operating DB]

Thanks to all for the giggles and guffaws. I had to be sure to only take a sip of my coffee before reading the next line!

 

[Xenu's Boyfriend]

I just got these books at the library. They are really great! :dancer:



Musical Chairs and Other Sea Org Party Games by David Miscavige (Comes with Bohemian Rhapsody CD, Colorful Stickers and Instruction Guide.)


"I'm Angry, Real Angry" (Confessions of a Scientology Spokesman When He's Had Enough) By Tommie "Sugarpie" Davis


"When the Ashtray Yells Back (Mental Illness and Nervous Breakdowns in Scientology) co-authored by Anne Archer and Juliette Lewis


"Thetans Who Love Too Much" (A View From the Top by A Scientology Wife in Hiding) by Shelly Miscavige (Introduction by Oprah Winfrey, Forward by Dr. Phil)


I Know Why The Caged (Sea Org Member) Sings by Jesse Prince (Forward by Reverend Al Sharpton)


It's My Turn (Scientology Leadership, Integrity and The True Way To Happiness) By Marty Rathbun, (with a special afterword by personal friend, Diana Ross)


Out 2D and Proud! (Coming Out Gay in Scientology) by Vinnie Barbarino and Jerry Maguire (Winner of the Elton John Prize for Literature)


Xenu's Revenge: Just Because You're Regular Doesn't Mean Your Prostate Isn't Enlarged by L. Ron Hubbard (newly released from his recently discovered Scientology Health Series)


Let's Get "Cook"-in': A Billion Years of Rice and Beans or You're in the Hole, Enjoy It! - A Scientology Cookbook by Debbie "I got my settlement, bitch, get yours" Cook (Forward by Mike Rinder)

Enjoy!

 

[Idle Morgue]

"Smart people, Killer Cults!"

"P/C is from Mars, Regges are from Teegeack"

"To Kill an OTVII"

"100 Ways to Blow the Org"

"The Age of Goldenrod"

"Asking...If that Doesn't Work...TAKING" a guide to fundraising by the Church of Scientology

"5 Languages of "REGGING"

"Xenu and Me" for the kids

"How to Win $tats and Influence $oul$"

"The $even Habit$ of Million Dollar REGISTRAR$"

"THINK and Go To Ethics"

"The Purpose-Driven REGG"

"Pennies in Heaven, Billion$ at Flag"

"What Color is Your E-Meter?"

"Who Moved My Tone Arm?"

 

[Gib]

How to Stop Drinking
(in 6 easy steps #)

by L Ron Hubbard


​

References:


ESMB Tread: Scientologists and Drinking
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?33915-Scientologists-and-Drinking


Tony Ortega Series "Up the Bridge" featuring Claire Headly, Jefferson Hawkins & Bruce Hines
http://tonyortega.org/category/up-the-bridge


The Gradation Chart, The Bridge to Total Freedom
http://www.google.com/search?q=scie...nfo%2Fdefinitions%2Fgradechart.html;2498;4000




Chapter One:


1. Do the Pufication Rundown


(alternate - Narconon Program)


Failing this, apply The Way to Happiness Percept no. 2.2: Do Not Take Alcohol to Excess


Continue on next steps of the bridge


cost so far $1500.00 (alternate $10K-$30K)


Chapter Two:


1. Do the Scientology Drug Rundown.


failing this, apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see Ethics.


cost so far $20K *


Continue on next steps of the Bridge.


Chapter Three:


1. Do Expanded Dianetics Drug Rundown


failing this, apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see Ethics.


cost so far $150K


continue on next steps of the Bridge.


Chapter Four:


1. Do NED Drug Rundown for OT's


failing this, apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see ethics


cost so far $250K


continue on next steps of the Bridge.


Chapter Five:


1. After finishing OT8

(and still drinking)

apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see ethics.


cost so far $350K


Chapter Six:


While waiting for the release of OT9 and above levels


1. Have the OT8 join nonpaying volunteer work in the local org OT Committee
to get more people following in their footsteps.


2. Have OT8 continue to donate to TWTH, Norconon, Criminon, Super Power, CCHR


Failing this,


a. Declare the person SP, NO CASE GAIN.
b. Inform the person's friends, customers, relatives, everybody they know that the person is a SP.
c. Remind the person that they did sign millions of dollars of non-discloure bonds, and we have all their signed confessions of crimes they have committed.


* costs are actual costs but do not include incidential costs such as time from work, family or friends. Does not include transportation costs, lost opportunity costs, etc. Results may very.

# steps (in title, Chapters) do not include sub-steps such as Objectives, ARC SW, Grades 1-4, Dianetics, OT1-3, 5,6,7, but these must be done

 

[Churchill]

Isn't ESMB just awesome on Friday nights?

What a great group! Y'all are having WAY too much fun. Love it!

The Sourceror's Apprentice

 

[oneonewasaracecar]

And now in the Science/Science Fiction Series:

A brief History of the First 200 Trillion Years
by L. Ron Hubbard

Heaven: A Guide to Buying Renovating and Selling Real Estate on Other Worlds
by L. Ron Hubbard

Gah-LAX-ies and HyMALias: Elocution For Advanced Beings
by L. Ron Hubbard

A Guide to Very Mental Arithmetic
by L. Ron Hubbard

5th Dynasty Marcbian Racecars
by L. Ron Hubbard

Venutian Meteorology
by L. Ron Hubbard

Venution Trainspotting
by L. Ron Hubbard

Eternal Batteries and Other Perpetual Motion Machines
by L. Ron Hubbard

Dodging Dinosaurs: How the Marcabians Kept 200 Trillion Boxes of Meat From Ravenous Dinosaurs
by L. Ron Hubbard

How to Spot Communist Infiltration in an Organization
by L. Ron Hubbard

Why The Entire Scientific Community is Wrong Vol 1: Faster Than Light Travel
by L. Ron Hubbard

Why The Entire Scientific Community is Wrong Vol 2: Radiation Storage in Tissue
by L. Ron Hubbard

Why The Entire Scientific Community is Wrong Vol 3: Nicotine and Your Health
by L. Ron Hubbard

Why The Entire Scientific Community is Wrong Vol 4: How Cigarettes Actually do Contain Nicotinic Acid
by L. Ron Hubbard

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

--snipped for brevity--

Throwing Your Wife to The FBI: Outsourcing Your Separation
By L. Ron Hubbard

Delusions of Grandeur or Realities of Grandeur:
The L. Ron Hubbard Story
By L. Ron Hubbard
For L. Ron Hubbard
With a Special Forward by L. Ron Hubbard
Dedicated to L. Ron Hubbard

…….

That list was brilliant and funnnnny!

A couple my personal favorites above. REALLY HILARIOUS!

 

[Infinite]

''

 

[aegerprimo]

..

There is quite an array of entertaining and illuminating books on the subject of Scientology. But, I think the very best it yet to come.

What book would you love to read?

Here's the first on my list?

-- cross-posted from another thread --

A very smart move for Mike Rinder: Write an autobiographical book.

Call it: "Acceptable Lies"

How to: Find a professional writer to collaborate with who knows how to structure an emotionally compelling narrative story. Don't attempt to just "give time, place, form and event". That is weak and not within light years of becoming a page-turner. Let the book play out like a movie would in three acts, with the plot building toward a crisis/climax for the protagonist--himself. Let the reader experience with him how he was seduced into the cult through the initiation stages of love-bombing white lies. Follow his journey into the dark cult world as the skies blackened with shore stories & acceptable truths. Then lift the lid off Pandora's Bridge as the greatest-good deception transitioned harshly into blatant lying. Track his newly forming career as a PR person where he learned the CultCraft of lying without remorse. Travel that road further until he is being terrorized and beaten for not being a good-enough liar. And, what might that book's third and final act be? Simple. The last chapter is all of the darkest and most horrific secrets that he has been sitting on about the church. And Scientology. And Hubbard.

Prediction: Bestseller.

VERY profound on so many levels.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

---snipped for brevity---

I'm OK, But You're Fucked-Up and Will Need Another 300 Hours, by Reg Mee.

The Importance of Being Earnest by Tommy Davis.

Wow, TAJ throws down a hilarious list too!

HolyHell, this stuff is so freakin' entertaining!

Two of my favorites above! LOLOLOL

 

[Idle Morgue]

How to Stop Drinking
(in 6 easy steps #)

by L Ron Hubbard


​

References:


ESMB Tread: Scientologists and Drinking
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?33915-Scientologists-and-Drinking


Tony Ortega Series "Up the Bridge" featuring Claire Headly, Jefferson Hawkins & Bruce Hines
http://tonyortega.org/category/up-the-bridge


The Gradation Chart, The Bridge to Total Freedom
http://www.google.com/search?q=scie...nfo%2Fdefinitions%2Fgradechart.html;2498;4000




Chapter One:


1. Do the Pufication Rundown


(alternate - Narconon Program)


Failing this, apply The Way to Happiness Percept no. 2.2: Do Not Take Alcohol to Excess


Continue on next steps of the bridge


cost so far $1500.00 (alternate $10K-$30K)


Chapter Two:


1. Do the Scientology Drug Rundown.


failing this, apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see Ethics.


cost so far $20K *


Continue on next steps of the Bridge.


Chapter Three:


1. Do Expanded Dianetics Drug Rundown


failing this, apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see Ethics.


cost so far $150K


continue on next steps of the Bridge.


Chapter Four:


1. Do NED Drug Rundown for OT's


failing this, apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see ethics


cost so far $250K


continue on next steps of the Bridge.


Chapter Five:


1. After finishing OT8

(and still drinking)

apply TWTH percept no. 2.2


see ethics.


cost so far $350K


Chapter Six:


While waiting for the release of OT9 and above levels


1. Have the OT8 join nonpaying volunteer work in the local org OT Committee
to get more people following in their footsteps.


2. Have OT8 continue to donate to TWTH, Norconon, Criminon, Super Power, CCHR


Failing this,


a. Declare the person SP, NO CASE GAIN.
b. Inform the person's friends, customers, relatives, everybody they know that the person is a SP.
c. Remind the person that they did sign millions of dollars of non-discloure bonds, and we have all their signed confessions of crimes they have committed.


* costs are actual costs but do not include incidential costs such as time from work, family or friends. Does not include transportation costs, lost opportunity costs, etc. Results may very.

# steps (in title, Chapters) do not include sub-steps such as Objectives, ARC SW, Grades 1-4, Dianetics, OT1-3, 5,6,7, but these must be done

Gib - You obviously have not gotten the Golden Age of Tech II on "How to Stop Drinking AND taking Drugs" -

It is really simple...

Give Scientology all of your money and join the Sea Org so you have no time to do anything but work as a slave. It works when standardly applied!!

 

[Type4_PTS]

Gib - You obviously have not gotten the Golden Age of Tech II on "How to Stop Drinking AND taking Drugs" -

It is really simple...

Give Scientology all of your money and join the Sea Org so you have no time to do anything but work as a slave. It works when standardly applied!!

And you'll have insufficient funds to continue your drug habit.

 

[Emma]