What I joined for:
1st priority, improve my communication.
After that, to get rid of hidden patterns of thought, emotions, that make life difficult etc. AFAICS, people DO have them. I was told that Dianetics could get rid of ALL of that. That part = not true.
I think the early courses (comm course and HQS) made me feel like I could be in control of things that I felt I wasn't much in control of before.
I joined staff because I didn't have the money to pay for courses or auditing. The fact that it was "helping Mankind" was a huge plus and that part probably helped keep me in.
For some reason, as a staff member in our org I got LOTS of auditing for free. Many staff didn't. Getting all that free auditing helped in keeping me there.
I had a sort of spiritual goal which i had not properly defined. It was where I thought scientology would take me, but it was not strictly how LRH and many scientologists saw the goal of scientology. Some others on ESMB seem to have had a similar thing.
Why I left: Noticing that there were contradictions between scientology stated outcomes and the people who were supposed to have achieved them. "Why did so-and-so say "X"
if he is clear?" "And why did all the "Clears" and the "OT"s on staff just stand there with their mouths shut?" Also, nutty orders coming from uplines SO. I could see from afar that something was rotten right at the top- management-wise. Then I got "handled" by the GO about gay issues. Nothing rough...quite subtle, but threatening. Fuck them! Plus making irrational demands about 'replacing' myself so I could leave after my contract was up. I stood my ground. I left, intending to go and somehow earn money to do OT levels.
I don't think I can distill that into finding the reason for my departure within my reason for joining up in the first place. It had different aspects.
After I left I gradually drifted away and found "Bare Faced Messiah" in the library.
Actually, the opinions, ideas, utterances of OTs were always important even though this was not shown overtly. We wanted to be OT. That's were we where headed. Way above "clear". When
"OTs" were noticed to be having trouble, such as getting cancer, or known to have been stalled for years, or if an
"OT" hinted that they didn't get what they wanted, it was noticed.
Even after being out for a few years, it was important when (ex)
"OT"s said that it was all crap, etc, because they had bought the whole nine yards. So IMO what "OT"s say is very important. They can tell us what the "Bridge" looks like AFTER you have done it all or almost all of it. Many would leave earlier, or at least start looking if they heard a few OT 8s telling them not to hang around wanting for the big prize at the "top". Not to minimise the sterling critic-work of people who haven't done it all. For sensible people that is all that is needed. But some koolaid drinkers are not sensible.