Purple Rain
Crusader
Wow! Good on you for reading it. It's interesting that you have found so many parallels with your own life, Helena. Maybe reading it will end up being quite a therapeutic experience for you.
Telepathic Sex?
- Thread starter Helena Handbasket
- Start date
Wow! Good on you for reading it. It's interesting that you have found so many parallels with your own life, Helena. Maybe reading it will end up being quite a therapeutic experience for you.
Helena Handbasket
Gold Meritorious Patron
I doing better now than I was.
I basically lost an entire week of my life upset and incapable of doing the simplest things.
I remember my life just before that was a flurry of activity and production. Perhaps if I allowed myself some more "me" time the crash wouldn't have happened. Just a hypothesis.
Years ago, I was dating someone who (to make a long story very short) made me feel good. But he died after our third date of heart problems (the medical kind). In GWTW terms, he was my Charles!
Helena
I basically lost an entire week of my life upset and incapable of doing the simplest things.
I remember my life just before that was a flurry of activity and production. Perhaps if I allowed myself some more "me" time the crash wouldn't have happened. Just a hypothesis.
Years ago, I was dating someone who (to make a long story very short) made me feel good. But he died after our third date of heart problems (the medical kind). In GWTW terms, he was my Charles!
Helena
Jump
Operating teatime
Hi Helena,
So glad you're feeling better ! Me-time IS important. Some of my favourite me-times are sitting on the back deck with a nice hot cup of tea
Purple Rain
Crusader
I answered this before but the slow university internet lost my post. I, too, am glad you are feeling better. I also have no idea about any Charles person. I so need to read that book, dammit! I'm really sorry to hear about your Charles though. That must have been an awful shock.
I think the "me" thing is really important. I have written a whole list of everything I want to achieve and do and own before I leave this world, such as I would really like to take singing lessons and learn how to draw, and maybe join a local amateur theatrical group because I love the camaraderie you get with the cast of a dramatic production. I also used to always have more confidence when I didn't have to be myself and I could pretend to be somebody else. Plus it was so much fun. But I wouldn't mind even just hanging around with them and painting trees and stuff or selling lollies at the candy bar.
Plus I would like one of those little electric cars before I die.
And I would like to go to the National Gallery again and look at the new exhibitions. I need to live again. I used to go out so much and do so many things.
I do want to still get my degree though now I've started the bloody thing. Talk about end of endless rundowns....
But I need to see my friends again. I need to feel joy. I just don't remember what it's like.
So, yes, go for it, say I!!
Purple Rain
Crusader
Hi Helena,
So glad you're feeling better ! Me-time IS important. Some of my favourite me-times are sitting on the back deck with a nice hot cup of tea
Tea is the universal panacea.
Yes I know that is a tautology, but that is how I like to say it.
Helena Handbasket
Gold Meritorious Patron
It was! I got the hopeless feeling that "even when I win I lose".
(Charles was one of Scarlett's husbands. A week after they got married he left to fight The War Of Northern Aggression and never came back, dying of measles.)
I feel as good now as I did bad yesterday. I don't know what really happened. I've searched the internet, and here is my least favourite theory: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incubus .
Helena
Lurker5
Gold Meritorious Patron
I answered this before but the slow university internet lost my post. I, too, am glad you are feeling better. I also have no idea about any Charles person. I so need to read that book, dammit! I'm really sorry to hear about your Charles though. That must have been an awful shock.
I think the "me" thing is really important. I have written a whole list of everything I want to achieve and do and own before I leave this world, such as I would really like to take singing lessons and learn how to draw, and maybe join a local amateur theatrical group because I love the camaraderie you get with the cast of a dramatic production. I also used to always have more confidence when I didn't have to be myself and I could pretend to be somebody else. Plus it was so much fun. But I wouldn't mind even just hanging around with them and painting trees and stuff or selling lollies at the candy bar.
Plus I would like one of those little electric cars before I die.
And I would like to go to the National Gallery again and look at the new exhibitions. I need to live again. I used to go out so much and do so many things.
I do want to still get my degree though now I've started the bloody thing. Talk about end of endless rundowns....
But I need to see my friends again. I need to feel joy. I just don't remember what it's like.
So, yes, go for it, say I!!
Isn't Charles, in GWTW, the poor unlucky sap who Scarlett married because Ashley was married to Melanie? And I think he gets shot right away, some KKK thing . . .? So Scarlett is a widow, at a young age, and has to wear black, and she gets this beautiful dark green hat, in protest, and meets up with Rhett at a party, and there is this scene, I think, in a private den, between Ashley and Scarlett, and Rhett is taking a cat nap unnoticed on the lounger . . .
Purple Rain
Crusader
Isn't Charles, in GWTW, the poor unlucky sap who Scarlett married because Ashley was married to Melanie? And I think he gets shot right away, some KKK thing . . .? So Scarlett is a widow, at a young age, and has to wear black, and she gets this beautiful dark green hat, in protest, and meets up with Rhett at a party, and there is this scene, I think, in a private den, between Ashley and Scarlett, and Rhett is taking a cat nap unnoticed on the lounger . . .
Oh, that's right!
Lol!!an evaluation/invalidation
If I were a hypnotist, the post hypnotic suggestion to create this condition would be, "I can't live without him, I'll just go to pieces. I just can't make it without him."
Your objective is to connect again. Reactively "speaking" you will be in heaven.
Scientology ethics is the squirrel cage church auditors live in. Hubbard abandoned basic book one reactive behaviour and auditing replaced it with scientology ethics, the fuck head.
Helena Handbasket
Gold Meritorious Patron
Last night I did the first sensible thing I've done in a long time.
I got dressed up and went out. Nothing came of it; but I'm sure not going to find someone by staying at home all the time.
I also had a MAJOR cognition. For a long time I've had this problem: I have particular interests, wanting to find someone to share them. Some of these interests involve "what turns me on", and some of them involve my spirituality. Both these groups are fairly small, and there is little overlap between them. So where do I go if I want to find a partner?
Finding someone who turns me on is a SECOND dynamic activity. Sharing spritual goals is a THIRD, FOURTH, and SEVENTH dynamic activity. A partner is a SECOND dynamic terminal. Therefore, I should find someone who turns me on! If I want to get involved with spiritual activities, I can simply join a group -- no need to actually be partnered with someone there!
Helena
I got dressed up and went out. Nothing came of it; but I'm sure not going to find someone by staying at home all the time.
I also had a MAJOR cognition. For a long time I've had this problem: I have particular interests, wanting to find someone to share them. Some of these interests involve "what turns me on", and some of them involve my spirituality. Both these groups are fairly small, and there is little overlap between them. So where do I go if I want to find a partner?
Finding someone who turns me on is a SECOND dynamic activity. Sharing spritual goals is a THIRD, FOURTH, and SEVENTH dynamic activity. A partner is a SECOND dynamic terminal. Therefore, I should find someone who turns me on! If I want to get involved with spiritual activities, I can simply join a group -- no need to actually be partnered with someone there!
Helena
Terril park
Sponsor
Why can't sharing spiritual goals be a second dynamic activity?
Freeminds
Bitter defrocked apostate
That's great, Helena. You go, girl!
IMHO, you might want to ditch the cultspeak, though. People are not 'terminals'; they are people... and will seem a heck of a lot more spiritual if you can get past the Scieno-ese way of thinking. Poor old LRH wasn't terribly good at 'people', and his teachings provide a very poor blueprint for a successful and rewarding relationship. Love is not affinity, and charity is not out-exchange. The 2D is a gross and cynical reduction of companionship.
But hey, what do I know? Keep on dressing up, and going out. You deserve better luck!
For years now, I've been complaining about "crashes" -- my life would be going along more-or-less normally, although not optimally, and as soon as it would approach some kind of normalcy/abundance I would backslide into a pathetic helplessness.
I would talk about this issue (and one other issue) with every new auditor I've worked with, only to have no resolution.
I now realize that once my first dynamic started running well, I would turn my attention to my second, and run right into a brick wall. That would be the crash, even if I didn't realize it at the time.
Thirty years ago, he broke up with me. When it finally happened, I cried myself to sleep every night for a week. I lost my job soon after and couldn't work again for over a year. It was so bad I ended up going to the AO and getting some OT levels.
I tried everything I could to get him back into my life, only to finally come to the conclusion he would never want me again. So I moved on, or tried to. All my subsequent relationships failed because I really didn't want them. I stayed out of his life, reluctantly, because I thought that's what he wanted, moving farther and farther away to try to forget him. I lost track of him and all "the old crowd" and left no way for me to be found. My presence on the internet is a menagerie of pseudonyms.
In light of recent events (see the OP) which I am certain was not just my imagination I want to locate him. I asked my niece who knows about these things to try and find him. If he still doesn't want to see me and I know he's all right, that would be an improvement. But if he does want me, I will follow him wherever he is.
I've been crying my eyes out.
And the other issue that no auditor could ever fix? Why, my breakup with him of course.
Helena
Objective processing part (1) for this condition, you may need help to stay on track.
requirement two chairs about 10 feet apart, or 3 meters apart.
You will be moving from chair #1 to chair #2 after you are satisfied you have accomplished each role.
In chair #1 you express and experience all the feelings you have because of the 2D break up, about the breakup with the partner that has left you, abandoned you etc.
when finished Go to chair #2
in chair #2 you are a hyper critical, nit picky casting director and you are listening and observing the person in chair #1, you have $20,000,000 in your pocket and looking for the lead actor/actress who can convince you the person in chair #1 is worth paying $20,000,000 for their part. say nothing.
Go back to chair #1 and in a new unit of time experience your actual feelings again, and be more convincing to the person in chair #2
Go to chair #2 just listen and observe to all that took place in chair #1, say nothing
Go back to chair #1 and express yourself more convincingly again in a new unit of time to the person in chair #2
Go to chair #2 listen and observe, listen carefully and observe critically to all that took place in chair #1 say nothing. this is a $20,000,000 investment.
When you observe from chair #2 the person in chair #1 can really deliver consciously and on command in a new unit of time the feelings convincingly, say yes!!! from chair #2
Objective processing part (2)
While In Chair #1 imagine looking at yourself bleeding, hurt, almost dead and gone on the ground in front of chair #1 and you as your partner expressing with full sympathy, what you are feeling since he/she has left you in first person. eg (i can't live without you, I will go to pieces if your gone etc....)
in chair #2 you are a hyper critical, nit picky casting director observing and listening.
in a new unit of time, Go back and forth from chair #1, then #2 until conscious and on command objective (goal) is reached. then say yes !!! from chair #2
Objective processing part (3)
In chair #1 express feeling of break up
in chair #2 be your audience and observe and listen, and experience the drama, respond with clinical detachment until person in chair #1 stirred your feelings then say yes !!!
Total objective of these processes is the ability and freedom to give and receive love mentally, emotionally, physically and/or spiritually without unconsciously using devastating love strings and/or love buttons to attract that partner.
To stay on track and obtain end phenomena get assistance that fully understands "a new unit of time."
Helena Handbasket
Gold Meritorious Patron
If the two happen to coincide, fabulous. But in my case that won't happen -- I have eclectic tastes. I can see myself finding a partner to share my physical interests, and being involved in some sort of group to forward my spiritual needs.
In either case, I'm "fishing in a small pool". There aren't too many people in either world I'm compatible with.
Helena
Purple Rain
Crusader
I don't think you should try to separate your worlds out to the physical and the spiritual. I feel like you should feel at least emotionally close to your partner before the physical stuff happens, no matter how eclectic, and preferably spiritually close to them too. An old friend once told me about going to a museum of erotica in Paris and said the French really understand about sex - that combination of worship and desecration. So maybe you could meet someone in Paris?
But in any case I don't think they need to be mutually exclusive. There are many different moods and energies when two people are together and it would be pretty boring otherwise.
Most importantly, with all the STDs out there I really don't think it's safe to go out and pick up someone. It's not something I would do again - in fact I think if I was with anyone else I'd pretty much want tests these days. You can't tell by how someone looks what time bombs they may have ticking inside them or other such nasties and even if you know all about their history you don't know what their previous partners have done.
So yeah, I think it's great that you went out, but just be careful.
Don't give up on love and don't settle for second best. Believe me it could come back to bite you if you do find someone you respect who then feels that they can't respect you.
Anyhow, best of luck with it all. When, and I do mean when, you find somebody wonderful to share your life with I will be cheering and celebrating with you wherever I am.
And I think, if you keep working on your spiritual side then that wonderful earthy sexuality does just overflow from you, when you feel so grounded in your femininity. I don't know. Just the pleasure of being alive and being a woman. A lot of African cultures hold that the magical essence of a woman just grows stronger as she gets older - like a good wine. I can't wait till my hair is as silver as Emmylou Harris. I just feel more and more elemental as I grow older. There is no hurry to find a mate. It is so nice to be alone and fall asleep on a park bench in the sunshine.
Much love to you, Helena.
Purple
xo
Helena Handbasket
Gold Meritorious Patron
Let me clarify this a bit.
I would like to have a partner that I have a physical, spiritual, and emotional connection with. But for my interest in spiritualism in general, for that I would like to be part of a sympatico group.
Both the person and the group would have to share interests with me, but not necessarily with each other. Of course I have multiple interests, and I would (probably) need to have more than one environment in which to express them.
Helena
I did an interesting activity.
I wrote down what I really wanted, and really wanted and really wanted, without thinking, as fast as I could.
I kept this up for 30 minutes, most was complete non-sense, I just kept writing.
Two days later I joined up with a person in a singles club, i never heard about the club until someone invited me to go on a lark.
that relationship lasted 10 years with many ups and downs.
I repeated the process, I am now in a very happy 13 year equable friendship. I realized I didn't want nor desired to live in a any form of state/religiously sanctioned marriage.
I really enjoy personal choices with economic freedom.
Look over my revised and workable ethics formulas
http://forum.exscn.net/blog.php?13372832&blogcategoryid=35
Just put your desires down on paper, tune your spiritual attraction radio and enjoy living each moment fully.
Part of my counselling after my previous partner died was writing down what I wanted in a relationship, what I wanted to contribute to a relationship and the things I wanted to achieve for myself and next partner.
<Deleted>
When I told my sis in law she laughed and said that her sister had written a letter to the Universe too and was now engaged to be married.
My daughter did the same thing (just before me) and is blissfully married with a little son.
When I told my step sis, she decided to do it and realised that her man was her best friend..he was patient, I'd have to admit, he waited for years for her to wake up to the fact that He was it,haha
<Deleted>
When I told my sis in law she laughed and said that her sister had written a letter to the Universe too and was now engaged to be married.
My daughter did the same thing (just before me) and is blissfully married with a little son.
When I told my step sis, she decided to do it and realised that her man was her best friend..he was patient, I'd have to admit, he waited for years for her to wake up to the fact that He was it,haha
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The Anabaptist Jacques
Crusader
I was waiting to find the perfect person for me.
When I met my wife I realized that I had found the perfect person for me.
Then I had to persuade her to stop waiting for the perfect person for her because he ain't coming.
The Anabaptist Jacques
When I met my wife I realized that I had found the perfect person for me.
Then I had to persuade her to stop waiting for the perfect person for her because he ain't coming.
The Anabaptist Jacques
Helena Handbasket
Gold Meritorious Patron
I'm putting this here in this thread because it seems appropriate.
I read the book Gone With The Wind and remember the part where the war is ended, the field hands have all run off, and the plantation Tara is in ruins. Desperate to preserve her way of life, she works her b*** off trying to save the place, doing more and more desperate things to maintain the status quo. Eventually, she moves away to get the money to save Tara, destroying her lifestyle in order to save it.
I'm sitting here, in my apartment, at my computer, typing away. A few weeks ago my landlord (this apartment is an individually owned condo unit, rented to me) announces he wants to sell the unit. Probably to people who want to live here themselves, which means I'll have to move.
One way around this is for me to buy the apartment myself. I'm retired, don't work, and don't have any "plans" that pay me a certain amount each month -- just a big pile of assets that I have been spending down slowly. If I scrape up all my cash, and empty both my current and savings accounts, I'll have just enough to buy the place outright -- which is good because no one will give a mortgage to someone without any income.
But if I spend all my liquid assets on this place, what would I have to live on? Little incidentals like food, clothing, energy, etc? In addition to the above assets, I have investments, but I wouldn't want to sell them right now because they are down in value and I expect them to go back up soon.
I could always go back to work, but my professional skills might be out-of-date. And that would mean my free-to-do-what-I-want lifestyle would be gone.
This apartment has become my Tara.
Helena
I read the book Gone With The Wind and remember the part where the war is ended, the field hands have all run off, and the plantation Tara is in ruins. Desperate to preserve her way of life, she works her b*** off trying to save the place, doing more and more desperate things to maintain the status quo. Eventually, she moves away to get the money to save Tara, destroying her lifestyle in order to save it.
I'm sitting here, in my apartment, at my computer, typing away. A few weeks ago my landlord (this apartment is an individually owned condo unit, rented to me) announces he wants to sell the unit. Probably to people who want to live here themselves, which means I'll have to move.
One way around this is for me to buy the apartment myself. I'm retired, don't work, and don't have any "plans" that pay me a certain amount each month -- just a big pile of assets that I have been spending down slowly. If I scrape up all my cash, and empty both my current and savings accounts, I'll have just enough to buy the place outright -- which is good because no one will give a mortgage to someone without any income.
But if I spend all my liquid assets on this place, what would I have to live on? Little incidentals like food, clothing, energy, etc? In addition to the above assets, I have investments, but I wouldn't want to sell them right now because they are down in value and I expect them to go back up soon.
I could always go back to work, but my professional skills might be out-of-date. And that would mean my free-to-do-what-I-want lifestyle would be gone.
This apartment has become my Tara.
Helena
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