So why do people leave, anyway? Why did WE leave?

Claire Swazey

Spokeshole, fence sitter
I guess I should have entitled the thread: Why do people even stay? (for god's sake, why?)

But seriously, there are so many reasons to leave. Individual ones but I can really see commonality between various people's accounts of why they left.

My husband has said "you can only push people so far."
 

Idle Morgue

Gold Meritorious Patron
WHY do people STAY???


There is only one reason! If you think there is any other - you are dead wrong!

People stay because they are:

Trapped!

Here are the TRAPS! Pay attention lurker's - see which TRAP fits you!


They have money on account and think it is there case and don't want to admit it does not work...because Hubbard says they are SP's if it does not work. Not to mention - they are going after something that does not exist~ Clear?? Oat Tea??? But they are kept very very busy...studying away their life...listening to that Fat turd's drivel...training....moving around and around the merry-go-round!

They have family in and don't want to lose them!

They have been on staff and are AFRAID of the "outside"! The merchants of chaos and fear have convinced them it is SSOOOOOO baaaaaaad out here! The truth - it is heaven out here compared to the constant work, invalidation, nullification that is the Church of Scientology ! Out here is FREEDOM!

They have invested so much money and time - they HAVE TO BE RIGHT!

These are the TRAPS! :yes: This is Scientology! This is all it is - a viscous TRAP!
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
WHY do people STAY???


There is only one reason! If you think there is any other - you are dead wrong!

People stay because they are:

Trapped!

Here are the TRAPS! Pay attention lurker's - see which TRAP fits you!


They have money on account and think it is there case and don't want to admit it does not work...because Hubbard says they are SP's if it does not work. Not to mention - they are going after something that does not exist~ Clear?? Oat Tea??? But they are kept very very busy...studying away their life...listening to that Fat turd's drivel...training....moving around and around the merry-go-round!

They have family in and don't want to lose them!

They have been on staff and are AFRAID of the "outside"! The merchants of chaos and fear have convinced them it is SSOOOOOO baaaaaaad out here! The truth - it is heaven out here compared to the constant work, invalidation, nullification that is the Church of Scientology ! Out here is FREEDOM!

They have invested so much money and time - they HAVE TO BE RIGHT!

These are the TRAPS! :yes: This is Scientology! This is all it is - a viscous TRAP!

Fortunately, the withdrawal symptoms are no worse than quitting cigarettes.

Pete
 

Claire Swazey

Spokeshole, fence sitter
WHY do people STAY???


There is only one reason! If you think there is any other - you are dead wrong!

People stay because they are:

Trapped!

Here are the TRAPS! Pay attention lurker's - see which TRAP fits you!




They have money on account and think it is there case and don't want to admit it does not work...because Hubbard says they are SP's if it does not work. Not to mention - they are going after something that does not exist~ Clear?? Oat Tea??? But they are kept very very busy...studying away their life...listening to that Fat turd's drivel...training....moving around and around the merry-go-round!

They have family in and don't want to lose them!

They have been on staff and are AFRAID of the "outside"! The merchants of chaos and fear have convinced them it is SSOOOOOO baaaaaaad out here! The truth - it is heaven out here compared to the constant work, invalidation, nullification that is the Church of Scientology ! Out here is FREEDOM!

They have invested so much money and time - they HAVE TO BE RIGHT!

These are the TRAPS! :yes: This is Scientology! This is all it is - a viscous TRAP!



I like your post. But, IMO, you missed a trap. Or a reason. I'm cool with it being called either.

Fear of losing salvation. A lot of these people think Scn is the only method. (Yes, I know this is debatable) And they think they can only get it in CofS. (again, debatable). And they stay so that they can still get Scn "tech".

I think the reasons you give are the primary and most common ones. I just think the one I mention is possible in some cases. As ever, I agree with most of what you say. (And when I don't agree with it, I admire the sincerity and candor)
 

Gib

Crusader
I guess I should have entitled the thread: Why do people even stay? (for god's sake, why?)

But seriously, there are so many reasons to leave. Individual ones but I can really see commonality between various people's accounts of why they left.

My husband has said "you can only push people so far."

I stayed because I thought it was the truth. I had read many of LRH's books and got lot's of auditing with wins, but also got lots of auditing without not so much wins but just going thru the motions to reach the vision, the mock up of going across the bridge to OT and I believed the promo pieces and success stories of those that climbed up the bridge ( I never read nor heard of bad things), and because I thought there was no other way to improve myself. I thought this scientology was the route and I had never looked into another route, nor desired to since I had some wins and improvement and believed everything LRH wrote without me personally doing some more thinking or checking out anything else..

But then I found out about the freezone, and I went "wait a minute here", there is something wrong about the church, so I researched more.
 

PTS

Elliott
- RCMP criminal investigations being conducted on staff
- No matter what I gave or did, it was never enough
- It finally became less frightening to leave than to stay
- I missed my family, none of whom spoke to me anymore because I was disconnected
- I was broke yet still harassed for more

Take your pick.

By the way, my paternal grandmother died while I was disconnected. I didn't learn of her passing until I was out. She lingered for months, if I had known, I could have seen her one last time. If there is one thing above all others that drives me to protest, it is how the cult of $cientology steals your life right out from under you.
 

chuckbeatty

Patron with Honors
Question: Why do people leave?

Answer: I recall Bill Franks interview by Tom Smith recently, where Bill Franks tells of that moment when LRH sent Bill, who was on the Apollo and either D of P, or Org Officer or some post, this despatch, which was also cc'd to David Mayo, and LRH told them both they had to hold what LRH was saying as secret, as it would undermine what the public was publicly trained to think; that it is ARC Breaks, and not Withholds/Missed Withholds, that cause a person to be so upset they leave.

Thus, I think, Hubbard really was the scheming devious, oportunistic fad craze pseudo-scientific, science fictionesque megalomaniac movement starting person true to form. One who hides the real reasons from the followers, so as to CONTROL, David Mayo's central conclusion of Hubbard's "item" mentality was that Hubbard was obsessed with CONTROL over his followers.

Hubbard was getting off on the fact that he could CONTROL people, basically.
The LRH Admissions, come immediately to mind to explain Hubbard's obsession with controlling his baby, his creation, his Scientology movement and all the admin system that is way too much totalitarian BS and Catch 22 control itself.

With Hubbard's narrative of what is wrong with us humans, it's to me, today in hindsight, so obvious now, that Hubbard was a writer, and he was writing his beliefs into reality, and weaving a story line, fitting in with human spiritual history regarding past lives, going from his Dianetics mental trauma therapy, to past life trauma therapy, that we basically do the lower grades and it preps us for the heavy past lives traumas that we hurdle and become Clear of. And then once we are Clear of our own minds, as the single souls that we are, we then do the exorcism (LRH is very clear, if one reads ALL of his 1980s writings, it is LRH who ramped up MORE exorcism, the NOTs OT 5 exoricsm, the OT Drug Rundown (OT 4) exorcism, and then the OT 7 (Solo NOTs) exorcism, it's LRH who in his final final research believed a LOT more exorcism of the Xenu caused super implanted body thetans/clusters that roam earth and infest us all, that a WHOLE lot more exorcism was needed for each and every one of us) exorcism clears all the body thetans that themselves are so deviously implanted with false ideas, and leak the same, into OUR minds, even though we are Clear of our past life traumas and implanting ourselves, and once the exorcism is fully done deal, THEN Hubbard thinks the real ESP OT levels can then be attained without any more of the Xenu/4th dynamic engram (36 and 1/2 days of Xenu's dastardly implanting) restimulating on us from our body thetans' /clusters' minds into our minds, screwing with us.

I myself, thought, when I try to actually think like Hubbard, that really, the problem with the Scientology movement, from a case standpoint, from what LRH last wrote, technically to Mayo, Melanie Murray, Mitoff, is that MORE body thetans/clusters needed be faced and exorcised, period.

That's what he says. So, people's OT cases just need MORE than they think, is all.

And let's say he's right.

Even so, the proof of this NOT being the case, is "the pudding." The pudding is OTs.

there are no OTs.

Thus, my biggest ARC Break, is no OTs. Even the most exhaustively done and voluminous exorcism of body thetans/clusters has still, to this day, NOT produced any OTs.

Equals my biggest ARC Breat.

ARC Breaks also hit me on other flows, Flow 3 in particular, watching and learning, by reading the internet (and when I was at Author Services Inc, from 1992-1995, I got to read the OSA press clippings of all the negative anti Scientology and anti LRH media, and it weighed on me), since I learned that almost like clockwork, senior Sea Org leaders quit, and some with the most integrity and courage go public and speak out about the injustices and absurdities of the Sea Org and failures of Hubbard and failures of the movement overall.

Mainly, when old Sea Org vets who I had originally looked up to, when they spoke of Hubbard's out of whack and irrational behavior (Dart Smohen writeups are must reads, Kima Douglas' essays are must reads, David Mayos critical writings about LRH are must reads, even Ken Urquhart's articles are must reads, Jim Dincalci/Scott Mayer/Gerry Armstrong/Hana Eltringham Whitfield's writings and TV interviews are all must reads, as are ALL of the critical books in the "Secret Library of Scienotlogy" (google it), it was these respected vets who brought LRH down to size. I read about their damaging statements, which filtered into the OSA negative press clippings, from 1992-1995, when I was an ASI staffer.

The biggest ARC Breaks for me, were when the OSA duties aimed their actions right at me, and I had to sign the godawful self-incriminating "affadavits" on video, that was about the biggest wrong indication and ARC Break, in my then 20 years of Sea Org duty (my final 7 years were spent on the decks and RPF, of my 27 years total in the Sea Org).

When I finally wished to finally go, route out, from the RPF, one gets lowered into the RPF's RPF category, and one sometimes is quite free to act like one really feels, one doesn't have to pretend any longer than one is playing the Sea Org role any longer, since one knows finally one is headed OUT of the Sea Org, for good.

I then did my reading, freely, of the RPF Course room reference books, my only window back to reality, and the wog reference books put Hubbard in correct proportion. He clearly was a megalomaniac (of galactic science fiction proportions, and a prolific self promoting type), compared to any of the great writers of the English language, I learned, by reading the Oxford Companion to English Literature which thankfully some other earlier RPF member had donated to the PAC RPF course room library. I learned as I said above, that the Encyclopedia Britannia articles said NO one in human history has gotten supernatual spiritual abilities, and that to me, let Hubbard off the hook, but also it showed Hubbard was grossly exaggerating what Scientology supposedly was doing to make the OT superpeople (just never happened, and even I'm not impressed with Dart Smohen's stories of the exploits of the Class 6 OT original Sea Project members, who did childish OT phenomenon, at best, and questionable, and NOT sustainable that that crew made any demonstrable proof to becoming some new type of super improved human beings or OT people).

In a nutshell, no OTs, thus that is the NOT delivering what LRH promised, and thus the biggest ARC Break, for me, the gullible dupe hoping OT abilities were real and that Scientology actually made super people.

The Hubbard to Franks/Mayo honest admission that ARC Break is the real reason, but withhold/transgression MUST be focused on, lest Hubbard "lose control" over his followers and they LEAVE, that to me, is the best overall explanation, and largest factor why I left.

Leaving comes from ARC Breaks, and thanks to Bill's and David's memories, I think the answer is one's own version of what is the most important ARC Break(s) from one's viewpoint, that cause one to lose faith in Hubbard.

Arnie years ago, said loss of faith in Hubbard, was the FIRST step in inching one's way OUT of the Hubbard Truman Show (thankyou Tory for that metaphor).

And this all above, is just putting things in Hubbard terms.

In the rest of human history terms, it's just loss of belief in Hubbard's terms and Hubbard's philosophy/ideas/logic/writings.

I lost faith in past lives, suddenly, around Nov 2001, and I laughed and laughed, to myself, feeling so relieved that the soul might just be bogus, and not transmigrate once my body dies. But that I just might be the result of brain processes, only, and my consciousness is a brain process, period. Great relief when I thought this.

Another major factor that ARC Broke me, was seeing the rule system just piss people off, and make them wrong.

Once you see the rule system configuring itself in a way that paints oneself or another person who is really a good persion, as inevitably going DOWN in status, and to a lower org, down the staff ranks, down to some totally insignificant position, like the galley or RPF, one thinks, okay, I can agree with others leaving, and myself leaving this "no win" system.

The Hubbard ethics system, in the Sea Org, since that is where I fell when I finally fell all the way down and out of Scientology, I just played along, and went to the RPF, thinking that it was the honorable thing to do, and not create too big of a muss and fuss with the other staff who respected me.

There's such a long tradition of quitters, from the Sea Org, though, that leaving is actually about a 95% certainty, when you do the statistics. (The way I did the statistics, was at Sea Org Day, when the oldest 1967 vintage Sea Org members were always just James Fuller and John Aczel, and a handful of others, who stood up, thus, ergo, only about 2-5% of the total Sea Org members stick it out long enough to even stand up at Sea Org day events for the long term steadfast members, and that's a huge outpoint since everyone's supposed to do the Sea Org gig for the rest of their lives, but the fact is over 95% eventually quit, and only less than a jalf dozen stand up at Sea Org day to show who are the non quitters!!!!)

I was told though, by Gordon Melton, that there is tremendous quitting that goes on in other religions, particularly the minister class, also, so really, again, like I learned when I also studied the Encyclopedia Britannica, while I was on the RPF my last time on the RPF of my two stints in the RPF in my 27 year Sea Org career, I read in the encyclopedia that ALL religions and mystical groups have a horrible success rate of producing factually NO supernaturally improved mystics! Other human religions and mystical groups have some, a few, members, who have the out of the body experience rather dramatically, but only 3-5 times, per mystic/aesthetic/monk/philosopher.

So nobody in human history has gotten some superduper ESP super soul powers, and that this endeavor to attain supersoul powers is NOT something new in Scientology, but the Advance Mags from the Advance Orgs (which today I call the AOs the exorcism orgs, since OT levels 3, 4 and 5 are done at the AOs, and those levels ARE factually exorcism!!!), the AOs' tailor made Advance Mags, the EU edition, the LA edition, and the other AOs apparantly get a printing that is local for their Cont (UK, ANZO and not sure if AO AF is really functioning or not these days, I thought that it is though), the Advance Mags claim that Hubbard's OT levels do what other mystics and religious aesthetics and philosophers who endeavor to attain the out of the body abilities and other ESP soul powers, have not stably been able to attain.

Truth, and now to the point of answering your great question Claire, I experienced firsthand, at the "top" ranks of the Sea Org NO OTs (not even the OT people like Dart Smohen mentions that he witnessed in the early Sea Project days, where all the Sea Project staffers were Class 6s, then the requirement to join the Sea Project, thus those original old hand Sea Project people had slugged through the old OT 1 and 2, and really raked over the coals ALL of the Xenu implant concepts, which I think today are all bogus, but even if they are factually are bogus, which surely they are, but anyways, just mentally raking oneself over all the line plots and implant crap does absolutely do some mental reconfiguraiton in one's head); but the Sea Org people I met, in my 1975-2003 stint in the Sea Org, it's like the great YouTube song "No OTs".

And that is what the Encyclopedia Brittannica articles finally admit.

No OTs, still, in all of human history.

And that, to me, is the LOL ARC Break, which MOST average citizens, didn't think for a second that ANYONE in human history have EVER gotten such abilities, so average citizens think us who went seeking for the OT ESP abilities, were just pretty gullible!

No OTs, to me was the second major factor why I quit Scientology, and this ARC Break was softened, by the Encyclopedia Brittannica articles that say, hey, that's human history, don't worry, no ONE in human history has perfected out of the body either! There's no magic ESP abilities out there!

That's ultimately the biggest and LOL ARC Break for me.
 

Idle Morgue

Gold Meritorious Patron
I like your post. But, IMO, you missed a trap. Or a reason. I'm cool with it being called either.

Fear of losing salvation. A lot of these people think Scn is the only method. (Yes, I know this is debatable) And they think they can only get it in CofS. (again, debatable). And they stay so that they can still get Scn "tech".

I think the reasons you give are the primary and most common ones. I just think the one I mention is possible in some cases. As ever, I agree with most of what you say. (And when I don't agree with it, I admire the sincerity and candor)


That is very true! But when they witness crime after crime and add to the motion - I believe it is the above TRAPS that really keep them in! They can see it does not work - they know NO ONE that is Oat Tea or Clear really! They just are so busy they don't think about it!
 

X-Member-Hooray

Patron with Honors
I was close enough to being an NCG. I always struggled ot see what others saw in Scientology. I was fool enough to think there was something drastically wrong with me, Well I had to leave as we ended up way over our heads in debt.
The EO threatened to declare me.
Why I was gullible enough to sign up in the first place is beyond me???
 

wazn

Patron with Honors
Question: Why do people leave?

So nobody in human history has gotten some superduper ESP super soul powers, and that this endeavor to attain supersoul powers is NOT something new in Scientology, .

The story of Adam and Eve comes to mind, lol.

Chuck, you too are one of the remembered, loved and respected SO members.
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
That is very true! But when they witness crime after crime and add to the motion - I believe it is the above TRAPS that really keep them in! They can see it does not work - they know NO ONE that is Oat Tea or Clear really! They just are so busy they don't think about it!

I went into confusion back in 78/79/80 because there were all different flavors of clear being anounced ... natural clear, dianetic clear, the regular version of clear, past life clear, etc. and some people seemed to be more clear than others. I was prompted to figure I was "clear" but didn't particularly feel that way. I think the prompting was because I was ridging to the redge about "I don't want anymore of that phuggen dianetic audititing!" which I felt wasn't getting me anywhere. So I attested but never got my dianetic clear special expensive auditing nor did anything really change for me except they managed to talk me into taking out a costly loan at some rediculous interest rate to get another expensive, er, oops, I meant intensive.

Pete
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
Question: Why do people leave?

... and once the exorcism is fully done deal, THEN Hubbard thinks the real ESP OT levels can then be attained without any more of the Xenu/4th dynamic engram (36 and 1/2 days of Xenu's dastardly implanting) restimulating on us from our body thetans' /clusters' minds into our minds, screwing with us.

Chuck, you gave me an idea for a parody ... the 36 days of Xenu, more or less to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas. On the first day of Xenu the HubTurd gave to me ... etc ad nauseum. Of course, with 36 days instead of just 12, I'm afraid it would be another one of those "100 bottles of beer on the wall" songs sung on busses to summer camps. Of course, as far as the entire Xenu story being one huge sick joke that the HubTurd was playing on people ... he did throw in one give-away, and that was the thing about Xenu orchestrating the whole thing by having everyone come in for a tax audit. It was well known back then at the time that not only did the HubTurd have a deep and abiding hatred for the IRS, but he was also having problems with those phugtards as well.

Pete
 

Anonycat

Crusader
The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)

Thirty six days of Xe-nu im-plants,
BTs livin' in your toes,
A crossed-out cross being hung by a wire,
And man, my paycheck really blows.

Everybody knows that Xenu made a big mistake,
Tryin' to make the planets light.
Tiny tots Xenu cannot abide,
I'm not saying that Xenu did it right.

We know that Jenna's on her way,
her debut book is on the way, very soon just not today,
And every parent's child is going to cry,
How her uncle's cult should not live, but it should die,

I'd like to duplicate this simple cycle,
For OTIII to 92,
Although its been said many times, many ways,
A very Merry Christmas Xenu.

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__kQ1PCP6B0[/video]
 

GoNuclear

Gold Meritorious Patron
I was close enough to being an NCG. I always struggled ot see what others saw in Scientology. I was fool enough to think there was something drastically wrong with me, Well I had to leave as we ended up way over our heads in debt.
The EO threatened to declare me.
Why I was gullible enough to sign up in the first place is beyond me???

I covered this topic before ... that the trap/confidence game/false religion/mind phugging that is Scientology targets those who are brighter than most and tend to think out of the box. True enough, most people are not fooled and see a scam right away because they simply don't buy that any of this stuff is possible, so they shine it on. Those of us who got sucked in past the very initial intro stuff were daring enough to believe that great things were/are possible as far as our own potential. There is probably nothing wrong with that. What we missed were the obvious out points, one being the exorbitant price structure, but that was easy enough to rationalize because we started out with the idea of doing it the relatively cheap way via co audit. I know I thought that, but had no idea as to what the time requirements would be. Then came the redging. Then the rationalization was why not try professional auditing ... it was worth the risk of the price of a few expensives. I considered that after 3 expensives I would know one way or another. What I hadn't counted on were results that were tantalizing but inconclusive. So you get sucked in bit by bit.

As far as getting out, there are those who become disillusioned, there are those who get educated as to what the deal really is, and there are those who simply found it to be too costly, to difficult, too time consuming, too much of a total drag. That is what happened to me, besides after moving out of the area for a job offer and then the mission I was at splintered. So I figured that something had to be drastically wrong, but, underlying the mystery of wtf went wrong was also the plain and simple fact that I didn't want to bother with it anymore because of time, money, boredom, being burnt out at it, etc.

Kudos to all who believed in the possibility that extra-ordinary abilities could be achieved. In fact, they can be. People can learn to develop photographic memory, become human calculators, speed read with exceptional retention, etc. People can become almost computer-like card counters at the Black Jack tables. All of that has been done. Extraordinary skills with pitch can be aquired, trained musicians do it all the time. Artistic talent can be developed. And other things that border on ESP can be aquired as well ... such as reading body language, faces, voice tones, etc ... top sales people and top detectives learn these skills. IQ can be improved. So a lot of these things are dooable and courses are available, they require great discipline. It's just that Scientology isn't doing any of these things. And who knows ... perhaps a tech that does what Scientology CLAIMS or used to claim it can do CAN be developed somehow. Some claim that the CIA and the Russians have such tech. It's just that Scientology DOES NOT.

Where we screwed up was not in thinking that these things are possible to achieve but rather in failing to discern the tell-tale signs of a con game early on, probably thru having committed the heinous crime of growing up middle class and having an expectation that folks are basically honest. If you grew up in "da 'hood" around 3 card monte games and other short cons you may have had your BS detection in better order.

Pete
 

Knows

Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm ready to answer this Claire.

The enforcement of the codes and policies (both known and hidden) is not applied equally across the boards. I believe that this is part of the design of the cult. What is expected of you as a Scientologist increases with your involvement gradually. You go through phases of "responsibility" as you go either up the bridge or up the Org board. (or both) It becomes a game to pass through these tests of ever increasing responsibility. Most Scientologists who have been around a long time take pride in the fact that more is expected of them in terms of involvment and contribution and encroachment into other areas of life.

I gradually through several decades moved through many of these phases of involvement. Of course I tripped and fell many times and was allowed to continue by taking the necessary steps with the ethics officer or cramming officer or tours reg. It was part of the game. I enjoyed it every bit as much as the auditing and training. I actaully got quite a rush from getting my bank accounts to zero when I made a donation to the IAS. I was excited to find out I could get my inheritance money early to make a very dramatic contribution that would inspire others to dig deeper and contribute to saving the planet. I gladly did lower conditions to get back in good standing when I made a misstep comparable to being late to basketball practice.

Some of you on this message board say you always bucked the system. I didn't. I was very muched seduced by the entire package that was and is Scientology. But I wasn't perfect. I was worn down at times. I was not always in complete agreement with a new program or expectation. But I usually handled myself as I handled others to look at the bigger picture and get on with the show. I even got through the fires. ("the part of my story I never tell" thread) Sort of.

Living through horrific experiences with blinders on just wears you down. I kept up appearances. I was even convinced that I was happy. But my body started to rebel. My endocrine system started to shut down and I was keeping my body alive with postulates. (I don't recommend this)

By the time I was busted off post I was too exhausted to care. I was assured that I would do well as a public person and not have any trouble getting up the bridge and would be able to find other ways to contribute and blah blah blah. But I was definitely ready for a break. I did the obligatory 16 sets of lowers and allowed the hundreds of people who had looked up to me for years to view me as broken and pathetic. That part was easy. But I really didn't think I would ever have the energy to really play this game and make it go right and win anymore.

I bought the Basics and signed up and paid for the courses and I even started the courses and finished a couple and wrote glowing success stories. I also watched the regges fighting over me and listened to people whine over who was going to get the book commission on my purchases. It looked very different from the outside. I started to see that I had been part of a very unprofessional and pathetic organization. I realized that I didn't have to play or be part of that.

Instead of "handling" natter I heard from other Scientologists, I started to listen and evaluate. I paid attention to the outpoints. (only little ones at first) I decided to apply Scientology to Scientology. You know the drill. You apply the data series and the doubt formula and evaluation of importances and investagation tech. not to mention PTS/SP tech. It comes out different when you start thinking with Scientology as yourself and not as a Scientologist who must toe the line to secure his next level.

I was reading DMSMH for the umpteenth time on my new Basics course and I read the chapter on the clear over and over and over. I had the Jason Beghe cognition. "There are no F**in' clears." Then finally a friend told me she was afraid that I would disconnect from her if she decided to not go up the bridge, and I snapped. I found my friend Kathy, who I knew was declared. It was an act of defiance that sealed the deal. I was never going back.

The truth is I applied Scientology to Scientology and then was able to break free and find out the truth. Eventually I was able to stop thinking like a Scientologist some of the time. Being on this message board took the edge off the cultural shock to a large degree. I broke as many rules as I could without breaking the rules of society. I learned to experience real emotions instead of tone levels. I learned that complaining sometimes is normal. I learned that it's okay to take some time off.

Thank you all you lovely and wonderful SPs and squirrels. You have saved me from my own (and Hubbard's) delusions and I am experiencing real life for the first time in over thirty years. It's not always easy, but it's deliciously real.

Good post - step out of Scientology and apply Scientology to Scientology. If the members did this - they would leave.
 

catarina

PTS Type III
What originally stuck me in wasn't feeling good, but feeling bad. I did have some great wins right away, but also some heavy crashes. I had never felt so bad in my life. This made me believe I really really needed Scn to be rid of this nightmare. As time passed, I focussed more on doing my duty, becoming staff, etc.

Leaving was a process. First, I left staff to have children. Then I started to wonder quietly to myself why people I had around me who had way higher case levels than I had were so... ordinary. All the everyday problems. Why didn't they even beat me on IQ tests? Things simmered at the back of my mind.

In 1995, I read OT III online. That was pretty much it. Noticing that I didn't die from pneumonia. It wasn't the space opera in itself, I had been a believer in past lives and extraterrestrial civilizations already before joining the CofS, and had read "History of Man" early on. But somehow it still made me laugh. After that moment, I never for a second considered going back.
 
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