Seeking a $200,000+ repayment!!

spookles99

Patron
I have $200,000+ on account with various Scientology churches. For background, visit my blog series, This Is Scientology! (CLICK HERE) or, better (for my bank account!), buy my book, Addicted to Scientology: Overcoming the Ups & Downs of Scientoloholism. (CLICK HERE)

Here's a copy of the letter I mailed today (certified mail, of course):View attachment scientology return of funds request.pdf

Here it is with some of the formatting lost:

November 19, 2012

Church of Scientology, San Francisco Church of Scientology

701 Montgomery Street Flag Service Organization

San Francisco, CA 94111 210 South Fort Harrison Ave

Clearwater, FL 33756 USA

Church of Scientology, ASHO Church of Scientology, AOLA

1413 L. Ron Hubbard Way 1306 L. Ron Hubbard Way

Los Angeles, CA 90027 Los Angeles, CA 90027

cc: Keeper of the Miscavige-Certified Electrically Insulated Entheta Damping Rods
HAIL CAESAR!!
Religious Technology Center

1710 Ivar Avenue #1100

Los Angeles, CA 90028

Re: Full Repayment of all Moneys on Account

Attn: Treasury

I demand the full repayment of all funds currently on account with the four above-listed Scientology service organizations.

I am pleased to report that I have kicked my Scientology addiction and no longer need to use Scientology to get high or low or for any other reason. I fear, however, that I may still be brutally addicted to Scientology. A casual review of my PC and Ethics folders will no doubt confirm for you that I am a glutton for punishment. And so, as part of returning my funds, I would be delighted if you could cement the transaction by declaring me to be a fire-breathing, three-horned, cross-eyed, farting, Miscavige-certified-electrically-insulated-entheta-damping-rod-rejecting, drooling, joking-and-degrading (I’m still learning; how am I doing?) Suppressive Person. Feel free to add as many adjectives as you please, maybe something about getting no case gain ... or poop ... whatever.
The more details the better, I’m sure.

I will never use any money on account for future Scientology services. (Just in case you have any doubts, you might want to check out my blog, www.vancewoodward.com and read my book, entitled Addicted to Scientology: Overcoming the Ups & Downs of Scientoloholism.)

I want my account money repaid to me. This demand includes: money on account for auditing, training, materials, food and accommodations, and the pro rata portion of any money owing on partially used auditing intensives ... in short ALL UNUSED AMOUNTS.
I believe the breakdown is something like as follows.

Flag: $116,362.39 ($112,670 services plus $3,692.39 for accommodations).

AOLA: $54,204 (various services).

ASHO: $17,318.25 (various services).

San Francisco: $14,906.25 (Premier Auditor Training Package)
$740.64 (Premier Auditor Training Package)
$4,400 (two unused intensives)
$???? (the pro rata portion of the unused amount that remains from my last-invoiced intensive. Incidentally those last few intensives were part of what was originally a twenty-intensives package. Subtracting three intensives leaves seventeen intensives ... good for the maximum discount.)


Please provide an accounting that calculates the amounts to be properly returned to me. I expect a quick and full repayment within ten days of receipt of this letter. This demand is in accordance with existing Church policy, the same policy that was quoted to the IRS when the Church of Scientology was granted tax-exempt status. I quote the Church’s policy here:

It has been a long-standing policy of the Church that if someone is dissatisfied with their Scientology services and asks to have their contributions returned within a three month period, these amounts will be returned. Likewise, if the person asks for return of contributions for which no services were received (i.e. an advance payment), there is no three month limitation period. Anyone newly enrolling in services at a Church of Scientology is informed of the policies and signs an agreement to abide by them. As a further condition of receiving a refund or repayment, the person understands that they may not again receive services from the Church.

Within the Church, there are two separate terms: A "refund" refers to a return of contributions to a parishioner within 90 days of participating in religious services while a "repayment" refers to a return of a parishioner's advance payment before he or she has participated in religious services. ...

The Church's refund policy is exceedingly fair. If someone isn't happy with Scientology [uh, yeah-ah, that’d, be me] — which is a very small minority of people — he simply has to make a proper request for his donations back [phew, lucky I’m a guy], agree to forego further services [I enthusiastically so agree] and his donations will be returned [I look forward to receiving them]. For the Church, in addition to the fact that this policy aligns with Scientology principles of exchange, it also serves the purpose of allowing our churches and the parishioners who are very happy with Scientology, to carry on without the unhappy few in their midst.​

I anticipate that you will request that I complete a short routing form promulgated by your Claims Verification Board or some such thing. I am happy to complete any short routing form, that is a routing form that is not unduly burdensome, designed to forestall or thwart my demand for a refund, or calculated to be in any way the slightest pain in the rear. (Best not be poisoned, either.)

Please confirm that the Church will forever bar me from future service. If possible, please make that a multi-lifetime bar. I don’t want to be tempted ever again. In fact, I request that you bar each and every one of my descendants from participating in Scientology, in perpetuity. While you’re at it, can I get some barred-from-Scientology-forever noties to give to my friends and anybody else I meet in the future? (Please leave the names blank; I’ll fill them in as appropriate.) But if you’re going to charge me for them, forget it.

Rest assured that I refuse to set foot in any Scientology organizations. I do not want to meet with any representatives of the Church save for one purpose: to accept delivery of money (and maybe a salad or something healthy, I suppose). I will interpret any attempt to get me to change my mind as a deliberate attempt to provoke me into tearing my clothes off and running around naked. You’ll be to blame.

Best regards,

Vance Woodward
 

I told you I was trouble

Suspended animation
Your sense of humour shines through spookles99 and I sincerely hope you get your money back without too much more hassle, you are clearly an SP of considerable magnitude (lol) and they would be crazy to further mess with you ... BTW Feral (a member here) and some others have posted info on how to get your money back (in case you need it).




:coolwink:


 

Anonycat

Crusader
I have $200,000+ on account with various Scientology churches. For background, visit my blog series, This Is Scientology! (CLICK HERE) or, better (for my bank account!), buy my book, Addicted to Scientology: Overcoming the Ups & Downs of Scientoloholism. (CLICK HERE)

Here's a copy of the letter I mailed today (certified mail, of course):View attachment 5312

Here it is with some of the formatting lost:

November 19, 2012

Church of Scientology, San Francisco Church of Scientology

701 Montgomery Street Flag Service Organization

San Francisco, CA 94111 210 South Fort Harrison Ave

Clearwater, FL 33756 USA

Church of Scientology, ASHO Church of Scientology, AOLA

1413 L. Ron Hubbard Way 1306 L. Ron Hubbard Way

Los Angeles, CA 90027 Los Angeles, CA 90027

cc: Keeper of the Miscavige-Certified Electrically Insulated Entheta Damping Rods
HAIL CAESAR!!
Religious Technology Center

1710 Ivar Avenue #1100

Los Angeles, CA 90028

Re: Full Repayment of all Moneys on Account

Attn: Treasury

I demand the full repayment of all funds currently on account with the four above-listed Scientology service organizations.

I am pleased to report that I have kicked my Scientology addiction and no longer need to use Scientology to get high or low or for any other reason. I fear, however, that I may still be brutally addicted to Scientology. A casual review of my PC and Ethics folders will no doubt confirm for you that I am a glutton for punishment. And so, as part of returning my funds, I would be delighted if you could cement the transaction by declaring me to be a fire-breathing, three-horned, cross-eyed, farting, Miscavige-certified-electrically-insulated-entheta-damping-rod-rejecting, drooling, joking-and-degrading (I’m still learning; how am I doing?) Suppressive Person. Feel free to add as many adjectives as you please, maybe something about getting no case gain ... or poop ... whatever.
The more details the better, I’m sure.

I will never use any money on account for future Scientology services. (Just in case you have any doubts, you might want to check out my blog, www.vancewoodward.com and read my book, entitled Addicted to Scientology: Overcoming the Ups & Downs of Scientoloholism.)

I want my account money repaid to me. This demand includes: money on account for auditing, training, materials, food and accommodations, and the pro rata portion of any money owing on partially used auditing intensives ... in short ALL UNUSED AMOUNTS.
I believe the breakdown is something like as follows.

Flag: $116,362.39 ($112,670 services plus $3,692.39 for accommodations).

AOLA: $54,204 (various services).

ASHO: $17,318.25 (various services).

San Francisco: $14,906.25 (Premier Auditor Training Package)
$740.64 (Premier Auditor Training Package)
$4,400 (two unused intensives)
$???? (the pro rata portion of the unused amount that remains from my last-invoiced intensive. Incidentally those last few intensives were part of what was originally a twenty-intensives package. Subtracting three intensives leaves seventeen intensives ... good for the maximum discount.)


Please provide an accounting that calculates the amounts to be properly returned to me. I expect a quick and full repayment within ten days of receipt of this letter. This demand is in accordance with existing Church policy, the same policy that was quoted to the IRS when the Church of Scientology was granted tax-exempt status. I quote the Church’s policy here:

It has been a long-standing policy of the Church that if someone is dissatisfied with their Scientology services and asks to have their contributions returned within a three month period, these amounts will be returned. Likewise, if the person asks for return of contributions for which no services were received (i.e. an advance payment), there is no three month limitation period. Anyone newly enrolling in services at a Church of Scientology is informed of the policies and signs an agreement to abide by them. As a further condition of receiving a refund or repayment, the person understands that they may not again receive services from the Church.

Within the Church, there are two separate terms: A "refund" refers to a return of contributions to a parishioner within 90 days of participating in religious services while a "repayment" refers to a return of a parishioner's advance payment before he or she has participated in religious services. ...

The Church's refund policy is exceedingly fair. If someone isn't happy with Scientology [uh, yeah-ah, that’d, be me] — which is a very small minority of people — he simply has to make a proper request for his donations back [phew, lucky I’m a guy], agree to forego further services [I enthusiastically so agree] and his donations will be returned [I look forward to receiving them]. For the Church, in addition to the fact that this policy aligns with Scientology principles of exchange, it also serves the purpose of allowing our churches and the parishioners who are very happy with Scientology, to carry on without the unhappy few in their midst.​

I anticipate that you will request that I complete a short routing form promulgated by your Claims Verification Board or some such thing. I am happy to complete any short routing form, that is a routing form that is not unduly burdensome, designed to forestall or thwart my demand for a refund, or calculated to be in any way the slightest pain in the rear. (Best not be poisoned, either.)

Please confirm that the Church will forever bar me from future service. If possible, please make that a multi-lifetime bar. I don’t want to be tempted ever again. In fact, I request that you bar each and every one of my descendants from participating in Scientology, in perpetuity. While you’re at it, can I get some barred-from-Scientology-forever noties to give to my friends and anybody else I meet in the future? (Please leave the names blank; I’ll fill them in as appropriate.) But if you’re going to charge me for them, forget it.

Rest assured that I refuse to set foot in any Scientology organizations. I do not want to meet with any representatives of the Church save for one purpose: to accept delivery of money (and maybe a salad or something healthy, I suppose). I will interpret any attempt to get me to change my mind as a deliberate attempt to provoke me into tearing my clothes off and running around naked. You’ll be to blame.

Best regards,

Vance Woodward

Fantastic, Vance! Ask for help as needed. Are you Ethics Trouble?
 

Emma

Con te partirò
Administrator
You'll probably get your money back, but you'll have a much higher chance of success if you don't wait too long before getting legal representation. Give them a chance to repay you (a week or two at longest) and then if you get nothing go see a lawyer and get them to write a letter. They legally have to pay it back. The more pressure you put on them the faster you'll see the money.

Best of luck to you :thumbsup:
 

spookles99

Patron
You'll probably get your money back, but you'll have a much higher chance of success if you don't want too long before getting legal representation. Give them a chance to repay you (a week or two at longest) and then if you get nothing go see a lawyer and get them to write a letter. They legally have to pay it back. The more pressure you put on them the faster you'll see the money.

Best of luck to you :thumbsup:

Thanks! They are aware, I am sure, that I am a lawyer. 'Nuff said!
 

Daisy

Patron with Honors
Yeah, keep us up-to-date! Great letter, as you well know Scientologists do not have a sense of humor so it is nice to know you will piss a few people off.

Can they refuse a certified letter?

Cute dog.
 

ClearedSP

Patron with Honors
Yeah, keep us up-to-date! Great letter, as you well know Scientologists do not have a sense of humor so it is nice to know you will piss a few people off.

Can they refuse a certified letter?

Cute dog.

Assuming HCO PL 26 May 65 II, COMMUNICATIONS, REGISTERED MAIL has never been cancelled, they will always refuse certified mail. But I'm sure the OP knows plenty of people who can serve papers.
 

Sindy

Crusader
<snipped for brevity of an amazingly cool letter!>

......Rest assured that I refuse to set foot in any Scientology organizations. I do not want to meet with any representatives of the Church save for one purpose: to accept delivery of money (and maybe a salad or something healthy, I suppose). I will interpret any attempt to get me to change my mind as a deliberate attempt to provoke me into tearing my clothes off and running around naked. You’ll be to blame.

Best regards,

Vance Woodward



:hysterical::hysterical::laugh::hysterical::hysterical:

Now that was funny!!!

There are so many exquisite parts to that latter I can't comment on them all. You gave me a great laugh today.

No wonder you didn't make it in the cult, collectively they have NO sense of humor -- AT ALL.

Funny, even after that scathingly brilliant letter, I can still envision this very possible, even probable conversation:

Staff Member

"Sir, should I take him off the mailing list now?"

Senior Exec

"No"​

BTW, to get a healthy salad in Scientology requires you sit through a 4-hour fundraising event where you'll most likely sign away your retirement and your children's college funds. Nothing comes without a price -- including lettuce.
 

spookles99

Patron
Assuming HCO PL 26 May 65 II, COMMUNICATIONS, REGISTERED MAIL has never been cancelled, they will always refuse certified mail. But I'm sure the OP knows plenty of people who can serve papers.

So far as I know there's a difference between certified and registered.

Registered requires the recipient to sign (which would be covered by the above policy).

Certified just means that the carrier confirms that the letter was dropped off along with the regular mail. With certified, there's nothing for the recipient to refuse.
I just now looked at wikipedia and it seems to confirm what I thought: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Certified_Mail
 

Andtheyalllived

Patron with Honors
Damnit Vance, I'm still trying to get enough time to finish reading your brilliant blog, and you divert me with this hilarious post! Cut it out, dude, we're not all on sabbatical!
 
Dear Vance,

thanks for the "Vance perspective." it was really refreshing and hilarious.

it occurred to me that you musta gotten lonely while in scientology. i mean, you have a sense of humor and are well educated. and i bet you know the joking and degrading policy by heart. i suspect you really left scientology because you probably had a dearth of playmates and you needed a much bigger world.

it also occurred to me that i've just insulted the rest of us. oh, well. being smart was never one of my strong suits.

happy you're here, adding into the fray, and i wish you the very best. welcome!

42 (yeah, that means i was in for 42 years)
 

ClearedSP

Patron with Honors
So far as I know there's a difference between certified and registered.

Registered requires the recipient to sign (which would be covered by the above policy).

Certified just means that the carrier confirms that the letter was dropped off along with the regular mail. With certified, there's nothing for the recipient to refuse.
I just now looked at wikipedia and it seems to confirm what I thought: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Certified_Mail

I always figured he referred to it as 'registered' since he was writing in the UK, where (like most countries) registered mail exists, and certified doesn't. But maybe I'm 35 years overdue for a cram. :shrug:
 

spookles99

Patron
I always figured he referred to it as 'registered' since he was writing in the UK, where (like most countries) registered mail exists, and certified doesn't. But maybe I'm 35 years overdue for a cram. :shrug:

I see. Well, if the letters get bounced back at me, I'll let everyone know!
 

Sindy

Crusader
I see. Well, if the letters get bounced back at me, I'll let everyone know!

I don't believe there is a policy against smoke signals, writing in the sky, a message in a bottle, carrier pigeon, sending a mime, braille, or Morse code.

You would probably fare best if you got yourself one of those new fangled, high-tech telex machines:

[video=youtube;9nHfztP9Qqs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nHfztP9Qqs[/video]

Now, nobody get "restimulated" by the sound here. :lol:
 

ClearedSP

Patron with Honors
Or one of these.
PRODPIC-6514.jpg
 
Top