TECH BREAKTHROUGH! Why your BT's are still haunting your ass!


Gold Meritorious Patron
You really need to put the buttons in on the ticks and follow up on that dirty needle. (could be a really juicy ev purp there):coolwink:
Not to mention, weren't BTs always LFBDs? Something involving BTs had to be an LFBD. Maybe that's just when they blew? LFBDfns? Wow, this is like trying to remember the ancient past.


Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Get out of this thread while you still can!

:spitcoffee: :surrender:

All this rowdy laughter can't be doing us any good.

Can it?


No, trust me, all this rowdy laughter is ruining your eternity.

There should be no laughing inside of Scientology Church whilst reading holy scripture.

There should be no laughing outside of Scientology Church without an approved CSW.

In general, laughing is not really a laughing matter. Laughter is a deadly serious activity.

"The entire agonizing future of this Message Board - and every man, woman and child posting on it - and their destinies for the next billions of posts depend on what you do here and now in ESMB . This is a deadly serious activity. And if we fail to get out of this thread now, then perhaps we will never have another chance." (L. Ron Hoaxard)


Genuine Meatball
You may laugh all yer' asses off.. But you misssed this important fact:
It may come as a shock to all of you on ESMB, but I have been recovered by the Church of Scientology. <snip>
Good Gawd!!!!
HelluvaHoax will probably recover us all! - Consider his pupularity! - Consider the effects in the Sinister Cult of Scientology when thousands of compulsive jokers & degraders get back on lines!!! - Mistaking bouts of screaming bellylaughs for real wins!!!



Can you imagine if some active Church Scio comes across this or some other thread of HH's? How do they deal with the joking?

In Scientology a person quickly learns that joking and degrading, in any form, about anything having to do with Hubbard, the Church, management, of DM, is so NOT appreciated or tolerated.

Any person in Scientology quickly learns to self-monitor and self-correct ones own thoughts and behavior. THAT aspect of the Scientology experience always fascinated me. To what amazing degree any Church member interiorizes the "external" control, and brings it "inside" to the point where one constantly monitors and corrects self on many levels. I don't mean this in any sense of "ethics", but as strange and weird control.

What happens to the poor soul who happens across a thread like this? He or she must get VERY uncomfortable. Especially if the slightest little laugh or giggle sneaks out past all of that inner self-corrective machinery Hubbard so well inserted into their consciousness and space. :omg:


Gold Meritorious Patron
from an outsider

OK, I didn't know all the info needed to find it funny, at first, and I didn't even know it WAS supposed to be funny - and I stopped reading it, thinking, ugh oh, Lost this guy . . .

I read the first response to it to clarify if I was reading that right - or was it a JOKE? Gadfly's response clued me in and gave me enough info to go back and find it funny on second and complete read through. OK, those letters mean something to the auditor/audited, which is what is going on here. (Or is that sec checked?)

THEN it got funny, but maybe not as funny to me as for some of you. Though Gadfly gave the letters 'names', I still didn't/don't know what they mean. I sort of know what the needle is doing, fall and small fall are self-explanatory, as to what the needle is doing. Tic I sort of get - or maybe not. What is that? What is 'x'? (And for that matter, what are/is LFBD FN, and VGIs ? - I know BTs, I think - Body Thetans, yes?, bad things, like little stikums all over one's body - right???? - making us do bad things ??, in later OTs can self-audit them off, like pulling the little stickums off - ??).

But what does that/it/those letters/names MEAN - not only as to what the needle is doing - but more importantly - for the person being audited?

Dirty needle - I have heard before - and it is, of course, BAD (but what does it mean?). I've heard of Rock Slam before too - BAD, yes? (but what does it mean?). I am assuming that one means the needle is going BOING BOING BOING, or maybe it is just one big BOING to the wrong side of the meter (which side?) - but what does that - and 'dirty needle' MEAN - for the person being audited?

I have also heard of floating needle, and I think that means it is in the middle of the meter scale, sort of doing a slo-mo cruise, back and forth in a very tight space. And that it is GOOD. No emotional read. Yes? Flat? Is that the same thing?

What I am asking here is - What is considered a 'lie', what is considered confusion or disturbance - or whatever those needle movements mean, and what does that mean for the person - as far as, Oh good, I am safe, or - Oh $hi+, I am in deep doo doo, or something else - somewhere in between, and what does any of that MEAN - for the person on the cans? Etc.

Will someone please inform me of specifics? Or do I have to pay a whole lot of money for this secret information? LOL.

Seriously, I'd like to understand, but don't think I can go to some dictionary and look up MUs on this stuff - so would some good samaritan fill me in, even briefly (or is that an impossiblity)? And be as sarcastic, or humourous - or as serious - as you want. Anyone? Anyone? (Bueller, Ferris Bueller?)

PS: This is the way I asked questions of my C/S in public 'ethics' course, that got him into deep doo doo . . . I wanted him to TALK to me like a person, and he kept going to books and quoting LRH, and having me look up words . . . He did everything right, but I was not satisfied, and I kept on asking, weedle-ing - pushing, pulling, attempting to 'pull teeth' from a very tight lipped ship - so to speak. And HE got into deep doo doo for it. Then they involved me in HIS punishment. Run, Baby, Run - and I did.
Last edited:


HellovaHoax IS the Ferris Bueller of ESMB! :D

Lurker5, honestly, one can spend time learning even MORE about Scientology, within the framework of the lunacy, I guess as some exercise in analytical investigation, but why bother? I suppose there are an infinity of things one can take an interest in. :confused2:

The only people who can "get", "grasp", and true, "appreciate" HH's humor at the deepest levels, are people who were there, who did some auditor training, who got "sucked in" and participated to a more than superficial degree. Others simply cannot appreciate what he says. No amount of "study", on some "thinking" level, will ever replace actual direct personal experience. It "can" come "close". I suspect that for any person here, not ever an actual Scio, that much of what HH says flies right over their heads. That is okay. In many ways it is better for most people to have NEVER been involved! :whistling:

Ex-Scios are unique in that they share a common experience. Outside of that it is NOT so unique. MANY people share similar experiences based on other shared-life experiences, and they also, in their own way, can appreciate and see aspects that those who never experienced it ever could. There are MANY such shared experiences. But, the person who experienced it, of course, as WHAT is hitting them right in the face, exaggerates its relevance, meaning and importance. More ego type stuff. People get trapped, not just by Scientology, but by ones unique set of LIMITED personal experiences (Scientology just one out of MANY possibilities). From a therapeutic viewpoint, one should learn about it and examine it only just as much as is necessary to LET IT ALL GO, so no aspect of it still exists that "bothers" one in any way. That is my opinion. Of course, joking and discussing, with all "charge" long gone about ones experiences with all the crap, is also fine. And, some people simply enjoy examining it all, as an experiment in observation and investigation. Granted, the natue of the whole Scientology paradigm is UNIQUE compared to most other "control operations" currently running on planet Earth!

I don't have the time or interest to answer all of your questions, but I am sure there might be a few who step up to bat here for you.

On the meter reads with HH's OP, the significance doesn't go as DEEP as you are suggesting at times. It is more the general idea of a "list", with "reads", and then getting the right item, with cog and LFBD (long fall with TA blowing down - yes, another "good thing" exhibiting that "charge" has suddenly vanished). One either "gets" a joke or one doesn't (based on ones framework of reality). They fall apart when one tries to "explain a joke".
Last edited:


Gold Meritorious Patron
Thanks Gadfly

I appreciate your explanation, and get it, where you and others who've been in, are coming from. I might not get the humor any more than I already do (perhaps), but I still want to KNOW - LOL. I need to know for 'knowing's' sake, so that as I keep reading ESMB, and others, I will understand more - in a serious way. And, I go after a subject of interest like a a fly on poop, until I get satisfied :wink2: I have lots of patience, and can be quite driven. THEN I let it go, like a kite on a windy day - with a long long tail. It flies.


Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
You may laugh all yer' asses off.. But you misssed this important fact:Good Gawd!!!!
HelluvaHoax will probably recover us all! - Consider his pupularity! - Consider the effects in the Sinister Cult of Scientology when thousands of compulsive jokers & degraders get back on lines!!! - Mistaking bouts of screaming bellylaughs for real wins!!!:omg:

Wow! I can't believe that just a few short days ago I was one of you angry little negatively-nattering-nobodies! Now that I have come to my senses, I am somebody again--and I'd like to do my NonE at this time:

Hello! My name is HelluvaHoax! and I am a recovering Joke&Degradaholic.

Quite luckily, I was qualified and got accepted into the JPF (Joker-Project-Force).They are rehabilitating my native sense of humor so that I do not need wog jokes to get sensation. You really need to read the newly released bulletin about how the psychs implanted comedy (see HCOB Pain, Sex & Jokes).

We are the JPF! We are salvaging this sector of the internet.

Our Vision: A world without jokes.

Our Motto: "Hey, that's NOT funny!"

Our Tech: "Go ahead keep laughing, cuz you just lost your eternity, buddy!"


Hey HH, what are you an OSA plant?????

Your job being to derail any and all "serious" discussion of Scientology's many faults?

Geez, "HCOB, Pain, Sex and Jokes"!!!!! :thumbsup:

For the uninitiated, the HCOB Pain & Sex explains how the "sexual energy" was INVENTED by "whole track psychs" (alien implanters) as an entirely artificial energy vibration, designed and used to TRAP good little thetans. The desire for more sensation.

Give me that sensation! Give me that sensation! Give me that sensation! Give me that sensation! Give me that sensation! :nervous:

Thus, the relationship to HH's joke about how the psych's implanted "comedy" as a means to "trap thetans".


No, I am currently posted in the IAJD.


Chairman of the Bored
International Association of Jokers & Degraders

Damn! You are jumping up to higher and posts! VWD! Hip-Hip-Hooray!

The last I had heard you were awarded:

Joker & Degrader Patron Award for Consistent & Creative Pissing on the Church of Scientology

But now, Chairman of the Bored! But, shouldn't that be "Chairmen", taking all the BTs into account? :D

Chairmen of the Bored!

A fitting title.:yes:


Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Damn! You are jumping up to higher and posts! VWD! Hip-Hip-Hooray!The last I had heard you were awarded:
Joker & Degrader Patron Award for Consistent & Creative Pissing on the Church of Scientology But now, Chairman of the Bored! But, shouldn't that be "Chairmen", taking all the BTs into account? :DChairmen of the Bored!A fitting title.:yes:


Expert, textpert, joking posters, don't you think the Hoaxster laughs at you? (hee-hee-hee! ha-ha-ha!)



Platinum Meritorious Sponsor with bells on
Talking about BT's.....

Just remembered the briefing I had while on "The Level" that the BERLIN WALL fell because of the vast volume of "freed theta" from the auditing on NOTS/Solo NOTS. Such was the importance of our work as OTs!

That revelation just kind of floated in and out of my mind, along with the other 100's of wacky misrepresentations that Scientology used to sell services.

I stopped for a moment, just now, to actually think about it.

So, the BT's are freed and blow. I'm with you so far.

Then, I guess, the BT's go to Germany? I'm still tracking, sir.

The BT's are de facto Scientology Volunteer BT Ministers? Sure, why not.

And the BT's just took that Berlin Wall down by....ummm...down by, uhhhhh....wait, I'm sure I can figure it out, wait.........

Okay, okay, okay, I am not sure how they did it. Apparently, it is quite confidential.

Anybody know the reference on BT WallTech?

Good twin

For Goodness sake HH. You really need everything spelled out. It should be so obvious.

It's like this. The tone level of an individual is determined by his theta endowment and the amount of free theta available to him. When an individual with a large amount of theta endowment has a high volume of free theta he raises the tone level of the beings in his environment by his presence alone.

Surely you've heard this before. It's basic Science of Survival theta mest theory turn water into wine tech.

Anyway, so as you free BTs you increase your own free theta and depending upon your own theta endowment raise the tone of your sphere if influence and also one could assume that the newly released BTs may have been holding down the tone of some range of influence and so by being "handled" are no longer holding down the tone level of their sphere of influence. We will not go so far as to speculate that newly keyed out BTs would have enough theta endowment to actually raise the tone of a zone or sphere of influence. That is just absurd.

So basically every person on the level is doing his part to raise the tone level of the planet and of course as this occurs some sane decisions might start ramdomly occuring. It would be reasonable for OTs who are diligently working on the level by getting in session at least three times per day and arriving for their mandatory refreshers and participating in the OT ambassador program to take responsibility for the effects they are creating. This would obviously include the fall of the wall and the success of each of the American Idol contestants and the lack of psychiatry in the Dominican Republic. (to name a few)

I hope this clarifies for you what is so obvious to the rest of us.


It may come as a shock to all of you on ESMB, but I have been recovered by the Church of Scientology. I am now back on the level! This miracle was only possible because of a new release of old LRH tech on OT VII. The squirrels took this precious tech away from us.

No wonder we all left with "no results"!

It explains why BT's do not blow....preventing you, the being, from achieving gains beyond your wildest imagination. This correction list handled my case and it can handle yours!

I cannot give you all the info here, so you will need to go in for a briefing. Tell them that I am your FSM, so your exchange is in, otherwise you might not get the gains you deserve. After they assessed the entire correction list on me, only one question read:"Hell no, we won't go!"

The handling is to do a Listing & Nulling on all BT's and just let them shout out their items randomly. Here is what happened...

L & N:

I have no MU's why should I leave? x

Break our billion year contract and get Declared? No way! tic

We'd love to leave--but you can't audit worth shit! sf

Just hangin' around for the sex, especially with hot Asian chicks. dirty needle

So, you're saying I am a Being stuck inside an evil Cluster? Damn, I thought this was the RPF! tic

No thanks, I'm stayin, cuz they promised me Total Freedom in here. x

We're waiting for the economy to pick up. What part of JOBS don't you understand? sf

Uhhh, did you ever stop to think maybe we are waiting for YOU to split? tic

Ron says the only reason you have a conflict with us is Third Party. Let's handle it. sf

We'll guarantee you that we'll blow but only if you guarantee us a feature story in the St. Pete Times. fall

Why do you keep asking us to leave? Ever hear about something called 'manners'? x

Jeez, you still don't get it. We aren't BT's. This is a protest by Thetan's Anonymous. fall

Maybe if you started doing your 5 sessions a day instead of wasting the whole damn week lurking on ESMB, you'd get something done around here! x

We are applying Ron's policy on Leaving & Leaves. No Replacements, No Blow! LFBD FN.... Item Indicated
(All BTs were VGI's but none blew after this cognition. I am waiting for a new C/S that they said will totally handle it!)

This is true humor!!! Youve sure got talent!:clap: