I too blame myself a lot for not listening to my gut instincts. I wonder why we all do that?
Maybe you did listen to (some of) your gut instincts? Instead of some thoroughly fact-checking, you probably fell hook, line and sinker for something you wanted to believe in at that time. Please don't take what I said as criticism, it's just something that I realized in myself, while analyzing why I had fallen for one scam or another. What I learned from that was that blaming myself would be wrong and would only lead to stomach ulcers and an unhappy life. So I just accepted that I had made a mistake, tried to learn from that experience as much as possible, and went on with my life.
Hi Cinnamon Girl!
Don't get me wrong. I've made lots of mistakes in life.
Who hasn't? That's how we learn. A toddler learns from trying to squeeze a round peg into a square hole, a grown-up learns from more complicated (or sometimes more stupid) mistakes. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I'm surely not proud of them, but they made me who I am, and I'm sure that trying to learn from them made me a better human.
But in my experience, that gut instinct could also be that which gets us into trouble and brutally misleads us. That is what we consult when we don't have a clue. It could be the 50/50 choice, when one choice feels a tiny bit better than the other. And then it hurts when it didn't pay off.
Gut instincts can be unreliable beasts, one never knows when better NOT to trust them, but that's also part of the normal "live and learn" experience.
I think the best we can do is to do study all the facts and get a good grasp of the premises, before we make our bet or give our trust away. I still think one could be both amiable AND well-informed.
This.
Maybe it takes a lifetime to master how to look through the hazes of make-believe(rs).
Once you've understood the basic concepts, it's pretty easy. "Street wisdom" is a very useful teacher, but I understand that this kind of learning experience is not for everybody. Also, it might be dangerous, especially for newbies, and it often has some quite unpleasant lessons.
Maybe it's because we tend to devaluate that feeling of distrust and the critique 'cause we are eager to be a member - even in a Hammer-Out-Of-Existence Culture". (Do you have overts/withholds? Do you have an MU?) And there are expected wins to be lost and the painful thought of losing friendship. So - this really is not an easy situation to find the truth.
Distrust is a very useful tool - after I learned how to use it, my life definitely became easier. Just don't overuse it.
"expected wins to be lost"
Ugh, yeah, some healthy skepticism and yes, even some distrust is needed here. How many "real" wins could you objectively observe in others?
"and the painful thought of losing friendship"
Hmm... Friends come and go, and some even come back after a decade or two. Strangers come and go - some as strangers, some as friends. Why be afraid of that? I understand that it's a scary situation when you're in a cult and have to fear to lose all of your friends at once should you decide to leave, but that's just normal cult tactics. Since you've left, you've probably found a lot of new friends, maybe re-established some pre-cult friendships, and maybe you could even help some old friends with their escape. Doesn't sound that bad to me.
Scientology was claimed to be non-authoritarian. Clearly it was not, it was just another false pretense. That's also why we're gathering here, speaking anonymously but freely. And hopefully we all get a little wiser by and by.
That was a good closing statement.
Disclaimer: I'm not an Ex, because I've never been "In"