a bit over 4 years had gone by. I was not the same jovial character. Life was serious . I was quite rude to my loving mother. I found a lot of faults with people. I did not like myself.
The Senior C/S Chief was up from Sydney. She pulled me into an auditing room. She said "This has never gone away for you has it? It looks like the only advice you have had is write up your O/Ws. You have been in heavy grief and nobody has helped you". It was the nicest thing that had been said. She was quite insightful. She did a C/S of my folder and within 2 months I was getting a NED Assist for Grief.
This cycle was really nice. I handled the situation terminally and felt much better. I went back to my Org and was good as gold. Eventually I routed off staff and looked forward to a "normal" life.
About 4 months ago I ran into Z. She was working in the same building FFS. I was happy to not see her again. We kept bumping into each other. I did not really want to. For me, that was a good sign. I had no interest any more. Not since the NED. I knew she was declared. She had publicly expressed her upset with the current DM Management on the Internet. It was a good letter actually. She got declared. She told me she never received the Declare. That is odd isn't it. How people know others are declared but the declared person does not know it. I felt fine with her. We had a laugh. I told her I had been on the Internet doing my research. She was glad I was "out". She said "Give me your e-mail address and I will send you a few good links". I said "Cool". I gave her my e-mail address and told her that when she sends me an e-mail I will give her my story on Flag. She said she would look forward to that.
That was 3 months ago and I have not heard back since.
Same shit different day. Probably a good catch-cry for Scientology.
Anyways, that is my story. That was the darkest time of my life. To Z - I don't mind if I never run into you again. That would be fine. You are probably a better person having left Scientology. I wish you well.
To my PC - I can only send a thought your way as you are no longer in the body I knew you were in. I hope you found your peace.
To the Org Staff - I wish you no harm. I love you guys. I just don't love Scientology.
So, my happy ending? I never ended up with Z. Best for both of us. I never got stuck at Flag. I got out properly.
The biggest thing is I am no longer that pussy. There is no way in hell I would sit in front of a lady and start bawling. I would not take the crap off anyone anymore, that I took off her. There have been many situations where someone was trying to make me wrong, to make themselves look better, and I said my peace right there and then.
My next 2d will be spectacular. I am more aware of scams.
In present time, I weigh 84 kg. That is 7kg more than I want. However it is mostly muscle and I don't have a gut. I go to the gym. I exercise most days of the week. I have been out of work for a month but I am not poor. I have a tan. I like people again. I like being on here. It's fun. I like people more.
I somehow audited an illegal pc through 250 hours of hell and personal grief.
There were things that I despised in Scientology . For all that, I have walked away a little taller. It still seems a strange way to gain height.
THANKS FOR LISTENING
must continue. So here I was at the start of Objectives. I was in heavy grief and felt little ARC for my twin. At that point , I could not tell anyone, I wanted to do myself in. It was that dark. I began to chain smoke from the start of morning until I went to bed. I was not drinking alcohol. My life was work, and then Objectives. No fun. I went from 76kg to 62kg in a few months. My face was gaunt.