Natalie Ellis, CCI supervisor, came to see me in Qual one day. I believe that I was out handling some other flap, so my senior, the Qual Sec, Andy Kitt, went ahead and gave her an MLO (Medical Liason Office) interview. She complained of stomach pain and said she felt like she might have a fever.
When I walked into Qual, I saw her. She looked very pale and worn out. I wanted to let her take a few days off and rest at least.
She was sent to Shaw Health Center (where Dr Denk and Dr Shields are) and she was seen by Dr Shields, I believe.
Dr Shields stated that Natalie might need to go to the hospital for further tests.
Hospital for staff was way out in Sylmar.
I arranged the ride and got her sent.
She came back after the test results and we sent her home to rest.
We got those test result pretty rapidly. Within a few days.
She was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. I did not fully understand cancer at the time, because this was the first time I ever dealt with it. I knew nothing about cancer.
I got her medical records sent over to Shaw, where one of the doctors there could review the information and explain it to me.
Dr Shields explained to me that Natalie had stage IV cancer, which meant it was so far advanced, there was no medical handling that would help her. It was "make her comfortable" time.
Natalie was informed of her condition and given the option of chemo, which she refused. She decided to research alternative medicines. She started reading up on the cancer center that is in Mexico, that uses some sort of meter to reverse the cancer, which apparently has many cases of having worked.
I brought that book to Dr Denk to see what he thought of it. Dr Denk, being the very blunt and straigh-forward person that he is, pointed out that I should check what happened to all of the patients. He told me they were all dead. From cancer. It returned aggressively in each case and the person passed away.
So Natalie dove her nose into books on cancer, trying to understand it better.
I was still having to be on post and supervise a courseroom 3 periods per day. And so I had little time to be with Natalie.
She was in and out of the hospital with tests for several weeks. She was finally put in an apartement across the street from CCI, and given an SO caretaker who had his own medical condition, but could help her. His name was Sean I believe. He had a huge ulcer on his leg, which he had from the day he joined the SO.
That is another story I have to write about. Come to think of it. (Man, there are alot of stories here that pop to mind)...
For several months I was auditing Natalie on an assist program every day. Since I was suping all day, the only time I had to audit her was on my dinner time. She was to get short sessions, and I didnt eat much anyways, so it worked out.
Jan 94 we had the big Northridge earthquake. I told that in my story already. But as I was running around, checking on all of the staff, the org, the archives and everything, I had not remembered to check on Natalie until the afternoon. I was VERY embarrassed about that.
I went over to the building to check on her and Sean. Of course, they were fine. They understood I was busy and they were making things go right in their own way, helping each other as they could.
Around mid 94, it was getting pretty bad, where Natalie was in constant pain. She was brought to a hospital.
It was during this time, when the Senior C/S and Chief Officer went to visit her and decided she needed to go back to the hospital. I think a family member of Natalie's had visited her and was disgusted by what they saw and how she was treated (her apartment was only cleaned to the extent that her and Sean were able to deal with it. She had no nurse and the apartment was not being kept sanitary).
Right around this time, Natalie was looking around for a Scientology body that she could go to, if she did pass away. I helped her locate one. I even spoke to the pregnant mother about it, who knows Natalie well, as she was supping public courserooms. She was very happy and pleased about Natalie going to do this. So this was arranged that this was where Natalie could go.
Natalie always wanted to be a sexy woman. Anyone who knows Natalie knows that she was short and overweight most of the time that I knew her. The parents that she chose to be with were a beautiful couple. It was her dream to come into the next life being beautiful.
She was not brought to a county hospital. I dont remember which one it was, because we never used that hospital, except for Natalie.
And this is when the Chief Off explained to me in no uncertain terms that I was trying to kill the staff and that I was a murderer and how she spent all her time preventing me from killing the staff.
Natalie was in the hospital for several weeks. At first, I was unable to visit her, being stuck supping the courseroom all the time. Yet again, the Chf Off came and ripped my face off for not visiting Natalie daily.
So I cancelled the late afternoon courseroom slot and made it out to see Natalie every day. I would give her assists and talk with her.
One day, when she was in ICU, being prepped for surgery, I managed to talk to her doctor. He told me that the surgery would last 8 hours and they would take out all of her intestines and put in some sort of a bypass system. He also explained to me that she may not live through the surgery, because she was so weak, and tired, that 8 hours in surgery may be too much. He also explained that afterwards, all they could do was make her comfortable.
Earlier that day, the Chf Off and Senior C/S had visited Natalie, seen the state she was in, and tried to talk to her about dropping her body. Natalie kept cutting them off, explaining that she was getting well and making it go right. And that she would be back on post soon.
So after this heavy conversation with the doctor, I knew I had to give it another try. I did not want her to have all these false hopes. I also wanted to make sure she knew where to go after she passed away, to this other body that was already set up for her.
So I went in to see her. I grabbed her hand and held it for a few minutes, not even talking. I looked out the window. Bright blue sky. Beautiful weather. She was 1/2 sleeping, holding my hand.
I looked down at her, felt that type of grief that makes your heart flip, and said to her "Natalie, it's ok if you go".
She said, "Go where. I am getting ready for surgery here. I am not going anywhere."
I proceeded to explain to her what the doctor explained to me about the surgery and its risks, and what would be the outcome.
After I explained it, I again said, as I was holding her hand (throughout this), "Its ok to go. A new body is waiting for you. A better one. A healthy one.".
She had her eyes closed and I could not tell if she was thinking or sleeping.
I saw a tear come to her eye.
Then she said, "Ok, I'll go." She was sad.
I asked her, "What do you mean by that."
She said, solemnly, "I am going to die." It was if that decision was really hers.
I felt very bad at that moment, having just done this with her. But at the time, I felt in my heart that I did not want to see her suffer anymore. All I could see was her having a better life by going.
So when the doctor came in, I left, so she could speak to the doctor and refuse the surgery, which she did.
He then explained to her that she would just be made comfortable then, right there in the hospital.
Immediately I went to a pay phone and called the Senior C/S. I explained to her the conversation with Natalie and the fact that she had refused the surgery and was going to be made comfortable until her passing.
I left for the evening, and visited her the next day. I could not wake her at all. She was in a very heavy sleep. I just sat with her for 2 hours holding her hand, trying to talk to her, and told her stories.
This went on for several days.
Then one night, very late, I was talking to my best friend in the berthing building about Natalie. I was wondering what I should do, if anything. She just seemed to go into a deeper and deeper sleep. I was never able to converse with her after that conversation where she decided to drop the body. Yet she was still alive.
My friend thought that maybe there was something still holding her back. I thought about this. She was in ok case shape, I had been auditing her. Not perfect shape, of course, but you know, the rudiments were in. The family was informed. Everything was set. What could it be?
And I got it.
From Natalie.
At that moment, what her concern was.
She was worried about her SO friends not getting sessions after her death in order to run it out. I let her know that the folders were all C/Sed and they all had auditors assigned for when the sessions were needed.
I felt this mass move away from me. Like her relief.
The next morning, the Senior C/S called me into her office to tell me Natalie had passed peacefully in the night. It was at the exact time I was talking to my best friend, and we had figured this out.
I did not feel right saying this to anyone. It was my little secret, with my best friend.
My tribute to Natalie. May you always be remembered for the bright, beautiful person that you are.
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Three years later, I was walking down the CCI steps and up came the baby girl - the one that Natalie was supposed to go to. I had never seen her up close, though I knew who she was. She looked up at me and said "hi, ____ (my name)". I almost fell down the stairs. My heart raced, my ears went deaf.
For me, that was an OT moment.
We love you, Natalie, wherever you are....