It did appear on ESMB. Udarnik started this thread:
It did appear on ESMB. Udarnik started this thread:
Great story, and glad you survived it, despite handicaps.
The greatest test of a thetan is the ability to make things go right, after all.
To digress slightly, you said
"After being in the cult I used to have nightmares that I’d smoked weed and the cult found out. Very realistic dreams. Great dreams! "
Personally i stopped smoking in early '79, a few months before i got into the cult. And never smoked again until early '90, almost 3 years after i blew staff.
But for a period there around 1986, while i was on staff, i kept getting recurrent dreams of smoking pot. I had no desire to in waking life, but i kept having these dreams that were like on a parallel time-stream. The weird thing is there was continuity to the dreams. I would find myself smoking dope and deriving satisfaction from it, and thinking, "Whoa, why did i think i haven't reverted? (remembering the times in previous dreams that i'd smoked). "I do have a big withhold. I have been smoking dope. Why did i forget this and deny it?"
Then i would wake up and remember (again) "Oh no wait! I did not do anything out-ethics and ruin my "case". I haven't smoked after all. Whew!"
But then a few nights later, i would have one of those dreams again. "Wait! Why did i believe i haven't reverted???"
Eventually it read on a metered correction list or something: "Have you taken drugs?"
I explained the truth of the matter and it cleared up the needle. I may have stopped having those dreams at that point.
Hello, good to see you posting. I know how you feel. For me things got easier everytime I spoke out or protested.
I do remember the nursery on the second floor. Sometimes I would walk by from the course room but never saw the inside. I recall hearing something about having some legal problem having to do with the nursery but never got more data. Thanks for filling up some holes.
I figured out who everyone was except JF. What was her post? It will be bugging me all day. Maybe DF? They are still in the cult!
So glad you are out and with your baby. Well I guess our kids aren't babies anymore.
Thank you AnonyMary SNC is the old telex name for Stevens Creek Org.
I was the LRH Comm SNC Stevens Creek Org 1982 – 1987. This was my only post. I never signed an billion year contract even though the pressure to do so was almost unbearable at times. I was never declared and wish I had been. At this point though; I just don’t care enough about the cult to think about that part of it anymore.[..]
Great story, ExElronComm!
Impressive how you severed yourself in the law suit, away from the poison!
Scientology nurseries, generally, were no better than SC, as memory serves me.
It was usually a place of neglect, dirt, squalor, smells, parents on post til forever, no money, it goes on.
So glad you left when you did!
The shakes go away. Just keep reading and posting and it will fade to nothing.
I was terrified when I first posted here. I thought my doorbell was going to ring the second I hit send.
And now, if it did, I think I'd just throw them out and laugh. And post some more.
So good that you had such a supportive family, too!
I'm glad you had the courage to post your experiences for others to read. It can be very scary at first. I was scared when I wrote my story, but I found out that doing it helped me a lot to unbury myself from it all.
Just take it one step at a time......take your time writing the book......as you do so, you might find yourself bleeding off a lot of the charge stored up from all these horrible experiences. Just do a little bit at a time. Then....later on consider whether you want to publish it or not. Maybe you could work with someone else while you are writing it...a little bit at a time....so that you aren't trying to do it all alone.
Thanks so much FoTi. Very good advice and you have gotten me thinking of ways to proceed.
There are so many stories here that I think of as being much more important than my own. On the other hand this forum is amazing as all of our stories together are opening the eyes of the world, and especially the young, to the tricks and traps of all cults. This forum IS the ultimate book on $cientology.
Hi and thank you Arthur.
My court case being severed from the others was an unexpected and happy moment when it happened. I knew going in that the Judge was going to be the closest person I had to a friend in the courtroom. I made sure what I said was to him directly and on the record. Until he ordered my case split off he was the only person in the room I even thought about trusting. The attorney was the next after I saw how genuinely angry he was in the hall at how the Cult/Execs had purposefully kept us apart.
I'm not sure what 'SC' is. I had seen an $O nursery when in LA and was shocked at the conditions. I was very thankful that our one posted nanny at SNC was so caring and very responsible. She always did her utmost for the kids under what we know are the most difficult of circumstances. She's one of my Facebook friends and is no longer on staff, but still in and married to an in. Sigh.
I hope the shakes go away! I hit send and it's on! And just like you, I expect the doorbell to instantly ring! I think that's why I post with months in between. I'm waiting for the hammer to drop and think somehow if I spread out my posts they won't be noticed by 'them'. Love the !! That says it all!
I'm glad I had a supportive family too! My mother and brother had even gone in at one point for personality tests. Only because I'd asked them to and explained ahead of time what would happen and that I in no way expected them, or wanted them, to sign up for anything. It was a horse and pony show so the Cult wouldn't think me PTS to my family and make me disconnect from them. There was pressure on me by the Cult at that time regarding my family so I just let mother and brother in on the game and they played their parts wonderfully! Even though it was very hard for them, especially Mom, to endure their reg cycles.
When I think about it now I can see how I was very, very in but I always kept what...? A part of me out, even while playing the game.
Thanks again Arthur.
I told my family that if they ever came to the door to start rolling videos on their phones. My doorbell did ring. I wasn't home but someone in my family told me. It turned out it was just a special 'mission' being sent around to many to do reg cycles. Nothing hostile or personal. I never saw them. Had I been home, I would have answered the door briefly and told them it wasn't a good time and shut the door, end of story. So, do be prepared! And then realize nothing will happen! Breathe!
<SNIP> how the church never cares <SNIP>
This phrase jumped up out of your post and hit me right in the face. In the end, it was one of the things that made me so upset about Scientology. After all the words, all the promises, the Scientology organization never cared. After all the sacrifices, all the suffering, it never cared. After all the long hours, poor food, misery and mistreatment, it never cared. Reading stuff on this board highlighted the sad fact that it was made to be that way. Remorseless, concienceless rapacity, without a shed of decency or kindness. That I gave so much of my life to that fills me with anger. Scientology: a 'new age' concentration camp.
With anger and deep resentment towards Scientology, the creation of L. Ron Hubbard,
Sounds like working for a Fortune 500 company.
Worse than that, because the Fortune 500 company at least gives you a salary and benefits, and is well aware that if you can find a better deal elsewhere, then you are gone. It gives them an incentive to be tolerably good to their people. Or at least to the people who would be hard to replace.
Despite the bashing that corporations get, companies understand that their long-term viability is dependent upon retaining good people, and to do so they need to treat people well.
And thank you for writing up more of your story. That took much courage and is really appreciated. Reading this reminded me of all the stress and insanity staff members go through. Having experienced some of it, you have my sincere sympathies. It's like fighting an uphill battle as a staff member trying to make sense of things and do what is right against such opposition and try to survive and take care of ones family. Horror stories like yours, especially about the children and how they were neglected and how the church never cares are what inspire me to keep going on in my efforts to expose the cult. Your voice, your posts, are important and will help others get a better picture of what can and does go on. I, myself, observed similar issues at nurseries in NY and the CEO at Celebrity Center and did nothing about it at the time...
That you were on the other end of things and that you eventually did the right thing in your situation and have announced it here makes you an important part in exposing what needs to be exposed.
Your voice is now added to the few brave enough to step forward and lay out the facts of this terrible treatment of children. Here are some examples
A scientology child – Sharone’s story
Bea Kiddo ( Sunny Pereira ) tells her story here and in many posts on this forum, about her young days at the Cadet Estates Org at CC. http://exscn.net/content/view/64/104/
Scarlett Hanna and Sheila Huber
Here is an example on OCMB of what one former child named Sara posted about her experience at the CEO
I saw that you first posted here and am glad you were able now to tell us more.
I gather you know about these other Stevens Creek threads but just thought I would mention them in case there are posts by some people you'd care to get in touch with
I am sorry you still suffer from effects of your experiences. Recovery is definitely an individual experience and for many it can take much time to evolve out of it, if ever. I personally found traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to be helpful in getting over the bulk of the trauma I experienced. Others have mentioned this as well. You may want to look into the subject to see if it might be an option to help you with the physical reactions you get.
Best wishes in your recovery