Shiny & Free
What I sensed in $cientology was a certain rigidity. A sense that if anything in them were to change in a real way, then the organization as we know it wouldn't exist any more. To use a cliche, black and white thinking. Scientology is good. The tech is good. LRH is good. Therefore, what opposes scientology is bad, what opposes the tech is bad, what opposes LRH is bad. It's very simple really.
I suffered from a mentall illness I won't get into here. About the time I started posting here was the time I started making really huge strides to pull myself out of it, that all the effort I'd been putting into trying to change started paying off. And to me, my experience felt a lot like the experiences I was reading coming out of the cult. I'm not sure exactly how to say this, but here goes.
Just a Guy - you are not just a guy. It's so interesting to read your thoughts. I know it's not easy to do, and it is appreciated.
I don't know if this will make sense or help in any way...a small story. As an artist, lately I have been doing some combinations of circles and geometric shapes in an abstract way. I first draw the correct shapes with compass and ruler etc, then paint by hand. This means the shapes are not perfect, only as close as I can get them to be, or want them to be. They overlap, they are layered, they are all different.
Someone who had been in scio for a very long time commented "if you are doing geometric shapes they should be perfect!".
Hmmm...ok. I thought about this a lot. We are talking art here, it doesn't have to be an exact representation of anything, it's my view and ability to paint that determines the end result. If one of my circles is wonky, or I do an outline and then fill it with abstracts, then that is just as valid as a perfectly executed, one colour circle.
It all depends on how you view it, doesn't it?
The push for perfection within scientology is paramount. It can't be changed and yet it does not work. You can't draw outside the circles, and those circles have to be perfect according to the views of others.
It can be so comforting within those exact circles. You hand over your thinking and goals and views of the world.
But you know...wonky circles have a beauty...they show the world is not perfect and there is room for individual expression, experimentation and experience. Scary sometimes but certainly more fulfilling. A life that is rigidly held within boundaries is not going to be a happy one, because even if the delusion of safety and group comfort lasts for a long time, it is not the nature of life to be confined and enclosed with no wiggle room and eventually there will be a need to push that circle into another shape.