Markus
Silver Meritorious Patron
"It was a cloudy, windy morning in Autumn 1983 - I was sent out to the street to get people in into Mission Ulm for the Oxford Capacity Analysis (Persönlichkeitstest) – Some days before I was put into lower conditions because my stats were down because the book prices were raised rapidly and most of my students in were very young and could not afford to pay the higher and continual raising costs for the courses and Auditing.
Many of them had joined staff because they loved the way I was teaching the basic communication and other fundamental courses.
But teaching was not supposed to be my statistic - my statistics were down because - the "sold books" stats. I even had written several letters up the lines to ask why it must be like this and that it is hindering us from selling books at all. I even wrote two letters to Hubbard himself. His - or the answer of the person who was responsible to answer for him - answer was that Scientology needs all this money to fight against its enemies and that the money is needed for the best lawyers. The other statistics in my opinion was down because the boss of the division was taking "my" students permanently out of the course room for many hours during study time.
I had just returned from my course Supervisor training in Copenhagen so I told him that he is violating Hubbard’s Technology - I showed him the references but he continued to take them out of my course – but he was the Registrar and he had no problem to ruin peoples finances in order to sell more and more "Training" and "Auditing."
Well, it was very easy for him to crash my stat but his stat was up because he had time to sell the books and he assigned me a lower condition.
In the next few days, I was reading the Ethics conditions as told by my senior in order to find out in which condition I would be. But, the problem for me was that I was sure I did nothing wrong on my post and it was an injustice to be in lower condition. It was crazy that I, at 18 years old had to tell 45 year old men and woman how to communicate, it made me feel uncomfortable and yet, students between 20 and 30 were all very satisfied with my teachings and had great wins.
I worked from 8:00am in the morning till 11:00pm before at the "Course Supervisor Training" in Copenhagen and after the bus ride back to my little room that I rented from a little old lady, I was lucky if I were back in my bed by half past midnight with no time to do laundry and take care of personal things. I was 17 when I started the Supervisor Training Course and I had exactly the same schedule as every Sea Org member.
Before I joined staff in early summer 1982 a wonderful woman (one of our neighbors) warned me not to be so stupid to join this organization when I told her that I was planning to join staff at Mission Ulm. She warned me that I would be throwing away my youth and it was so important to have this time in my life and experience life’s opportunities for myself. There will be no chance to do this in if I joined this crazy organization – oh, man and she was so very right on this! I was a really true, true believer in the first few months.
I did not expect that I would have to go to Copenhagen in order to do this Training. I was told a few days before I had to leave and suddenly I found myself in this big foreign city. Basically, I had joined staff because I did not want to part from my friends in Ulm and my poor mother, had to go back to my grandma in Friedrichshafen because she was not doing good. She was diagnosed with cancer and needed help.
But, of course the goals of Scientology sounded good for a young person who wanted to change the world to the better....
I was working hard in Copenhagen and was respected for being such a tough guy but I never ever dared to go to the cinema or going out with friends in this time. How could I? I was applying 100 % Standard Tech - Do you remember this funny button? The 80ies were button time...
I was a real true believer so I slept at least 7 hours a night as requested by Hubbard. Well, if I could sleep - very often I had nightmares or I cried myself to sleep. I remember one day on my 18th birthday when I got a very warm and friendly letter from a very dear friend of mine. I had to lie down on my bed and I cried, because I was so homesick and needed some time for myself.
When I returned to Ulm, my schedule was not much better, up in morning by 9.00am and back home with the last bus right around midnight. Even when my stats were up my pay was not. I was never able to pay the rent for my room without the help of my mother or grandparents now looking back, I have some regrets just how that happened.
I was in fear after reading the Ethics conditions because I read that one can be confined in and secluded if you were in lower condition. A few weeks earlier, I had finished reading "Science of Survival" where I found some very serious violations of free democracy and human rights. All this, together with the fact that my boss Ernst G. degraded me on this particular morning lead to my decision, it is enough now and I decided I will run away, now! I thought, "f..k you - do you think I'm stupid?" I ran through a very quick doubt formula for myself and my life and decided to join my family in Friedrichshafen again.
May 15th 2010 a cold and windy spring day -
Exactly at the same place where I decided to leave 27 years ago they were standing yesterday - a big tent with five Volunteer Ministers of the "Church of Scientology." I was on my way to do some shopping in the Hirschstrasse, the pedestrian precinct of Ulm. One of the Volunteer Ministers, a blond nice middle aged woman approached me and handed me a flier while asking me if I like reading. I said yes and told her that I would come back later.
My heart was beating like hell, but I stayed as cool as possible. Why was I in such turmoil? I knew this woman somehow, she looked so familiar. I finished my shopping and went back to the place, I approached her and together we went to the book table.
She asked me if I have ever read "Dianetics." I lied and said “no.” I wanted to see how she would react and I wanted to have a look into the brand new Dianetics book. I plotted a plan to start an attack on her because of the fraudulent medical claims in this book.
The books on the table were still wrapped with plastic film. So I asked her if I could have a look into this book. First, she was not happy about this and tried to show me some small booklets which contained similar stuff as she kept explaining. But, I insisted to look into the glamorous book "Dianetik - Die Moderne Wissenschaft der geistigen Gesundheit."
Then she finally agreed to open it for me. She handed the book to me and I opened it, searching for the page where Hubbard is making his fraudulent statements that he can heal every illness. I read it to her and told her that I find it very dangerous that Hubbard is making this claims here and that this is fraud for me especially, because there is no note on that book that no real science has proofed this statements yet ever. She told me that Dianetics is a science and that Hubbard proved everything he is stating there.
Then, I told her the story of my brother Uwe - how they did not care for him in the Sea Org and how he suffered and died there neglected. I told her the story of Heribert Pfaff too, how he died in Flag because he believed that Auditing could heal his seizures and that he had no anti seizure medication at all in his blood when he was found dead there. Nobody was looking after him in his last night. She tried to argue that this is all not true that I have misunderstood something somebody told me some people made some mistakes maybe....
I told her that I know it personally from Anita Pfaff that they went to Flag with the big hope Heribert could heal his illness with Auditing. I told her that I have seen the pain this craziness caused for all my family and especially for my mother. I told her, that my brother was allowed to visit us only once in 27 years and that he was locked up in an RPF. It seemed she never had heard anything about the RPF.
This was the point when she realized who I am. In fact, she started crying and said with tears in her eyes, "you are Markus Stuckenbrock! I was your student at the Communication Course 27 years ago”, and “you were just gone, from one day to the next and how can you attack Scientology like this?"
I told her that it was not my choice to stop being the Course Supervisor and that it is typical for Scientology that the responsible people i.e. Ernst G. were lying about the real circumstances of my blow. I explained her that I'm a free person now, and that my experiences with Scientology make it very clear that it is a suppressive totalitarian organization that must be stopped. She continued to argue but still having tears in her eyes and explaining how much she has to endure trying to promote Scientology every two weeks. I said I totally understood because once I had to do it too, 27 years ago. It is a hard job to do and some people can be very mean.
That was the point where I realized that I was the one who trapped her with Hubbard’s Basic Tech, I trapped her so deeply 27 years ago that she is still caught in this mental jail. She told me that she has no TV and that the world is so evil. Scientology is the only chance to save us all.
I was her idol then and she could not understand at all that her idol changed into a bad SP. She was completely shocked - I was utterly shocked too. She told me that she had so many wins on auditing - I said, that I don't want to take away this wins from her but that she should understand that I after all, the abuses against my family have a total different point of view now. I tried to make her see, that one cannot find the truth if one cannot look to both sides.
I encouraged her to look at the dark side of Scientology too and that I know many Scientologists especially my father won’t. I don’t feel that it is worth the money one spends on doing Auditing and Training and that the Hubbard "Tech" to run his organization is nonsense, as the example of my last days in Mission Ulm with countless other examples all over the world that show the same. She said that she will ask Ernst G. about my "leaving story." I said, I have to go now to do some more shopping.
And I was feeling so pity for her. Oh, my God! I was just about to hug her but I managed to only touch her shoulder with my right hand to show her that I feel sorry, so very sorry for her. Please look at the dark side of Scientology too, were my last words to her before I went away to my car, not able to stop thinking how can I manage to help her wake up? I'm guilty for trapping her so seriously.
Autumn 1983, again exact same place - I have decided to blow and luckily have 20 Marks in my wallet thanks to my mother who visited me just a few days ago. I look around, there are no other staff members looking for "raw meat" in sight. Ok, my heart is beating hard in my chest. I walk slowly towards west where the train station is located. It is only 600 meters away. I walk faster, I run! I buy a ticket to my hometown Friedrichshafen as fast as I can. Nobody follows me, the next train is leaving in 15 minutes. 90 minutes later I open the old wooden swing doors of the train station in Friedrichshafen. The sun comes out between the clouds a strong wind is blowing but for me it is the wind of freedom - my second life has just begun.
The Lake of Constance is wonderful on windy days - the air is fresh and very clear - you can see all the Swiss mountains in the South and the Austrian Alps in the East. Seagulls are flying over my head as I watch old women lure them with bread. I see some young couples and children hunting the Doves and I start to make my own plans for my new life.
My grandma is happy to see me, my mother is overjoyed. My grandpa died a few months before while I was still in the Sea Org but I was not allowed to visit his funeral service then and I feel sad so very sad - I was not able to say good bye to one of the finest people I've ever known till then. How can people be like this, I ask? Tomorrow, I will visit his grave together with my grandma. She is so happy to have me here and my mom will help me find a school where I can finish my A levels (Abitur.) They will pay for my freeloader bill and I don't have to talk to anybody from the mission because my mother and my grandma are doing this for me. I find my wife and I will have two wonderful children I'm free to live MY life – again!
I hope this decent woman will find her way out soon too and I will do everything that the Ulmer Mission will not be able to lure more victims in.
This is how I escaped from this mental "Scientology - prison" - I left out the part with the Flag Land Base in Clearwater where I already was in the EPF - but this is a very long story full of love, craziness and fear to be told in its own.
Best
Markus
Many of them had joined staff because they loved the way I was teaching the basic communication and other fundamental courses.
But teaching was not supposed to be my statistic - my statistics were down because - the "sold books" stats. I even had written several letters up the lines to ask why it must be like this and that it is hindering us from selling books at all. I even wrote two letters to Hubbard himself. His - or the answer of the person who was responsible to answer for him - answer was that Scientology needs all this money to fight against its enemies and that the money is needed for the best lawyers. The other statistics in my opinion was down because the boss of the division was taking "my" students permanently out of the course room for many hours during study time.
I had just returned from my course Supervisor training in Copenhagen so I told him that he is violating Hubbard’s Technology - I showed him the references but he continued to take them out of my course – but he was the Registrar and he had no problem to ruin peoples finances in order to sell more and more "Training" and "Auditing."
Well, it was very easy for him to crash my stat but his stat was up because he had time to sell the books and he assigned me a lower condition.
In the next few days, I was reading the Ethics conditions as told by my senior in order to find out in which condition I would be. But, the problem for me was that I was sure I did nothing wrong on my post and it was an injustice to be in lower condition. It was crazy that I, at 18 years old had to tell 45 year old men and woman how to communicate, it made me feel uncomfortable and yet, students between 20 and 30 were all very satisfied with my teachings and had great wins.
I worked from 8:00am in the morning till 11:00pm before at the "Course Supervisor Training" in Copenhagen and after the bus ride back to my little room that I rented from a little old lady, I was lucky if I were back in my bed by half past midnight with no time to do laundry and take care of personal things. I was 17 when I started the Supervisor Training Course and I had exactly the same schedule as every Sea Org member.
Before I joined staff in early summer 1982 a wonderful woman (one of our neighbors) warned me not to be so stupid to join this organization when I told her that I was planning to join staff at Mission Ulm. She warned me that I would be throwing away my youth and it was so important to have this time in my life and experience life’s opportunities for myself. There will be no chance to do this in if I joined this crazy organization – oh, man and she was so very right on this! I was a really true, true believer in the first few months.
I did not expect that I would have to go to Copenhagen in order to do this Training. I was told a few days before I had to leave and suddenly I found myself in this big foreign city. Basically, I had joined staff because I did not want to part from my friends in Ulm and my poor mother, had to go back to my grandma in Friedrichshafen because she was not doing good. She was diagnosed with cancer and needed help.
But, of course the goals of Scientology sounded good for a young person who wanted to change the world to the better....
I was working hard in Copenhagen and was respected for being such a tough guy but I never ever dared to go to the cinema or going out with friends in this time. How could I? I was applying 100 % Standard Tech - Do you remember this funny button? The 80ies were button time...
I was a real true believer so I slept at least 7 hours a night as requested by Hubbard. Well, if I could sleep - very often I had nightmares or I cried myself to sleep. I remember one day on my 18th birthday when I got a very warm and friendly letter from a very dear friend of mine. I had to lie down on my bed and I cried, because I was so homesick and needed some time for myself.
When I returned to Ulm, my schedule was not much better, up in morning by 9.00am and back home with the last bus right around midnight. Even when my stats were up my pay was not. I was never able to pay the rent for my room without the help of my mother or grandparents now looking back, I have some regrets just how that happened.
I was in fear after reading the Ethics conditions because I read that one can be confined in and secluded if you were in lower condition. A few weeks earlier, I had finished reading "Science of Survival" where I found some very serious violations of free democracy and human rights. All this, together with the fact that my boss Ernst G. degraded me on this particular morning lead to my decision, it is enough now and I decided I will run away, now! I thought, "f..k you - do you think I'm stupid?" I ran through a very quick doubt formula for myself and my life and decided to join my family in Friedrichshafen again.
May 15th 2010 a cold and windy spring day -
Exactly at the same place where I decided to leave 27 years ago they were standing yesterday - a big tent with five Volunteer Ministers of the "Church of Scientology." I was on my way to do some shopping in the Hirschstrasse, the pedestrian precinct of Ulm. One of the Volunteer Ministers, a blond nice middle aged woman approached me and handed me a flier while asking me if I like reading. I said yes and told her that I would come back later.
My heart was beating like hell, but I stayed as cool as possible. Why was I in such turmoil? I knew this woman somehow, she looked so familiar. I finished my shopping and went back to the place, I approached her and together we went to the book table.
She asked me if I have ever read "Dianetics." I lied and said “no.” I wanted to see how she would react and I wanted to have a look into the brand new Dianetics book. I plotted a plan to start an attack on her because of the fraudulent medical claims in this book.
The books on the table were still wrapped with plastic film. So I asked her if I could have a look into this book. First, she was not happy about this and tried to show me some small booklets which contained similar stuff as she kept explaining. But, I insisted to look into the glamorous book "Dianetik - Die Moderne Wissenschaft der geistigen Gesundheit."
Then she finally agreed to open it for me. She handed the book to me and I opened it, searching for the page where Hubbard is making his fraudulent statements that he can heal every illness. I read it to her and told her that I find it very dangerous that Hubbard is making this claims here and that this is fraud for me especially, because there is no note on that book that no real science has proofed this statements yet ever. She told me that Dianetics is a science and that Hubbard proved everything he is stating there.
Then, I told her the story of my brother Uwe - how they did not care for him in the Sea Org and how he suffered and died there neglected. I told her the story of Heribert Pfaff too, how he died in Flag because he believed that Auditing could heal his seizures and that he had no anti seizure medication at all in his blood when he was found dead there. Nobody was looking after him in his last night. She tried to argue that this is all not true that I have misunderstood something somebody told me some people made some mistakes maybe....
I told her that I know it personally from Anita Pfaff that they went to Flag with the big hope Heribert could heal his illness with Auditing. I told her that I have seen the pain this craziness caused for all my family and especially for my mother. I told her, that my brother was allowed to visit us only once in 27 years and that he was locked up in an RPF. It seemed she never had heard anything about the RPF.
This was the point when she realized who I am. In fact, she started crying and said with tears in her eyes, "you are Markus Stuckenbrock! I was your student at the Communication Course 27 years ago”, and “you were just gone, from one day to the next and how can you attack Scientology like this?"
I told her that it was not my choice to stop being the Course Supervisor and that it is typical for Scientology that the responsible people i.e. Ernst G. were lying about the real circumstances of my blow. I explained her that I'm a free person now, and that my experiences with Scientology make it very clear that it is a suppressive totalitarian organization that must be stopped. She continued to argue but still having tears in her eyes and explaining how much she has to endure trying to promote Scientology every two weeks. I said I totally understood because once I had to do it too, 27 years ago. It is a hard job to do and some people can be very mean.
That was the point where I realized that I was the one who trapped her with Hubbard’s Basic Tech, I trapped her so deeply 27 years ago that she is still caught in this mental jail. She told me that she has no TV and that the world is so evil. Scientology is the only chance to save us all.
I was her idol then and she could not understand at all that her idol changed into a bad SP. She was completely shocked - I was utterly shocked too. She told me that she had so many wins on auditing - I said, that I don't want to take away this wins from her but that she should understand that I after all, the abuses against my family have a total different point of view now. I tried to make her see, that one cannot find the truth if one cannot look to both sides.
I encouraged her to look at the dark side of Scientology too and that I know many Scientologists especially my father won’t. I don’t feel that it is worth the money one spends on doing Auditing and Training and that the Hubbard "Tech" to run his organization is nonsense, as the example of my last days in Mission Ulm with countless other examples all over the world that show the same. She said that she will ask Ernst G. about my "leaving story." I said, I have to go now to do some more shopping.
And I was feeling so pity for her. Oh, my God! I was just about to hug her but I managed to only touch her shoulder with my right hand to show her that I feel sorry, so very sorry for her. Please look at the dark side of Scientology too, were my last words to her before I went away to my car, not able to stop thinking how can I manage to help her wake up? I'm guilty for trapping her so seriously.
Autumn 1983, again exact same place - I have decided to blow and luckily have 20 Marks in my wallet thanks to my mother who visited me just a few days ago. I look around, there are no other staff members looking for "raw meat" in sight. Ok, my heart is beating hard in my chest. I walk slowly towards west where the train station is located. It is only 600 meters away. I walk faster, I run! I buy a ticket to my hometown Friedrichshafen as fast as I can. Nobody follows me, the next train is leaving in 15 minutes. 90 minutes later I open the old wooden swing doors of the train station in Friedrichshafen. The sun comes out between the clouds a strong wind is blowing but for me it is the wind of freedom - my second life has just begun.
The Lake of Constance is wonderful on windy days - the air is fresh and very clear - you can see all the Swiss mountains in the South and the Austrian Alps in the East. Seagulls are flying over my head as I watch old women lure them with bread. I see some young couples and children hunting the Doves and I start to make my own plans for my new life.
My grandma is happy to see me, my mother is overjoyed. My grandpa died a few months before while I was still in the Sea Org but I was not allowed to visit his funeral service then and I feel sad so very sad - I was not able to say good bye to one of the finest people I've ever known till then. How can people be like this, I ask? Tomorrow, I will visit his grave together with my grandma. She is so happy to have me here and my mom will help me find a school where I can finish my A levels (Abitur.) They will pay for my freeloader bill and I don't have to talk to anybody from the mission because my mother and my grandma are doing this for me. I find my wife and I will have two wonderful children I'm free to live MY life – again!
I hope this decent woman will find her way out soon too and I will do everything that the Ulmer Mission will not be able to lure more victims in.
This is how I escaped from this mental "Scientology - prison" - I left out the part with the Flag Land Base in Clearwater where I already was in the EPF - but this is a very long story full of love, craziness and fear to be told in its own.
Best
Markus
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What you have been through goes to show how insane this cult is. I can just imgaine how you felt coming back to the same place and meeting someone from your past. Yeah, it really is like a mental prison. The freedom I was promised, I never got. Glad you are here and free and I hope that woman can find her way out, too.
