Yesterday a professional acquiescence of mine committed suicide. He was never involved in the cult, I first met him 12 years ago when I was at a real low in my life, a time where contemplating suicide would not have been a stretch.
With Mark Bakers comments on the thread on Biggis death/possible suicide, and others, I had been contemplating the subject in a more pure and unbiased form.
What is interesting to me is the exact juxtaposed position of our lives over the past 12 years. When I entered the environmental industry in this area, he was one of the big names, larger than life, lots of money, walked and lived with a huge swagger. I was, in reality, a struggling recovering cultist, trying to build a future with nothing, less than nothing. I had lost my relationship with my kids through a form of disconnection, divorced from an OT VII Class VI because I was not good looking enough for her to be with broke. I was a pariah in the COS because I blew the whistle on an OT VIII OT achievement award winner and mission holder while I was an ex SO DB. I was trying to save my marriage by giving her everything I had while she was already screwing some other guy in my home that I paid for. Wound up literally living out of my car while starting my new life.
12 years later, I am close to the top of my game, he shoots himself in his mothers home. He got into drugs, bankrupted his small business that generated some 3 million dollars last year from the BP spill, I hired some of his best employees after he closed his doors. His wife left him and last week announced that she was getting re-married. He left two kids around 20 years of age.
Though we were acquiescences and did some business together, we were not close, because our values and interests seemed different. He bought and drove a brand new hummer, I have a 10 year old explorer with a quarter of a million miles on it, torn leather seats because my dog goes with me almost everywhere. He built a mansion of a home, heavily mortgaged, which he lost. I bought an old farm house destroyed by hurricane Rita for cash, re-built and extended it mostly by myself over 3 years and built a nice home that I owe nothing on and is homesteaded. Some people loved him, others hated him, he always treated me fairly, he knew how to play the game, and I lost lots of potential advancement because I didn't/wouldn't or couldnt play the game like he did. I liked the guy. Found his life interesting and entertaining. Learned from watching him.
When I was down and out, my kids, the thought of my kids and the future stopped me from seriously considering suicide as an exit strategy. Even if I was unable to support them properly at the time, the idea that they did not deserve a looser or failure as a dad kept me going. Same with my family.
When I look at his suicide, in his mothers house, leaving two young adults with that as an example, doing so the week his ex announces her engagement, I can find nothing noble or honorable in it at all. His mother has to live in the house he blew himself away in. His kids are just forming their lives without him, having his actions make their future that much harder.
I don't and can't believe suicide is a viable option to any circumstances in life today other than PERHAPS relief to a slow, painful fatal disease.
Didn't want to derail the Biggi thread, but am curious to other peoples thoughts.
With Mark Bakers comments on the thread on Biggis death/possible suicide, and others, I had been contemplating the subject in a more pure and unbiased form.
What is interesting to me is the exact juxtaposed position of our lives over the past 12 years. When I entered the environmental industry in this area, he was one of the big names, larger than life, lots of money, walked and lived with a huge swagger. I was, in reality, a struggling recovering cultist, trying to build a future with nothing, less than nothing. I had lost my relationship with my kids through a form of disconnection, divorced from an OT VII Class VI because I was not good looking enough for her to be with broke. I was a pariah in the COS because I blew the whistle on an OT VIII OT achievement award winner and mission holder while I was an ex SO DB. I was trying to save my marriage by giving her everything I had while she was already screwing some other guy in my home that I paid for. Wound up literally living out of my car while starting my new life.
12 years later, I am close to the top of my game, he shoots himself in his mothers home. He got into drugs, bankrupted his small business that generated some 3 million dollars last year from the BP spill, I hired some of his best employees after he closed his doors. His wife left him and last week announced that she was getting re-married. He left two kids around 20 years of age.
Though we were acquiescences and did some business together, we were not close, because our values and interests seemed different. He bought and drove a brand new hummer, I have a 10 year old explorer with a quarter of a million miles on it, torn leather seats because my dog goes with me almost everywhere. He built a mansion of a home, heavily mortgaged, which he lost. I bought an old farm house destroyed by hurricane Rita for cash, re-built and extended it mostly by myself over 3 years and built a nice home that I owe nothing on and is homesteaded. Some people loved him, others hated him, he always treated me fairly, he knew how to play the game, and I lost lots of potential advancement because I didn't/wouldn't or couldnt play the game like he did. I liked the guy. Found his life interesting and entertaining. Learned from watching him.
When I was down and out, my kids, the thought of my kids and the future stopped me from seriously considering suicide as an exit strategy. Even if I was unable to support them properly at the time, the idea that they did not deserve a looser or failure as a dad kept me going. Same with my family.
When I look at his suicide, in his mothers house, leaving two young adults with that as an example, doing so the week his ex announces her engagement, I can find nothing noble or honorable in it at all. His mother has to live in the house he blew himself away in. His kids are just forming their lives without him, having his actions make their future that much harder.
I don't and can't believe suicide is a viable option to any circumstances in life today other than PERHAPS relief to a slow, painful fatal disease.
Didn't want to derail the Biggi thread, but am curious to other peoples thoughts.