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LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA- A source close to the controversial Church of Scientology has confirmed to Inothernewz.com that a hitman has been hired to rub out Katie Holmes due to the messy media coverage recently generated by the divorce proceedings against Tom Cruise, a devout follower of Scientology.
“I hate being a whistleblower but this is getting out of hand,” said the source who wanted to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the matter. “The Church has hired the best assassin they could afford. He’s Dutch and quite well known for his brutality amongst the fraternity of trained killers. I’ve actually seen him crush a dozen empty Heineken beer cans with his face.”
The reasons behind the hire, according to the source, are crystal clear.
“The Church believes Katie gave our boy Tom a black eye in the media,” said the source. “She humiliated him in public. That won’t fly with Scientologists. They’re actually pretty bad ass when it comes to this kind of stuff. Katie left the Church with no choice.”
Holmes, 33, had been married to Cruise, 50, for five years before filing for divorce this past week. The source claims Cruise has no idea there’s a hit out on his former wife.
“Oh, no, Tom doesn’t have a clue,” said the source. “He still loves her very much and he’d throw a fit if he knew. This hit is an internal matter. He’ll find out about it when it’s all over and he and his little daughter Suri can live in peace and harmony.”
Inothernewz.com has found out that Katie Holmes has already hired an entire S.W.A.T. team to surround her at all times due to the amount of death threats she has been receiving from loyal Tom Cruise fans.
“Wait, she’s hired a S.W.A.T. team?” asked the source when informed of this development. “I guess our assassin will definitely earn his paycheck this time. I hope it doesn’t get messy. I hate copious amounts of blood. That’s not cool.”
Meanwhile, Inothernewz.com spoke to a member of the detail team hired by Holmes to protect her at all times.
“We’ve got bazookas and we know how to use them,” said Glen Davis, captain of the team of men. “We could even bring in a tank if we have to. Anything to protect Ms. Holmes and Suri from the Church.”
Inothernewz.com has reached out to Tom Cruise for comment. We’re still waiting to hear from the Mission Impossible star. Please check back for further updates to this story.
“I hate being a whistleblower but this is getting out of hand,” said the source who wanted to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the matter. “The Church has hired the best assassin they could afford. He’s Dutch and quite well known for his brutality amongst the fraternity of trained killers. I’ve actually seen him crush a dozen empty Heineken beer cans with his face.”
The reasons behind the hire, according to the source, are crystal clear.
“The Church believes Katie gave our boy Tom a black eye in the media,” said the source. “She humiliated him in public. That won’t fly with Scientologists. They’re actually pretty bad ass when it comes to this kind of stuff. Katie left the Church with no choice.”
Holmes, 33, had been married to Cruise, 50, for five years before filing for divorce this past week. The source claims Cruise has no idea there’s a hit out on his former wife.
“Oh, no, Tom doesn’t have a clue,” said the source. “He still loves her very much and he’d throw a fit if he knew. This hit is an internal matter. He’ll find out about it when it’s all over and he and his little daughter Suri can live in peace and harmony.”
Inothernewz.com has found out that Katie Holmes has already hired an entire S.W.A.T. team to surround her at all times due to the amount of death threats she has been receiving from loyal Tom Cruise fans.
“Wait, she’s hired a S.W.A.T. team?” asked the source when informed of this development. “I guess our assassin will definitely earn his paycheck this time. I hope it doesn’t get messy. I hate copious amounts of blood. That’s not cool.”
Meanwhile, Inothernewz.com spoke to a member of the detail team hired by Holmes to protect her at all times.
“We’ve got bazookas and we know how to use them,” said Glen Davis, captain of the team of men. “We could even bring in a tank if we have to. Anything to protect Ms. Holmes and Suri from the Church.”
Inothernewz.com has reached out to Tom Cruise for comment. We’re still waiting to hear from the Mission Impossible star. Please check back for further updates to this story.
