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The Commander's favourite "Cowboy posts". Memoirs of working with Hubbard.

Many years ago, within the structure of the C of S, Flag was paramount. But removed and cloaked in secrecy was the special unit, hidden in various places, primarily southern Calif. However, removed and hidden from those at the special unit was a series of smaller bases, where Hubbard worked with a trusted few. Many of their names are known. Some are not.

I spent thousands of hours over many years in daily contact with the man. I experienced first hand more than most could even imagine.

Only the very tip of the iceberg is talked about here.

Few can truly understand what went on in the final days.

I'm still uncertain if I want to even discuss it.

why doesn't someone gather cowboy's writings like this...
Re: trepidatious

A randomn night, Hubbard couldn't sleep. He was hidden away, his location known to perhaps five people. In the wee hours of the morning, he decided to take a walk. His conversation rambled, reviewing upsets of the day. The only trouble was the fact that we were walking streets early in the morning attracted attention. A cop car pulled up behind us, the light flashed, and a cop got out. "I need to talk to you," the cop said when he got out.

The old man glanced at me. "Take care of it," he said, and kept walking, making his way back to the apartment that was his temporary home.

I turned to the officer and glibly made a joke about indigestion. Fifteen minutes later I slipped back into the apartment. "Well done," he said, and asked no more.

The old man's faith in me jumped up. And I found myself shouldering more responsibility and more secrets.

Re: trepidatious

I've never posted or written anything since leaving the church, many years ago. Some of you call into question my credibility. Yet my experience with the way the church works is what makes me unwilling to prove who I am. Some of those at the top who've left would know me, in person or through my reputation. If some of you want to believe, or not to believe, it doesn't matter to me.

I arrived on the ship a child, enamored with the idea of meeting the demi-god Hubbard. With time, I was with Hubbard almost daily, for six or eight hours a day, minimum.

Those who are movers and shakers still within the church, and those who were movers and shakers and left, were my friends. I saw the whole gambit of emotions and human frailties. Greed. Avarice. Jealousy....

But what of Hubbard? Could I tell you of his Dodge Dart with the suped up engine and the Jeep Cherokee, and going to the mall with him in Indio to go shopping for MSH? This was before the termination of all contact to MSH due to the GO complications. Can I tell you of the negotiated payment to Sexton not to touch Suzzette? Can I tell of the reaction upon his face when he learned of Quentin's suicide?

I could talk of all those things, and many more. Some flattering, most not. If someone asks me a specific question of that time, where the answer isn't readily known, I could answer it. I could explain background of well known events and the personalities involved.

I don't have to be believed.

But I tell you, I speak the truth. From experience.

Heck, the old man didn't believe me when I said I guarded his room all night and no one entered and changed his shoes. I wasn't believed then. The difference now is if I'm not believed, it doesn't matter.

Re: trepidatious

First and foremost, Scientology was a marketing effort.

I remember once discussing what the next "released" level should deal with. Hubbard said go out and do a survey as to what people's wants were, what was the ruin, most pressing on their minds? Whatever that was is what the next level's result would be. And just tell them, he explained, through his marketing genius, if they pc didn't achieve that result, advise the staff to tell them that the next level would achieve that result.

I left when I realized that even Hubbard himself was a far cry from any of the results promised through clearing and OT. It took me years to separate the promises from the reality. I saw him in his daily activities, through his own ups and downs, illnesses, losses, frustrations, rages. I twisted my mind trying to make the facts fit into the promises. It didn't work.

NED was developed becasue Dianetics didn't work. NOTS was developed because NED didn't work.

None of it worked. Not one bit. Not on him. Not on others. Sure, it made some people feel good for a while. But did any of the avowed results ever come to fruition? Of course not.

Re: trepidatious

One thing I might mention, which I've never seen commented on. If you know anyone with him in the final years, that has left the church, they can confirm. Each person working closely with him in the end that had interactions with the outside world had a another name. Even Hubbard had one. His name was Mr. Hobart.

Re: trepidatious

Paul, hate to be boring, but the old man had no comment or upset or concern over perceived errors in his prior books. That concern only developed after his death. He did, however, occassionally have concerns over policy letters or bulletins that might have been issued erroneously.

One example; (forgive the semicolon) A bulletin was submitted for authorization, to be published in his name. Such submissions generally had skeletal structures of previous writings and expansion of concepts encompassing new "technology". In this submission, the old man found evidence of "squirreling". Upon investigation of the part of the new bulletin to which he objected, it was discovered that the part in question was a direct quote from an earlier bulletin, issued in Hubbard's name.

I was sent back to Flag to find the original bulletin, which had the "squirelled" section that was being quoted in the new bulletin. Find the squirrel who wrote the earlier bulletin in Hubbard's name, I was instructed, declare them and ship them out.

Unbelievably, deep in mimeo files of Flag, I found the original bulletin, containing the text which Hubbard said was the work of a squirrel.

The original bulletin was written by hand, and it was easy to recognize the flourishes of his handwriting. He'd written the bulletin a decade earlier, which contained the passages which he'd explained were the work of a rampant sp squirrel.

When I returned he asked if the squirrel had been declared and kicked out.

I studied his face, the thought fleetingly passing through my mind that maybe I should tell him it was he himself who'd written the passages which he now so venomously condemned.

But I didn't. I assured him the matter had been taken care of.

I have only rumors from reliable sources on his death, but nothing which I can repeat with any certainty.

Re: trepidatious

Good lord, what a loaded question. I would, respectfully, ask that you be more specific and name the year. Their relationship was long and complex, with ups and down and turns and twists. So one cannot take a slice of time and necessarily say that was representative of the relationship as a whole.

Let me explain a couple facts of life near Hubbard;

1. Jealousies were always present, with subtle and sometimes not so subtle attempts at achieving power by those who worked with the old man. If one person became more greatly trusted, it would often create bad will among others. Such trust would be undermined by those with jealousies.

2. Everything Hubbard was aware of for many years was heavily censored. One couldn't give him bad news, or complete news. He made erroneous judgements based upon this.

I bring up these two facts as they played heavily in the Mayo/Hubbard relationship.

Re: trepidatious

Yes, I met HRH and chatted briefly with him. He seemed cowed by the whole "Flag" deal as he hobbled around the upper decks. I would have liked to have had a more meaningful discourse with him..... like what did he think of his son.... but I didn't. And Hubbard never spoke of his father when I was with him. Of course, remember, I was only a child then.

Re: trepidatious

LRH was in a horrible state. He may or may not have died. He preferentially chose David Mayo to help him, which Mayo did, quite successfully. There were other factors involved, contributing to the situation. LRH believed in Mayo. He trusted him. He liked him. And Mayo had nothing but the best of intentions toward LRH. LRH felt that Mayo saved is life, and awarded him his deserved status accordingly.

The escalation of Mayo's position caused jealousies, serious jealousies, among others.

Re: trepidatious

I don't recall Harriet.

Re: Your second part..... it is my personal opinion, due to years in his position that the old man never fully trusted anyone.... well, except for two people. It is my feeling, however, that his distrust of everyone was played upon, which led to his lowering his opinion of Mayo. It was easy for him to believe that someone had turned, as, from his point of view, countless trusted people had turned through the years.

Re: trepidatious

Wow, it seems you've heard more than I. I can only say what I observed. I was in the room when the old man was told that his son had just died. I don't recall that there was a period of time when Q was in a coma. It may have been so, but I don't recall it. It was obviously a suicide. Quentin was on leave, and having some troubles with the church, and his father. The old man was shocked. Suprised. But he got on with his work in a very short time, with no further talk of it.

Re: trepidatious

No, I wasn't directly involved in that.

The buzz with the messengers? Doesn't it strike us all, in a moment like that, that the demi-god might not indeed be godly, but constrained to physical universe rules like us all? Would it be talked about? No. Of course not. None of the physical infirmities, insofar as their spiritual implications, which I witnessed in other situations, could be addressed in a straight forward manner, for to do so would remove the old man from his vaulted status.

Re: trepidatious

Wow. Well thanks. Shucks.

There are things I too will never say about Hubbard. And there are reasons. Some good. Some personal.

Look, one thing I learned in the church is that people are going to believe what they are going to believe, irrespective of facts. A Scientologist reading this post, who is in good standing, may well nay say my observations as the rantings of a former confidante. Former Scientologists reading this have framed their own opinions. And what I may write that isn't real to them they will toss out. And what they agree with they will keep.

Some even doubt my experiences are based in fact.

It is very, very difficult to summarize a person's character, especially one so complex as that of Hubbard, in a few paragraphs. In this culture we all try to pigeonhole someone into neat categories of good and evil. Hubbard couldn't be categorized into categories as these in a black and white fashion. Some of his bad was worse than many would suspect, but some of his good could be very touching.

I don't come here with any axe to grind.

There are a few questions the answers to which stablized my life and set me on a new course.

We can all read the definitions of clear and OT. Throw out the hype, the fabricated success stories, the baloney. Has anyone ever achieved the loftiness described as the end product of those processes? Hubbard? No. And of course no one else has either.

What we all have experienced are "ah so" moments of realization on various things. The relief of a misunderstood being cleared up and the subject being easier to understand, a breakdown and better understanding of the fundamentals of communication. But has there ever been a clear? Not that I know of. Apply a healthy degree of skepticism, and a "show me the evidence" attitude and everything crashes down.

Hubbard believed in his religion. His information of failures of the tech to do what was promised were consistently hidden from him... though eventually moments of daring would occur when someone could have a candid talk, and the whole structure of scn technology would be re-evaluated.

I hope this gives a little insight.

Re: trepidatious

Why climb aboard here? Perhaps to shed a bit of clarity that could help you here more successfully move on with your lives. To perhaps give another viewpoint to someone thinking of entering the church, or of leaving it.

Perhaps it would be better to have left well enough alone. But if I can sway anyone to sweep away the dregs of ignorance, perhaps it will assuage the guilt of my work in Scn.

Re: trepidatious

I think I'm done. This isn't what I expected, and frankly, I probably shouldn't have said anything.

I've already apparently created bad will. I didn't post a few entries to receive attacks. Believe what I say or not, it doesn't matter.

I'll lurk I guess. And fade away.

the prophecy proves not to be self fulfilling
Re: False Anonymity

Thank you for your words.

For years subjects have been bantered and debated here, much more eloquently than anything I could say.

I have strong viewpoints, and perhaps they might come across as condescending, which they are not meant to be. A bunch of fleas on different parts of an elephant might not understand everything about that elephant.

Scn is an organization of layers, like an onion. Very, very few people understand the big picture.

Most staff members, and indeed public, enter Scn in the desire to help themselves and help others. Staff is willing to sacrifice much in the effort to make the world a better place. Of course this is no different than many religions.

Does any one of us know truly what Obama is? We read the newspaper accounts of his policies and intentions which have been laundered and sanitized and we may argue in agreement or disagreement with what we think he represents. But us lowly citizens don't really know him and his thoughts.

So too with Scn. Very little of what reached the public has much reality. It is cultivated, massaged, and framed to create an effect.... with truth flying out the window. Perhaps that is human nature.

Scn played upon our desires to do good, to help, to fulfill our noble goals. It found the fundemental flaw in human nature and exploited it.

I'm sure we're all familiar with the story of the King and his new clothes. There are many parallels. Who could step back and ask why is it that most clears from bygone days are long gone? Past SO member are many times the total number of SO members now active. Why? Why is it that there is no clear or OT that meets the definition of clear and OT?

Yet our desire to do good, to reach lofty levels of spiritual growth, blinded us to facts, that are so easily appreciated in retrospect.