The First Time

[OutFO38]

Do you remember the first time you looked at anti-scientology material? The OT levels? What sort of emotions/reaction did you have?

I clearly remember the first time for me. I was at work and did a search on the internet for Scientology. I wasn't looking for the OT levels. I was just curious to see what would pop up. At that point I was ex-SO but still a believer in Scientology, although not active at all. I started looking at some sites that popped up. I remember I was literally shaking I was so nervous. I saw some OTIII info and closed my browser. I was scared of what I had seen and was worried it would mess me up like LRH said.

After that day I kept looking at the sites, read Bare Faced Messiah on-line and it was all downhill (or should I say uphill) from there!

OutFO38

 

[newlife]

Do you remember the first time you looked at anti-scientology material? The OT levels? What sort of emotions/reaction did you have?

I was scared of what I had seen and was worried it would mess me up like LRH said.

OutFO38

Hello OutFO38,

Just curious; do you know where LRH said that reading the OT-levels would mess one up?
I started today on my OT-III and I was wondering about it today.

 

[OutFO38]

Hi newlife,

I don't think I ever saw it written anywhere. It's in a lecture called RJ67 about the Wall of Fire. From what I remember he doesn't actually say if you read it you will die, it's if you try to get through the incident by yourself or something like that. He says that it was designed to kill anyone if they try to uncover the truth but he was able to get through it and map out the way for us.

OutFO38

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

Hello OutFO38,

Just curious; do you know where LRH said that reading the OT-levels would mess one up?
I started today on my OT-III and I was wondering about it today.

Mostly from 3 places:

1) In OT III materials he talks about how anyone trying to discover/undo the booby trapped materials, would "freewheel", not be able to sleep, get pneumonia and die.

2) In audio tape (RJ 67 I believe) where he talks about how he and he alone passed thru the formerly impenetrable "Wall of Fire" and in doing so "broke his back".

3) The group-consciousness and everyday think of Scientologists who walk around believing that anyone learning about Xenu/BT's will die and must be protected from it at all costs. (ergo, lying is a small price to pay for the greatest good of saving someone's life!)​

However, as in all things in Scientology and the Hubbard Law of Commotion ("...for each piece of tech there is an equal and opposite piece of tech") Hubbard contradicts himself in another reference saying that there is no real danger of anyone at lower levels "bumping into" the deadly OT III story, because they are not up to it. (ergo, he could sell his screenplay "REVOLT IN THE STARS" for a lot of money)

 

[newlife]

Hi newlife,

I don't think I ever saw it written anywhere. It's in a lecture called RJ67 about the Wall of Fire. From what I remember he doesn't actually say if you read it you will die, it's if you try to get through the incident by yourself or something like that. He says that it was designed to kill anyone if they try to uncover the truth but he was able to get through it and map out the way for us.

OutFO38

Yeah, you're right; that sounds familiar. I saw it on my checksheet that I have to study it, so I'll see it again.

 

[practice]

The bottom dropped out from my world.

I was under the impression that there was no negative material available. I wasn't looking for it. The thought that even one person could have a slightly unkind opinion of Scientology - made me realize that I was operating on a completely incorrect set of assumptions.

What followed was testing my beliefs. I decided I would find the most critical information on the net, figure out what crazy lunatic nonsense they were spouting, and put my mind to ease that they were just nuts and everything was indeed right with the world.

First I read the Time magazine article. Ouch. But still, it didn't prove that Scientology didn't work, and that was what really mattered, right? If Scientology really granted immortality as I had always thought, then most of this could be discounted. And, of course, it *could* all be made up.

Next I read LRH: Madman or Messiah. At this point it began to dawn on me, exactly how wrong I might be - but I could take comfort in the fact that the authors seemed to be taking Hubbard quotes out of context, and in the fact that the more ridiculous stories didn't have too much documentation backing them up. So... well, it was terrifyingly plausible, but I hadn't seen proof yet. Maybe by tomorrow everything would be clear and this moment of uncertainty would be but a terrifying "might-have-been"...

Well. If Scientology was a massive fraud, there would be evidence, eh? Better evidence than a book which may or may not have ever really been published (after all, I had only seen typed up versions online - maybe the book was just a figment of the supposed lerma's imagination).

So, looking for the critics ultimate weapon... what do we have here? OT III is leaked online? If I read it I will die? Hmm... I guess I'd rather die then - of course, maybe it's not the real thing - ooooh shiiiiiiit. That wasn't what I was expecting. That was, instead, the sinking feeling you get when you know in your heart that you were so very, very wrong... and quite possibly a mere mortal.

Emotions be damned. I still haven't confirmed it's the real thing - let's keep reading, keep an open mind, keep looking for even a single counterargument on the Scientology side...

Instead, I see Scientology censoring the interbutts, read A Piece of Blue Sky, start remembering things from my own life that never quite made sense, reports of PIs stalking people, Operation Snow White?!, mysterious IRS agreements.......

I went to sleep and I did not know what my life philosophy was anymore. The next morning, I grabbed the first few Scientology books I could get my hands on. The Axioms. Reading it again - it was like a bad joke. This wasn't dispelling doubts. This was making me wonder how I had ever bought this bullshit in the first place. All About Radiation. Ron, a nuclear physicist? Another bad joke.

And then I was a different person. And yet, I was the same person.

Edit: I seem to have my timeline mixed up, since Madman or Messiah contains the OT III material, and I read the OT III material on some other site.

 

[HelluvaHoax!]

A lower-level Scientologist's reaction after seeing an entheta magazine article about Hubbard and stumbling across confidential OT III materials.

SCIENTOLOGIST
(thinking)
Oh my God!
I just saw the secret of OT III!
Ron says now I going to die!
And that magazine also said Ron lied about the tech!
What should I do?
Well, I sure hope I will die now.
Because...
It will validate everything Ron said
about the tech--and prove he was not lying!​

 

[practice]

A lower-level Scientologist's reaction after seeing an entheta magazine article about Hubbard and stumbling across confidential OT III materials.

SCIENTOLOGIST
(thinking)
Oh my God!
I just saw the secret of OT III,
Xenu and BT's! Ron says now I going to die!
And that magazine also said Ron lied about the tech!
What should I do?
Well, I sure hope I will die now.
Because...
It will validate everything Ron said
about the tech--and prove he was not lying!​

You want to hope - but deep down, you already know it's a hopeless hope. Despair mingles with a lingering sadness. You're doomed to survive.

 

[guanoloco]

For me the sinking moments were finding Hubbards death certificate with Vistaril in his veins and the BOWTWO squirrel stuff and finding out Meade Emory, a former IRS high-ranking official, is a trust attorney organizing and setting up the CST that owns RTC that owns SCN.

Both of those stunk to high heaven regarding all the PTS/SP tech available anywhere.

 

[Jquepublic]

I was on staff when I finally started looking at "forbidden" things - I had the blinders ripped off my eyes regarding the real purpose of the group I was supporting (to make money for someone other than me, because I was flat broke!) and was sorely disillusioned and trying to decide if staying was worth the bullshit I'd have to wade through to stay. So I peeked at some of the critical stuff available online and I have to say, it helped me to make up my mind real fast.

 

[smartone]

Do you remember the first time you looked at anti-scientology material? The OT levels? What sort of emotions/reaction did you have?

I clearly remember the first time for me. I was at work and did a search on the internet for Scientology. I wasn't looking for the OT levels. I was just curious to see what would pop up. At that point I was ex-SO but still a believer in Scientology, although not active at all. I started looking at some sites that popped up. I remember I was literally shaking I was so nervous. I saw some OTIII info and closed my browser. I was scared of what I had seen and was worried it would mess me up like LRH said.

After that day I kept looking at the sites, read Bare Faced Messiah on-line and it was all downhill (or should I say uphill) from there!

OutFO38

I was so mad angry when I decided to leave. I immediately typed in OTIII on Google and read all the data. I remembered thinking "I don't care if I drop dead or whatever" (I was that angry).

When I read the OTIII data, it was so ridiculous I pissed myself laughing.

I knew then that I had made the right decision to leave.

 

[hummingbird]

My only reaction was "It figures."

I remember downloading OT3 materials from the web and looking thru them. How laughable! It made sense how my acquaintances were crazy as bedbugs after they'd done it.

And I was amazed, but not surprised, at reading of the greed and abuses. I saw precursors to that back in the 70s when I was a member.

And I was a little consoled that so many other people all over the planet had been taken in like I had. Some much much worse. I felt fortunate that I had gotten out when and how I had.

And it's odd... no matter how outrageous and heart-breaking a person's story is on this forum, way down inside of me, it all rings true.

Still working on the whole self-forgiveness thing, tho.

 

[Auditor's Toad]

Mine came from auditing people who were very close to Ron.

They needed a whole lot of 'repairs' from having been, shall we say, too close to the lightening.

Leaving a continual stream that many people, uh, pretty badly torn up...something didn't smell right.

For me, a cincher was David Mayo being declared....then I went full tilt researching what the true history of LRH and scientology was.....and my jaw dropped.

 

[degraded being]

The bottom dropped out from my world.

I was under the impression that there was no negative material available. I wasn't looking for it. The thought that even one person could have a slightly unkind opinion of Scientology - made me realize that I was operating on a completely incorrect set of assumptions.

What followed was testing my beliefs. I decided I would find the most critical information on the net, figure out what crazy lunatic nonsense they were spouting, and put my mind to ease that they were just nuts and everything was indeed right with the world.

First I read the Time magazine article. Ouch. But still, it didn't prove that Scientology didn't work, and that was what really mattered, right? If Scientology really granted immortality as I had always thought, then most of this could be discounted. And, of course, it *could* all be made up.

Next I read LRH: Madman or Messiah. At this point it began to dawn on me, exactly how wrong I might be - but I could take comfort in the fact that the authors seemed to be taking Hubbard quotes out of context, and in the fact that the more ridiculous stories didn't have too much documentation backing them up. So... well, it was terrifyingly plausible, but I hadn't seen proof yet. Maybe by tomorrow everything would be clear and this moment of uncertainty would be but a terrifying "might-have-been"...

Well. If Scientology was a massive fraud, there would be evidence, eh? Better evidence than a book which may or may not have ever really been published (after all, I had only seen typed up versions online - maybe the book was just a figment of the supposed lerma's imagination).

So, looking for the critics ultimate weapon... what do we have here? OT III is leaked online? If I read it I will die? Hmm... I guess I'd rather die then - of course, maybe it's not the real thing - ooooh shiiiiiiit. That wasn't what I was expecting. That was, instead, the sinking feeling you get when you know in your heart that you were so very, very wrong... and quite possibly a mere mortal.

Emotions be damned. I still haven't confirmed it's the real thing - let's keep reading, keep an open mind, keep looking for even a single counterargument on the Scientology side...

Instead, I see Scientology censoring the interbutts, read A Piece of Blue Sky, start remembering things from my own life that never quite made sense, reports of PIs stalking people, Operation Snow White?!, mysterious IRS agreements.......

I went to sleep and I did not know what my life philosophy was anymore. The next morning, I grabbed the first few Scientology books I could get my hands on. The Axioms. Reading it again - it was like a bad joke. This wasn't dispelling doubts. This was making me wonder how I had ever bought this bullshit in the first place. All About Radiation. Ron, a nuclear physicist? Another bad joke.

And then I was a different person. And yet, I was the same person.

I really like your post here.....how just a little bit of honest curiosity can burst the bubble of lies that is scientology.

 

[A.K. Myers]

Two words: Zegal tapes

I had been an HGC auditor in Sarge Gerbode's Palo Alto Mission. When
the Mission Holders Conference too place, the "Finance Police" took over
the mission and my pay dropped to fifty dollars. This effectively left me
and my family homeless.

We tried living in another parishioner's cabana, but eventually, my wife
gave up and left. I took my two year old son and moved into a room of
another church member. There were a number of ex-staff living there as
well. People tended to keep to themselves, but one night the discussion
turned to Hubbard. I was presented with some tidbits and when I asked
for a source somebody pulled out a little white cassette.

The Zegal tape covered the whole story about the formation of the RTC
and lots of inside info on Hubbard. One of the tapes mentioned the base
in Hemet and Hubbards eccentricities including the infamous "ship in the
desert." I stunned to see "What our Fees Buy" wasted in such a manner.
But, being a good $cientologist, I had to see it for myself.

One weekend I went to LA to visit my Mother. I took a side trip and drove
out to Hemet. Sure enough, there was Golden Era Studios and across the
street were the masts rising up above the trees. A couple of unpleasant
riders on three wheeled motorcycles drove up and asked me what I was
doing there. When I told them I was looking for the $cientology HQ they
got very defensive and asked how I know about this place. They told me
that this location was secret and to keep my mouth shut about it.

So.. I left and, instead of taking the fast route north the the Bay Area, I
took the coast route and drove to Santa Barbara. I found Mayo's AAC and
checked it out. As I was walking down the driveway back to my car, I ran
into Sarge walking up the drive.

 

[Thrak]

In a way I looked at myself as a guinea pig. I knew so many people who swore by the shit I thought it was worth giving it a try but I had so many reservations about the whole thing that I never brought anybody else in.

Much before I got to ot3 I had found some stuff on the net which included a former fagg I mean flag auditor who had quit thinking the whole thing was a fraud. But I guess I decided to put aside my reservations. It seemed like politics in a way. If you like Obama you can find an unlimited number of people who are convinced he's worse than Hitler. In a lot of things in life you just have to make your own choice.

Probably though though the things that made me last as long as I did were the amount of material and how exact it seemed, and the number of people who swore by scn and the ot levels. These things made it seem impossible that it was a con even though I raised that question to myself many times. But this is not your ordinary con.

But also I've been thinking recently when I think about all of the tapes I've listened to, and seeing the CC films etc., scn right now doesn't seem as much as a con as it does a highly profitable hallucination. I mean who could intentionally come up with all this shit?

 

[Commander Birdsong]

yes i do

Do you remember the first time you looked at anti-scientology material? The OT levels? What sort of emotions/reaction did you have?

I clearly remember the first time for me. I was at work and did a search on the internet for Scientology. I wasn't looking for the OT levels. I was just curious to see what would pop up. At that point I was ex-SO but still a believer in Scientology, although not active at all. I started looking at some sites that popped up. I remember I was literally shaking I was so nervous. I saw some OTIII info and closed my browser. I was scared of what I had seen and was worried it would mess me up like LRH said.

After that day I kept looking at the sites, read Bare Faced Messiah on-line and it was all downhill (or should I say uphill) from there!

OutFO38

when i first became interested in the subject in 1971 i spent two full days at the SF public library with the readers guide to periodical literature reding every aticle i could find all the way back to 1953.

 

[Commander Birdsong]

earlier similar

no. actually the first i ever heard of elron and scientology was in the autumn of 1968 when i was taking armor recon training at ft knox and came upon the notorious Life magazine article. whoever wrote the piece did nothing to clarify what it was but it made me interested

 

[Kerry]

Do you remember the first time you looked at anti-scientology material? The OT levels? What sort of emotions/reaction did you have?

I clearly remember the first time for me. I was at work and did a search on the internet for Scientology. I wasn't looking for the OT levels. I was just curious to see what would pop up. At that point I was ex-SO but still a believer in Scientology, although not active at all. I started looking at some sites that popped up. I remember I was literally shaking I was so nervous. I saw some OTIII info and closed my browser. I was scared of what I had seen and was worried it would mess me up like LRH said.

After that day I kept looking at the sites, read Bare Faced Messiah on-line and it was all downhill (or should I say uphill) from there!

OutFO38

This is such an excellent question. I have never been in, but someone very close to me was; my story's here somewhere - when the board first went up I think. Anyway, having met so many exes now, that is the one question that won't go away - that and Why do you think you stayed as long as you did? Yet What first drew you in? is infinitely interesting for the variety of reasons people share. I sure hope there will be a lot more posts about it.

 

[Quicksilver]

Mostly from 3 places:

1) In OT III materials he talks about how anyone trying to discover/undo the booby trapped materials, would "freewheel", not be able to sleep, get pneumonia and die.

2) In audio tape (RJ 67 I believe) where he talks about how he and he alone passed thru the formerly impenetrable "Wall of Fire" and in doing so "broke his back".

3) The group-consciousness and everyday think of Scientologists who walk around believing that anyone learning about Xenu/BT's will die and must be protected from it at all costs. (ergo, lying is a small price to pay for the greatest good of saving someone's life!)​

However, as in all things in Scientology and the Hubbard Law of Commotion ("...for each piece of tech there is an equal and opposite piece of tech") Hubbard contradicts himself in another reference saying that there is no real danger of anyone at lower levels "bumping into" the deadly OT III story, because they are not up to it. (ergo, he could sell his screenplay "REVOLT IN THE STARS" for a lot of money)

The poster was talking about 'READING' it and suffering something.

You just gave some opinions on some data.

If any process is run improperly, it may mess one up a bit ... that's why there are repair lists which handle various types of errors.

Reading the materials is only as harmful as the person reading it is mocking it up.

This is in differentiation from not understanding the materials in the first place.