What's new

Story time....get your jammies on and your popcorn...

Ogsonofgroo

Crusader
Even as a bit of an outsider in these parts, I congratulate you on your efforts to express yourself to the good folk here, and you do it very well.
I am finding/have found it so interesting to watch the on-going processes many of the ex's go through to come to terms with what they have experienced, their reasonings, how they make their choices to hang onto what 'tech' they feel comfortable with, how many eventually just 'shrug' and unload the whole track, how some choose to keep some things aligned. It is a fascinating ( and often to me heart-rending) thing to observe, and I am so very happy for you that you are telling your story too.
I cheer for you, and all, from my nest in my small part of the universe!
I have my jammies and popcorn pot, butters, and cocktails all ready for the next installments. Oh, box of kleenex too just in case, um, you know (darned empathy, gah!). :)

Be of Good Cheer! *hug*

Ogs
 

FinallyFree

Gold Meritorious Patron
http://www.forum.exscn.net/showthread.php?t=169.

I wept when I ready every single thing I could get my fast little keyboard fingers on for the next month. I wept at all the stories, the cover-ups you were made to do, the hiding of some really, really bad situations where you were wronged all in the name of PR for the church, the disconnections, the imprisonments, the RPF stories, the run-of-the mill brainwashing of members. I would quickly close my screen when my spouse would walk in, not wanting to spread entheta or badly influence anyone who wanted to go up the bridge. I was in a private hell of my own for a couple months lurking on the internet. There was no one to talk to. Later I was able to have very open communication with my family and things were much better. But I couldn't bring myself to post.
I screamed with delight when I heard about "Anonymous." I delighted in every new counter action I read about! I was grateful that victims were speaking out. (You know, those things that don't exist in scn?) Didn't need to attend that meeting....knew it would be the psych conspiracy thing....what else is new? I screamed with delight about all you people in OZ standing up! I screamed with delight when BFG wrote his book! And when all the others spoke out. Even if they just told their story on ESMB! I laughed when I would see little argument on ESMB or when things would get a bit boring...(sorry). And I would realize you guys needed a new "story". Ya love stories!!! I could see the board come "uptone" (pardon me) with each drop of exciting breaking news, each little win and of course, each new story!
I lurked for the better part of year. I came to appreciate the acceptance and rejection of the tech, the sarcasm, the healthy misgivings toward some troll posters, the warm welcomes, the divergence of view points, the mental health regained by you, the recovery, the stumbles, the humanity, the silliness!, the craziness, the fun and the dignity restored. I became addicted. Lurking at least twice a day, looking in to see how all the kids are doing. What's new... any new member introductions...I lived for these!! Breaking news. Every small win was so exciting! The popcorn I went through!!!
Lurking served for a long time. I was in limbo. Just living my life. Not worrying about this too, too much. Calming down about things. Then the addiction became worse. Lurking a few times a day. You don't know how hard this lurking is!!! Or how good!! But it's good to be out of lurking limbo. I think I was so afraid you were all going to go away! Then after finally posting, I was able to take a day off and it was fine.
Many of you have been posting so long maybe your no longer in touch with the anxiety associated with it! I actually had a panic attack the other day (and I don't get those!). I've recovered and the Sunday NY TIMES article and the FOUR CORNERS expose. Yea!!!! http://forum.exscn.net/images/smilies/HappyDance1.gif

THANK YOU for the link above. I sent it to my scientologist Mom who is researching the net right now. I also printed it for myself to read at another time.

I quoted parts of your post because they were what I went through myself. Ha! and we thought was were alone! It is so refreshing to read your posts and find yet another person who went through the same things and felt the same way.... I have to say I think I like you already.

I still experience fleeting thoughts of paranoia about posting here or the thought of fully "coming out". I also had a feeling of something bad happening after my first post and while I talk a lot about my experiences on other threads I still haven’t done a “story”. I am not sure I would know how – so I love your post and the fact that I get to say “hey, I went through exactly the same thing. You and I – we are not alone.”

Please keep posting!
 

Arthur Dent

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thanks for all the new welcomes and the big hug, DCAnon!
And Div6...even with my towel, can you believe it??? I really had my first ever panic attack the other day. :drowning: Going from lurker to poser was great but then the spinning and anxiety started. Quite unexpected. Quite unlike me. I am very curious about this withdraw process. It really is a "thing," I suspect. Easy to say "I'm outta here!" but when you actually take those steps it is interesting what can happen. My towel did help me recover nicely though!

Then in the middle of having the whole day of panic attack I was with some non-scn friends who started talking, out of the blue, about religion, wouldn't ya know. :gathering: One asked what mine was and the other (who knew I had been involved) piped up and said Scn. Well, oh my god! It was rather awful and uncomfortable and I just told them what was happening in the church. They were amazing. Extremely comforting and non-judgmental. Wow. It blew me away. It was funny as the one who knew I had been involved was defending the tech!! (This person thinks I'm sane and I've been of some help but without the tech.) So funny!
 

HappyGirl

Gold Meritorious Patron
:welcome: Arthur D! Great first post. You seemed to have pulled some more lurkers out of the woodwork with it, too. :thumbsup:

So, who the hell would get this?? Well, I know you do! And I am more grateful than you know.
Actually, I think I know.

Now I'm thinking maybe I should hope the cure lasts as long as the disease.

These guys are my friends. I forgot how valuable friends are while in the cult.
You always get to me GT. :hug:
 

Wisened One

Crusader
:ohmy: :touched: Damn, Arthur, That's one hell of a way to make an entrance not only onto ESMB but into my heart :yes:

I didn't breathe again, until the last word! :yes: WOW and :welcome2:

And post MOAR :drama: :drama: :drama:
 

TG1

Angelic Poster
Arthur,

You are something wonderful. I can hear your euphoria over the ether. I've been out longer than you (I assume), but only discovered most of this stuff in the last few months. It's just astonishing stuff --regardless of how you interpret it -- it's just GOT to be read.

This rest is a message to all Scientologists lurking here -- and you know you're here -- you really do know!

I urge every Scientologist who's on the 'net to read everything you can get your hands on. You don't have to believe all or any of it. But if you can't confront it, you're flunking the most basic Scientological skill of all -- TR 0.

You can believe / interpret / consider / reconsider / reject / adopt / take some of it and not all of it / read between the lines / whatever the heck you want to do with it. You can laugh at it, criticize it, skim it, get MUs, word-clear it, wear sunglasses while you're reading it, cry about it (like Arthur did), decide it's all bullshit -- whatever you want to do. You have that freedom. And if you don't have that freedom, I give you permission to do it.

Just open your eyes and be the Scientologist you once thought you were. Confront it. If you read something that's true, it won't be any more true after you read it. And if you read something that's not true, it won't be any more true after you've read that either.

And then you can decide if you're still a Scientologist. If you do, that's great. If you don't, that's great! You may go through many of these choices, pro and con, before you really find out if you are or you aren't. That's OK, too. It's all your choice. You are cause.

Amen!
 

FoTi

Crusader
:welcome2:

Good posting, AD. Thanks for speaking up. Please do more. :drama::drama::drama:

Here's a big hug for your bravery.

:bighug:
 

DavidM

Patron with Honors
Congratulations on getting out! It's wonderful to see more and more people speaking out about what happened. Sorry to hear about the panic attack. It is a huge adjustment to step away from the pervasive Scn mindset. Your post was riveting and I look forward to more.
 

Cherished

Silver Meritorious Patron
Thanks for all the new welcomes and the big hug, DCAnon!
And Div6...even with my towel, can you believe it??? I really had my first ever panic attack the other day. :drowning: Going from lurker to poser was great but then the spinning and anxiety started. Quite unexpected. Quite unlike me. I am very curious about this withdraw process. It really is a "thing," I suspect. Easy to say "I'm outta here!" but when you actually take those steps it is interesting what can happen. My towel did help me recover nicely though!

Then in the middle of having the whole day of panic attack I was with some non-scn friends who started talking, out of the blue, about religion, wouldn't ya know. :gathering: One asked what mine was and the other (who knew I had been involved) piped up and said Scn. Well, oh my god! It was rather awful and uncomfortable and I just told them what was happening in the church. They were amazing. Extremely comforting and non-judgmental. Wow. It blew me away. It was funny as the one who knew I had been involved was defending the tech!! (This person thinks I'm sane and I've been of some help but without the tech.) So funny!
Wogs, huh? Just won't stay in their pigeon-hole.

Arthur, a whole day of panic attack sounds horrible. Yet, your tone seems to me to suggest you're okay about it, or accepting of it in some way as part of the process you're going through. I hope that's so.

Your friends sound great. Having friends like that will make things a lot easier for you. Did you tell them about the panic attack?

Much love to you, C
 

dchoiceisalwaysrs

Gold Meritorious Patron
Welcome and thank you for starting on your story Arthur.

Your story contained many accounts of what I too experienced, having also really involved in 1973.

The internet and ESMB and other boards are such an asset to getting the true story of scientology known far and wide.

I think it would be very helpful for all politicians and business leaders to read at least 20 or more of our stories. Maybe then they would stand up and say, this is far too much abuse and inhumanity to let continue beyond the decades that it has.

Carry on my friend. Your presence, words, feelings and health mean a lot to me.
 

Wisened One

Crusader
Hey no worries, Arthur. It can be daunting when you step out and start posting on the Ex-sites, huh?

Shoot, when I started posting on OCMB and here, I was convinced that OSA knew who I was and were gonna knock on my door any minute and start following us, etc. :lol: :faceslap: :eyeroll:
 
Top