Scientology: What broke the spell for you?

freethinker

Sponsor
The purpose of this thread is to post what finally got you to call it quits on Scientology.

I'm not talking about leaving the church but what was the thing that made you realize this is utter nonsense.

This may not apply to everyone here because I know some don't think it is nonsense. They think it has value or they haven't quite given up on it.

This thread isn't for those who still have some use for Scientology.

Perhaps through this thread we may come up with the one shot Ex- Scientologist. The thing to say to crack the spell.

Even if it doesn't get there, I'm sure a lot will be learned.

The thing that finished Scientology for me was when I read OTIII. That did it. There was no way in hell, for me, that that happened. It was ridiculous and I had no interest in Scientology after that.

For some of you it may be too personal and I understand.
 

Tiger Lily

Gold Meritorious Patron
It happened in 2 major steps:

The first step was when I was trying for the millionth time to get my husband to read DMSMH. He wasn't interested, as usual. I told him he really should be willing to look at both sides. He looked me in the eye and very calmly said "so should you". That hit me like a ton of bricks and was the first crack.

The second was deciding to look at both sides, then going online and finding Ethercat's Through the Door site. There was a post there by a friend who had been a devoted Scientologist and was now out, advising people to read about LRH's death. So I did. LRH obviously was not the OT he claimed to be. Then it was over.
 

NoName

A Girl Has No Name
Reading Monica Pignotti's story - the story that is linked in my quote.

At that point, I already had reservations about the cult, Co$, but thought that the management was the problem. I thought that the tech and LRH were basically good.

I wasn't even looking for entheta specifically when I read the story, even though I had read Steve Hall and Marty Rathbun's site by that point. I was googling someone else that is mentioned in the story - someone I knew and respected a lot.

I knew that Monica Pignotti was telling the truth about LRH, because I knew she was telling the truth about everyone else in the portion of the story where our paths had crossed. I was a Scientologist when started to read her story, but I was not by the time I finished it.
 

Claire Swazey

Spokeshole, fence sitter
The purpose of this thread is to post what finally got you to call it quits on Scientology.

I'm not talking about leaving the church but what was the thing that made you realize this is utter nonsense.

This may not apply to everyone here because I know some don't think it is nonsense. They think it has value or they haven't quite given up on it.

This thread isn't for those who still have some use for Scientology.

Perhaps through this thread we may come up with the one shot Ex- Scientologist. The thing to say to crack the spell.

Even if it doesn't get there, I'm sure a lot will be learned.

The thing that finished Scientology for me was when I read OTIII. That did it. There was no way in hell, for me, that that happened. It was ridiculous and I had no interest in Scientology after that.

For some of you it may be too personal and I understand.

Well, contrary to a couple ill informed opinions, I'm no fence sitter re Scn, nor am I a Scientologist-who-isn't-a-Scientologist or here to promote whatnot... I, too, am an ex Scientologist. And what brought me to that was: I saw that for me it had become a label more than anything else. I thought, hey, this is fucked up. The other thing was I then saw it as one more method, or, to be more precise, series of methods and ideas- one among many. I mean, of course back when I was a Scientologist, even a party line member of CofS, I knew there were other methods and ideas and all that. We all did. But there was that feeling of superiority and condescension on my part, and I guess some others felt that way. Like, those other people don't know that Scn's better. Remember those Advance mags? They'd have a somewhat charming piece on some religion or body of thought that would start out fairly pleasant, kinda like a puff piece. Then the tie-in at the end would be something along the lines of, ah, but now we have Scientology and it can do this stuff that this other thing thought it could do but couldn't. (the implication being, those poor dumb well meaning ancients). I think my POV was sorta like that.

And now it's not.

Life's a work in progress.

Another thing I'd like to say was that- dunno bout others here, but for my part, I thought Scn was about finding out everything, knowing all truth, the answer to the meaning of life. (Which we now know is "42" anyway...lol) But now, seems that maybe knowing all the answers would take all the fun out of life.
 

Techless

Patron Meritorious
For me - I drank the wine but never the cool-aid...so it wasn't until divorce, and all the strange things leading to it, that got me wondering very seriously. It wasn't till after my complete annihilation from tactics put forth against me - which i was wholly unaware of - began to play and I realized I was so screwed. I always tended to trust folks.

I didn't believe at time that one could do this to another (like your (my) x) but it was done. This 'process' was also tied in very tightly with some 'friends' of scn persuasion that busted it for me. The pure and insane logic that was played through at this time was what made me realize there was a ghost in the machine - and not to be trusted for evermore.

I don't even question anymore whether it was done for the greatest good, bla, bla - as there was some very serious script behind it all and I was just naive at the time.

Not no more!

Seems those who may be pondering getting out, will only be able to do so when basic life things - like a marriage/family - are put on the chopping block. Then it's just medieval kaka that should signal a very loud and clear: "get the hell out".

If you don't do it at this point, then you are not really thinking very straight at that point - are you? Yet pretty hard to tell a loved one when they are not thinking straight cause someone else has invaded their own place where they might've been able to do so.

Tricky stuff indeed. It was in my initial wiring, that allowed me to see beyond - then some sense of seeing how things did not make any sense.

The old 'gut' does work - as long as it hasn't been shanghaied by another. and so on and so on - easily kill the cycle when you can see it - just look.

2 cents for today
 

MrNobody

Who needs merits?
<snip>
If you don't do it at this point, then you are not really thinking very straight at that point - are you? Yet pretty hard to tell a loved one when they are not thinking straight cause someone else has invaded their own place where they might've been able to do so.
<snip>
(my bold)

Ya think? Telling someone that they're not thinking straight may not be one of the more pleasant moments one can have, but is it hard? IMO, yes, it can be kinda hard - but I'd find "gently dancing around the pink elephant in someone's living room" a lot harder. :)
 
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Different aspects:
1. My observation that people at the top of management -I summised to the very top- did not know what the fuck they were doing in some ways. I didn't know how far it went but I knew it was major. This was between 82 and 84. I was a loooong way from the top geographically and in other ways and a mere minion. I had never been to Flag or Int etc.
So that was the organizational aspect.

2.I had been observing things in people re their "case level" which conflicted with the storyline on processing up the bridge. That was the tech aspect, although that was not a major area of disgreement for me back then.

3. Personal affront. The GO started to play busybody re. me being Gay. I was not happy.

4. 2-5 years after I left-I can't remember exactly- with some difficulty but carefully keeping myself in "good standing", I read some MA theses in the public library. I never would have read them if the "personal affront" had not happened. They were a bit critical but they annoyed me with their lack of real knowledge about scientology; just students in their own bubble of anthropology studies, or whatever studies they were doing. So I did not respect them much even though I agreed with the slightly pallid effort at criticism. I went back looking there a few months later and what did I find? R.U.S.S.E.L.L. F.U.C.K.I.N.G. M.I.L.L.E.R. And it wasn't like BOOM! KAPOW!.........more like BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! KaaaaaaPOWWWWW!. Here was someone who mentioned all the positions of different critics. Those who left it all, those who left the COS but not Ron, those that believed in lower grade stuff but not upper levels etc. And I recognised a lot of the names, although I had met probably none of them while I was in.
 

La La Lou Lou

Crusader
For me I had left, blown, and declared, believed the SP declare, I was close to rock bottom. I saw a documentary about some cult, how they used disconnection, the personality of the perfect leader and there were so many parallels, it was impossible to ignore them. Slowly I began to emerge from the dead.
 

sallydannce

Gold Meritorious Patron
I don't think I have anything useful to offer to this one Freethinker.

I had an epiphany and leapt into the great unknown. :melodramatic:

Recipe:

1x spiritual awakening (done after several days of no sleep and months of severe internal chaos)
no language
Sharp moments of unexplainable clarity

Stir really well in a very foreign country, with zero support systems in place.
Throw it all into orbit and see where it lands...

ESMB!!! :omg:

I told ya. Not useful to anyone. :wink2:
 

opahgirl

Patron
The purpose of this thread is to post what finally got you to call it quits on Scientology. Good question.......i am planning on an elaborate post dedicated to the following.....\ but to o=put it in a few words.....from my very first book ,from my very first write uop of my "misdeeds"untill the very end of my carrier as a seo org member and as a scnst.........it started as a simple opinion and ended up in a huge volcano of irrationality...the subject was called SEX,SCIENTOLOGY,PERVERSIONS AND THE SEA ORGANISATION........................ Being a sexually healthy female i have had a full and satisfying sex life up to when i joined scientology....... after that everything had to be full of blame, guilt, suspicion,reexamined,withdran from,ashamed of................ and that to me was funny at the beginning................. but joining the sea org i saw people subjected to this insane and made up abstinance......and i saw people that eminated dark fucking vibes........ on top of it all being a very good looking young lady at the time,i had MANY incidents that i ACTUALLY GOT INTO TROUBLE ABOUT NOT WAHT I HAVE DONE ,NOT WHAT I EMINATED,BUT WHAT OTHERS(NOT DID)BUT THOUGHT OF ME WHEN I ONLY SAID GOODMORNING AND GOODNIGHT TO THOSE PEOPLE............................... i must have about 5 pc folders since 1999 and they are full with security checks and even fprd on the second dynamic(having to do with sex,recreation etc).........and i NEVER I MY ENTIRE LIFE FELT I HAD FIXXED TTENTION ON THAT SUBJECT.............. Further more,being (unfortunately not anymore) a young happy girl i used to smile........very often.......i still do....but not as much anymoreand that chainged there......i had cleaned up everything on my side and being able to find anything else to keep out of trouble i stopped smiling so often,,...... I have witnessed some fucked up ethics and justice forced in me...........the good thing is i laughed out loud explaining i am 19 and my frineds in the so are my age,why would i be interedte on a 50 year old ugly smile,perverted hungarian executive,whos smile even gave me the fucking creeps................. after that reading all the abuses and pervertions re:child molestation and rape.......i realized i was glad to ahve been broyght up outside scn and particularly in Greeece where i had grown up never taking insults and stopping untasteful flirt attempts towards me with my write fist straight into the annoying persons face.....................only the memory of that kept me sane............and got me out........................ opahgirl":))
 

Dean Blair

Silver Meritorious Patron
What broke the spell for me was the St Petersburg Times interviews with the former execs from Int. I knew what the ex members were saying was true from having had my own experiences in the cult. Then I read Messiah or Madman by Bent Corydon and that did it for me.

I continue to read and follow news and reports of others experiences with Scientology. When I can, I relate my own experiences. I am happy to see that Scientology has become an incredible shrinking religion with less followers now than when I first started on my bridge to total freedom.
 

hummingbird

Patron with Honors
What started to break the spell was OTs behaving very badly. There were some people I knew before they attested to OT3 and after (this was back in the 70s). It seemed like after they attested, they were a little more unstable, a little more irrational, a little more prone to outbursts. And their lives didn't get much better; so much for complete control over matter, energy, space, and time.

So, that was a gradual chipping away.

Then I was down at AOLA doing a course when Mary Sue Hubbard and all were arrested for the IRS break in. A few members of the GO trooped in and asked us all for donations for MSH's legal fight. I had like 0 money (had been on mission staff for a while by then), but I was stunned. LRH, I knew, had to have millions, and the GO had to solicit for defense funds??? WTF?????

During this time, prices were going up up up. When I started, an hour of auditing cost the same as an hour of therapy. Seemed reasonable. But then they kept going up up up and our enrollments shrank shrank shrank as the only folk who could afford auditing were those who had come into big sums of money thru legal settlements. Didn't seem right that a bunch of folk were closed out.

Then there was the Paulette Cooper thing. And then I was gone. It was all getting too too weird.
 

Orglodyte

Patron with Honors
For years, I had slowly been losing faith in Scientology because claims didn't match results. OTs were unhealthy, mentally and physically; TRs grads couldn't control any situation with communication alone, etc. I still believed in Ron, just thought the tech was being misapplied.

I found myself with lots of time alone, and decided to relieve my cognitive dissonance by rereading the basic books. Got through a couple of them, then ran into the claim, in Ron's own words, that a person could raise or lower their actual mass by up to 30 pounds using auditing. Expanded GITA? Not sure about the actual process.

There was a moment of stillness, and into it came the following thought:

This CANNOT be true.

I went to college with wrestlers who starved and dehydrated themselves to cut half a pound to make a weight class. If you could change your mass with a process, you could come in well nourished and hydrated and demolish the opposition.

What would happen if a basketball player did all his training 30 pounds heavier than his body mass, then played the game 30 pounds light?

In the ridiculously competitive world of sports, where players will endanger their health and break the law to obtain a minuscule advantage, nothing could stop such a process from spreading like wildfire.

So I was left with the inescapable conclusion that Ron was either lying, or took a report from the field and didn't check it before issuing it as fact. Either way, there was something that for sure didn't work, immutably built into the flawless tech.

The effect was like pulling a bottom card out of the house of cards I'd built over the years, the justifications for all the ways Scn did not work as promised. OK, if that is false, what about that? and that? It took about 36 sleepless hours for my mind to rearrange itself, and I was free.

It was one of the best experiences of my life, a giant prolonged "aha" moment, the most certainty I ever experienced in my time with the Science of Certainty.
 

strativarius

Inveterate gnashnab & snoutband
<snip>
The effect was like pulling a bottom card out of the house of cards I'd built over the years, the justifications for all the ways Scn did not work as promised. OK, if that is false, what about that? and that? It took about 36 sleepless hours for my mind to rearrange itself, and I was free.

It was one of the best experiences of my life, a giant prolonged "aha" moment, the most certainty I ever experienced in my time with the Science of Certainty.
Sorry for the merciless snipping of this very good post. I'm really envious of the experience you describe above because it wasn't like that for me at all.

I left because working for the CofS was so horrible I just didn't want to do it any longer and just quit. I'm not sure that I was convinced it was a scam and 'didn't work' at that point, I simply wanted to get away from the Org.

Perhaps I spent the ensuing years persuading myself I must really be an SP and that was why I didn't hold on to any 'gains' I might have had.

After 15 years away I'd more or less stopped thinking in terms of o/w's, bpc, comm cycles and all the rest of it, but perhaps it wasn't until I arrived at ESMB that I realised that, yes, it really was all a load of old bollocks after all!
 
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Orglodyte

Patron with Honors
I was so lucky to have never joined staff or the Sea Org. If I had, I think my experience would have been closer to yours. As a public, I had a lot more energy, time and real-world contact available to think my way out.

I'm really glad you've made it out of the morass, and that you're here.

Sorry for the merciless snipping of this very good post. I'm really envious of the experience you describe above because it wasn't like that for me at all.

I left because working for the CofS was so horrible I just didn't want to do it any longer and just quit. I'm not sure that I was convinced it was a scam and 'didn't work' at that point, I simply wanted to get away from the Org.

Perhaps I spent the ensuing years persuading myself I must really be an SP and that was why I didn't hold on to any 'gains' I might have had.

After 15 years away I'd more or less stopped thinking in terms of o/w's, bpc, comm cycles and all the rest of it, but perhaps it wasn't until I arrived at ESMB that I realised that, yes, it really was all a load of old bollocks after all!
 

Lone Star

Crusader
For me it was a culmination of several factors leading up to the straw that broke the camel's back.

First of all I couldn't help but notice how fucked up Scientologists were/are. The OTs were just as fucked up, and in some cases more fucked up than those lower on the bridge. The unethical behavior that was justified by the amount of money given was a big turn off. You know, greatest good across the greatest number of dynamics bullshit. In my world it's called "situational ethics".

Doing the purif and feeling good as a result for a whopping......one day. What a load of crap. Cleanse my fatty tissues my ass.

TRs and Objectives really pissed me off. Liked the bullbaiting because it was fun. But the objectives especially......HATED IT!

Student Hat course.....a load of manure if there ever was a load of manure. The demo kit is a farce. Utter bullshit. If anything it slows me down. Doesn't help me understand jack shit. Oh how I wanted to shove that kit up the sup's ass.

Of course the constant, non-stop regging. I could tell that it was only going to get worse, which it has. As soon as they announced the "Ideal Org" project I knew that the IAS regges would still keep coming around regularly. The local regges would keep hounding me. The damn Flag world tour fuckers would keep coming at their usual pace, along with the AOLA and ASHO shitwads. None of that would slow down even though "we" had to collectively cough up 4 million bucks....now it's ten from what I hear.

The regging alone was really becoming the final straw in and of itself....

But then I did an intensive of auditing....and it was a flop. Not one "win". Not one "cog". Not one "exteriorization". Not even one "key out" session. It didn't handle the issue I was doing the intensive in the first place.

That's when I knew....auditing is a load of bullshit. So if auditing is bullshit then there was no reason to stick around.

EDIT: I have to add the Basics campaign along with the failed auditing as the "final straw". Both happened fairly close together. When I heard that for decades LRH allowed the sale of his books in such a messed up state, well at first I was at a loss for words. But I knew it was total and complete bullshit. Especially when I was to understand that a guy who never graduated from high school discovered it and "fixed it".

I got to hand it to DM....he's a master marketer to his clubbed seals. They'll buy anything that he sells them.
 

Cat's Squirrel

Gold Meritorious Patron
For me it was a culmination of several factors leading up to the straw that broke the camel's back.

First of all I couldn't help but notice how fucked up Scientologists were/are. The OTs were just as fucked up, and in some cases more fucked up than those lower on the bridge. The unethical behavior that was justified by the amount of money given was a big turn off. You know, greatest good across the greatest number of dynamics bullshit. In my world it's called "situational ethics".

Doing the purif and feeling good as a result for a whopping......one day. What a load of crap. Cleanse my fatty tissues my ass.

TRs and Objectives really pissed me off. Liked the bullbaiting because it was fun. But the objectives especially......HATED IT!

Student Hat course.....a load of manure if there ever was a load of manure. The demo kit is a farce. Utter bullshit. If anything it slows me down. Doesn't help me understand jack shit. Oh how I wanted to shove that kit up the sup's ass.

Of course the constant, non-stop regging. I could tell that it was only going to get worse, which it has. As soon as they announced the "Ideal Org" project I knew that the IAS regges would still keep coming around regularly. The local regges would keep hounding me. The damn Flag world tour fuckers would keep coming at their usual pace, along with the AOLA and ASHO shitwads. None of that would slow down even though "we" had to collectively cough up 4 million bucks....now it's ten from what I hear.

The regging alone was really becoming the final straw in and of itself....

But then I did an intensive of auditing....and it was a flop. Not one "win". Not one "cog". Not one "exteriorization". Not even one "key out" session. It didn't handle the issue I was doing the intensive in the first place.

That's when I knew....auditing is a load of bullshit. So if auditing is bullshit then there was no reason to stick around.

EDIT: I have to add the Basics campaign along with the failed auditing as the "final straw". Both happened fairly close together. When I heard that for decades LRH allowed the sale of his books in such a messed up state, well at first I was at a loss for words. But I knew it was total and complete bullshit. Especially when I was to understand that a guy who never graduated from high school discovered it and "fixed it".

I got to hand it to DM....he's a master marketer to his clubbed seals. They'll buy anything that he sells them.

LOL You could have done that and said, "I think it's you who needs some more mass."
 
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A.K. Myers

Patron with Honors
I left the cult back after the Mission Holders Conference
when the Finance Police plundered the Mission Network.
I had a wife and a kid to support and we became homeless.
I blamed the Sea Org for not following Ron's tech.

I remained a Scientologist, using Hubbards tech to solve
lifes problems. I worked for a while in the AAC network and
over time slowly drifted away. I still was a Scientologist,
but I had no organization. Ron was still mankinds best friend
but his organization had betrayed him.

Then came the internet. Newsgroups like alt.religion.scientology
provided eye opening facts. Somebody posted BIOGRAPHY OF L RON HUBBARD by Michael Linn Shannon from Arnies site. http://www.lermanet.com/shannon/

That article proved to me that LRH was a scumbag and a liar.
That was the end of "the tech" for me. "Mankinds greatest
friend," was nothing but a conman

All I can say, looking back is, "Duh!"

:coolwink:
 

WildKat

Gold Meritorious Patron
The Basics Release confirmed for me that management was fucked up.

But even before that I could see that the tech had some major issues.

I had the opportunity to observe numerous "OT's" closely, and I was not impressed.

Several of them were good people, ethical people, basically nice. But if that's how they looked and acted after doing OT VIII....the top of the bridge..... I knew it was just a farce.

Oh yeah... and prior to that even, I had done OT III myself, and saw that it was a pile of horseshit.

I realized: There's no OTs, there's not even any Clears, and the whole thing is a scam for making money.
 
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