Damn, I wish I had listened to the PDCs. I just studied the boring stuff like the appallingly bad soggy newspaper method of window cleaning. As long as I live my life I will never use another newspaper for that - so tired of newspaper crumb pilling all over the floor and black newsprinted fingers. This was especially annoying if you didn't have a vacuum or carpet sweeper to pick it up and had to pick it up, morsel by morsel off the ground. Give me some window cleaner and a chamois any day of the week and twice on Sunday. dammit.
Seriously, when I go back and look at how many hours I spent listening to the tapes... freaking hell. It drives me half 'round the bend when I hear stuff here that folks ask for dox and stuff.... but, when I was a freaking cultie, I didn't keep notes or dox or whatever. Hell, if someone wants to give me a grant where I listen to all this crap again where I have the opportunity to document and refute all the "defense" I see of the guy? omg... I'm in (well, ugh, it might be so painful that I might ask for $ for some Scotch or medical marijuana to deal with the trauma of listening to that BS again and realizing I rationalized the F out of it lol.)
I listened to all those tapes they freaking sold us, and was lucky enough (now that I'm out, I see... YES, VERY lucky) to listen to stuff my ex bought before things started getting sanitized. It's funny, because all that 'esoteric' bs was one reason I got sucked in, and now, it's a lot of what I put together as being such insanity.
I wish to hell I could submit to the DOX PLOX (not that it's been asked for my posts), because there are times I haven't posted because I recalled stuff from LRH that I can't back up because I left all my 'materials' behind. I freaking listened and read so much. And, it felt so good to just dump it, but omfg... one of the reasons I'm so vehement in my stance is I was not just doing a course or two... wasn't being idle when "off-lines"... I freaking studied and listened to the words of LRH.
I have no idea how much has been sanitized at this point... I've thought about how to ask my ex for the old tapes he had before info started really being shut down....
Marty, which is the subject of this post, I just don't really... uh, yeah. What bothered me was him setting himself up at one point as the next guru (IMO). I also hated that folks were looking to him as a pivotal person to bring down the cult. If he is good at heart, then, well... honestly... he is going to have a long road back from all the evil #@$ he pulled in the auspices of the cult. We all have that road.... and, I admit, I have been turned off by his road, if it is a road out. It just has reeked of the same OPs and stuff that he ran back when he was in.
I have seen people here with the "tiniest of overts" lol, feel like HELL for what they have done. I'm finally forgiving myself for those things that I honestly felt I was justified to do within my brainset in the cult, and working out how to live with those things I kind of felt were wrong.
I don't give a fuck about Marty. I hate where I've seen people looking at him as the next guru (sorry Gib, yes, I've read his blog....thank goodness I'm a speed-reader from hell...otherwise I couldn't take it)
Marty set himself up as 'someone' by putting out his blog, and doing everything else... I don't get why that is argued. He put himself out there. It pissed some folks off. Some folks, who have a clue about the OSA bs under his rule, might be pissed off.
It has NOTHING to do (for some of us) that Marty is our spokesperson or hero or wtf..... or we 'expect' something of him (so we are wrong to be pissed off at him). Some of us know the !#$@ that went on underneath his watch. And then, he defended Hubs. AND, do NOT get me wrong, because I know enough about thought reform that if that IS what is going on... I get it.
BUT, I DON'T GET THE FACT THAT SOMEONE WHO HAD A HIGH POST IN THE CULT AND THEN DEFECTS IS A BEACON TO FOLLOW. No offense, but those I saw rise up in the cult tended to be the worst of the worst, or were good and sold their soul.
Glad if Marty is good and coming around, but... I knew too many people that he fucked with, and it bothers me. He destroyed lives, and none of those folks are going to get a payoff from a lawsuit... they were too scared, but M knows the lines....
Yeah, no... you weren't mixing it up. It was "SCRIPTURE" lol.
but thanx for the tip
