Telepathic Sex?

[Purple Rain]

I'm putting this here in this thread because it seems appropriate.

I read the book Gone With The Wind and remember the part where the war is ended, the field hands have all run off, and the plantation Tara is in ruins. Desperate to preserve her way of life, she works her b*** off trying to save the place, doing more and more desperate things to maintain the status quo. Eventually, she moves away to get the money to save Tara, destroying her lifestyle in order to save it.

I'm sitting here, in my apartment, at my computer, typing away. A few weeks ago my landlord (this apartment is an individually owned condo unit, rented to me) announces he wants to sell the unit. Probably to people who want to live here themselves, which means I'll have to move.

One way around this is for me to buy the apartment myself. I'm retired, don't work, and don't have any "plans" that pay me a certain amount each month -- just a big pile of assets that I have been spending down slowly. If I scrape up all my cash, and empty both my current and savings accounts, I'll have just enough to buy the place outright -- which is good because no one will give a mortgage to someone without any income.

But if I spend all my liquid assets on this place, what would I have to live on? Little incidentals like food, clothing, energy, etc? In addition to the above assets, I have investments, but I wouldn't want to sell them right now because they are down in value and I expect them to go back up soon.

I could always go back to work, but my professional skills might be out-of-date. And that would mean my free-to-do-what-I-want lifestyle would be gone.



This apartment has become my Tara.

Helena

I think you should look for a new apartment. I would not buy the place unless you have a job lined up to go to.

 

[PirateAndBum]

I'm putting this here in this thread because it seems appropriate.

I read the book Gone With The Wind and remember the part where the war is ended, the field hands have all run off, and the plantation Tara is in ruins. Desperate to preserve her way of life, she works her b*** off trying to save the place, doing more and more desperate things to maintain the status quo. Eventually, she moves away to get the money to save Tara, destroying her lifestyle in order to save it.

I'm sitting here, in my apartment, at my computer, typing away. A few weeks ago my landlord (this apartment is an individually owned condo unit, rented to me) announces he wants to sell the unit. Probably to people who want to live here themselves, which means I'll have to move.

One way around this is for me to buy the apartment myself. I'm retired, don't work, and don't have any "plans" that pay me a certain amount each month -- just a big pile of assets that I have been spending down slowly. If I scrape up all my cash, and empty both my current and savings accounts, I'll have just enough to buy the place outright -- which is good because no one will give a mortgage to someone without any income.

But if I spend all my liquid assets on this place, what would I have to live on? Little incidentals like food, clothing, energy, etc? In addition to the above assets, I have investments, but I wouldn't want to sell them right now because they are down in value and I expect them to go back up soon.

I could always go back to work, but my professional skills might be out-of-date. And that would mean my free-to-do-what-I-want lifestyle would be gone.



This apartment has become my Tara.

Helena

There are many apartments available. You may even find a nicer one...

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Oh, well, tomorrow is another day.

Helena

 

[Terril park]

I'm putting this here in this thread because it seems appropriate.

I read the book Gone With The Wind and remember the part where the war is ended, the field hands have all run off, and the plantation Tara is in ruins. Desperate to preserve her way of life, she works her b*** off trying to save the place, doing more and more desperate things to maintain the status quo. Eventually, she moves away to get the money to save Tara, destroying her lifestyle in order to save it.

I'm sitting here, in my apartment, at my computer, typing away. A few weeks ago my landlord (this apartment is an individually owned condo unit, rented to me) announces he wants to sell the unit. Probably to people who want to live here themselves, which means I'll have to move.

One way around this is for me to buy the apartment myself. I'm retired, don't work, and don't have any "plans" that pay me a certain amount each month -- just a big pile of assets that I have been spending down slowly. If I scrape up all my cash, and empty both my current and savings accounts, I'll have just enough to buy the place outright -- which is good because no one will give a mortgage to someone without any income.

But if I spend all my liquid assets on this place, what would I have to live on? Little incidentals like food, clothing, energy, etc? In addition to the above assets, I have investments, but I wouldn't want to sell them right now because they are down in value and I expect them to go back up soon.

I could always go back to work, but my professional skills might be out-of-date. And that would mean my free-to-do-what-I-want lifestyle would be gone.



This apartment has become my Tara.

Helena

"Tara. Home. I'll go home, and I'll think of some way to get him back. After all, tomorrow is another day"

 

[Helena Handbasket]

So what do I conclude about my XBF?


(1) Years ago I met this wonderful man.

(2) I loved him from the day I first met him.

(3) He met all my emotional needs as much as could be imagined. We were going together for a year.

(4) I did not meet his needs, however, because I was a damaged individual and could not meet the needs of a fine person such as him. I was barely aware of the needs of anyone but myself at the time.

(5) After a year of dating he dumped me.

(6) After (5), I was crying myself to sleep every night for weeks.

(7) I did what any girl in this situation would. I threw myself into relationship after relationship and moved farther and farther away, trying to forget the man in (1).

(8) I decided the correct action was to find someone new to love.

(9) I reasoned that once I found the right person in (8) who was just as good for me as (1), then I wouldn't love or need (1) anymore.

(10) I now know with absolute certainty that (9) is wrong. Years of searching for (8) has proven that there is no one who will ever be as good as or who can ever make me stop loving (1).

(11) (9) is false and (10) is true not because I never found the right (8), but because I truly love (1) and nothing can ever change that.

(12) I was emotionally destroyed by (5).

(13) Of all the men I dated, only two came close to (1), but could never be as good, through no fault of their own of course.

(14) Only reunion with (1) can cure (12).

(15) (14) is unlikely, at least in this lifetime.

(16) If this were an earlier era, my response to (15) would be to join a nunnery or a convent and accept total failure on my dreams for my love life.

(17) Because (16) is not practical, my next best option is to form relationships that I understand are temporary and only a substitute for (14).

(18) Marriage and any other form of serious long-term commitment is not an option for (17).

(19) Strictly platonic relationships for companionship only and pets are a valuable supplement to (17).

(20) If by some slim chance (14) does happen, I would summarily abandon anyone found in (17).

(21) I repressed the pain of (5) and (12). It still hurt, however, on a subconcious level.

(22) Because of (21), I developed a number of symptoms and aberrant behaviours. Depression, apathy, a general disintrest in what life has to offer, lethargy, procrastination, messiness and disorganization at home, overeating (particularly sweets), ignoring my personal long-term goals, and spending too much time on computer games, the internet, and writing computer programs with little or no commercial potential.

(23) Because of (22), my life would become more and more disorganized until I would be forced to do something about it. I would get into cleaning mode, and make a lot of progress.

(24) If I did a really good job of (23), I would turn my attention to my goals for the future. The fog of (21) would begin to lift, the pain of (12) would start to come back, and I would "crash" -- experience a near total loss of concern about my life and my goals. Everything mentioned in (22) would increase. Eventually, the crash would lift and I'd go back to (22) and (23).

(25) Steps (22), (23), and (24) would repeat cyclically. Lately this has been getting worse.

(26) I never will make progress with my life as long as (21) through (25) continues.

(27) No amount of auditing, assessment, rundowns, therapy, or counselling will ever fix any of the above. Only (14) which remains unlikely.

(28) If I avoid (21), perhaps I can make something of my life. But only (14) can make me completely happy.

(29) I'm attempting to contact (1) to see if he's changed his mind about (5). I am not optimistic about that.

(30) I'm getting older. My health is declining and only a continuing effort is keeping me healthy. Were it not for all of the above, I'm sure my body would be more naturally resilient.


It is what it is.

Helena

 

[Osiris]

That is a lovely romantic story, one you can keep with you forever in your heart

I once had a women tell me after we broke up ..... that I had ruined it for all the men that came after me ...... she was measuring the new men by the things I used to do to her, & for her, etc ...

also, there was a girl when I was at school I thought was absolutely perfect ..... even until this day ..... I would still like to be with her ..... & I still measure her as the most perfect girl I have ever met ......

but life just didn't turn out that way ......

just keep in mind to yourself, that no-one is indeed perfect, (& flaws can be found in the most perfect person)

& every relationship needs working on ...... in fact your relationship is like your own piece of Art, you add to it, & subtract from it, & work on it until it is the way you want it to be,

all you need is a partner who is agreeable to want to build a perfect relationship with you .....

I love Romantic stories ..... thank you for sharing yours

 

[Terril park]

Interesting program

"(5) After a year of dating he dumped me."

This is a very heavy inval. Happens in life.

Lowers self esteem in spades.

Perhaps learning to love yourself and validating yourself
is a good direction. You are very beautiful and anyone here
knows what a wonderful being you are.

Were I not spoken for I'd chase you. Many others would too.

You are special

 

[Jump]

Hi Helena,

Although I found the most wonderful lady who is smart, funny, wise, intelligent, sexy, and just fun to be with, and we have built a life together, I also have times of the (22) you mention, but due to other factors and due to who i am myself and how I react to things.

I think I said some other time that I am trying to figure out ways to counter that, and it basically for me involves getting healthy and realistic. I liked hearing that you were figuring out things about you and how best to react to things.

I also want to get back to writing computer programs for no commercial reason... maybe we could compare notes on that... if you haven't abandoned it totally yet? It was so much easier before they invented dll's and workspaces etc :/

Also, I like your style of analysis there. It reminded me of simultaneous equations which i also liked. Oops, I may have outed myself as some kind of geek lol

Not meaning to derail.

Cheers,
Jump

 

[smartone]

Helena,

You are too delicious for words . . . . any fella to desire you is showing wonderfully good taste and judgment.

What you report is indeed a thing that can be done. I have with two particular "flames" with whom there is a particular joy when in union.

Though it is not a "sex" thing . . . though bodies will resonate at that level . . . it is a spiritual/mental harmonious resonance. It's a kind of emotional level union that is experienced and which affects the body.

Of course it is more real when the physical person is present . . . but it can be practiced and experienced when thousands of miles apart.

And if he has indeed "departed" the body, it might just be that he came to you inspecting in order to see if there was a pregnancy in the offering and the opportunity to take on the coming body. I did that in '63 (as reported here on ESMB)

Rog

I remember when I lived in LA I "dreamt" that I was sitting opposite a man who looked different to earthly men. He had almost translucent silver full head of hair and wore a suit with no lapels and it was made of silver and black thread (futuristic looking).

He just sat there and smiled at me. He didn't speak but communicated to me spiritually I suppose. The next minute I had the best sex I have ever had without him even touching me.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt great. It seemed so real. Well, at least if it was just a dream, I had a good time, lol!

 

[Abletu]

So what do I conclude about my XBF?


(1) Years ago I met this wonderful man.

(2) I loved him from the day I first met him.

(3) He met all my emotional needs as much as could be imagined. We were going together for a year.

(4) I did not meet his needs, however, because I was a damaged individual and could not meet the needs of a fine person such as him. I was barely aware of the needs of anyone but myself at the time.

(5) After a year of dating he dumped me.

(6) After (5), I was crying myself to sleep every night for weeks.

(7) I did what any girl in this situation would. I threw myself into relationship after relationship and moved farther and farther away, trying to forget the man in (1).

(8) I decided the correct action was to find someone new to love.

(9) I reasoned that once I found the right person in (8) who was just as good for me as (1), then I wouldn't love or need (1) anymore.

(10) I now know with absolute certainty that (9) is wrong. Years of searching for (8) has proven that there is no one who will ever be as good as or who can ever make me stop loving (1).

(11) (9) is false and (10) is true not because I never found the right (8), but because I truly love (1) and nothing can ever change that.

(12) I was emotionally destroyed by (5).

(13) Of all the men I dated, only two came close to (1), but could never be as good, through no fault of their own of course.

(14) Only reunion with (1) can cure (12).

(15) (14) is unlikely, at least in this lifetime.

(16) If this were an earlier era, my response to (15) would be to join a nunnery or a convent and accept total failure on my dreams for my love life.

(17) Because (16) is not practical, my next best option is to form relationships that I understand are temporary and only a substitute for (14).

(18) Marriage and any other form of serious long-term commitment is not an option for (17).

(19) Strictly platonic relationships for companionship only and pets are a valuable supplement to (17).

(20) If by some slim chance (14) does happen, I would summarily abandon anyone found in (17).

(21) I repressed the pain of (5) and (12). It still hurt, however, on a subconcious level.

(22) Because of (21), I developed a number of symptoms and aberrant behaviours. Depression, apathy, a general disintrest in what life has to offer, lethargy, procrastination, messiness and disorganization at home, overeating (particularly sweets), ignoring my personal long-term goals, and spending too much time on computer games, the internet, and writing computer programs with little or no commercial potential.

(23) Because of (22), my life would become more and more disorganized until I would be forced to do something about it. I would get into cleaning mode, and make a lot of progress.

(24) If I did a really good job of (23), I would turn my attention to my goals for the future. The fog of (21) would begin to lift, the pain of (12) would start to come back, and I would "crash" -- experience a near total loss of concern about my life and my goals. Everything mentioned in (22) would increase. Eventually, the crash would lift and I'd go back to (22) and (23).

(25) Steps (22), (23), and (24) would repeat cyclically. Lately this has been getting worse.

(26) I never will make progress with my life as long as (21) through (25) continues.

(27) No amount of auditing, assessment, rundowns, therapy, or counselling will ever fix any of the above. Only (14) which remains unlikely.

(28) If I avoid (21), perhaps I can make something of my life. But only (14) can make me completely happy.

(29) I'm attempting to contact (1) to see if he's changed his mind about (5). I am not optimistic about that.

(30) I'm getting older. My health is declining and only a continuing effort is keeping me healthy. Were it not for all of the above, I'm sure my body would be more naturally resilient.


It is what it is.

Helena

Thank you Helena

My son's response to me and my similar story of my life was

Now that you know all this what are you going to do about it.

What I did was right a love letter, every feeling I had, ever tug, mentally emotionally physically. I kept poring my heart into this letter everything I felt, all the beautiful moments and memories shared with this person. I examined them all fully and completely.

This gave me the ability to live and let live. An internal loving wholeness a very different level of giving love intensely and deeply I really never knew existed

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Now that you know all this what are you going to do about it.

Funny, I had been thinking the same thing:

I have arrived.

I now realize that I love him so much that no one else will ever do -- except as a temporary substitute, and even then I'm not really interested in that option.

I'd follow him wherever he goes. I estimate our chances of reunion (in this lifetime) at about 20% and then only if I vigorously look for him and also if he hasn't died (he is somewhat older than me). So I am not optimistic.

And if he died? Then I'll hope to meet him in the next lifetime.

Where this 200 years earlier and I were Catholic, I would join a convent and accept the total failure of my second dynamic. (Or 40 years earlier and the Sea Org.) Perhaps I do need to find a structured lifestyle where someone else would take responsiility for my day-to-day activities.

For years now I've been periodically "crashing", going through spells where I would lose all my confidence and ability to function in life. Such can last for days, weeks, or one time even for months. (This is in addition to just after we broke up, when I couldn't work for over a year!)

I've been involved in escapist behaviour to try to keep the hurt away. Mostly junk food high in refined sugar, but more recently excess time in front of my computer, including games, internet, and writing programs just for the heck of it. I've not had a problem with alcohol abuse, but the way I've been doing what I've been doing makes it a problem of the same order of magnitude.

Escapist behaviour messes up my life in many other ways. Every now and then I'd "turn over a new leaf" and vow to live my life right, taking care of my health and doing what else needs to be done. But then the hurt would come back, and I'd crash all over again. (But it would generally be repressed enough that I didn't know why I was hurting.)

I have a new plan for dealing with that -- no work on my "big" computer or internet use in the AM -- from midnight to noon -- and an acknowledgment of the fact that my life is tragic. I'm going on a trip for a week (little or no internet access) so I'll have to start when I get back. We'll see how that works out.

I am no longer going to hell in a handbasket; I have arrived. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_hell_in_a_handbasket

What I did was right a love letter, every feeling I had, ever tug, mentally emotionally physically. I kept poring my heart into this letter everything I felt, all the beautiful moments and memories shared with this person. I examined them all fully and completely.

Maybe I'll write him an "undeliverable letter" like I wrote my parents after they died.

Helena

 

[Helena Handbasket]

deleted

 

[Abletu]

Funny, I had been thinking the same thing:

I have arrived.

I now realize that I love him so much that no one else will ever do -- except as a temporary substitute, and even then I'm not really interested in that option.

I'd follow him wherever he goes. I estimate our chances of reunion (in this lifetime) at about 20% and then only if I vigorously look for him and also if he hasn't died (he is somewhat older than me). So I am not optimistic.


I am no longer going to hell in a handbasket; I have arrived. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_hell_in_a_handbasket



Maybe I'll write him an "undeliverable letter" like I wrote my parents after they died.

Helena

it is the undeliverable letter, that needs to be written. unexamined love binds the strongest.

 

[Helena Handbasket]

I'm feeling much better these days.

I don't know what made the difference -- maybe I've finally realized how ridiculously impossible it is to reunite with my lost love, and by giving up on that, I'm finally moving on to the next phase.

I did my Conditions by Dynamics. Here they are:

1st D: Danger - lower conditions on other dynamics are bringing this dynamic down, and making it difficult for me to get on with life

2nd D: No Condition - I've been unable to find a new love so I've been putting my attention on the past, hoping to succeed in a situation that has already failed

3rd D: Nonexistance - I'm not part of any group that produces a worthwhile product - this I need to change

4th D: Danger - I'm making no progress towards my major life goals such as writing books

5th D: Nonexistance - I need two cats =^.^=

6th D: Affluence - I'm financially secure

7th D: Danger - I should do more solo

8th D: Normal - I worship no false gods

In particular, I've decided the Second Dynamic is more trouble than it's worth. I'm going to remain celibate for the rest of my life. The Game Of Love is over for me, and I lost. And I don't want to hear any crap about "don't give up" or "it will happen when you least expect it"! Just don't go there!

Helena

 

[Telepathetic]

Something very weird happened to me the other night. I got a sensation that someone -- a specific someone -- was in the room with me, caressing me. There was obviously no one there, and there was no specific sexual feeling, but otherwise the sensations were very real. My skin was tingling the way it would during an actual romantic encounter.

I decided it was telepathic sex. I got a clear message that he very much desired me (as I did him).

In RL he was an old flame who dumped me many years ago. I've tried everything under the sun to forget him and move on with my life, only to find it's just not possible. I've always loved him and always will, and nothing can ever change that.

Of course, if he did suddenly want me back again, I would have no problem with that. I would be on the first flight out. But there's a catch.

Why, I asked myself, did he suddenly show up now? What changed? Then I thought: maybe he died. He was older than me and dying at that age would not have surprised anyone. And once released from the bounds of the body he would have been better able to come to me in spirit form.

(At least one person reading this -- who always posts in lower-case letters -- will think I'm totally psychotic and/or delusional. But at this point I don't care what anyone thinks.)

I'll have to continue this another time. It's just becoming too sad.

Helena

I saw this and thought you might enjoy it:

Ephemeral


Sand castles by the sea shore
built with such delight,
remember the enchanting scent of that night,
under the light of our moon?

We prayed against all odds
that our moment would endure,
we sensed then in our souls
that forever was there,with us, residing.

Sand castles by the sea shore
built with such delight,
remember the enchanting scent of that night,
under the light of our moon?

Waves are a strange force,
lost dreams and stolen hearts
make Desire's hold stronger,
Nostalgia is a wicked mistress.

Can you recall that soulful event,
and was that really you with me
or a semblance of Whim's creation;
a magical and mesmerizing reverie?

Sand castles by the sea shore
built with such delight,
remember the enchanting scent of that night,
under the light of our moon?

No, it did not endure but vanished;
love left not even a trace,
only a soul eternally encased in a moment,
still building sand castles...

Sand castles by the sea shore
built with such delight,
remember the enchanting scent of that night,
under the light of our moon?

 

[Helena Handbasket]

it is the undeliverable letter, that needs to be written. unexamined love binds the strongest.

I've finally written the letter. Here it is below.

Helena



Dear, Dear *******,

As I write this letter I don't know where you are or if you're still alive. It was 30 years ago that you broke it off with me, but I am still very much in love with you. When we slept together you made me feel SO safe, so cared for, so protected. The perfect scene from my point of view.

I don't blame you for bailing out of our relationship; I was self-centered, at the time incapable of seeing needs past the end of my nose. From Asperger's Syndrome to genetic defects to having suffered various forms of child abuse, I was a damaged individual, both physically and mentally, incapable of giving a fine man such as you what he needs and deserves.

When you ended it I took it very hard. I cried myself to sleep for a solid week, and not too infrequently thereafter. I considered ending it all; to this day no one knows how close I really came. I went up to ****** and *******'s (where we first met) to get them to talk me out of it.

So I did what any girl would do in that situation: I threw myself into relationship after relationship and moved farther and farther away, hoping to forget. Even ***** was only a substitute, and a poor one at that. (He and I are no longer together.)

Instead of forgetting you I only managed to put myself into denial. I developed a host of complaints, from amotivational syndrome to cyclic "crashes" where I would be incapable of doing even the simplest things.

That all changed on the night of April 3, 2013. I was in bed when I had the definite impression you had come to me in spirit form and started caressing me. It was very pleasant, but to this day I don't know if it was telepathy, some kind of astral walking on your part, or just simply my imagination. But at that point I knew -- my attempts to forget you and move on had failed, and that I would never find anyone whom I'd rather have than you.

Do you remember Yvonne Elliman's song, If I Can't Have You? That describes me exactly. "Elliman's Syndrome": severe, chronic, and completely incurable. I may from time to time find someone I can have a few laughs with, but I'll probably be celibate for the rest of my life. My heart will always belong to you.

If by some miracle I should find you again, and you still want me to stay out of your life, I will -- because in spite of all of the above, your needs are important to me. I had briefly considered stalking you after the breakup, just to be near you, but that would have been wrong. And I didn't want to be given a restraining order (not the good kind).

I do predict that someday we'll be together again, we will enjoy each other's company, and we will be happy. But I also predict that will not be in this lifetime.

I wonder if you think of me from time to time.

In any case, I want you to be happy.


With everlasting love,

********

 

[Helena Handbasket]

LOCATED!

Well, I've done it. I've had someone do an investigation and it turns out he IS alive, and I have his addresses and phone numbers.

He is not single.

I'm beside myself wondering what to do next. If I could just forget all about him and move on, I would have done so a long time ago. Perhaps we could be "just friends".

And there's still that "visitation" -- I still wonder what that was all about.

Life doesn't get any more complicated than this.

Helena

 

[The Sloth]

Re: LOCATED!

Well, I've done it. I've had someone do an investigation and it turns out he IS alive, and I have his addresses and phone numbers.

He is not single.

I'm beside myself wondering what to do next. If I could just forget all about him and move on, I would have done so a long time ago. Perhaps we could be "just friends".

And there's still that "visitation" -- I still wonder what that was all about.

Life doesn't get any more complicated than this.

Helena

Actually, no. It does get more complicated.

But as to this specific incident, it is quite "normal" on the etheric plane.

The old superstitions of incubi and succubi had some truth to them.

If you can find a copy of the Technique 88 lectures, "The resolution of the 2nd dynamic" tape gives some insight into the mechanics and track mechanisms thereof.

The idea that you have "known people before" should not be invalidated (per the PTS Rndn materials).

 

[Helena Handbasket]

Re: LOCATED!

If you can find a copy of the Technique 88 lectures, "The resolution of the 2nd dynamic" tape gives some insight into the mechanics and track mechanisms thereof.

Could you please just tell me what it says to do? I really don't feel like chasing down a lecture and listening to it right now.

The idea that you have "known people before" should not be invalidated (per the PTS Rndn materials).

Oh, I've specifically considered that.

Helena

 

[Enthetan]

Re: LOCATED!

Well, I've done it. I've had someone do an investigation and it turns out he IS alive, and I have his addresses and phone numbers.

He is not single.

I'm beside myself wondering what to do next. If I could just forget all about him and move on, I would have done so a long time ago. Perhaps we could be "just friends".

And there's still that "visitation" -- I still wonder what that was all about.

Life doesn't get any more complicated than this.

Helena

One thing about guys. We generally can't be "just friends" with a woman we are attracted to. We can suppress our desire to get in her pants, but the desire is there. If he's married, it may be best to stay away.